


I'll Be Your Gerard If You'll Be My Frank

by obsessivechild



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eating Disorders, First Relationships, Friendship, Love, M/M, Mental Illness, Secret Relationships, Self Harm, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-02 13:36:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 59
Words: 90,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4061944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivechild/pseuds/obsessivechild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank and Gerard have been through a lot.<br/>It's not until they meet when everything goes downhill.<br/>Nothing seems to be going right.<br/>At least they're just as messed up as each other.</p><p>A Frerard and a bit of Rikey fanfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Fucking Day

{Frank's POV}

 

New school.

Shit.

I hate moving schools.

It's so freaking frustrating.

Especially when the year's already started. 

I mean, seriously?

God, Mom.

Get it right. 

New Jersey's alright.

It's just some of the people that pisses me off.

But I suppose that wherever you go there will be bullies.

Yes. I got bullied.

Hard to believe, I know.

I'm not really sure why.

I guess it was because of my music taste and how I looked.

Dyed black hair, nose ring and lip ring, and I guess my height.

I've never been the tallest of guys and I haven't grown for a while now.

I am only sixteen but I have my suspicions that I've stopped growing.

I don't really care about being small. 

Anyway, I don't see myself as a small guy, I see myself as tall in women's standards.

Actually, I'm not even sure that I am tall in women's standards.

Is 5'4 tall? 

Oh fuck it, I'm small.

Anyway, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, my new school.

I had expected my first day to be pretty crap but actually, it was alright...

I walked slow; I wasn't in any rush.

I didn't give a shit if I was late or not.

School wasn't exactly my favourite place in the world.

Especially a new one. 

I finally made it through the gates.

What an ugly ass school. 

Ugly ass students too. 

Yes, thanks for the disgusted looks. 

Dicks.

The bell went for first period so I made my way to my first lesson.

I didn't exactly have the best day lessons wise today. 

American History, Spanish, Math, lunch and double Music. 

I was looking forward to Music.

It was the only subject I took that didn't make me want to kill myself.

American History first.

Let's hope I could zone out easily. 

Sadly, I couldn't.

I kept coming close though. 

Mr Finch kept droning on and on about this shit and that shit. 

When I was close to dropping off, he called over to me, "Ah Mr Iero! I know it's your first day but that doesn't give you the right to have a snooze in my class." 

"Yes sir, sorry sir."

Ugh.

What the hell?

I wasn't the only student dying of boredom. 

For some reason he only seemed to notice me though.

What a fucker!

I'm not even going to mention how Spanish went.

Math passed by uneventful.

I'll tell you what though, that teacher is a right old bitch.

When the bell for lunch finally rang, I thanked my lucky stars.

I could not last another second in this class! 

I walked out of the classroom and stopped in my tracks.

Where was I going?

I had no idea where I had to go for lunch. 

I guess I was just going to wander around the school, looking like a loner. 

Wouldn't be the first time. 

In the end I decided to follow a group of people.

They headed into a building which I assumed was the Cafeteria.

I was right, it was.

I looked around.

Where would I go?

Most of the tables were already full. 

I didn't really want to eat on the bathroom floor. 

There was a table across the room though that had only two guys on it.

There was room for me.

Well, I could fit anywhere, I was small enough. 

I may as well take my chances.

I cautiously walked across the room, towards this table.

As I got closer, I got a better look of the two guys already sitting there. 

One had his back to me.

He had a grey beanie on and from the few scraps of hair I could see, he had mousy-brown hair. 

The other guy was sitting across from beanie guy. 

He had a mop of black hair.

It was longer than mine but not too long. It stopped just below his ears. He had a fringe and it almost covered his eyes. He had it parted so he could see though. 

His hair was dyed like mine.

Same colour; as black as possible. 

He was also wearing a black hoodie and had it zipped up.

He noticed me looking at him as I came up to the table.

Our eyes locked for a second before he blushed and looked away.

Beanie guy turned to see what he was looking at. 

Beanie guy had glasses.

He also had a look about him that reminded me of the other guy.

Maybe they were related in some way. 

At that point, I was standing awkwardly next to the table. 

Neither of them said anything.

The other guy was now looking at me again, the pink tint on his cheeks now gone.

I guess I'd have to speak first, "Uh hi, I'm Frank. I was wondering if I could sit with you guys..." I looked at my feet.

Why was I so awkward?

"Yeah, sure thing." 

I looked up to see beanie guy had cracked a smile. 

"Um thanks," I slowly sat down next to him. 

"I'm Mikey," He said, "And this is my brother, Gerard."

He gestured to the other guy. 

"Hi..." Gerard half smiled. 

I smiled back.

Wow, this was awkward.

Before silence could make things even more awkward, Mikey asked, "So are you new here or...?" 

"Yeah, this is my first day." 

"Ah, welcome," Mikey smiled. 

"Welcome to this shithole..." Gerard mumbled under his breath. 

"It's not that bad," Mikey corrected. 

Gerard shrugged, looked down and started pulling his sandwich apart instead of eating it.

Mikey sighed and went back to his sandwich, eating it apposed to playing with it.

Since it was lunch time, I decided to eat something.

I reached into my bag and pulled out a bag of chips.

The silence was a bit unnerving but I didn't know what to say.

"Where's Ray?" 

I looked up to see Gerard looking at his brother. 

"Hm I don't know. What did he just have?" 

"How should I know?" Gerard rolled his eyes. 

Mikey sighed and went back to his lunch.

I felt like I was missing something but I guess that brothers are supposed to get on each other's nerves occasionally. 

"So, Frank, how're you liking it here?" Mikey brought me out of my thoughts. 

"Uh it's alright I suppose." 

Gerard smirked and looked back down to his food. 

I frowned but turned to Mikey. 

"Yeah this isn't the best school but it's decent," Mikey said, "Are you a junior?" 

"Yeah, I'm in eleventh grade," I smiled. 

"I am too. So is Gerard." 

I looked over to Gerard.

He seemed to be ignoring his brother. 

"Wait, so you guys are in the same grade?" I frowned. 

"Yeah. I know, it's weird. He's one of the eldest and I'm one of the youngest. He's seventeen. I'm sixteen," Mikey smiled.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gerard's lips crack into a smile.

He obviously liked the fact that his brother was in the same year as him.

"Cool. I'm sixteen too. I can't wait for my birthday," I grinned. 

"When's your birthday?" Mikey asked. 

"October thirty-first," I said proudly. 

"Really? That's so cool!" Mikey's mouth grew into a smile. 

"Your birthday's on Halloween?" 

I looked up to see Gerard glancing at me shyly. 

I nodded, "Yeah. I've always liked that fact." 

Gerard half smiled before looking at his feet, embarrassed.


	2. Double Music

{Gerard's POV}

 

Well, lunch was certainly interesting. 

Mikey and I were just minding our own business when this guy shows up.

It was really random.

I saw him coming towards us.

Mikey obviously couldn't see him because he had his back to the approaching figure.

But I saw him.

He had jet black hair, shorter than mine.

His was more layered, more styled.

I'd never seen another guy with dyed hair before.

Sure, on TV and stuff but not at school.

As well as this, he had a pierced nose and lip.

Wow.

He was like the definition of cool.

I'd always wanted a piercing but since I had a phobia of needles it was a bit hard to get one.

So anyway, this guy had his eyes fixed on us but then they met my own.

I swear I felt something pass between us. 

A spark or something. I'm not sure what.

Of course my embarrassment got the better of me and I had to look away.

He asked to sit with us and Mikey, being the polite person he is, let him.

I didn't really mind but I didn't want to talk to him. 

That's not because I'm rude or anything like that.

I just don't like meeting new people and I'm afraid that if I talk too much all of my problems will spill out of my mouth, "Hi, I'm Gerard. I have severe depression, an eating disorder   
that just won't go, I self harm daily and I occasionally have suicidal thoughts but you know, life isn't perfect haha." 

No.

That isn't going to happen.

Not if I can help it.

I didn't need another person to see me as the freak I am.

If I didn't start babbling, I would get attached to him.

That's what I do.

I become friends with someone, get close to them and when I trust them enough to tell them what's going on inside my head, they leave. 

They always leave.

Always.

Every. Fucking. Time.

That's why I don't do it anymore.

I don't make friends anymore.

That's the reason I don't have friends.

I have Mikey but that's only because he's stuck with me.

And I guess I have Ray but he's Mikey's friend.

He doesn't care how I feel.

I basically have no friends.

How depressing is that?

It's just like the rest of my life: depressing.

No friends to talk to, to tell how I'm feeling.

I heard that talking helps.

It doesn't.

I wish I hadn't told my Mom how I feel.

The only thing she could think of was to put me on medication.

Gee, thanks Mom.

Of course she thinks I take the tablets. So does Mikey.

I don't.

Why would I want to take tablets that will supposedly make me happy?

Surely that would make me worse.

I didn't even try the tablets.

I didn't want another addiction in my life.

Cutting is my vice.

When the bell at the end of lunch signalled, I rose from my seat and dumped my uneaten lunch in the trash. 

I walked to the door and waited for Mikey.

"Queer!" Someone pushed past me.

I sighed.

I was used to it. 

Mikey was still talking to that new kid. What was his name?

Frank? 

Yeah, Frank. 

They were walking at the slowest speed ever.

I was getting impatient.

We were almost the last people in the Cafeteria, for God's sake!

Hurry the fuck up would you?

When they finally walked up to me, I was about to dart off to double music. Mikey would catch me up.

I didn't run off though.

For some reason I decided to walk with them.

I knew what that reason was though.

It was a reason called "Frank".

Patience wasn't really a quality of mine.

So when Mikey and Frank finally caught up with me I was ready to get going.

"Hey, Gee," Mikey grinned, "Frank's in our music class. He plays the guitar!"

Mikey was always impressed easily.

"Really?" I murmured.

Frank looked up at me then, his beautiful hazel eyes shining. 

Did I just describe his eyes as beautiful?

Um... What?

Oh and yeah, Frank had to look up at me. 

Even though he's the definition of cool, he's only like five foot tall.

And I always thought that my 5'8 was small.

Apparently not.

"Yeah. I wouldn't say I'm good but I can play," He smirked.

"I'm sure you're awesome," I looked at my feet.

Hadn't I decided not to talk to him?

Looks like that idea was out of the window.

And it also looked like I was trying to play it cool but acting cheesy instead.

As always, good job, Gerard!

"Wow. Thanks."

I looked up to see that his smile had grown.

Shit, he had a nice smile.

"So? Music?" Mikey's voice broke the silence and made Frank's eyes dart down and my face dropped too.

"Yeah..." I muttered, heading off.

I felt their presence behind me.

Neither of them said anything.

Silence suited me just fine.

When we arrived in Mr Anderson's room, the bell rang.

Everyone else was already here. 

Mikey and Frank walked up to Mr Anderson's desk and Mikey introduced Frank.

Looked like he had made a new friend.

I just headed over to our usual table. 

Ray was already there.

"Where were you at lunch?" I asked as I sat down. 

"Detention," He said sheepishly. 

I sniggered and said, "What did you do now?"

"It wasn't even my fault!" He started, "Well... Okay it was... I just happened to express my opinion on a certain subject and Miss just happened to find it offending. And hey, what do   
you mean 'now'?"

I laughed, "And what opinion was that?"

"Well... Just that she said she had been married for five years and I said, I thought I had been quiet, that her husband must be blind and that she has a face that only her mother   
could love so yeah..."

I started laughing again, "Oh, Ray."

"I admit, looking back on it now, that it was a bit mean," Ray smirked.

"Yeah just a bit," I shook my head.

"But come on! I have a point! You've seen Mrs Lancaster."

"I have indeed and I see where you're coming from but, Ray," I managed to pull a straight face, "Try and keep your opinions to yourself next time."

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea," He grinned and we both started giggling again.

"What are you guys laughing at?" Mikey and Frank appeared.

I just shook my head and Ray was still laughing so we wouldn't be getting anything out of him for a while now.

Mikey took his usual seat next to Ray so that meant that Frank had to sit next to me.

I searched his face as he did so.

I didn't see any signs of disappointment or disgust though. 

He smiled at me instead.

I wasn't sure what to do so I just smiled sheepishly back.

His smile was amazing and seemed to mystify me.

Maybe it was the way his eyes lit up as he did so.

Music passed and I actually enjoyed it for once.

I mean, I did like music but when you didn't play an instrument like me it could get a bit boring.

I could play the guitar a bit but I was crap compared to Ray and Frank.

God, Frank was good on the guitar though!

He was beyond good!

He was amazing!

As soon as Sir said we could have a bit of performing time (which meant that we could basically do whatever but include an instrument in some way) Frank jumped up and grabbed   
the nearest electric.

He plugged it in, checked if it was in tune and started playing various melodies.

He soon went into a couple of Green Day and Misfits songs. 

He was amazing.

He played each song perfectly.

He might even be, I daresay, better than Ray!

Which I didn't think was possible.

For the rest of the lesson, Ray and Mikey did their usual thing.

Since Mikes played the bass, he liked to match chords with Ray.

They played songs together a lot too. But mainly improvised.

That meant that I was sitting by myself as usual. 

I did once consider taking up an instrument but I knew that I probably wouldn't commit and would eventually give up.

I usually used this time to sketch so it was all good.

I was just adding texture to my most recent sketch when Frank sat down next to me. 

"Hey," He grinned.

He had the guitar in his arms.

"Uh hi..." I looked down at my sketchpad.

Did he really want to talk to me?

"What're you doing?"

Yes, looked like he did.

"Um nothing," I kept my head down. 

He stayed silent for a moment before he said, "Wow! That's really good, Gerard!"

I blushed.

He'd never addressed me by my name before and I liked the sound of it when he said it. 

"Um... Thanks..." I finally decided to look up from my drawing. 

His eyes were wide and staring at my pad.

I looked back at my drawing.

It was half-finished and it had scruffy pencil marks that had been carelessly rubbed out.

It was a portrait of Mikey.

I liked drawing people and Mikey and Ray seemed to be the only people who weren't weirded out by me drawing them.

I didn't say anything and Frank was still staring at my portrait.

I decided to carry on with it even though I had been considering scrapping it.

I added shadow to the eyes and started shading the line under his beanie.

I almost jumped when I heard Frank play a couple of chords.

"Sorry," He said, "Did I startle you?"

"No um... I'm fine."

I turned back to my shading.

Frank started to quietly strum out a melody.

I recognised it as Highway to Hell by ACDC.

I have to say, Frank had a good taste in music.


	3. Dammit, Frank!

{Frank's POV}

 

There was something about Gerard.

Something.

I'm not sure what, but there was something.

Even though I didn't really get to talk to him during lunch, we had an actual conversation in music.

It started off as me just complimenting his drawing.

I mean, God, it was good!

He obviously didn't believe me though.

Why didn't he believe me?

It really was fucking good and you had to be an idiot not to see that.

I'm not calling Gerard an idiot by the way, I'm just saying that... It really was a fucking good drawing.

I guess all artists are critical about their work.

I mean, Gerard complimented me on my playing and I didn't believe him.

I was a bit surprised to hear him say it though.

He had been quiet all lesson and was avoiding conversation when possible.

He obviously didn't want to talk and I understood that.

So I just left him to his drawing and started playing a random song, not noticing which one.

I kind of hoped that he was like this with everyone.

But what if he wasn't? 

What if it was just me?

Did he not like me?

He hadn't known me long enough to not like me.

But maybe he didn't.

That's what basically was running through my head when I heard Gerard compliment me. 

"You're.... You're a really good musician," He mumbled.

I stopped playing and looked up.

He had stopped sketching and was looking at me.

Actually looking at me, for longer than five seconds too.

"Uh... Cheers, I guess," I smiled.

Okay, so he didn't not like me.

At least, that was the vibe I was picking up.

He was still looking at me. 

It looked like he was waiting for me to continue the conversation.

Wait a second, did he actually want to talk to me?

"Do you play anything?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I can kind of play the acoustic but I'm pretty crap."

He smiled at himself.

"I'm sure that's not true."

He just shrugged and relaxed in his seat.

I noticed then that before I had said that he had more or less been on edge; sitting bolt upright. As if he was a deer in headlights.

I wasn't sure why he had been acting like that or why he had only just relaxed or what caused him to relax.

I wanted to know of course but I wasn't sure how to bring it up.

I decided to let it go and carried on with the conversation we seemed to be having.

"So, Gerard, what's it like having your little brother in your classes?"

He lightly smiled, "It's okay. Sure, he can be fucking annoying sometimes but he's my brother. I'm glad we're in the same grade."

I grinned, "Awesome. I always wanted a brother."

"Do you not have one?" He asked.

"Nope. No sisters either. Only child," I shrugged.

"Oh. What's that like?" He looked as though he was actually interested.

"Lonely as fuck. Talking to yourself gets boring after a while."

Sympathy appeared in his eyes. 

"I couldn't imagine being an only child," He said, "I don't know what I'd do without Mikes."

He looked over fondly at his brother who was rocking out on a bass.

They were obviously very close.

I wish I could have had that sort of relationship with someone.

It would have been nice to have had someone to talk to who didn't need to be paid afterwards.

"How come you've moved here, Frank?" His question pulled me out of my thoughts.

"I've always lived in Belleville. Just moved schools is all."

"Why?" He frowned.

I thought for a moment.

Did I trust him enough to tell him?

I didn't know him that well.

"You don't have to tell me," He said quickly before I could answer, "That was too personal. I'm sorry."

He was beating himself up in his head.

"No, don't worry! It's fine. Nothing wrong with asking that. I probably would have too," I tried to reassure him.

It didn't work.

He looked annoyed with himself.

"Hey," I managed to catch his attention again.

"You're right, it is a personal question. And I'd rather not answer it but only because I only met you less than two hours ago. If we become good friends then maybe I'll tell you one   
day."

That calmed him down.

He half smiled and started drawing again.

I turned back to the electric that was on my lap. 

I was about to do some improvisation when Gerard said, "Hey, Frank?"

I looked up.

He had stopped drawing again and had an unsure look on his face.

"Yeah?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I know you don't know us very well but... Um... Would you like to come to mine and Mikey's house after school? Ray comes every day."

This surprised me.

I blinked a few times.

Did this mean that he wanted to be friends? 

Wow I sounded like a dipshit.

It took me a moment to take in what he had just said.

"Uh yeah that would be awesome!" I grinned. 

Mikey was nice and Gerard seemed cool.

There was something about him that intrigued me.

He had secrets like me, I could tell.

The unsure look left his face and he smiled.

Like a proper smile.

No half smile, a proper smile.

Showing teeth and everything.

I decided that a smile suited him and he should more often. 

As if it had been timed perfectly, the bell went.

I put away the electric and grabbed my bag.

I was ready to go but since I was going to Gerard and Mikey's I had to wait.

Mikey was laughing with Ray about something.

The bass was now put away and so was the guitar Ray had been playing.

Gerard was putting his sketchpad and pencils into his bag. 

Ray smiled at me before putting his bag on.

I didn't really know Ray.

Sure, Mikey had introduced him to me at the start of the lesson but that was it really.

He seemed like an okay guy.

Hopefully I'd get to know him that evening.

Gerard came and stood next to me while we waited for Mikey and Ray who were talking about something or other.

He was silent for a minute before saying, "We should be here for a while."

I looked at him, "What?"

He turned his head so he could see me better, "They always take ages. I'm constantly waiting for them."

"Well at least you have someone to wait with now." I gestured to myself, grinning.

"Yeah, I guess I do," He smirked.

I took that as a good thing.

He didn't mind my company.

Why did I want to be in his good books so bad? 

Was it- No.

No, Frank.

I pushed that thought away, hoping it wouldn't come up again.

"God, they do take ages," I said after a minute. 

We were the only people in the classroom now apart from some girl who was talking to Mr Anderson.

Gerard nodded his head, "Yeah. I told you."

When they finally did saunter over to us, Gerard said, "I don't understand why you guys always take so long. You can talk at our house. And now look," He gestured towards   
me, "You've kept our guest waiting."

"Guest?" Mikey frowned.

"Yeah. I asked Frank if he wanted to join us."

"You. Invited. Frank. Over?" Mikey seemed to be shocked by this fact.

"Yeah," Gerard smiled.

"Out of your own free will?" Mikey continued.

"Yeah," Gerard rolled his eyes.

Did Gerard not invite people over very often or something?

And where did Gerard suddenly find his voice?

I'd never heard him talk that much before.

"So if he's a guest," Ray piped up, "Does that make me one too?"

Gerard shook his head and said, "Nah, you're more like a permanent headache."

I couldn't hold in the laughter.

"Hey!" Ray smirked.

Gerard noticed me laughing and started to chuckle himself.

We walked out of the classroom and out of the school's gates.

Seen as we couldn't walk in one long line on the sidewalk, we walked in twos.

Ray and Mikey in front.

And then me and Gerard close behind. 

Mikey and Ray were chatting away again but Gerard and I practically walked in silence.

We shared the occasional comment but that was it.

No conversation flowed between us.

I wracked my brains for a subject to talk about but I came up with nothing.

Luckily we didn't have to walk in uncomfortable silence for long.

Gerard and Mikey's house wasn't too far.

In fact, it was only around the corner from my house.

Mikey took out his key and unlocked the door.

We all shuffled through into the living room. 

Mikey told us to put our bags and shoes anywhere.

Ray had already taken his off and was making himself at home.

Gerard rolled his eyes before going and sitting in an armchair in the corner.

"Are you guys hungry or thirsty?" Mikey obviously took being a good host seriously.

"Yes!" Ray grinned.

"You're always hungry," Gerard said from his corner.

Ray stuck his tongue out at him.

"You want anything, Frank?" Mikey asked, "We have some soda."

"Yeah sure, that's fine thanks."

Before Mikey left the room he said, "Just sit anywhere."

Gerard was in the armchair in the corner and Ray was stretched out on the plush sofa. 

I sat the other end of it, leaving


	4. Eating. Yuck.

{Gerard's POV}

 

I had thought Frank's smile was amazing but it was nothing compared to his laugh.

His laugh made you laugh.

I couldn't help but grin every time he did so.

Also, Frank was gay.

I wasn't sure if I had expected it or not. 

Why should I have cared if he was gay or not anyway?

It's not like I was gay.

"Everyone okay with pizza?" Mikey asked, picking up the phone.

"Yeah sure," Frank smiled, "I'll take the cheese off."

"Yes please!" Ray grinned.

Mikey looked over at me.

I just shrugged.

His face fell a little before he looked away.

Well I'm sorry if food doesn't excite me as much as it excites Ray.

While we waited for the food to arrive we continued with random talk.

Well, they continued.

I didn't talk much.

Apart from the occasional comment of course.

I did like to put my opinion across.

If I was being honest with myself, I felt left out.

Sure, this is what it was usually like but tonight it was different.

I actually wanted to take part in the conversation but I wasn't too sure what to say.

I wasn't sure why tonight was different either. 

Was it because Frank was there?

Did I want to make a good impression on him or something?

I didn't know.

The food arrived.

I had been dreading it.

Mikey even divided the pizza up instead of letting us help ourselves.

I could tell that was for my benefit.

He handed me a plate of the greasy substance and pleaded me with his eyes.

I just shrugged again.

Sighing, he went to sit down but kept his eyes fixed on me as he started eating.

Frank and Ray were eating too.

Well, Frank was, Ray was hoovering up his food.

I looked down at my plate.

I only had two slices like everyone else but they were massive.

In my eyes anyway.

I was going to regret this.

I picked up one and slowly brought it up to my mouth.

God.

Did I have to do this?

I looked over at Mikey.

He was still watching me; his expression unchanged.

I sighed and decided that I had may as well get it over and done with.

I took a bite.

It tasted as I remembered it.

I hadn't had pizza in a long time.

Mikey usually ordered pizza a couple of times a week but I never touched it.

Ray knew about my relationship with food and didn't judge me.

So I usually got away with not eating anything.

But today was different.

Frank was here and I didn't want him to wonder what was wrong with me.

I wanted him to think I was normal.

Well, normal in his standards anyway. 

I continued to chew my way through the cheesy food.

I have to say, I had missed the taste.

Even though I felt like I was going to throw up at any moment, it was okay.

I managed to eat the whole of one slice but that was all I could manage.

I bit my lip, not sure what to do with the other slice.

Ray saw my distress or my last slice and came to my rescue.

He grabbed my plate, shoving the pizza into his mouth as he did so.

I concentrated on my stomach.

I had done well not to throw up so far.

I wasn't very good at keeping my food down.

I usually just ended up purging anything I ate.

I checked my watch.

It had been three minutes since I had eaten.

I needed to get this devil food out of me.

I jolted up out of my chair which surprised everyone.

"Excuse me," I said and swiftly exited the room.

"Gee, no..." I heard Mikey sigh.

I wasn't sorry though.

He knew what was wrong with me and shouldn't have expected anything different.

I locked the door once I was in the bathroom and stood over the toilet.

I shoved my finger down my throat.

I gagged.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

I was going red and my eyes were watering like crazy.

Again.

Once more.

Another.

I was close.

My nose was running all down my face but I ignored it.

I felt my dinner come back up and I quickly removed my hand from my mouth.

I leant over the toilet and it all came out then.

It wasn't the most attractive sound in the world but I was used to it.

Since all I had eaten was a large slice of pizza, not much came out.

After I had finished I got up and looked in the mirror.

My face was red and my eyes puffy like I had been crying.

They were watery and I had snot all down my face.

My, my, aren't you handsome, Gerard?

I was disgusting.

I really needed to sort myself out.

I needed to sort my life out.

It wasn't that easy though.

After washing my face and blowing my nose, I cautiously went back downstairs.

I listened through the door before going in.

They were talking about me.

I couldn't really hear anything though.

I only managed to catch my name a couple of times.

Giving up on trying to eavesdrop, I slowly opened the door and shuffled in.

They all looked at me and whoever was talking previously was now silent.

It was probably Mikey.

He always did like to share my problems with people.

"Hey, Gee..." He smiled a small smile.

"Hi..." I frowned. 

What was going on?

No one said anything else.

Ray was looking at his feet and Frank was looking at me with large, sympathetic eyes.

Great.

Just what I needed; Someone else to pity me.

The silence that had fallen across the room didn't leave.

I wanted to say something but I wasn't sure what.

Ray was fidgeting with his jacket and Frank was still gazing at me.

I didn't even look at Mikey.

He had pissed me off.

I wanted to know what he had told Frank but I couldn't ask him.

Not while Frank and Ray were here anyway.

"Hey, Ray," Mikey was the one to break the silence, "Want to play a video game?"

"Yeah, sure," Ray grinned.

They both got up and left the room.

Mikey looked at me before he did with worried eyes.

I avoided the eye contact, keeping my own eyes fixed on the ground.

When they had gone, it was quiet again.

I heard Frank stand up.

"So..." He was suddenly next to me.

I looked up and jumped.

He was standing pretty close...

"What do you wanna do?" He asked.

"Um..." I wracked my brain for an idea, "We can go to my room... If you want," I quickly added.

His face lit up, "Yeah sure."

I half smiled before leading him out of the lounge and towards the basement.

When we came to the door, Frank said, "Your room is in the basement?"

I nodded shyly.

"Awesome!" He grinned.

I blushed before opening the door and switching on the light.

He followed me down the stairs to my bedroom.

My bedroom consisted of a bed in the right corner, a desk in the left, a chest-of-drawers next to the desk and a wardrobe next to the stairs.

There was also a nightstand next to my bed and a rug in the middle of the floor.

It wasn't much but I didn't care.

It was home to me.

It was the only place I felt safe.

"Wow," Frank commented, "Nice room."

"...Thanks," I wasn't sure what to say.

What was I supposed to do?

I wasn't used to guests.

Frank went over to my desk that had my sketchbooks piled on top.

He started looking through them.

I noticed a smile that formed on his face.

He looked over at me and said, "These are really fucking good, Gerard! You're an amazing artist."

"Uh..." 

What do you say to that?

He put down the pad he was looking at and looked at my Green Day poster.

"Nice," He remarked.

I couldn't help but smile.

Frank was pretty cool.

I decided to stop standing awkwardly by the stairs and sat on the bed.

Frank did the same and jumped down next to me.

He smiled at me before saying, "Your room is pretty sweet. How come you're in the basement and not upstairs?"

"I prefer the dark to the light. I guess I like the idea that I'm underground and I have no windows to remind me about the outside world."

Frank seemed impressed by my answer and nodded.

"Wish my house had a basement," He said.

I frowned.

"I always wanted to sleep in a basement but none of my houses ever had one."

"Oh. I only moved down to mine a year ago. It took a while to convince my mom."

"Lucky. Even if I did have one, my mom wouldn't let me stay in it." This fact seemed to piss him off.

"Why?"

"She's strict as shit and never lets me do anything I want."

I didn't reply to that last comment.

He obviously had something going on between him and his mom.

I wasn't about to pry into his personal life though.

It wasn't any of my business.

I decided to change the subject instead, "How do you like school?"

"Eh, it's alright I suppose. School's school. I didn't expect it to be anymore than shit really."

"Did it live up to your expectations then?"

"It was actually better than I thought it would be," He smiled as he said this.

"How's that?" I was interested in what he liked about that shithole.

"Well..." He suddenly became very awkward, "Um... It's not the school."

I frowned.

He sighed, "I like the fact I met you that's all."

Oh.

Sometimes I was so thick.

Wait a second!

He liked me?

As in, he didn't not like me?

Wow.

I didn't see why but Frank liked me.

I smiled at my feet.

I'm glad that Frank liked me as much as I liked him.

He had gone red.

Obviously embarrassed by his little confession.

"I'm glad I met you too, Frank," I said without thinking.

I looked shyly up at him.

He was looking at the floor too.

And smiling as well.

Had I made him smile?

Was he smiling because of what I had said?

I was reading far too much into this.

"Uh what's the time?" Frank broke the sweet silence that had fallen between us.

"Almost six."

"I should get going," He stood up.

"Not that my mom would notice either way," He mumbled under his breath.

I decided to let that one slide.

As I said, no prying.

I'd only met him a few hours earlier.

I followed him back up the stairs and to the front door.

I watched as he pulled on his shoes, jacket and bag.

"See ya, Gerard," He smiled at me.

I couldn't help but smile back, "See you tomorrow."

He nodded before smiling again and walking out the door.

I watched him walk down the drive and then shut the door.

Frank Iero.

My new friend.

He was my friend, right?

Well, he liked me and I liked him so that made us friends... Right?

Geez, I sound like a first grader.

I went back down into my room and sat at my desk.

I wanted to start a new sketch.

I was used to drawing from memory so I started straight away, with no hesitation.

Frank had everything I'd always wanted in a friend: good music taste, cool wardrobe, mysterious personality, and, I guess, good looking.

Frank was pretty good looking.

I looked down at what I had drawn so far.

Frank's eyes.

Big and hazel.

Just like mine but more rounded.

I liked his eyes.

God, I sounded like a stalker.

I added more detail to the pupils before I heard Mikey yell, "Hey, Gee! Get your ass up here! I need help beating Ray!"

"I'll be up now!" I called back up.

I looked back down for one last time at Frank's eyes and then went upstairs.


	5. Bye, Mom

{Frank's POV}

 

"Excuse me," Gerard bit his lip.

He basically ran out of the room after that.

I frowned after him.

What was that about?

"Gee, no..." Mikey moaned next to me.

I looked at him.

What the fuck was going on?

Ray and Mikey shared a look; A sad look.

"What's happening?" I demanded.

Ray just shook his head.

Mikey bit his lip before looking at me.

I could tell he was contemplating whether or not to tell me.

I waited, watching the gears spin in Mikey's head.

"Um... Well..." He swallowed hard.

He looked at Ray again, seeing what his opinion was.

Ray shrugged in response.

"Okay," Mikey began, "But before I say anything, don't tell Gee I told you. He'd kill me."

I just nodded in reply, slightly concerned by what he was going to tell me.

"Gee... Gee has some... Issues," Mikey looked down sadly.

"What kind of issues?" I frowned.

"Issues... With food. He doesn't really like to eat."

I frowned.

I couldn't imagine my life without food but that was probably because I was a fat slob.

No complaints here though.

"He doesn't like to eat?" I repeated.

"Not as such," Mikey looked down.

"He's basically the complete opposite of me," Ray laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"He just doesn't enjoy eating very much," Mikey carried on, ignoring Ray, "He would prefer to starve himself than eat... Well, anything."

I nodded. I was taking it all in.

"So he has an eating disorder?"

I hated putting labels on things but for my own understanding, I had to.

"I guess you could call it that. My Mom hasn't taken him to get diagnosed by a professional yet though."

I nodded again.

Okay, that wasn't so bad.

One of my friends at my old school had an eating disorder.

She only told a few people.

So, I guess, it was a pretty touchy subject.

It hit me then; I had just learnt something really private about Gerard and hadn't even got his permission to know.

Shit!

Great fucking work, Frank!

He might not have wanted me to know.

I was a real dickhead sometimes.

"So," Mikey started to wrap things up, "Don't mention anything to Gerard-"

The guy in question appeared then.

He cautiously opened the door and walked back into the room.

"Hey, Gee..." Mikey tried to smile.

"Hi..." Was all Gerard said in response.

No one else said anything.

I wanted to... But, you know... It was a bit awkward.

I just looked at Gerard instead.

I was now seeing him in a bit of a new light.

This beautiful guy liked to starve himself.

Hold on... Did I just describe him as beautiful?

Fucking hell, Frank!

You need to get this out of your head!

The silence continued for a couple of pretty long minutes.

It was painful.

But still, no one said anything.

I could tell that Gerard was surveying every one of us.

Probably trying to tell what we were all thinking.

I wasn't even sure what I was thinking.

What was I thinking?

I was thinking that Gerard looked kind of lost.

Like he didn't belong here.

I knew that feeling all too well.

Finally, the silence was broken by Mikey, "Hey, Ray, want to play a video game?"

I looked over at Ray who smiled and said, "Yeah, sure."

As they both got up, I noticed Gerard's eyes dart to the floor.

Mikey looked at him before he and Ray exited the room.

It was silent again.

I wasn't going to let that happen.

I stood up and went up to Gerard.

"So..." I didn't know what to say.

As soon as he heard me, he looked up to see me and jumped.

Okay... Maybe I was standing a little too close...

"What do you wanna do?" I couldn't exactly suggest anything; it wasn't my house.

"Um..." He was suddenly nervous, "We could go to my room... If you want."

"Yeah sure," I grinned.

The rest of the evening passed pretty quickly.

Gerard showed me his room, which was in the basement.

That was pretty cool.

His room was pretty cool too.

He had a couple of awesome posters and his sketchpads were amazing.

I mean seriously, they were AMAZING!

He was such a good artist and obviously didn't give himself enough credit.

He really didn't think much of himself.

Like me really.

I hated my guts and there was nothing anyone could say to change my mind.

Gerard was perfect though.

Why should he have any reason to dislike himself?

When I had to go, I was kind of disappointed.

I wanted to stay longer.

I didn't want to overstay my welcome though.

I had a tendency to do that.

I walked round the corner to my house.

I liked that I lived so close to the Way's.

That meant that I could go round whenever I felt like it.

Well, not whenever I felt like it but you know what I mean.

When I got in I wandered into the kitchen to grab a drink.

When I shut the fridge, a Coke can in my hand, I noticed a note on the side.

Most likely from my Mom.

Wow! A text and a note?

It must be my lucky day!

I read it and cringed.

God, I hated my Mom.

"Franks,   
You're going to have to look after yourself for the next few days. I met a guy and he's taking me to Vegas. I don't know if there's any food or shit. You'll just have to make do until I'm back. See you whenever.  
Mom"

Great.

Another guy.

My Mom was constantly bringing strange men home.

That didn't bode well for me.

The guys she found were usually sleazy, good-for-nothing losers.

Oh well, this new guy would be gone in a week.

They never lasted longer than a few days.

Probably because my Mom was a slut.

I didn't give a shit though.

My Mom could do what she wanted.

It was her life.

Although, sometimes I wished my mom could be a proper Mom.

A mom that cares about her son and doesn't ditch him for days and come back like nothing happened.

She was once gone for a whole month.

Social services would have been round for sure if they had found out.

Whenever someone came to the house, I had to cover for her and make up some lie.

I usually said she was at work or grocery shopping.

I didn't exactly eat well that month.

Let's just say I lost a bit of weight.

My Mom did care about me though.

Maybe not as much as mom's should but she did.

There were days when we got on really well.

But they weren't as frequent as the days when we didn't get on.

I tried to forget about my Mom and the fact that she had left me again.

She always came back.

~

The rest of the week at school went by okay to say the least.

I hung out with Mikey, Ray and Gerard.

I liked those guys a lot and we all got on well.

Gerard was a bit of a closed book though.  
Unless Mikey told me something, I had no idea what was going on inside his head.

God, I wanted to know though.

Something about him intrigued me and I wanted to find out more about him.

He didn't seem to want to share though.

Easy, Frank.

Let's take this one step at a time.

I'm sure he'll talk to me more when he trusts me a bit.

The only person he really talked to was Mikey.

He did share a snide comment about Ray from time to time which was pretty funny.

But with me, it was completely different.

He either didn't show any interest in me at all or was amazed by everything I had to say.

When we did talk, the conversations went on for ages.

I could tell he would come out of his shell a little when this happened.

I liked that I could make that happen.

It made me feel special.

Geez, Frank!

We all know you're gay but take it down a notch.

I was going to help Gerard if it was the last thing I did.

I knew he needed help.

Everyone needs help at some time or another.

But with Gerard, it seemed like he needed more help than most.

I wanted to know what was going on inside his head.

I didn't find anything out in my first two weeks at that school.

My mom still wasn't back.

I needed her though.

Because something happened.

Something bad.

Something I would never forget as long as I lived.


	6. I Can't Take It Anymore

*Contains Self inflicted pain*

 

{Gerard's POV}

 

I didn't really talk to Frank during the first two weeks after he arrived.

Well, I talked to him.

Just not as much as I would talk to Mikey.

But then again, I didn't talk much.

Okay, that wasn't true.

I talked to him occasionally but when I did, we just couldn't stop.

I loved talking to him.

He always had the most interesting things to say.

I was just too scared to start a conversation with him though so I had to wait until he asked me something or directed something at me.

I wish I had the confidence to talk to him as calmly as he talked to me.

I had finished the portrait I had drawn of Frank and I have to say, I was pretty proud of it.

I never really praised myself or thought my drawings were any good.

So what made this any different?

Was it because it was a drawing of Frank?

But I drew people all the time.

I never liked my drawings.

Not even when it was of Mikey or my Mom.

When I finished a drawing, I would usually put it in the bottom right draw of my desk and never really look at it again.

The draw was full of pictures and portraits.

In fact, it was almost full.

That's where my drawings usually ended up.

But not this one.

I didn't want to just throw it in a draw and never look at it again.

I carefully ripped the page out of my sketchpad and looked at it.

Something was missing.

What was it?

I knew what it was.

I had forgotten about his piercings.

I grabbed my black pencil and shaded some circular earrings on both of Frank's ears.

I then grabbed a silver pencil and added a nose ring to his right nostril and a lip ring on the left side of his lip.

I admired the portrait.

Perfect.

Perfect?

What was I thinking?

I shook my head, getting rid of that thought.

I was such a creep.

What to do with the drawing now...

I could leave it on my desk.

It might get in the way though and end up getting spoiled.

I contemplated the idea of sticking it on the wall.

No one really came down here.

But if they did it would look a bit stalkerish.

There wasn't really anywhere else to put it though...

Oh fuck it!

I grabbed some blutack out of my bottom drawer and attached some to the back of the paper.

When I had decided on a spot, I stuck it to the wall.

It was just next to my desk.

Not too high up.

I sat down at my desk and realised that it was right in my eye line.

If I were to look up from drawing, I would see it.

I kind of liked this idea and smiled at the thought.

Okay, now I definitely sounded like a stalker.

What was wrong with you, Gerard?

Why are you suddenly acting like a freak?

Well, I was always a freak but this was different.

"Gerard! Come say goodbye!"

I was a little pissed to be pulled out of my thoughts.

It was my mom though so I couldn't really ignore her.

I sighed before stomping up into the living room.

My Mom was giving Mikey a hug.

"I won't be out late," She was saying, "Well, I'll try not to anyway."

"Have a good time," Mikey smiled.

She turned to me then, "Bye, Honey."

"Bye, Mom," I gave her a hug.

I felt like these goodbyes were dragged out a bit.

She was only going out with her friends.

Sure, we probably wouldn't see her until midday the next day when she would arise from her bed but still.

I did like that she would go out a couple of times a month.

She needed to enjoy herself.

She definitely deserved it.

She smiled at both of us before giving Mikey a stern look.

He slightly nodded, understanding the meaning behind the look.

I'm guessing they had had a talk before I had been called up.

They always did.

My Mom always told Mikey to keep an eye on me because, well, I was me.

My little brother basically babysat me.

That was just a little sad but I didn't give a damn.

They had a right to worry.

There was always something with me.

When my Mom had left, Mikey said, "So, do you want to... Play a video game or something?"

I smiled, "Sure, Mikes."

I had given up declining because he would just keep suggesting stuff until I gave in.

He grinned and went over to the TV to turn on the console.

I put two couch cushions on the floor and sat on one of them.

Mikey handed me a controller and sat on the other cushion.

I liked Saturday evenings like these.

We played a few different games and after a couple of hours Mikey said, "Do you want something to eat? You didn't have any dinner. Hell, I did and I've got the munchies. How are you not hungry?"

I swallowed slowly and said, "I'm fine thanks."

Mikey paused the game and looked at me.

"Gee," He said, "Why don't you want to eat? I mean, this has been going on for a while now. You've lost a ton of weight. I'm worried about you."

That made me feel really bad.

I hated what I was doing to my little brother.

He didn't deserve to be stuck in the middle of all this.

"There's nothing to worry about," I tried to smile.

He didn't look too convinced.

"There's a lot to worry about when it comes to you, Gee," He said quietly after a minute.

He was right.

I was fucked up.

There was so much wrong with me.

Why had I let myself get this bad?

It actually scared me what went through my head sometimes.

Mikey didn't deserve any of this.

It wasn't fair that I was such a burden on him.

I needed help.

I needed to stop the voices in my head.

I didn't know how to do that though.

I knew how to silence them for a little while though.

"I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up, Mikes... You don't deserve this!" I jumped up and ran out of the room.

"Gerard!" He called after me.

I didn't stop until I locked the basement door behind me.

I was glad I had left the key in the lock.

"Gerard!" He knocked on the door, "Please come out!"

I ignored him and went down to my nightstand.

I bit my lip before opening the top drawer and rummaging through it.

When I had found what I desired, I closed the drawer and sat on the floor, resting against the wall.

"Gerard!!!" Mikey was getting frantic.

I hated that he had to go through this.

"GERARD!!"

I took a deep breath, tears pricking my eyes.

"GERARD, PLEASE COME OUT!!" Mikey hammered at the door.

I ignored him as I pulled the razor against my wrist.

I sighed in relief as the blood trickled onto the carpet.

"GERARD, PLEASE!!!" He pleaded outside the door. 

He knew what I was doing.

This hadn't been the first time.

"PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF!!!"

Too late for that.

The banging stopped and I looked up from my arm, curious.

There was silence for about ten minutes.

I sat back, leaning against the wall, feeling tired.

I was about to doze off when there was a lighter knock at the door.

Well, anything was lighter compared to Mikey's constant banging.

"Gerard.... It's me."

Wait was that...

"Can you please open the door?"

Was that Frank?

What was he doing here?

Why had Mikey called him?

I knew that Ray was probably out there too.

I looked down at the blood on the carpet, the bloody razor and at my wrist. 

This was the deepest cut I had ever done and there was quite a bit of blood. 

I was beginning to get light-headed.

This had never happened before.

I started to panic. 

Why was I panicking?

I wanted to die.

But maybe I didn't.

I'd been suicidal for a long time now.

Maybe deep down I actually wanted to live.

I pulled myself up carefully.

My vision was going funny.

Everything was going blurry.

What the hell?

I stammered over to the stairs, falling over on the way. 

While I was doing this, Frank was still talking through the door, "I know you can hear me.... I'm really worried, please come out now." 

His voice was so calm but you could hear the tint of worry that shaded it.

I managed to drag myself across the floor to the stairs.

It took longer than I had intended, but I crawled up the stairs to the door. 

I pulled myself up using the handle.

I had just about unlocked it and pulled the key out when I fell again, only just avoiding falling down the stairs.

I didn't have enough strength to actually get back up and open the door.

I just sat on the long top step, my back against the door.

Hopefully they would realise that it was now unlocked.

"Gee, please unlock the door," Frank's voice was now growing tense.

They hadn't noticed.

"Can't we just knock it down or something?" 

I could hear tears in Mikey's voice.

I hadn't realised how much this hurt him.

"Um we could try," Ray said.

There was silence and then, "Can you see anything?"

"Just the stairs and top of the room. I can't see him," Frank said. 

He must have been looking through the keyhole

"Wait, you can see through? He left the key in when he locked it."

"Did he? Well it's gone now," Frank replied.

"Wait, you can't see him? And the key's gone? Maybe he unlocked it and is sitting against the door or something."

Finally someone gets it.

Thank you, Ray! 

Just in time too, I could hear my heartbeat.

It was really loud.

I slid down the door and ended up lying on the floor, my legs starting down the stairs.

I hardly heard Frank say, "Let's see."

The door slowly opened and I saw Frank looking really worried. 

My eyes closed and I heard, 

"GERA-"

Everything went black after that and there was nothing but silence.


	7. Fuck, That Was Close!

{Frank's POV}

 

"Is he okay? Can we see him?" I asked when the Doctor appeared.

Mikey and Ray looked up.

"He's going to be fine. You got to him just in time. You're very lucky, you know," The Doctor told us.

I swear, Doctors live to say that.

They must practice it in front of the mirror at home.

I stood up, ready to go and see him.

"You can't see him just yet," The Doctor stopped me in my tracks, "We need to keep a close eye on him. I'll be back in an hour with more news." 

With that, he gave a sympathetic look and left.

I sat back down.

He was okay...

Gerard was okay.

"Oh my god... This is all my fault!" Mikey wailed, his head in his hands.

"Don't blame yourself, Mikey," Ray patted him on the back.

"It isn't your fault," I joined in.

He didn't deserve to think it was his fault.

He had almost lost his big brother; he didn't need to blame himself for it all as well.

"But it is! I'm a crappy brother! I should have done more! I know I could have!"

"There wasn't anything else you could do," I said, "You didn't know what was going through his head."

He sniffed and nodded.

We had waited for half an hour when Mrs Way appeared.

"Oh, Mikey!" She was already crying as she pulled her youngest son into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Mom... I should have stopped him," Mikey cried onto her shoulder.

"You tried your best, Honey," Mikey's mom stroked his hair.

I could feel a few tears coming on now.

I remembered what the Doctor had said.

He said that we were very lucky.

If we hadn't got to him sooner...

Gerard might be dead right now.

"What did the Doctor say?" She asked as she sat next to us.

"He's..." I couldn't say anything more otherwise it would have come out in a large sob.

"He's going to be fine," Ray finished for me.

"Oh thank God!" Mrs Way looked to the ceiling and smiled.

"Can we see him?"

"Not yet. The Doctor will be back in about twenty minutes though," Ray told her.

He was the only one out of us three collected enough to give a proper answer.

Mikey was still sobbing, wiping the tears from behind his glasses.

I had my head in my hands.

This pain through me was unfamiliar.

What was it?

I was devastated about the fact that I had nearly lost Gerard.

My Gerard.

Wait... My Gerard?

I had never thought of Gerard in that way properly before.

At least, I never let myself.

He was just a friend...

Then what was that feeling?

I had liked people before but this was different...

What was this feeling?

The feeling I got when I heard his voice, saw his face or even heard his name.

I liked Gerard.

Much more than just like.

It made me sick that it took Gerard's attempt at suicide for me to actually realise this.

I would never take him for granted again.

Not that I did before though. 

We were finally allowed to see him.

Only a couple at a time though.

Mikey and his Mom went first.

Even though I desperately wanted to see him, this was fair.

Ray and I waited in silence for ten minutes.

Mikey and Mrs Way appeared, worried smiles on their faces.

"He's fine. He'll be back to his old, chirpy self in no time," Mrs Way said happily but she couldn't hide the doubt plain on her face.

Ray and I walked down the hallway, to the room that Gerard was in.

He had been given a private room.

I hesitantly knocked on the door and opened it.

At the far end of the room, Gerard was lying on a bed, head propped up.

Ray and I slowly walked in.

"Hey guys," He smiled even though the given situation.

His smile made me smile.

"Hey, Gee... How're you doing?" Ray asked as we made our way next to his bed.

"Well I'm on painkillers... So I wouldn't know," He smiled a small smile.

Even though I knew it was uncalled for, I said, "Please don't do anything like that again."

He thought for a minute before responding with, "I can't make any promises."

That brought tears to my eyes.

"I'm sorry," He said, looking away.

The room fell into silence.

I shouldn't have asked that.

I hadn't known him long.

"It's fine, Gee..." Ray tried to lighten the mood.

I looked up from the floor back at Gerard.

He looked really tired.

He was pale too, even compared to his usual whiteness.

On both his arms, I noticed big, white bandages.

I hadn't gotten a proper look at the time but I guess that it was a deep cut.

"Can I just ask one thing?" Ray asked, showing his serious side.

"Um... Yeah," Gerard didn't look too sure. 

"Did you actually intend to... You know..."

"Commit suicide?" Gerard finished the sentence casually.

After thinking he said, "No. I didn't intend to. I just wanted to cut. I didn't think it would go that far."

"Did you um..." This was an awkward question to ask, "Did you feel happy when you realised that it had almost gone that far?"

He looked at me, guilt in his eyes. "I honestly don't know. I just knew that I was scared. Deep down I knew that I didn't want to die. That actually surprised me. I was too stunned   
about that to realise what was actually happening."

I nodded, not sure if that was the answer I had been hoping for. 

"Why did you want to?" Ray asked, "Cut, I mean."

"The pain was too much. I had to take some of the energy out on something. Hurting myself was always my first idea."

~

Gerard had to stay in the hospital overnight so they could "keep an eye on him".

Of course he had rolled his eyes when they told him.

He said he wanted to go home.

I had to side with everyone else on this one.

He needed to rest.

Going home wouldn't help.

At about two in the morning we were told to shove off.

Well, not in that sense but you get what I mean.

After arguing with the Doctor, Mrs Way gave in and drove us all back to their house.

She said there was no point in Ray and I going home so we stayed the night.

Ray stayed in Mikey's room and I was put up in Gerard's room.

To be honest, I was a bit skeptical at first.

There was still a blood stain on the carpet.

Mrs Way said that she would prefer me to sleep down there than on the couch.

Frankly I would've preferred the couch but I didn't complain.

She also said that I could borrow some of Gerard's pyjamas.

I chose to sleep in my clothes.

It wasn't the first time I had done so and it was only for one night.

When I had gone down into the room, I stepped cautiously.

The atmosphere was different to the first time I had been down there.

Not a good different either.

It was lifeless.

The room was almost cold and I didn't mean the temperature was low.

It sent a shiver down my spine.

I decided to get the night over and done with and just jumped onto the bed.

It smelt like Gerard.

I breathed in heavily, trying to soak in the scent as much as possible.

He had a nice smell.

Fuck, Frank!

You sound so shitfaced right now.

I didn't care though.

Gerard had almost died.

I had a right to sound shitfaced.

God... Gerard had almost died.

I still couldn't believe it.

It hadn't hit me fully yet.

Although, I was starting to get the full affect of it.

I cried for nearly two hours before drifting off, exhausted.

It wasn't the first time I had cried myself to sleep.

That depressed me even more.

I hated feeling so alone.

I literally had no one.

I was seriously fucked up though.

No wonder no one wanted to be there for me.

The next morning I woke up pretty early.

I checked the clock on the bedside table.

It wasn't even seven yet.

I contemplated trying to sleep a bit more.

I knew I wouldn't be able to though so I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

Even though it was morning, it was nearly pitch black down here.

I guess that's what having no windows does to a room. 

I got up and fumbled for a light switch.

I was grateful that there was one at the bottom as well as at the top of the stairs.

When it was on, I went and sat back on the bed.

I couldn't hear any life upstairs yet and I didn't really want to be the first one up.

It was during this thought that I noticed it.

It was stuck on the wall, just above Gerard's desk.

Was that...?

No, it couldn't be.

I went up to the desk to have a better look.

It was!

Gerard had drawn a picture of me.

It was actually me!

It was amazing!

Almost like a photograph.

How could someone be so good at art?

Fuck, he was talented.

He had every detail down.

From my black hair to my lip ring.

It was so good.

I sat at the desk and just stared at it.

It was right by the desk.

You didn't even have to look up to see it.

Why had he stuck it there?

I looked around the room.

There were no other pictures on the walls.

Just his Green Day and Misfits posters. 

So why was this picture here?

I wracked my brain for a reason but came up nil.

I would have to ask him.

When he was feeling better though.

I didn't want to overwhelm him.

There was a creak above me.

I looked up impulsively.

People were up.

I made my way up the basement stairs and looked back at that picture before turning off the light and going into the living room.

Mikey and Ray were sitting on the couch, eating cereal.

It was silent though.

Ray smiled a little when he saw me but Mikey just kept staring straight ahead at nothing.

I sat down next to Ray and kept quiet.

Out of habit, I glanced over to Gerard's chair.

Empty of course.

The chair, like his room, seemed lifeless and cold.

I shivered a little before looking away.

Mrs Way appeared in the doorway then.

She smiled a small smile.

"How did you sleep, Frank? I would've changed the bedding but it was really late and I was tired."

She looked tired.

She probably hadn't gotten any more sleep than I did.

"I couldn't really sleep," I admitted.

She nodded and whispered, "Me either," Before leaving the room.

Ray stood up and held out his hand.

Mikey handed Ray his bowl and looked at his feet.

Ray left too, carrying the bowls.

There was silence until, "I heard you last night, Frank."

"What?" I frowned, confused.

"I heard you," Mikey looked at me then, "Crying."

"Oh..." 

Shit!

Try and be a bit more discreet next time, Frank!

"I had gotten up to get some water and I heard you when I passed the door."

I swallowed, not sure what to say.

"You're not the only one who cried last night. I think everyone under this roof did."

"Even Ray?" My eyes widened.

I had never seen Ray cry before.

Mikey nodded, "I started crying so he got up and sat with me. I wouldn't stop crying so he sort of gave me a hug and held me there until I did. He cried on my shoulder."

"Wow..." I didn't know what to respond with.

I wish I had someone's shoulder to cry on.

That would be nice.

"Come on," Mrs Way called with no emotion, "Time to go get Gerard."

I followed Mikey out into the hallway where Ray was putting on his shoes.

I saw Ray in a new light now.

He was more than just a jokey guy.

He was pretty sensitive.

Especially with how he had dealt with Mikey.

That was pretty sweet.

The car journey to the hospital was the same as it was earlier that morning: silent and uncomfortable.

When we got there, we had to wait at least half an hour just to see the Doctor.

When he finally did arrive, he had a long talk with Mrs Way in the corner.

I wanted to know what he was saying but I stayed in my seat next to Ray and Mikey.

Mikey looked so devastated.

Ray noticed this too and moved his chair closer to the poor guy.

Mikey didn't notice so Ray put his arm around him.

Mikey looked up, smiled a little and lay his head on Ray's shoulder.

Bless him.

I just stared at the ceiling, wishing this whole ordeal was over.

When I looked back down, the Doctor and Gerard's Mom were coming back over.

I managed to catch what they were saying, "...Keep him away from sharp objects," The Doctor advised, "It might be best to keep him off school for a couple of weeks as well."

School without Gerard?

How would I survive?

"Keep a close eye on him. He might try and attempt this again."

I hoped with all of my heart that he wouldn't attempt to again.

"Okay, thank you, Doctor," Mrs Way shook his hand.

"I'll go get him for you," The Doctor said before walking off.

I couldn't wait to see him again.

I was going to be there for him.

I wanted to help.

I was going to do all I could for him.

It was the least I could do.

I kept scanning the hallway while we waited for him.

I had to go to the toilet though because I was bursting.

When I returned, of course he was there.

His Mom had engulfed him in a hug.

He looked at me over her shoulder and smiled sadly.

I couldn't help but return it.

I walked over to them.

His Mom had let go of him now and Mikey and Ray hugged him.

I had never hugged Gerard before but, geez, I wanted to.

When he was free, I thought, fuck it!

I grabbed him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

Why did I have to be so fucking small?

Too small to reach his shoulders without going on my toes.

Fuck my life.

I was scared he wouldn't return my hug but as soon as my head rested against his chest, his arms went around my shoulders and pulled me closer.

It was like he was holding me.

It wasn't just me holding myself to him.

He was actually holding me too.

A few moments passed before I heard a small attention-grabbing cough.

I let go and so did Gerard.

He looked down, embarrassed, a hint of a blush on his cheeks.

My face was burning so I looked down too.

It must've been obvious I liked him.

I say again, fuck my life.

"Let's take Gerard home," Mrs Way smiled, life now beginning to appear in her face.


	8. Back At Home

{Gerard's POV}

 

"Do you want to sit in the front or the back?" Mom asked when we reached the car.

"Uh the back?" I didn't care to be honest.

"I'll sit in the front," Ray volunteered.

Mom nodded and we all got in.

Frank sat in the middle because he was the smallest.

I have to say, Frank was pretty adorable.

...I have no idea where that came from.

Must have been all of the medication I was taking.

I shook off the thought and sat back in my seat.

The first half of the journey was silent.

Trying to make the situation less awkward, mom had put on the radio.

It didn't really help.

When we were about ten minutes away, Frank suddenly broke the long-term silence by saying, "Do you own Star Wars?"

Everyone was a bit confused so no one said anything at first.

"Um yeah," Mikey frowned, "...Why?"

Frank shrugged before saying, "Just fancied watching it that's all."

That was the most random thing I had ever heard.

Frank was random.

I liked that.

"Maybe you boys could watch it with lunch," Mom commented.

"Sounds good," Mikey smiled.

"Sweet," Frank grinned.

I couldn't help but smile.

Frank was so unique.

He must have noticed me smiling because when I looked at him, he winked at me and grinned.

I blushed.

God, I was pathetic.

"Gee?"

Mikey pulled me out of my embarrassed state.

"Yeah...?" I asked sceptically.

"Are... Are you okay?" He whispered.

I sighed quietly.

If I was going to be asked this every day, I would've finished the job.

No.

I shouldn't think like that.

Mikey was just looking out for me.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Mikes."

He smiled a little and looked out of the window.

I hated lying.

Especially to my little brother.

I didn't deserve him at all.

The rest of the journey took about ten minutes.

Why did we have to live so far away from the hospital?

I hated long car journeys.

At least I didn't get car sick like I used to.

We finally arrived.

Everyone climbed out of the car and headed to the front door.

Before I could follow them all, something made me stop.

In the big tree that stood next to our house, there was a rustling.

Not from wind either.

I looked up.

There was a bird looking down at me.

If I wasn't mistaken, I was sure it was a crow.

A crow?

In New Jersey?

Alright then.

It was watching me.

I couldn't take my eyes off of it.

Wasn't a crow considered a bad omen or something?

Heh, superstitious nonsense.

I shook the stupid idea out of my head and caught up with the others.

 

I didn't believe in crap like that.

Inside, Mikey was already asleep on the sofa.

Bless him.

Frank was leaning against the wall, looking at his feet.

What was he thinking?

Mikey, who was snoring lightly, was curled up into a ball on one end of the sofa.

His head was resting on Ray's lap.

I frowned at Ray who just shrugged his shoulders.

"We sat down and then poof! He was out," Ray smiled.

I smiled and walked over to them.

"Help me take him up," I murmured.

Ray nodded in reply and carefully lifted Mikey's head off of his lap.

We both sat him up and helped him to his feet.

He was half asleep and probably wouldn't remember this.

Frank was watching us and finally stepped forward, "Do you want any help?"

"You can open the doors," Ray said while trying to put Mikey's arm around his shoulders.

I did the same.

We pulled and lifted and somehow managed to reach the top of the stairs.

It wasn't easy since Mikey wasn't exactly helping.

At one point I had almost fallen backwards down the stairs, but Frank, who was a couple of steps ahead of us, grabbed my free arm and pulled me back up.

I was grateful he had quick reflexes.

When we eventually reached Mikey's room, we were out of energy.

We just plopped him down on the bed and waited until we had caught our breath back.

Frank was observing us from the doorway.

He did like to watch us.

Mikey was now wrapped in various blankets that Ray had covered him with.

He wouldn't be waking up anytime soon.

"Come on, Ray," I whispered, trying not to disturb Mikey.

"Is it okay if I stay up here? I'm exhausted and I can't be bothered to go home," Ray replied.

"Sure," I smiled.

I was a little surprised he had asked but left him to it and headed to the door.

Frank didn't move.

He stayed leaning against the door.

I looked back over my shoulder at Mikey and Ray.

Ray was now lying on the other side of the bed and was already snoring.

I turned back to Frank.

"You coming, Frank?" I asked sheepishly.

I still felt nervous whenever I was near him.

Even though I had known him for a few weeks now.

He nodded slightly and followed me out of the door.

When it was shut, he went straight downstairs.

I followed him.

He passed the lounge and headed for the hallway.

I continued to follow him, wondering what he was doing.

When I had turned the corner, he was putting his hoodie on.

"Are you leaving?" I was pretty quiet so was surprised when he answered. 

"Uh yeah," He pulled up his zip, "I um... My Mom will be wondering where I am."

"Oh yeah... Sure."

God I was an idiot!

His poor parents had no idea what was going on unless he had updated them.

But I had been told that Frank was in such a hurry to come over that first night that he had forgotten his phone.

I'm surprised the cops hadn't been round.

"Bye, Frank."

He opened the front door.

Before he left though, he turned back to me and said, "I'll be back round tomorrow to make sure you're okay. I'm sorry to say you're stuck with me for the next few weeks."

He then smiled a sympathetic smile and left.

I walked to the door and watched the departing figure.

He had his hands in his pockets and his head was low.

When he was out of sight around a corner, I shut the door.

I thought about what he had said.

We were "stuck with him".

I actually didn't mind that.

I didn't mind that at all.

In fact, I was a little disappointed that he had left.

Okay... Very disappointed.

"Has Frank left?" My Mom suddenly made me jump, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I turned to see her grinning at me.

"Sorry, Honey, did I scare you?"

"No, I'm fine," I fibbed.

"Come on," She held out her arm, "You need some rest."

I walked over to her and she led me down to my bedroom.

She switched on the light of the basement and went down.

I followed.

"I haven't changed your sheets yet," She was saying.

"I'll do that, Mom," I said.

"No, it's fine."

She turned back to me.

"Sit down, Honey."

I went and sat at my desk.

My sketchpad hadn't moved.

I opened it and started idly flipping through the pages.

Mom was going through my washing bin.

"I hope you don't mind but Frank slept in your bed last night."

My head snapped up.

"He-he did?"

I hadn't expected that.

"Yeah. I'll go and get some clean sheets."

She disappeared up the stairs.

My head slowly turned in the direction of the bed.

Frank had slept there.

I stood up and walked over to it.

It wasn't made.

It was obvious someone had slept there.

He had slept on top of the duvet by the looks of it.

It was all crumpled and messy.

I imagined him lying there.

Oblivious to his surroundings.

His eyes closed and his mouth slightly open.

His chest rising and falling slowly.

His short legs brought up to his chest.

I guessed he had slept in his clothes.

What a beautiful sight that would have been to draw.

I wished I could have been able to see it.

Drawing from imagination wasn't as good as from copying straight down.

And I wasn't about to draw it either.

If anyone saw it they would think I was some creepy ass stalker.

Wait... Frank was in my room?

My heart suddenly stopped as I remembered something.

I quickly looked back to my desk.

Sure enough, my drawing of him was still stuck to the wall.

Fuck!

What if he saw it..?

Did he see it?

Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!!

Of course he saw it!

What did he think of me now?

That I was some crazy, suicidal, psycho stalker!

Fuck, Gerard! You've really done it now.

I felt for the bed behind me and slowly backed down onto it.

My eyes never left the drawing.

I could never show my face now.

I was so embarrassed!

And yet, nothing compelled me to actually take down the picture.

I left it up, I still liked it.

I took a deep breath.

It was fine.

Everything was fine.

But wait, what if that picture was the reason Frank had left so suddenly?!

No, that couldn't be it.

He needed to get home.

That was all it was. 

I moved back over to my desk and sat back down, my eyes never leaving the picture.

The picture of Frank.

Frank Iero.


	9. Fuck This

{Frank's POV}

 

I shouldn't have lied to Gerard about my Mom wondering where I was.

I just needed a reason to leave though.

It wasn't because I was sick of them all.

Fuck, I never wanted to leave.

But I had to.

There was something I needed to do.

Something that had been on my mind for hours.

And until I had done it, I wouldn't be very good company.

I knew my Mom wouldn't be home yet.

She had only been gone two weeks.

Her longest was a month.

If I knew her like I thought I did, given her current streak, she would be back in the next two to seven days.

Thank fuck I only lived around the corner.

When I reached my door I fumbled for my key that hadn't moved from my pants pocket.

I was shaking so it took a few good attempts to actually fit the key in the lock and turn it.

I slammed the door and locked it behind me.

I pried my converse off and discarded them across the room.

I noticed my phone on the coffee table and cautiously picked it up.

No new messages.

No nothing.

Oh wait, I did have something.

A Twitter notification.

I hesitantly opened the app, postponing my one objective that was the only thing on my mind a few minutes ago.

I had a mention.

Someone had mentioned me in a tweet.

Um okay.

"@FrankIero Go kill yourself emo"

Ah lovely.

I had no idea why I had this account.

All I did was tweet about my favourite bands and read people's replies telling me I'm emo and to die.

I hardly went on it too.

Still, I didn't delete the account.

I read every comment and replied to every one.

I knew I shouldn't have and it would only make things worse but I couldn't help myself.

"@TreyIsSoAwesome Thank you."

Less than one minute later I got a reply:

"@FrankIero I'll thank you when you're dead"

Well, that notification hadn't changed my mind at all.

If anything. it gave me another reason to go ahead with it.

I chucked my phone on the sofa and ran up the stairs.

I threw my bedroom door open which resulted in it bouncing off the wall and closing behind me.

I ignored it.

Only one thing occupied my mind.

I had to.

The pain was too much.

The trigger was too big.

I had been clean for two weeks but I had to.

I grabbed the razor that was hidden in one of my drawers.

Even though this was the reason that Gerard had ended up in hospital, I didn't care.

I needed to take the edge off.

I didn't cut too deep.

I was too scared to.

I just pulled the razor across my forearm and watched as beads of blood appeared.

They looked pretty.

I had always thought that I was sick.

Sick because I thought cuts looked beautiful.

They looked beautiful and they felt beautiful.

I stuck to four small cuts and put the razor away.

I just wanted enough to make me feel numb.

It worked and I did.

I managed to forget about Gerard and the hospital.

I lay down on my bed, facing the ceiling.

My eyelids were drooping.

I was exhausted.

Maybe I should have tried to sleep a little more at Gerard's house.

I was feeling sleep deprived and the lack of sleep was catching up with me.

I closed my eyes.

~

When I awoke, it was light outside.

I had forgotten to shut my curtains the day before.

What time had it been when I got home yesterday?

About twelve.

I slowly sat up and stretched my neck.

I cringed as I heard it click loudly.

I blinked and as soon as my eyes had adjusted to the light, I looked over to my bedside table.

7:26am

I had slept for nearly nineteen hours.

Fuck, I guess I was more tired than I had originally thought.

Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in my arm.

I frowned and examined it.

Oh yeah.

The cuts.

I shrugged them off and got up.

Luckily, I was pretty organised, so I had some clean clothes waiting for me in my drawers.

Before I grabbed any though, I thought it was best to have a shower first.

As the hot water washed over my face, my mind wandered.

What day was it?

Right, Monday.

There was no fucking way in hell I was going to school today.

I would take a "personal day" today and by that I meant skip.

I washed the shampoo out of my hair and washed my face.

Even though I had slept for ages, I still felt tired as fuck.

Why is the body so greedy?

You sleep and it demands for more.

Or you eat and it wants more food.

There's just no pleasing it.

I grabbed my cleanish towel and got out of the shower.

I turned it off and just sat on the side of the bath for a moment.

What was I going to do today?

I knew for a fact that Gerard would be home.

His Mom would never let him go to school after all that.

I wondered if Mikey and Ray would be going.

Well, there was only one way to find out.

I got dressed and headed downstairs.

Everything looked the same.

I stopped when I reached the bottom of the stairs.

Everything looked the same... Apart from one thing.

I wasn't exactly something you wouldn't notice either.

There was some guy sitting on the sofa, watching TV.

Um... Okay then.

When he noticed me, he just watched me, to see what I would do.

I wasn't too sure what to do.

He obviously wasn't a burglar or shit like that because what burglar lets themselves in just to watch TV?

The mysterious guy grinned at me, showing all of his slightly tinted yellow teeth.

Someone needed to learn how to brush.

"You must be Felix," He continued to grin.

Felix?

You've got to be shitting me.

Who the fuck calls their son Felix?

I wasn't a cat.

"Frank," I snorted.

He stopped smiling and shrugged.

As if to say, "What's the difference?"

I was beginning to dislike him already.

My Mom appeared in the kitchen doorway then.

I should have known.

"Oh, hey, Franks."

That's it?

"Hey, Franks"?

That's all I get?

To be honest I was surprised I even got that.

The thing with my Mom is that whenever she showed up, she always acted as if she hadn't left.

She just carried on and pretended she was here the whole time.

It pissed me off at first but I got used to it.

I raised an eyebrow at her.

She understood and said, "This is Tony. He's going to be staying with us."

"For how long?" I crossed my arms.

I wasn't used to this sort of behaviour.

Usually after a day or so, she dumped the guy and moved onto the next one.

We'd never had a guy stay before.

I wasn't too sure I liked this.

The guy apparently called "Tony" switched off the TV and walked over to us.

My Mom was next to me.

"Be nice," She hissed.

Me? Nice?

Fuck that.

"Tony, this is Frank. I told you about him," My Mom had suddenly gone all flirty.

Ew. Gross.

I hated the way she acted around guys.

Tony nodded and looked at me.

"Nice to meet you, Frank. I have a feeling we'll get on just fine."

There was a glint of something in his eyes.

I frowned.

Maybe I should have just gone to school.

Tony held out his hand and I took it hesitantly.

My Mom beamed and headed back into the kitchen.

As soon as she disappeared, Tony's grip on my hand tightened slightly.

"Why don't you be a good little boy and leave for a few hours? Leave me and your mom to get re-acquinted," He winked.

Ew.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Did not need to hear that.

I just nodded so he would let go of my fucking hand.

He smiled again, showing his teeth.

I pulled on my converse and hoodie.

Fuck this.

I didn't want to be here anyway.

"See ya, Felix," He grinned as I opened the front door.

I grimaced and turned to face him.

I held in my anger and smiled sweetly instead.

"See ya, Tina," I winked and left.

Two could play at this game.

God, I hated his guts already.

I was not looking forward to our second meeting.


	10. An Univited Visitor

{Gerard's POV}

 

I was bored already and it was only nine in the morning.

My Mom had insisted on Mikey and Ray going to school.

There was a bit of protesting but eventually they gave in.

They had left a couple of hours ago.

And left me all by myself.

Well, not by myself.

My Mom was here.

I wish she wasn't though.

I loved my Mom and everything but she was babying me way too much.

She wouldn't even let me out of my room.

Just a bit frustrating.

So I had been down here for ages.

I knew that that was what I'd be doing anyway if I was off school but because I didn't have a choice, it made it less bearable.

I still couldn't believe my mom called in sick just for my benefit.

Honestly, I was fine.

After the initial shock of it all, it was like nothing had happened.

I didn't feel any different in myself at all.

People were making way too big a deal out of this.

I sighed and sat down at my desk.

I wasn't in the mood to draw.

Which was a first for me.

It was understandable since I didn't really have anything to draw.

I could sketch straight from imagination but my mind was blank.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Gerard?" My Mom came down the stairs.

I turned to see she wasn't alone.

Frank smiled awkwardly.

"Hi... Frank."

Ugh what was wrong with me?

"Hey," His smile grew a little.

"I'm not sure why you're not at school, Frank," My Mom was going all authority figure now, "But since Gerard is a bit lonely this morning, I'll pretend I didn't see you."

"Thanks," Frank grinned.

My Mom smiled before heading back upstairs and closing the door behind her.

Frank stood by the bottom of the stairs with his hands in his pants pockets.

"Uh would you like to sit down?"

Being a host was never my strong point.

Frank replied with a smile before sitting across from me, on the end of my bed.

I felt a bit awkward sitting at the desk so I got up and sat next to him.

He turned to face me as I sat down, that smile still on his face.

I still couldn't really get over Frank's smile.

Whenever I saw it, my heart leapt a little.

I wasn't sure what that reaction meant and it was hard to ignore seen as Frank smiled a lot.

"I told you I'd be over to make sure you're okay," He reminded me suddenly.

I nodded.

He didn't say anything else.

I guess it was my turn to say something.

"Um I'm fine," I tried my best to smile.

"Come on, Gerard," His smile had now vanished and he had a serious look about him, "You can't fool me."

I blinked.

I was fine though... Wasn't I?

Maybe I wasn't fooling Frank Iero but I was apparently fooling myself.

"Gerard," He breathed my name again.

My breath caught in my throat when his hand landed on mine.

I uh...

"What's going through your head?" He asked, his hand still placed over mine.

Well, at the moment I was confused, excited and scared all at the same time.

I wasn't too sure what that meant and I wasn't about to go and ask for Frank's opinion on the matter.

"I don't know..." Was the only thing I could think to say.

I could tell he was thinking deeply.

He bit his lip.

"I'll help you," He said after a moment, "I'll help you find out what you're thinking, what you're feeling."

He squeezed my hand a little as he said this.

I was in a bit of a daze, still confused at what was happening.

"I realise that it'll take time," He half smiled, "But I've got all the time in the world when you're concerned. I'm here, Gerard."

Uhhhh....

Frank was here?

Wait... Frank was here?

Frank was here to help me, to look out for me.

I'd never had someone like that around before.

I liked it of course but I was still a little confused.

However, it looked like Frank had closed the subject for the time being.

His hand wasn't over mine anymore.

I missed his simple touch.

"I like the drawing by the way."

I looked up from my hands.

He was grinning at me and winked.

"I... Uh..."

For God's sake, Gerard!

Pull a fucking sentence together!

He walked over to the desk and admired the piece of paper that was taped to the wall.

Oh fuck fuck fuck!!

I seriously need to take that picture down.

"It's really good, Gerard," He carried on, "How in the name of shitting hell did you draw that? It's better than good! It's fucking amazing!"

I blushed a little.

He hadn't teased me or fixated on the fact that it was a drawing of him.

He was praising my work.

He didn't think it was weird or stalkerish.

Frank's reaction actually surprised me.

I had expected a lot of name calling and laughing.

But I didn't get anything like that.

He turned back to face me, leaning against the desk.

"I like your drawings," He said quietly.

He didn't have as much confidence as he said this.

He had gone shy all of a sudden.

I could tell by the tone of his voice.

"I like them a lot," He admitted.

"Thanks..." I smiled a little.

"You should smile more," He changed his tune, "It suits you."

I knew for a fact that I blushed hard that time.

Fuck, why was I such a girl?

No offence to women or anything...

"It does, Gerard," He had gone all serious again.

I decided that I liked serious Frank.

It let me see what kind of a person he was underneath all the joking and confidence.

And not to mention swearing.

He kind of swore a lot.

Not that I cared or anything.

"It doesn't..." I muttered.

I honestly hated my smile.

It was crooked and my teeth were horrible.

He shook his head before coming and sitting back down next to me.

He raised an eyebrow at me and said, "You'll just have to take my word for it because I know for a fact that I'm right."

He winked.

For some strange reason, all I wanted at that moment was to have him hold the back of my hand again.

I um... What?!

I wasn't gay!

What was going on?

Must have something to do with my withdrawal... 

I had never felt this way before.

This was a whole new thing as far as I was concerned.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Frank pulled me out of my confused thoughts, "You've got me for the whole day so choose wisely."

He winked at me again.

Fuck, I wish he would stop doing that.

Even though my heart went a little crazy whenever he did, I blushed like hell.

Maybe that was the reason he did it; to tease me.

"Video games?" He asked when I still hadn't answered.

"Uh yeah. Yeah sure," I smiled.

This resulted in him beaming back at me before jumping off the bed.

My smile grew widely as I followed him up to the living room.


	11. Please, God, No.

{Frank's POV}

 

Fucking Thursday.

How was it only fucking Thursday?

This week was slowly killing me.

Why was it taking so long?

Well, the evenings passed by in no time.

Which was really fucking annoying since that was the only time of the day I actually looked forward to.

That was the time of day I got to see Gerard.

The rest of the day dragged on really slowly.

After that Monday, I had decided that I had better go to school.

The main reason being so I could avoid my Mom and her dick of a new boyfriend.

He was really getting on my nerves.

Luckily, I hadn't seen much of them this week.

They were never up when I left for school and when I got back in the evenings they were usually out.

Suited me.

As far as I was concerned, I would have preferred it if they hadn't come back yet.

But sadly, they had.

They couldn't have chosen a worst time really.

I needed to be there for Gerard and my Mom and Tony were kind of fucking that up for me.

"Frank!"

Wha..?

"Frank!"

I opened one of my eyes and peeked out from under my covers.

"Frank Anthony Iero!"

I groaned.

What did she want now?

"Frank fucking Iero! I won't call you again! Get your ass down here this minute!"

Good morning to you too, Mom.

I cursed under my breath as I slid out of my warm bed.

Fuck, it was cold.

That would probably be because I was only wearing bottoms.

Oh well.

What was the point of putting a top on if I was going to get dressed anyway?

I pulled on my hoodie anyway just to see what my Mom wanted.

I looked over to the clock on my bedside table.

It was half fucking six!

What the fuck was she playing at?!

I didn't have to be up for at least a half hour.

There was a loud knock on my door and it swung open.

Tony was in the doorway.

"What the fuck is your problem?" He sneered, "Your Mom has been calling you."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him, "I was just going down now."

"Sure you were," He grinned, showing his teeth as usual.

He leant across the doorframe and looked me up and down.

He snorted before walking into my room.

"Who said you could come in here?" I spat.

"I did," He continued to smile.

I cursed under my breath for the second time that morning and made to barge past him.

However, he stopped me short by grabbing my arm.

Fuck, he had a strong grip.

"What did you just say?" He licked his lips with his filthy tongue that had grown accustomed to my mother's mouth.

"Nothing," I looked up at the ceiling, waiting for him to let go.

"Fuck you is that right?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Get off me," I tried to pull away but he was holding me too tight.

Obviously, a guy in his late thirties was stronger than a sixteen year old kid.

He held up his free hand.

"Don't you ever say that to me again," He spoke with grit in his voice.

I looked at the hand that was in midair.

Was he going to...

Yes. Yes he was.

It came down with a smack on the back of my head.

Fucking hell!

Ever heard of a little something called child abuse?!

"Are we clear?" That twinkle was back in his eye from the first time I had met him.

I nodded slowly.

What had just happened?

"Good!" He smiled again and let go of my arm, "Now, go and see what your Mom wants. You've been keeping her waiting."

That was kind of your fault, Tony.

I left my room and went down into the living room.

Would I tell my Mom about what just happened?

She wouldn't give a shit anyway.

It wasn't like I wasn't used to being a victim of the odd hit.

She'd smacked me a few times during my childhood when she had had a little too much to drink.

And according to her, my dad used to like to use her and me as target practice.

I didn't remember that though.

"Yeah, Mom?" I stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh! You're awake now are you?" She scowled, coming in from the kitchen.

I sighed and waited.

"What are you doing today?" She asked.

"Going to school," I stated this matter-of-factly, adding an eye roll.

Kind of obvious, Mom.

"I meant after that," It was her time to roll her eyes.

"Go over to Gerard's," I said without thinking.

"Who is this Gerard?" She snorted, "Is this who you've been going to see every day?"

She started to smile.

I was aware that I was beginning to blush.

Tony was down now.

He went and sat down on the sofa, watching us.

"I guess..." I muttered.

"Aww has my little Frankie got a boyfriend?" My Mom laughed.

"He's not my boyfriend..." I blushed harder.

"Boyfriend?" We were interrupted by Tony.

We both looked over to him.

"Did I forget to mention that Frank's queer?" My Mom asked.

"I'm not fucking queer," I suddenly burst out, "That's not what it's called."

"Oh I'm sorry, your highness!" My Mom rolled her eyes, "Frank is gay. Happy?" She looked back at me.

I shrugged my shoulders.

I would never be happy as long as I lived under this roof.

"You're a bender are ya?" Tony sat back and crossed his arms.

"Fuck off," I spat, ignoring his threat from earlier.

He noticed and his jaw set.

I ignored it and turned back to my Mom.

"Why do you want to know what I'm doing after school?" I urged.

I had honestly lost interest in this conversation now.

I just wanted to leave the house.

Both of them were getting on my fucking nerves and I'd only been up for about ten minutes.

"We're going out all day and I'm not sure when we'll be back. We might go straight out after if we can be bothered. I just want to know that you'll be able to have something to eat and shit."

You see, my Mom did care about my well-being... slightly.

I guess I was all she had, besides dickhead Tony, so she wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be taken away from her.

That was kind of sad in a way but I guess my Mom was a sad person.

"Don't worry, mom, I'll be fine," I tried to reassure her.

"I'm not worried," She scoffed, "I'm just curious is all."

"Sure, Mom," I winked.

She couldn't help but smile.

"Go and get ready for school," She kissed me on the forehead, "I'll see you when I see you."

"Love ya, Mom," I headed up the stairs.

"Dipshit," My Mom laughed, "Love you too, Franks."

My Mom meant well.

When she was in a good mood that was.

I liked those moments.

Those were the moments I craved for.

Those were the moments when my mom showed that she gave a damn about me.

I got dressed and put in my various rings.

Earrings, lip ring and nose ring.

When I was coming out of my room, I ran into Tony in the corridor.

"See you later, bender," He grinned.

"Yeah, see you later, assface," I muttered so he wouldn't hear as I passed him.

~

As soon as the bell went at the end of double music, I put the electric away, grabbed my stuff and waited in the usual spot.

Every day had been like that first day, waiting for Mikey and Ray by the classroom door.

Only this week, I had no one to wait with.

It was times like these that I missed Gerard the most.

I wished his Mom would let him come to school already but I also thought it was a good idea for him to stay at home.

Fuck, I missed him though.

Maybe I would skip tomorrow and go round his house.

I hadn't really had any chance to talk to him alone since Monday.

I liked it when it was just the two of us.

I felt like I could open up more and I hoped he felt the same way.

Mikey and Ray eventually came over to me and we took part in the usual routine of walking to Mikey's house.

This again, was a quiet exercise since I didn't have anyone to talk to.

The walk to the Way's house was one of the only times Gerard and I actually talked properly.

Slowly, speech had developed during this time and resulted in a lot of chat as the walk was carried out.

But sadly, nothing was said to me as I walked behind Mikey and Ray who were talking away about some shit or other.

It had been like this all week.

Mikey had tried to tie me into a conversation at the start of the week but I hadn't been very sociable so I guess he gave up.

I wasn't that bothered.

The only thing I was bothered about was the fact that I would be seeing Gerard soon.

Thank fuck we all lived close to the school.

"Frank?"

I looked up just in time to see Mikey and Ray had stopped walking and were looking at me intently.

I frowned.

We weren't there yet.

"Yeah?" I tried my best to smile but failed.

"Are you okay?" Mikey had concern in his voice.

They were worried... About me?

Wow.

This actually surprised me.

"I'm fine, yeah."

I wasn't, but I didn't exactly want to have a deep talk right here down some street.

"You're not," Mikey had sympathy in his eyes.

"I..."

I wasn't too sure how to respond to this.

"Ray and I have been talking," Mikey started, "We've both noticed that you've been a bit distant this week. Have you been worried about Gerard?"

Honestly, worried was an understatement.

Gerard was constantly on my mind.

I couldn't even sleep properly.

I had been having nightmares.

Well, just one nightmare.

The same one.

Every night.

I wasn't about to describe it to my friends though.

"I...um... Yeah," I hung my head in shame.

I felt bad admitting it... but I didn't have a reason to feel that way did I?

"We are too of course," Mikey said.

"He'll be fine," Ray smiled.

I nodded slowly.

Could we move on now?

This was getting a bit awkward.

"Come on," Mikey read my mind, "Let's go see Gee. He's waiting for us."

It turned out we were only around the corner.

I never noticed what way we walked anymore.

I just followed them like a lost puppy.

I guess that's kind of what I was at the time.

Heh.

When we walked through the front door, we were met by an argument.

Mrs Way was standing with her arms crossed in the living room.

Gerard was standing the other side of the room.

He looked pretty pissed.

"I'm sick of it here though!" He was moaning, "Why can't I go somewhere?"

"You're not going anywhere, Gerard. The Doctor said you need to stay home and get plenty of rest," Mrs Way reasoned.

Gerard groaned and then almost yelled, "Fuck the Doctor!"

"Gerard!" Mrs Way gasped, "Mind your language!"

Gerard let out another moan before slumping down into his chair.

I didn't want Gerard to be upset and he was clearly frustrated about having to stay at home for weeks on end.

I mean, I would be too if I had to.

An idea popped into my head and before I had time to think it over, it was out of my mouth, "You could come to my house... I only live round the corner."

Everyone looked at me.

I felt a little self-conscious I have to say.

Maybe I shouldn't have suggested that.

After a second, Gerard's eyes lit up and he jumped back up.

"Please, Mom," He bit his lip.

She seemed a bit skeptical at first but gave in, "Fine, but not too late. Take Mikey with you."

Gerard actually smiled a little before going back to his usual emotionless expression.

"I'll go get my jacket," He said quietly before slipping out of the room.

"For God sake," Mrs Way let out when Gerard had disappeared, "I'm getting a little annoyed about his mood swings."

"I'm sure it's nothing, Mom," Mikey reassured.

She just shrugged her shoulders before heading into the kitchen.

Before she left the room, she said, "Please, please keep an eye on him. Don't let him anywhere where there is sure to be anything he can use to hurt himself."

I guess that meant he couldn't come in my room then...

I'm sure he wouldn't start going through my drawers though.

"He's nearly two weeks clean and I intend to keep him that way," Mrs Way explained.

That would explain the mood swings.

He was going through withdrawal.

I had been through the same thing myself but I had never made it past fifteen days.

And of course I had failed recently.

After I had got my blade out that night after Gerard had come home, I hadn't gone a day without using it.

I knew it was pathetic, but I had fallen into the habit again.

I suppose liking Gerard wasn't helping.

Every time I saw him, I died a little inside.

Especially on those rare occasions when I could make him smile.

I lived for those moments.

I swear, the only reason I was alive was to try and make Gerard Way smile.

That was the only thing I seemed to want to do with my time.

If I could make him laugh, then God I can't, I just can't!

It was such a beautiful sound and I loved it so much.

I was glad I knew some jokes.

Gerard was back now, jacket in tow.

"So, Frank," Ray grinned, "Let's see your house. It might give us a better understanding of the mystery that is 'Frank Iero'."

"Ha! In your dreams, Toro!" I stuck out my tongue.

Gerard's mouth curled up at the corners a little but no smile was visible yet.

I led the guys out of the house and they followed me around the corner.

Was my Mom in?

What had she said that morning?

Tony and her were out all day and might be out for the evening too.

I hoped they would be out for the evening.

They really got on my nerves and I didn't want them meeting my friends.

Especially Gerard since my Mom thought he was my boyfriend.

When we got to my house, I sighed before pulling out my key.

It was silent behind me.

I looked behind to make sure they were still there.

Of course, they were.

Ray was looking up at the house, Mikey smiled at me and Gerard was looking at his shoes.

I turned back to the door and let us in.

Should I lock it behind me?

I didn't have a reason to.

"Just uh... Put your stuff anywhere. My Mom doesn't give a shit."

I noticed a change in Gerard's expression but I couldn't tell what it meant.

I decided to ignore it as I led them up to my bedroom.

"You have a nice house, Frank," Mikey commented.

"I guess..." I muttered.

Mikey and Ray were talking again now about some game my house reminded them about.

I opened my bedroom door and gestured inside.

"This is uh... my room. Nothing special."

They smiled and poked their heads inside.

"I like it..." Gerard said quietly.

I looked at him and he smiled a little.

I grinned back which resulted in his smile growing.

Fuck, that smile was amazing.

"Oh!" Ray suddenly burst, "Can I watch something on your TV? That film I was talking about is on."

"Sure," I shrugged.

I took them back downstairs and turned on the TV for them.

I noticed my phone on the sofa still.

It hadn't moved for about a week.

Shows how much we use the living room.

I was surprised Tony hadn't taken it or something.

I grabbed it and shoved it into my back pocket.

Ray and Mikey sat down and started watching some crappy movie.

Gerard stayed next to me.

"I don't really like movies," He admitted.

I half smiled and said, "Do you wanna go back upstairs?"

He smiled awkwardly and nodded.

I guess he was a shy guest.

We went back upstairs and into my room.

I decided to keep my door open so it didn't look dodgy or anything.

Not that anything would happen.

I sat on the edge of my bed and watched him as he walked around my room.

My room wasn't very big but it had more things in it than Gerard's did.

"What do you usually do in your free time?" He asked, looking around my room.

"Nothing much. Listen to music, play the guitar-"

"Is that your guitar?" He glanced at the black case that was under my bed but slightly showing.

"Yeah..."

"Can you play something for me now?" He asked, sitting next to me.

"Uh You don't want to hear me."

"Please?" He gave me puppy dog eyes.

I couldn't resist that.

"Fine," I smiled, grabbing the case and pulling it up onto the bed.

He grinned as he watched me get Pansy out.

Ah, Pansy.

It had been a while.

"This," I said as I took her out, "Is my girl. Gerard, meet Pansy."

I probably sounded like a twat.

Oh well.

"Nice to meet you, Pansy," Gerard's smile didn't waver.

I guess I didn't sound like a twat.

To Gerard at least.

I pulled the strap over my head and made sure she was in tune before plugging her into my amp.

I played a few chords and then turned to Gerard.

"What do you want me to play?" I asked.

Looked like I was taking requests.

"Anything."

I had never seen Gerard smile for this long before.

I liked it.

I started playing a Smashing Pumpkins song and sang a little of the tune.

When I had finished the song, Gerard surprised me by clapping.

"Wow, Frank," He was saying, "You're amazing on the guitar!"

I blushed a little before thanking him.

I felt like I was being watched.

I turned to the door to see Mikey and Ray standing in the doorway.

"You are, Frank!" Mikey grinned.

Ray nodded and they came in and sat on the floor.

An audience now?

I didn't mind performing.

I was confident enough.

I took a few more requests and played for about twenty more minutes.

I was cut short in the middle of a song though by a noise downstairs.

The front door slammed and I heard, "What the fuck is that racket?!"

Oh fuck!

Why now?!

Was God punishing me for some reason?!

I froze mid strum.

"Frank?"

I ignored my friends as I heard Tony yell, "Oi! Bender! Get your ass down here now!"

"Oh, fuck..." I muttered, flinging Pansy onto the bed.

Mikey and Ray were on their feet now.

"Um... Is everything alright, Frank?" Mikey actually looked scared.

So did Ray and Gerard.

"I'm sorry guys," I murmured, "I thought they were out until later."

"Queer!!" Tony yelled.

Fuck sake.

I had never been more embarrassed in my life.

"I..uh... You guys have gotta go," I raked a hand through my hair.

They seemed to understand and nodded.

I took a deep breath before heading down the stairs to hell.

"Well it's about time!" Tony scoffed.

He had a beer bottle in his hand.

Things made sense now.

My Mom was no where to be seen.

"Where's my Mom?" I ignored him.

"Throwing up in the kitchen," Tony laughed.

For fuck sake!

He noticed the others then.

"Who the fuck are you?" He hiccuped.

"Ignore him," I turned to them, "Sorry guys. I'll um see you tomorrow."

"Ignore me?!" Tony exploded, "Fuck that!"

He grabbed my t-shirt and pulled me away from the guys.

I really wanted them to go now but they were apparently glued to the spot.

Gerard was writing something on a piece of paper he had found.

What the-?

"Look at me!" Tony screeched in my ear.

I turned my head to look up at him.

Geez, his breath smelt rank.

"You pathetic piece of shit," He spat in my face.

Oh God.

"Guys, please go," I called behind me.

"Shut the fuck up!" Tony drained his bottle before throwing it at the floor.

It smashed and glass went flying across the carpet.

He now had both his hands on my arms, holding me in place.

I had honestly never felt more scared in my life.

And it was in front of the only people I cared about as well!

I fucking hated Tony so much.

Where was my Mom?!

He raised his right arm and swung it around until it smacked against my cheek.

It was such a loud noise and I felt the guys behind me cringe.

Tears stung in my eyes but there was nothing I could do.

"Hey, Baby!" Tony called to my Mom, "Let's beat it. It's dead here."

He let go of me suddenly and I fell to the floor, right next to the broken glass.

My Mom stumbled out of the kitchen.

Better late than never.

She looked over to Gerard, Mikey and Ray and smirked.

"Which one of you is my Frank's fuck buddy then?" She sneered.

"Please, Mom..." My voice was barely audible.

I couldn't get up.

Silent tears fell down my face.

"Just kidding, Franks," She laughed, "See you later," She stroked my hair, unaware of what had just happened.

"See ya, Kiddo," Tony winked at me before putting his arm around my mom.

They left and slammed the door behind them.

I really should have locked it.

My Mom is shit with locks when she's drunk.

On the bright side, she hadn't said anything about Gerard.

"Frank..." I heard Gerard say.

I kept my head down and pulled my knees under my chin.

I didn't want them to see me crying.

Especially Gerard.

"Please... Just leave me alone," I felt bad kicking them out but I didn't want company anymore.

"Come on, guys," Mikey took lead, "He wants us to leave. We have to respect that."

The front door opened.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

That had not just happened.

Please, please could that not have just happened.

My life was over.

I felt movement near me.

Someone was kneeling next to me.

I didn't want to look up but curiosity got the better of me and I opened my eyes.

Gerard was looking at me with wide, anxious eyes.

"Frank..." He breathed my name.

I didn't know what to say.

I glanced over to the door.

Mikey and Ray had gone.

I looked back at Gerard.

He put his hand over one of mine.

"I'm here," He said.

Wait, what?

"Here," He put a piece of paper on the floor next to me.

"This is my cellphone number. Please call me whenever you want."

I was surprised by this.

I picked up the paper and studied it.

The digits were scrawled across the sheet with, "-XoxoG" under it.

I looked back up at Gerard who was now standing up.

He held out his hand and I took it hesitantly.

I felt so helpless as he pulled me up.

"I don't care what time, just call me whenever you want," He smiled a sympathetic smile.

I still hadn't said anything.

Then, he did something that shocked me.

He pulled me into a hug.

Our official second hug.

"I'm here, Frank," He whispered.

I couldn't be more happier.

I had Gerard to look out for me.

And I was looking out for him.

It was the perfect system.

At least this way, we wouldn't be too fucked up by the time we left school.

We stood like this for a while.

I cried against his chest.

He stroked my hair.

When I had finished, he pulled away and said, "You're staying at my house tonight. There's no way in hell you're staying here."

Okay, I was wrong; now I couldn't be more happier.

I opened my mouth but he spoke again, "No arguments. Go grab anything you care about and shove it in a bag."

I nodded and ran upstairs.

I liked authority figure Gerard.

It was nice not to have to take charge for a change.

I grabbed some clothes, put them in my backpack and put Pansy away.

She wasn't staying here anymore than I was.

Where I went, Pansy went and vice versa.

I decided to take my amp too.

When I was back downstairs, Gerard smiled.

He took my amp off me and led me out of the door.

Before I shut the door, I looked around.

Fuck this place.

This house was a shithole full of bad memories and the smell of liquor.

Hopefully now, my life would stop going downhill.

I seriously doubted it though.


	12. I'm Here, Frank

{Gerard's POV}

 

Frank was silent the whole way back to my house.

He was obviously thinking a lot.

I had a ton of questions but I didn't want to disturb him.

His amp wasn't very heavy and I felt like I needed to carry another one of his bags.

I sideways looked at him.

He still had tears rolling down his face.

The thing I noticed though was the red mark on his left cheek.

The realisation hit me then.

At the time, all I had cared about was Frank.

The fact that he was crying and felt alone.

I hadn't taken in what had actually happened to cause Frank to feel that way.

That guy... That guy hit him.

He physically slapped him across the face.

It was such a horrible sound and you could feel every bit of it.

I couldn't imagine how it actually felt.

Poor Frank...

Frank had been abused.

My Frank had been hurt.

Probably mentally as well as physically.

Oh Frank...

He sniffed next to me and rubbed his eyes.

Poor thing...

Wait! Someone had hurt my Frank?!

And I had just stood there, helpless.

I could have done something.

Anything would have helped!

And the only thing I thought to do was write my fucking cellphone number down.

Great fucking work, Gerard!

You're a failure.

I can't believe you did that.

The hit could have been avoided altogether.

Hang on... How long had this been going on?

I needed to know.

We were back at my house now.

Frank waited for me to open the door.

I pulled my key out and unlocked it.

Frank didn't move so I went ahead inside.

He followed.

"Gerard? Is that you?"

Who else, Mom?

We walked into the living room.

Ray and Mikey were on the sofa and my Mom was pacing the room.

When she saw us she came over and held me at arms length.

"Are you okay?"

You've got to be kidding me.

"Me?" I frowned.

She nodded.

"Forget about me!" I burst.

I gestured to Frank, "He's the one you should be worried about!"

My Mom frowned and let go of me.

"Didn't you tell her?" I turned to Mikey and Ray.

Mikey stood up, "She didn't give us the chance. All she cared about was where you were."

"Yes!" My Mom cut in, "Why did you leave him, Mikey?"

Mikey bit his lip, "He told us to go. I wouldn't have left him but... after seeing that..."

I turned to Frank.

"Why don't you take your stuff down to my room?"

Frank looked up a little but was obviously trying to hide his tearstained face.

He nodded, picked up his amp and left the room.

"What's going on?" My Mom demanded, "Why is Frank taking his stuff down to your room?"

I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and opened them again before responding, "Frank's staying here."

My Mom crossed her arms, "Is he now? Well thanks for the heads up! You better have a good reason, Gerard."

Oh I had a good reason all right.

A really fucking good reason.

How to explain it all though...

"Sit down, Mom. I'll explain everything."

She looked hesitant but gave in and leant against the arm of the sofa.

"We just saw... Well um... We were at Frank's house in his room and we heard the front door open..."

Mikey continued for me, "This guy started yelling up to us. Well, not us, to Frank. But he didn't call him Frank... He called him 'Bender' and 'Queer'."

My Mom raised an eyebrow.

"Frank's gay," I said.

She nodded.

"So... Frank starts apologising to us and says we should leave. We go downstairs and we're met by this guy..."

Mikey stopped talking and sat back down next to Ray.

Ray put an arm around him and patted his back.

Looked like I was continuing, "We don't know who he was. Frank's dad maybe or step-dad. He was obviously drunk. Frank tried his best to ignore him but he wouldn't stop yelling at him and he eventually... Well... He grabbed him."

I felt tears well up in my eyes.

The experience was traumatic enough the first time around.

"Frank looked... He looked so scared and we just... Stood there. We could have helped."

Ray finally spoke, "Don't worry too much about it, Gee. What's done is done."

I nodded before finishing, "He was just... Screaming in Frank's face. Calling him a 'pathetic piece of shit'. The only thing Frank seemed to worry about though was that we were still there. He kept telling us to go. But we couldn't, Mom."

I took another deep breath and squeezed my eyes together.

"After this guy uh... Threw his beer bottle on the floor, he-he..."

I knew I was going to burst into tears soon.

I tried to hold it in.

"He hit him, Mom! He smacked Frank across the face and then dropped him to the floor like he was nothing!"

I paused for a moment to catch my breath.

"Frank's mom appeared then. And she just left... With that guy. She obviously doesn't give a fuck about Frank. They left him on the floor crying... He told us to leave and I let Mikey and Ray go ahead. I wanted to help Frank. I couldn't leave him, Mom! I just couldn't leave him!"

I was getting hysteric now.

My Mom got up and pulled me into a hug.

"Shh honey... Shh. I know you couldn't. You did the right thing," She whispered into my ear.

I started sobbing on her shoulder.

If I was reacting like this...

I could only imagine how Frank was feeling right now.

"Frank can stay here for as long as he wants. But, Gerard," She pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes, "If he wants to go back home, that's his decision. Of course we don't want this to happen again but we have to respect Frank's wishes. It's his family and his life."

Why did my Mom have to be so right all the time?

I nodded and wiped the tears away.

I had managed to calm down.

"Is he okay...?" Ray asked.

"Probably not. He didn't say anything on the walk back."

Mikey stood up and gave me a hug.

"Go look after him, Gee," He smiled.

I nodded and left the room.

Before I went down to the basement, I went into the bathroom to make sure it wasn't obvious I had been crying.

I washed my face and rubbed my eyes.

Only one thing occupied my mind now; Frank.

I needed to look after Frank.

I needed to help him.

Hesitantly, I opened my bedroom door and peered inside.

Frank was lying on his side on my bed.

His legs were pulled up under his chin and he was obviously crying.

Oh Frank...

I quietly shut the door behind me before slowly walking down the stairs.

Frank didn't move.

I sat down next to him and waited.

I could hear him sniffling a little.

"...Frank?"

The only response I got was him pulling his knees up closer to his chest.

"I'm here, Frank," I repeated my soothing words from earlier.

At least, I hoped they were soothing.

He eased up a little but his position didn't change.

Before I thought about it too much, I moved right next to him and lay down, facing the ceiling.

He had his back to me.

I closed my eyes.

I hoped I could help Frank.

He was a lot more fragile than I thought.

Under all that confidence was this scared little boy.

A scared, alone little boy.

He wasn't alone anymore though.

I was here.

He had me.

I felt the bed shift and I opened my eyes to see Frank was now looking up at the ceiling as well.

He had stopped crying and was just looking at all of my stars.

When I was younger, my Mom had bought me all these glow-in-the-dark star stickers.

I had forgotten about them until a few months ago.

I found them while I was packing to move down into the basement.

There was loads of room on the walls but I had wanted to put them on the ceiling above my bed so I could see them.

They always calmed me down and I loved to count them to help me sleep.

I kept looking at Frank.

"I feel like a twat," He turned his head to look at me, "Sorry about Tony. He's a right dickhead."

"That's one name for him..." I murmured.

Frank smiled a little and said, "I honestly didn't mind the slap if that's what you're worried about."

I didn't say anything.

That wasn't a good sign.

Did that mean he was used to it?

He continued, "I was more embarrassed than anything. I was scared you guys wouldn't talk to me again."

"Never," I whispered, "I'll always be here to talk, Frank."

He didn't say anything, he just looked back up at the ceiling again.

I looked down at his hand that was on the bed next to me.

I was never good at comforting or anything like that so I just went with my first thought.

I took a deep breath and then placed my hand right next to his.

He didn't notice.

I then did something that summoned all of my courage.

I laid my hand over his and curled my fingers through his.

He looked down at our intertwined hands.

I was scared about his reaction.

But it turned out I had nothing to worry about.

He smiled before looking back up at the stars.

I only just about managed to hold in a massive grin.

He had closed his eyes now.

That seemed like a good idea.

I looked up at the stars and smiled before closing my eyes.

It had been a long day.


	13. Fangirl Attack

{Frank's POV}

 

I didn't know what time it was when I woke up the next day.

Forget the time of day, I didn't know where the fuck I was.

It was dark in here.

I was about to stretch my arms when I realised something or someone was clinging onto my left arm.

I turned my head to check it out.

Gerard was sleeping deeply next to me.

Oh that's right.

I glanced down at our hands.

They were still intertwined.

A huge grin spread across my face.

I was holding Gerard's hand!

Like, properly holding it!

His head was lay against my shoulder and his free arm was clung to my left arm.

Fuck, he was cute when he was sleeping!

I didn't want to disturb him but it was uncomfortable to turn my head so I could look at him.

What to do...

"Gerard...?" I whispered.

He didn't answer.

I decided to take a different approach.

"...Gerard?"

I lightly shook his shoulder with my free hand.

He moaned a little but didn't wake up.

I was about to shake him a little harder but his face distracted me.

He was smiling in his sleep.

I caressed his cheek with my index finger before I remembered what I was doing.

Fuck, if he woke up now I had some explaining to do.

"Oh yeah you know... Just touching your face because you look so fucking adorable when you're asleep."

Yeah, that wouldn't sound creepy at all.

"Gee?"

I spoke a little louder this time.

He groaned for a second time and clung onto my arm even more.

Geez... This was going to take some work.

"Gerard!"

I felt a little guilty for shouting but my arm was falling asleep.

His eyes shot open and he looked disorientated.

I couldn't help but let out a snigger.

His eyes focussed on me then and the confusion left his face.

"What...? What's going on?"

I half smiled and replied, "You're killing my arm, that's what's going on."

He looked down to the arm he was still clung on to.

His face went bright red and he let go of my arm and hand.

I stretched my arm out.

That was better.

"S-sorry..." Gerard looked so embarrassed.

"It's fine," I smiled.

Then, without thinking, I said, "I could have laid like that forever but I would most probably have lost feeling in my arm."

He smiled then.

I internally hit myself.

Fuck, Frank!

Don't tell a guy you could have lay next to him forever!

Again, not creepy at all!

Before an awkward silence had a chance to butt in, Gerard whispered, "I could have too..."

Hang on!

Did he just say what I thought he said?

He said he could have lay next to me forever, right?

Fuck!

Wait, what did that mean?!

Did he like me??

Okay, calm down, Frank!

I think my inner-fangirl just exploded.

I needed to stop jumping to conclusions though.

For all I knew, he could have meant something completely different.

I didn't know what he meant.

Of course, I could have just asked him.

But then again, I hated being awkward.

I decided to just change the subject instead.

"So um... Thanks for letting me stay the night."

He sat up and frowned.

I sat up too.

"It wasn't just for the night, Frank."

That's what I had hoped.

I squealed inside.

Okay, had I turned into a chick or something overnight?

"You're staying here," He continued, "I don't want you to go back to that house."

It was sweet that he cared but I hated being looked after.

I didn't know why though.

Maybe it was just because I was so used to being on my own and looking after myself, that it was weird when someone showed that they cared even a little for me.

I guess I had to get used to it.

That was if Gerard actually did care for me.

It looked like he did.

"I don't want you getting hurt again, Frank."

He looked me straight in the eyes as he said this.

His hand landed on my own and he squeezed it a little.

Wow, Gerard.

Where had all this confidence with hand-holding come from all of a sudden?

I nodded.

I guess I was stuck here for a little while.

Not that I minded.

He smiled then and jumped off the bed.

I swung my legs off so I was sitting on the edge of it.

I watched as Gerard switched on the light and checked his bedside clock.

"Nine o'clock," He said.

I was late for school.

Oh well.

I was planning to skip today anyway and it was only a Friday.

"Looks like you aren't going to school today either," Gerard smiled.

"Looks like it," I agreed.

He sat down next to me and after a minute said, "So... What do you want to do today?"

I thought for a moment but my mind came up blank.

"I don't know," I admitted.

He didn't seem to have an idea either.

We were both silent for a moment when something popped into my head.

"Why don't we watch Star Wars? We never got to the other day."

His face turned into a grin and he nodded.

Fuck, I loved that smile.


	14. Breathe.

{Gerard's POV}

 

Stressed.

Depressed.

Stressed.

Depressed.

Stressed.

Depressed.

God please kill me.

Calm.

Calm down.

Gerard, please.

Get ahold of yourself!

I would slap you but it's a bit awkward since we're the same person.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Take a deep breath.

Breathe in.

And out.

Control. Control. Control.

You can do this.

You're strong.

You don't need to cut.

You don't. You don't. You don't.

Please don't.

It's not like you could even if you wanted to.

Your Mom took all of your blades, remember?

Snap out of it!

What would Frank think?

...Where is Frank anyway?

I blinked.

I-I... I did it.

Did I?

No... Yes...

I don't fucking know!

Had I calmed down?

I looked down at my hands that were still shaking like hell.

Okay... No. No, I hadn't.

Fuck this!

I stood up quickly which resulted in my desk chair falling over.

What could I do?

What could I do to relieve some of this pain?!

There was nothing useful down here.

I ran up the stairs and bashed my door out of the way.

It was Monday.

Frank, Mikey and Ray were at school.

They had left me again.

At least Frank had complained a little.

He had given in though because my Mom had done the whole, "you live under my roof, you live by my rules."

And one of her rules was that he wasn't allowed to skip class anymore.

I missed him.

We had spent all weekend together.

I wish he was here now.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Frank... I need you.

Calm.

Calm down.

I moved into the kitchen.

Where was my Mom?

What was that?

Bags... Bags on the counter.

She had been shopping.

Oh no.

I knew what was going to happen now.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Oh fuck that!

The monster had taken over me.

I ran over to the groceries and practically ripped open the bags.

Food was thrown onto the floor.

I jumped down after it.

Fuck, my Mom had bought a lot of junk.

And it was all about to go.

God please kill me.

I didn't even see what I was opening, I just shoved everything into my mouth.

I hardly chewed.

Just swallowed.

More food.

More and more.

Shaking.

Rip open the bag.

Choke down the food.

Grab for more.

Tear open the bag.

Guzzle more food.

Reach for more.

Open bag.

Eat food.

Get more.

Shaking.

Open bag.

Eat food.

Get more.

Bag.

Food.

More.

Bag.

Food.

More.

Food.

All the food.

Until it's all gone.

Shaking.

God please kill me.

Regret.

Tears falling.

Stomach hurting.

Shaking.

Always shaking.

Crying.

Always crying.

No control.

I want to die.

Grab for more food... No food.

All gone.

My breathing was heavy and sped up.

The food was all gone.

Oh fuck... What had I done?!

Oh God... Oh God!

I had no self control at all!

I was going to get fat and horrible and Frank would hate me and oh fuck!

I looked around me.

I was sitting in a pile of empty wrappers and packets.

My stomach was moaning so much.

It was basically saying, "What the fuck?!"

I'm sorry, stomach.

I had promised myself that I would never do this again but what was I doing?

Fucking binging AGAIN!!

I felt so sick and horrible.

Just like last time.

I wish I could control myself.

I had to get rid of all this rubbish retained inside of me.

I wasn't comfortable having this food in my stomach.

I had to get rid of it.

I grabbed the kitchen counter and pulled myself up.

Breathe in.

And out.

I slowly walked upstairs, into the bathroom.

I didn't look in the mirror.

I hated my reflection.

I fell into my usual routine:

Stand in front of the toilet.

Seat up.

Deep breath.

Finger down throat.

Each time something came up, I would breathe for a minute before shoving my finger back down.

I thought I heard the door at one point but I ignored it.

I was too focussed on this horrifying task.

My stomach moaned and I was getting light-headed.

Was someone watching me?

Of course not.

But it felt like someone was...

"...G-Gerard...?"

I froze.

Oh fuck!

I slowly pulled my finger out and sat down on the floor.

I didn't dare turn around.

I was too scared to.

I really should have shut the bathroom door properly.

Who was it?

I heard them walk into the room.

"Oh fuck... Gerard..."

They sat down next to me.

There were loads of emotions whizzing around my head.

I was pissed that I hadn't been able to finish.

I was kind of high from the vomiting.

I was ashamed that I was this fucked up.

But mostly, I was scared.

No one had caught me in the act before.

My Mom knew about my binge sessions.

But she didn't know I purged after.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"I..."

I didn't know what to say.

I was too ashamed to look at whoever it was.

"I'm fucked up..." I whispered.

An arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"So am I..." He murmured.

I finally glanced at him.

Frank was looking at me; his hazel eyes sympathetic.

"Don't worry. We can be fifty shades of fucked up together," He smiled a small smile.

Only Frank could make me smile in a situation like this.

For a moment, I forgot about the binge and purge session.

I lay my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

I was pretty sure I had snot and tear stains down my face.

I didn't care though.

Frank was here.

I finally felt relaxed.

"Come on, Gerard."

I opened my eyes to see Frank looking down at me.

Our eyes interlocked and I swear Frank almost leant in.

I think I almost did too.

Fuck.

My cheeks flushed and I had to look down.

"Uh..."

I looked up again.

Frank was blushing as well.

He stood up and closed the toilet seat.

He then held out his hand.

I hesitantly took it and stood up next to him.

Still holding my hand, he sat me on top of the toilet seat.

I wondered what he was doing as he went over to the sink.

He started running the tap.

I watched him, curious.

When he turned back to me, I saw he was holding a damp flannel.

He came back over to me and sat on the edge of the bath.

I turned to face him.

He leant forward and told me to close my eyes.

I was a bit hesitant at first but followed his request.

Nothing happened for a moment before I felt the damp flannel against my face.

Frank wiped my face and then dabbed it with a towel.

It was nice being looked after.

"Okay, I'm done."

I opened my eyes again.

Frank was putting the flannel and towel away.

I was so glad he was here.

I stood up and put my mouth under the sink.

After swilling it out with water a few times, I looked back at him.

He held out his hand again.

"Come on, Gee," He smiled.

I think that was the first time Frank had ever called me "Gee".

Only Mikey and Ray usually did.

It was nice to hear my shortened name come out of Frank's lips.

It sent a warm feeling through me.

I took his hand again.

No hesitating this time.

He took me back downstairs and into the basement.

The next thing I knew, he was helping me onto my bed and told me to lie down.

I lay back and was able to relax.

Frank took his bag and hoodie off.

I noticed his Smashing Pumpkins T-shirt and smiled.

He smiled in response and climbed onto the bed.

After he threw his converse onto the floor, he lay down next to me and propped his head up on his arm.

"I'm not going to ask why," He said, "And I'm not going to tell you not to do it again."

I looked at him as he said this.

"All I'm going to say," He sat up a bit more and looked me straight in the eyes, "Is that I'm here for you, Gee. I'll always be here. You have me to look after you."

Frank... Frank was amazing.

I was so glad I had met him.

I moved so I was facing him properly.

Unspoken words passed between us.

For the third or fourth time in the last half an hour, our eyes locked, but this time a spark passed between us.

Just like when we had first met.

Frank started to lean in again, just like earlier in the bathroom.

But he stopped himself halfway.

I didn't want him to stop.

A part of me, a big part, wanted him to come closer.

He had stopped though.

I could tell he was debating whether or not to carry out what he wanted to do.

I knew what he wanted to do.

And... I wanted him to do it.

But... I was straight... Right?

Maybe I wasn't... I mean, I had never had a girlfriend or been attracted to any girl I had met before.

And, I guess Frank was attractive...

I was putting way too much thought into this.

To show Frank it was alright, I shakily put my hand over his.

He looked down at our hands and then back at me.

I smiled a small smile and he replied with a grin.

He started to lean in again.

My heart started beating at a rapid pace.

When he was only a few centimetres away from my face, he stopped.

I bit my lip as I waited to see what he was doing.

"Gerard... I..." He breathed.

He didn't get to finish his sentence though because his impulse took over.

He cupped my cheek with his free hand and closed the gap between us.

If my heart was beating fast before, it was going fucking mental now.

I closed my eyes and impatiently waited for what was to come.

His lips came down on mine and my heart stopped.

Fuck...


	15. Fucked Everything Up

{Frank's POV}

 

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

Was I dreaming?

Had that really just happened?

I... I was kissing Gerard fucking Way!

No... This had to be a dream.

Never in a million years would he let me kiss him.

But... He had.

Had he?

Well he wasn't pulling away or slapping me.

He-He was kissing me back.

Did he like me?

Like me like I liked him?

He couldn't.

Who would like me?

It wasn't possible.

No one had ever liked me before.

This... This was a mistake.

I was kidding myself.

No one would ever like me.

It was just something that would never happen.

Whenever I liked someone, it never turned out that they would ever like me back.

It just wasn't possible.

I had to stop this.

I had made a mistake.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

I pulled away, abruptly ending the kiss.

Gerard's eyes opened in shock.

"I..."

He waited to see what I had to say.

What was I going to say?

"I-I can't do this... I'm sorry, Gerard."

I scrambled to get off the bed which resulted in me almost falling off of it.

I shoved my clothes, that I had unpacked previously, into my backpack and threw it on my back.

I started up the stairs.

"Frank-"

I glanced behind my shoulder.

Gerard was still on the bed.

His eyes were wide and confused.

"Don't go..." He whispered.

I had to though.

I'd already fucked everything up.

"I'm sorry, Gerard." I repeated before running up into the hallway.

Fuck!

I had left Pansy downstairs.

I couldn't go back down though.

See ya later, Pansy.

I was about to open the front door when it swung open.

I froze.

Mikey and Ray ambled in.

"Hey, Frank," Mikey smiled.

I tried my best to return it.

He noticed my bag, "Where are you going?"

A puzzled expression appeared on his face.

"I..." I was still lost for words, "I've fucked everything up. I've got to go."

I barged past them and ran round the corner to my hell of a house.

Behind me I heard, "Frank!"

I ignored the calls.

When I reached the front door, I took a deep breath before opening it.

I cautiously looked around and slowly shut the door behind me.

Tony was watching some shitty football match in the living room.

He didn't look at me.

I thought I might have been able to sneak up into my room without being noticed but I wasn't so lucky.

When I was about to head up the stairs, I heard, "Where the fuck have you been?"

I stopped and turned back.

Tony's eyes were still glued to the screen.

He hadn't looked up.

"Why do you care?" I muttered.

"Ha!" He burst, "I don't. But your Mom does."

Did she now?

"Well that's a first," I scoffed.

He finally looked at me then.

"Yeah. I don't get it either," He stood up and started walking over to me, "Why does she care for a queer like you?"

That stung a little, I have to say.

"Why does anyone care for you?" He kept his voice low and fierce, "Does anyone? Hm?"

I didn't know what to say.

"No one cares about you," He whispered.

He... He was right...

No one cared about me.

Tony was getting into my head and... I was letting him.

From his towering height, he looked down at me and smiled that evil smile.

I swear, he was nearly a whole foot taller than me.

"You're worthless," He smirked, "Why did you even come back? We were better off without you."

I...

No... No!

I couldn't let him mess with my head.

I couldn't let him win.

Instead of giving in, I smiled a sickly sweet smile and said in a gentle tone, "Fuck off, Tina."

Tony's smile disappeared and a scowl replaced it.

I could see the anger building up.

It was quite entertaining to watch.

"You little fuck," He spat, "Apologise now."

"Go fuck yourself," I couldn't help but laugh at his request.

He started cracking his knuckles.

I guess he thought he was hard or some shit.

"Actually," He sneered, "I'd rather fuck your Mom."

Oh, fuck!

Ew.

Gross, man!

The way I felt must have been obvious in my expression because he laughed.

"Dickhead," He raised his hand and smacked me on the back of the head.

Ow!

He started laughing before he slumped back down onto the couch.

Fuck, he was such a twat.

I remember why I had left in the first place.

I rubbed the back of my head and went up to my room.

After throwing my bag onto the floor, I collapsed onto the bed.

Silent tears worked their way down my face.

Why did I do that?

Why did I kiss him?

I had fucked everything up big time.

Gerard probably hated me now.

I had ruined our friendship.

Tony was right; I was a dickhead.

Ugh.

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

I could hear my phone ringing in my bag.

I was too scared to see who it was though.

Gerard had probably told Mikey and Ray everything.

They were all probably laughing at how pathetic I was.

They were all probably disgusted by my action.

I was a disgusting queer who didn't deserve to live.

I sat up, trembling.

My eyes caught sight of my top drawer.

My blade was in there.

I needed it bad.

I hadn't used it in nearly five days.

I scrambled over to the drawer and pulled it out.

There it was.

Sitting on my socks.

Hello, old friend.

My phone was ringing again.

I ignored it.

My face was wet with tears that were still falling.

I grabbed the blade and shakily sat back down on the edge of my bed.

Just a cut?

Or something more?

My phone was still ringing.

I held the blade up and looked at it, turning it over.

I had missed you.

My phone was silent now but there was something going on downstairs.

I tried to shut out the shouting.

I rolled up my left sleeve and held the blade right by the skin.

There was more shouting and noise from downstairs.

I took a deep breath.

Just a cut?

Or something more?

Was any of it worth it?

Was life worth living anymore?

Before I could do anything though, my door swung open.

I snapped my head up.

I blinked the tears out of my eyes and froze when I saw who it was.

"G-Gerard...?"

Gerard fucking Way was standing in my doorway.

He looked scared but mostly concerned.

"Frank..." He breathed.


	16. Ring Ring

{Gerard's POV}

 

The basement door slammed shut behind him.

What... What just happened?

Frank kissed me... And then ran out?

And he took his bag with him.

Where was he going?

Did he think it was a mistake?

I couldn't just sit here, wondering.

I grabbed my shoes, threw them on and ran up to the hallway.

Mikey and Ray were there.

I have to say, they looked pretty confused.

I stopped and frowned, "What's going on?"

Mikey looked towards the open front door and then back to me.

"Frank just bolted," He said, "It was really weird."

"Did he say anything?" I bit my lip.

Mikey and Ray exchanged a look before Mikey replied with, "He said he'd 'fucked everything up' and that he had to go."

Oh Frank...

He must have thought that the kiss was a mistake.

Wait- was it?

To him it was.

But... But it wasn't to me.

"He hasn't fucked anything up," I sighed.

"Then why does he think he has?" Ray raised an eyebrow.

"Uh..."

I couldn't tell him.

Not yet. Not now.

"I'll um... I'll tell you later. Do you know where he went?"

Ray shrugged and Mikey said, "Not really. I assume he went home."

Oh, God.

Not back to that hellhole.

I couldn't waste anymore time.

I was about to speed after him but Mikey grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"Call him first," He said, "In case he isn't there."

I nodded before pulling out my phone and scrolling down the contacts to Frank's name.

It rung.

Once.

Twice.

It kept going.

Kept ringing.

Until, "Hey, this is Frank. I'm either sleeping or on Pansy. So fuck off. Kidding. Leave a message."

Beep.

I ended the call.

I wasn't comfortable leaving a message.

"Try again," Mikey encouraged.

I bit my lip and pressed the redial button.

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

"Hey, this is Frank. I'm either sleeping or on Pansy. So fuck off. Kidding. Leave a message."

This time, I decided to leave one.

Beep.

"Hey... Frank. It's Gerard. I just want to know where you've gone. I-I'm worried about you. Please call me back."

I was walking out of the front door as I said this.

"Gee?" Mikey called behind me, "Where are you going?"

I looked back and said, "It wouldn't hurt to check his house."

Mikes started shaking his head madly, "No, Gee. Mom would never let you. I'm not allowed to let you go anywhere. Especially to that... That place again."

I pressed redial.

"I have to go, Mikes. Trust me. Please."

Ring ring.

Mikey bit down on his lip hard and looked at Ray.

Ring ring.

"It wouldn't hurt to go have a look..." Ray reasoned.

Ring ring.

I could tell Mikey was arguing with himself in his head.

Ring ring.

"Okay. Fine! But you're not going by yourself."

"Hey, this is Frank. I'm either sleeping or on Pansy. So fuck off. Kidding. Leave a message."

I sighed and waited for the beep.

Beep.

"Frank. Gee here. Will you please call me back or at least answer the freaking phone?! ...Call me."

I ended the call before turning back to Mikey and Ray.

"Out of the question," I shook my head, "Just... Please. I need to talk to him alone. Trust me. I'll be fine."

I didn't give them a chance to argue this time.

I was off.

I sprinted round the corner, pressing redial on my way.

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

Round the bend in the road...

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

"Hey, this is Frank. I'm either sleeping or on Pansy. So fuck off. Kidding. Leave a message."

"Fucking hell, Frank! Can't you pick up a goddamn phone?!"

I ended the call.

His house was in sight now.

Fuck... I hadn't run for a long time.

When I reached the door, I swallowed hard and held the phone up to my ear again.

Redial.

Ring ring.

Before I had time to think about it too much, I knocked on the door.

When no one answered straight away, I started banging on it until it opened quickly.

Ring ring.

That guy... That guy stood there.

The guy that hit Frank.

"What the fuck do you want?" He spat.

Ring ring.

"Is Frank here?" I was pretty impressed by my sudden courage.

Ring ring.

"What's it to you? Why do you care?" He scoffed.

Ring ring.

"Is he here or not?!" 

I was getting frustrated now.

I didn't have time for this shit.

Ring ring.

"Hey, this is Frank. I'm either sleeping or on Pansy. So fuck off. Kidding. Leave a message."

The guy in the doorway raised an eyebrow when he heard the message.

Beep.

I ignored him and said into the speaker, "Frank. I'm at your house. Some dick won't tell me if you're here or not. If you are, please come to the front door. Just... Call me!"

I hung up.

I looked back to the dick I had spoken of.

"Who are you calling a dick?!" He growled.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that...

But I didn't have time to be scared now.

"If you won't tell me whether he's here or not," I put my phone safely in my pocket, "I'll just have to have a look around."

The dick started laughing, "Oh, will you now?"

I stood my ground, "Yes. Now... Get out of my way."

He stopped laughing and sneered at me instead, "Not going to happen."

I sighed.

If I was going to get past him, I had to be quick.

I ducked under his arm, which was leaning against the doorframe, and ran into the room.

"Hey!" He span on his heel, "That's cheating, you little shit."

"I don't care!" I suddenly exploded, "I'm going to see Frank so FUCK OFF!!"

I sprinted up the stairs.

I have to say, I was really shocked by myself.

Usually, I was the quiet kid in the corner; the kid who hardly spoke and was too scared to get involved.

Apparently not today.

The dick was calling after me, "Oh, fuck you! Fuck you and fuck that fucking queer!"

Looked like that guy didn't have much of a vocabulary.

I reached Frank's bedroom door.

I didn't have time to think about it too much, I had to see if he was in there.

I threw open the door to see... To see Frank sitting on his bed... Holding a razor blade.

"G-Gerard...?"

No...

He didn't... No.

"Frank..."

He didn't say anything else.

His hand was still brandishing the razor blade above his arm.

"Frank, please. Don't tell me you were about to..."

I couldn't say it.

It was too horrible.

That was the moment I realised that cutting was a horrible way to deal with pain.

I had never thought about it too hard before.

But now...

Now I had seen Frank about to do it, I realised that it wasn't right.

It wasn't right that a guy that was as amazing as him wanted to cause himself physical pain.

He looked down, ashamed.

I slowly walked up to him.

His breathing was slow and steady.

It was the only thing I could focus on right now.

With my right hand, I held Frank's left arm.

Then, with my left hand, I loosened Frank's grip around the blade.

He gave in and let me take it away from him.

I stood back up and examined it.

How could something so small cause so much pain?

And I didn't just mean to Frank.

It hurt me a lot that he had even considered hurting himself.

It broke my heart a little.

I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I just laid it on his chest-of-drawers.

Which I assumed was where it was kept since one of the top drawers was open.

I looked back at Frank.

He was still looking at the floor.

I could tell he was crying.

I didn't blame him; I felt like crying too.

"...Frank?"

He didn't answer.

I went back over to him and sat next to him on the bed.

I wasn't too sure what to do now.

He still didn't look at me.

He was looking at his hands that were on his lap.

I placed one of my hands on top of his.

He finally looked at me then.

"I... I'm sorry, Gee... For fucking everything up."

I shook my head, "You didn't fuck anything up."

"But I-I kissed you..." He seemed confused by my calmness.

Using my free hand, I wiped away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

"I know," I replied, "And I kissed you back."

He sat up a little straighter and looked me in the eyes.

He was about to speak but I stopped him by putting a finger over his mouth.

"Frank. You didn't do anything wrong. You were just doing what... What I wanted you to do."

Once I had said it, I realised it was true.

I had wanted Frank to kiss me.

I... I still did.

"You... Wanted to kiss me?" Frank was trying to get it round his head.

I just nodded this time.

To be honest, I was just as overwhelmed as him.

Only twenty minutes ago, I had discovered I had feelings for Frank.

And since I had thought I had liked girls all of my life, that was kind of a shock.

I looked back at Frank.

He was looking at his feet and... I think he was smiling.

Well, I was glad I made him smile.

He deserved to smile.

I had to smile too.

I liked Frank.

I was now fairly confident about my feelings... but what were Frank's?

I wasn't sure how to address this.

Before I had a chance to however, Frank's head snapped back up.

His eyes caught mine and he smiled.

I couldn't help but smile back.

He pulled one of his hands out from under mine and stroked my cheek hesitantly.

I closed my eyes and melted into his hand.

The bed shifted a little and I opened my eyes again.

Frank had moved closer to me; his eyes still attached to my own.

"Frank, I-"

It was his turn to put his finger on my mouth.

"Don't speak," He said.

Which sounded incredibly cheesy but I didn't care.

He slowly moved his finger away and leant in.

Soon, it was replaced by his lips.

I closed my eyes.

The kiss was perfect.

Even more so than the first one.

Because this time, Frank didn't freak out on me.

He kept it going instead.

It was perfect.

Just like him.


	17. Make Out Buddy

{Frank's POV}

 

"What now then?"

"Hm... I honestly don't know. Maybe next time you can take your T-shirt off instead."

He laughed and hit me.

"I'm serious, Frank. What does this mean for us?"

I stood up and stretched.

"Well," I held out my hand and he passed me my T-shirt, "What do you want it to mean?"

"Uh..."

I pulled my T-shirt on and smirked at him.

"What?" He blushed.

I shook my head and sat back down, still smiling.

"What is it?" He demanded.

He was trying his best to keep a straight face but I could tell he could crack a smile at any minute.

"It's just that..." I laid back and put my hands behind my head.

"Just that what?" He was getting impatient.

If I was being honest, I was enjoying winding him up.

"Frank!" He whined.

I started laughing.

"Stop being mean!" He was suddenly on top of me.

"Fuck! Gee!"

He started tickling me.

I couldn't stop laughing.

"Ge-ee! Fuck off!"

"Nope!" He didn't stop.

In between laughing and swatting him off, I managed to grab his wrists.

He was now lying on top of me.

Even though he was more than five inches taller than me, he wasn't very heavy.

Probably because his stomach was always empty.

"Let go!" A grin appeared on his face.

I shook my head.

I waited to see what he would do next.

His smile disappeared and I saw a glint in his eyes.

I opened my mouth to say something but I didn't get the chance because Gerard's own mouth was suddenly on top of mine.

I smiled into the kiss and let go of his wrists.

That was the last thing on his mind anymore though.

My hands moved down to his waist and his ended up in my hair.

His lips moved in synchronisation against my own.

So... This makes it our second make out session in what? Twenty minutes?

Hey, no complaints here.

This is what I'd been dreaming about for the past three weeks.

And... it had finally happened.

He was finally in my arms.

It was about fucking time!

"Frank!"

God, my Mom had a set of lungs on her when she wanted.

Gerard pulled away and looked towards the door then back at me.

"Yeah?!" I yelled back down.

Gerard pulled his hands out of my hair and rested them on my chest.

"Where the fuck have you been?!"

Why didn't she just come up and talk to me like a normal human being?

"Staying at Gerard's!"

I sighed before turning back to my make out buddy.

"Sorry, Gee. Looks like we won't have any privacy here."

"It's okay," He smiled.

I could hear my Mom stomping up the stairs.

Gerard scrambled off of me.

In fact, he was in such a hurry he almost fell off the bed.

I managed to grab his arm and pull him back up though.

"Fuck, Gee. Calm down."

He blushed a little before sitting back down properly.

My door opened and my Mom barged in.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Who's this?"

I looked at Gerard.

He was looking at his feet.

"This is Gerard."

My Mom raised an eyebrow.

Gerard looked up and tried his best to smile, "Hi."

What my Mom did next still shocks me to this day.

She actually smiled and said, "Nice to meet you, Gerard."

The shock must have been obvious on my face because my mom laughed before saying, "Tell me next time you're staying over at your friend's house."

Ha!

She's one to talk.

And hey, since when did she care?

"Sure, whatever."

Her smile disappeared and she left the room.

Well, that was weird.

I turned back to Gee.

"So..." I smiled, "What were you asking me?"

He blinked as he tried to remember.

I bit my lip to stop from laughing.

To be honest, I was finding any excuse to laugh or smile.

I was still getting over the initial shock of it all.

Gerard was in my room and we had spent the good part of twenty minutes kissing.

I think I had a right to smile.

"Oh yeah!" Something clicked in Gerard's eyes, "What... What does this mean for us?"

"Mmm..." I lay back down, "And I said, 'what do you want it to mean?'"

I looked over to him.

He was thinking, I could tell.

Don't tell me he's going to make out with me and then leave me hanging.

"Gee?"

He looked up.

"I... I want it to mean something."

I laughed then, "Well, yeah it obviously means something. You don't just go around attacking strangers and kissing them."

A small smile appeared on his face.

"I didn't attack you..." His smile grew wider.

"Pfft!" I snorted, "I begged to differ."

He smacked me on the shoulder and laughed.

"Ow!" I smirked, "Abuse!"

He stopped and bit his lip.

"What is it, Gee?" I sat up.

He seemed hesitant at first but gave in and told me, "I don't want you living here... Not... Not while that guy is here."

He actually cared about me getting hit or not?

Wow.

That... That was sweet.

I wasn't sure how to respond so I just shook my head and said, "Tony's harmless. He's just a big dickhead."

"Just a bit," He muttered.

I pulled my legs up under my chin and said, "I suppose you've had the pleasure of meeting him?"

He nodded slightly before looking at me again.

"Look," I put my hand over his, "If you're scared of him, just say. We don't have to hang out here."

He shook his head this time.

"What?" I frowned.

"I guess he is a bit... Intimidating... I don't want you to get hurt."

My lips curled into a smile.

It was really sweet that he cared.

"Don't worry," I reassured him, "I'll be fine."

He was still unsure but decided to drop it.

"Now," I moved closer to him, "You want it to mean something?"

He nodded.

"What though?"

God, this was painful.

He knew what he wanted.

Hell, even I knew.

I wanted him to say it though.

I wanted him to physically say that he wanted to be with me.

I watched as he summoned all of his courage.

I could tell he was getting out of his comfort zone and I understood that I had to be patient.

"Say it, Gerard," I bit my lip.

He looked up and took a deep breath before saying, "I-I want..."

I egged him on with my eyes.

"I want to be with you, Frank."

I couldn't believe it.

He had actually said it.

I didn't think he had enough confidence.

My mouth grew into a massive grin.

"Good," I said.

He was blushing and looked relieved when I had spoken.

"I want to be with you too."

He smiled and held out his hand.

I took ahold of it and asked, "Do you want to tell people? Or wait?"

I wasn't bothered either way.

Whatever Gerard was comfortable with, I was fine with.

"Um... Would you be offended if I said I didn't want to tell anyone? Not straight away anyway..."

He looked guilty.

I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, that's fine, Gee. Whatever makes you happy."

The worry disappeared from his face and he whispered, "I... I really do like you a lot, Frank."

I pulled him closer to me and replied, "I like you a lot too, Gee."


	18. Don't Believe Them

{Gerard's POV}

 

I knew we couldn't avoid this subject forever.

I needed to mention it... The fact that Frank had been holding a razor blade when I had arrived.

I knew this conversation wouldn't be a favourite of either of us but it had to be addressed.

"Hey, Frank...?"

He was lying on his back, his eyes latched on the ceiling.

"Yeah?"

I bit my lip.

Before I said anything else, my eyes wandered over to his chest-of-drawers where I had placed his blade.

Frank was still waiting to hear what I would say.

I stood up and walked over to the blade.

I picked it up and looked it over.

Frank was sitting up now and watching me.

I looked up from the piece of metal in my hand to Frank.

"How... How many more do you have?" I asked hesitantly.

Without even thinking, he replied, "Six."

Jesus...

He got up from the bed and came over to me.

He kept his eyes locked on mine as he took the blade out of my hand and set it back down.

I opened my mouth to speak but something in his expression made me stop.

I followed his gaze as he looked down at his jeans.

I wondered for a second what he was thinking before he suddenly, in one swift move, pulled them down.

I was shocked at first just by his action but then I noticed the cuts.

There were loads...

I had never seen so many cuts on a body that wasn't mine.

It-it was horrible.

"Oh, Frank..." I bit my lip.

"I know," He yanked his jeans back up, "I'm disgusting."

He went back and sat on the end of his bed.

"You're not disgusting," I sat down next to him.

He shook his head, not believing me.

"Believe me, I know how it feels, Frank. I know how it feels to do that to yourself."

He didn't look at me.

"Frank...?"

I wasn't sure what else to say.

I wasn't about to have a massive heart-to-heart with him about why we use cutting as a release.

He took a deep breath before looking at me and saying, "I'm sorry."

He then looked back down and mumbled, "...I don't see why you care."

"What?" I was quite taken aback by that.

When he didn't say anything, I placed my hand on his and said, "Frank... Of course I care. I can't bare to think about you hurting yourself. I'm just confused as to why a guy as amazing and cute as you wants to do that."

He looked up and his lips curled up at the corner, "You think I'm cute?"

"Of course," I smirked.

His smile dropped, "I'm not though and I'm not amazing. I'm just a waste of space. I'm not worth anyone's time. I fuck everything up."

I hated that Frank put himself down so much.

"No, Frank. You don't fuck anything up. You're not any of those things. Who told you that you were?"

I wanted to get to the bottom of this.

I wasn't having my Frank feel this way about himself.

Wow... "My Frank".

For some reason, it didn't feel weird calling him that.

"Uh... My-my Dad used to yell at me when he was drunk and my Mom sort of took over when he left..."

Oh Frank.

No wonder he believed a word his parents said.

He had no one else to look up to.

I could just imagine a young Frank Iero, cowering from the sharp words that left his Father's foul mouth.

His Mom too though?

I guess she blamed Frank for his Dad leaving because it was the only way she could cope.

Wow, I should be a psychiatrist.

"Frank, you shouldn't believe a word either of your parents say. It's not true."

He just shrugged before lying back on the bed.

"Please don't tell me you believe them," I said when he still hadn't said anything.

"Well, Gee," He replied after a moment, "When you spend a good part of your life believing one thing, it's kind of hard to just forget about it. Especially when people constantly remind you."

I lay down next to him, "I understand, believe me, I do."

"It's just gonna take some time," He continued, "I just need to look at everything in a different perspective and not believe everything my Mom or Tony tell me."

"Exactly!" I grinned, "And I'll be with you the whole time. You can always talk to me, Frank. I'm always here for you."

He looked at me and smiled.

"I know, Gee."


	19. Shit, That Was Scary

{Frank's POV}

 

"Are you coming?" I pulled on my converse.

He looked at me as if I were mad.

"Of course."

I half smiled and waited for him to put on his shoes.

I knew he didn't want to be here any longer.

He didn't like this place anymore than I did.

When he was done, he stood up and murmured, "How long are you coming over for? Are you gonna stay the night or...?"

I laughed and replied, "Wow, Gee! Take it down a notch! We've only been together like twenty minutes. I like you and everything but-"

His eyes bulged and he quickly cut me off, "No, no! I didn't mean it like that!"

I laughed again and put him at ease, "I'm just shitting with you. Nah, I probably won't stay over. My Mom'll be on my ass."

He nodded.

I led him out of my room and downstairs.

He stayed close behind me.

I guess he was more intimidated by Tony than I thought.

The dickhead in question was watching some shitty football game.

I wandered into the kitchen to find my Mom standing by the open back door, having a smoke.

"Mom?"

She glanced over at me.

"I'm going over to Gerard's for a bit."

She frowned before putting out her fag and saying, "You just came from there."

"Yeah, well I'm going back," I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever," She shrugged, "We won't be here when you get back."

It was my turn to shrug and I was about to turn back around but my mom spoke again, "So, Gerard. Are you my Frank's new boyfriend?"

I looked at her and then at Gerard.

He looked a little worried so I decided to answer for him, "No, mom. We're just friends."

"Mmmhmm," She smirked.

I took Gee back into the lounge where the local dickhead was waiting for us.

My Mom had followed us too.

"So," He stood up and walked over to us, "It's you again; the little shit."

He was looking at Gerard.

"Shut up, Tony," I was not having him call Gerard a name. He could call me all the names he wanted but he was not insulting my Gerard.

I knew Tony couldn't do anything, not while my Mom was in the room.

"Don't call Gerard a 'little shit'," Mom rolled her eyes.

Tony frowned.

I smirked at Tony, enjoying my little victory.

"See ya, Mom," I grabbed my keys and my phone.

"See you tomorrow," She replied.

When I shut the door behind me, I sighed a sigh of relief.

I really did hate living there sometimes.

"Come on then," I turned to Gerard.

He looked a little pale.

I frowned, "Are you okay...?"

He blinked a few times before looking at me and smiling as best he could, "Y-Yeah."

I nodded, unsure.

We started walking down the road.

I had to stop though at one point so Gee could catch up.

He was walking pretty slow.

"Gee...? Are you sure you're okay?"

He nodded and carried on walking.

Something wasn't right.

I walked slowly next to him, glancing at him every so often.

When we finally made it onto his road, he stopped walking.

"Gee?"

I wasn't sure if he heard me or not.

He was looking at the floor and I think he was trying to focus on his breathing.

"Gerard?"

I was really getting worried now.

"Gerard, answer me."

He continued to either ignore me or not hear me.

I wasn't sure whether or not to touch him.

"Gerard, you're scaring me."

God, I sounded pathetic sometimes.

But it was true; I was scared.

He lifted his head up and his eyes interlocked with mine.

Fuck.

He did not look well.

Pale was an understatement.

He looked like he was about to keel over.

And he did just that.

It happened pretty quickly.

One moment he was looking back at me.

The next, he was on the floor.

Even though I saw it happen, it still shocked me and it took a second for it to sink in.

I flew down next to him.

"Gerard!"

He wasn't waking up.

"Fuck! Gee!"

Fucking hell.

Fucking hell!

I felt his pulse.

He was still breathing.

Thank the fucking lord.

I pulled out my phone.

I was glad I had brought it out with me for once.

I dialled 911.

"Gerard! Please... Please answer me!"

His eyes were still closed.

Jesus fucking Christ!

"911, what's your emergency?" I suddenly heard through my phone.

"What? Oh! Yes... help! Please help! My-my friend has collapsed!"

"Okay, Sir, please try to remain calm."

Remain calm?

How the fuck was I supposed to remain calm in a situation like this?!

"Now," The woman said, "Tell me exactly what happened."

I described the situation and she told me in her nasally voice that an ambulance would be here soon.

It needed to get here now though.

Gerard still wasn't waking up.

I held onto his hand with both of mine and kissed it.

"Don't worry, Gee," I whispered to him, "It'll all be okay. Help is coming."

I knew he couldn't hear me, but to be honest, I think I was trying to reassure myself more than anything.

That was when I remembered Mikey, Ray and Mrs Way.

They were probably confused as fuck and worried where Gerard was.

I took my phone back out and rung Mikey.

Poor kid would be worrying himself silly.

He picked up on the second ring, "Frank?"

"Mikey! You need to come now!"

"What? We were just coming round to yours'. What's going on?"

"I'm at the end of your road," I explained, "Get here now!"

I hung up then because I saw Gerard's eyes flicker.

"Gee?"

He blinked a few times before he looked at me.

He looked very confused.

"...Frank?"

"Yes, Gee. I'm here."

His eyebrows furrowed together.

"What... What happened?"

I could hear the ambulance.

"You collapsed."

"Oh..." He took a moment to take it all in.

He tried to sit up but I gently pushed him back down.

"Stay down, Gee. I don't want you going down again."

He understood and nodded.

I could see the ambulance now.

It was coming down the road.

That was when I saw Mikey and Ray walking down the street.

Well, more like speed-walking.

Mikey looked at the ambulance as it passed him and his eye caught mine.

He then realised who the ambulance was for and practically started running towards us, Ray in tow.

The ambulance pulled to a stop beside us.

Gerard's eyes darted to the paramedics getting out.

"You called an ambulance?" He asked.

"Of course!"

"You didn't need to..." He murmured.

I shook my head.

"I did, Gee."

He sighed.

"Hi, you must be Gerard," One of the paramedics kneeled down next to Gerard, on the other side of me.

"I'm Kelly," She continued, "What's happened, honey?"

I explained for the second time.

By this time, Mikey and Ray were here.

"Gerard?!" Worry emanating from his face.

"I'm fine, Mikes," He sighed.

Kelly said something to the other paramedic before turning back to us.

"Nevertheless," She stood up, "I think it would be best to take you to the hospital, Gerard. Just to see everything's working the way it should be."

Gerard sighed again.

He knew he couldn't get out of this.

"Can you sit up?" Kelly asked.

Gerard nodded, a bit unsure.

"I'll help you," I suggested.

He looked back at me again and smiled a little.

I smiled back as best I could and helped Gerard sit up.

"Okay," Kelly started checking over Gerard's face for any signs why he had collapsed, "We're going to take you to the hospital just to be sure but I think you just fainted. We just need to find out why."

Gerard nodded.

The other paramedic came over and helped Kelly stand Gerard up.

They took him over to the ambulance and sat him in the back.

"Am I allowed to come?" I followed them and asked Kelly.

"Are you a relative?" She looked over at Mikey and Ray and back at me.

I looked over my shoulder at them.

They were still standing on the pavement.

I lowered my voice and said, "He's... my boyfriend. But.... Don't mention it to the others. They don't know yet."

Kelly understood and nodded.

"Don't worry," She smiled, "I won't say anything. Would you like to get in the back?"

A smile appeared on my face and I jumped in after Gerard.

The other paramedic was strapping him to the gurney in there.

I strapped myself in the seat next to it.

Mikey and Ray appeared on the road next to the back of the ambulance.

"We're going to get my Mom and we'll meet you at the hospital," Mikey explained.

"Okay," I agreed.

I looked over at Gerard who was still as white as a sheet and had closed his eyes.

"I'll try not to leave his side."

Mikey tried his best to smile.

"Thanks, Frank," Ray smiled too.

They waved goodbye and started speed-walking back down the road.

The other paramedic got out and closed the back of the ambulance behind him.

Both he and Kelly slid into the front and the engine started.

"Are you two okay back there?" Kelly called.

"Yeah, thanks," I replied.

"Just give us a shout if you need anything," She said.

My eyes were still locked on Gerard's face.

He had opened his now and was looking at me.

He held out his hand and I took it.

"You'll be okay, Gee," I assured him, "Don't worry. I'm here."


	20. Hospital Beds

{Gerard's POV}

 

I hated hospitals.

They always had this weird smell.

What smell was that, anyway?

Disinfectant?

Whatever it was, it smelt bad.

It wasn't just the smell that bothered me.

The doctors and nurses themselves pissed me off.

They always spoke to you like you were five years old.

I always had to bite my tongue when they did.

I constantly had the urge to tell them to fuck off.

Anyway...

I'm fine.

I don't need to be here.

I'd only just gotten out.

Why was I back here?

It was only because Frank was scared and thought he was doing the right thing.

I understood that but I still hated it here.

I lay back on the uncomfortable mattress of the hospital bed.

I'd been here for less than an hour and I was already bored as hell.

I wanted my sketchpad.

I felt lonely too.

I know I was used to being alone but still...

It would be nice to have someone to talk to.

There were some other kids in here but they were either crying or talking to their parents so I pretended they weren't there and pulled the curtain between us.

They even made me put on one of those ugly ass hospital gowns.

Unfair.

I swear I spent one third of my life in one of these.

Ugh.

The only thing to do in here was to look out of the window next to my bed.

I think I was on the second or third floor.

As I was lying down, the only thing I could see was the sky.

Big and blue with fluffy clouds floating around.

The door opened and I vaguely recognised some doctor.

She smiled as she walked up to my bed.

I felt a little exposed...

My arms were bare and I didn't like that at all.

I crossed my arms in an attempt to hide them but I knew she had probably already seen them.

"Gerard Way?" She asked when she was next to my bed.

I nodded.

"Okay, so we've taken some tests but as you're a minor, we need your parents here to tell you the results."

I sighed.

My Mom worried about me enough without all this shit.

"Your mom is in the waiting room. I'll go and get her," The Doctor said.

I slightly nodded before looking back out of the window.

I assumed she had walked out but she surprised me by standing in front of the window, blocking my view.

"I was wondering if you wanted some fresh bandages on your arm," She said seriously, "We had to take the old ones off."

"Uh..." I wasn't too sure how to respond.

"Hold out your arm," She instructed.

My heart was beating fast now.

I was honestly really scared.

I shakily held out my left arm.

She looked at it for a moment before pulling some bandage and tape out of her pocket.

I looked away as she strapped up my wrist and forearm.

When she was done she said, "And the other one."

I dropped my left arm and replaced it with my right.

"This one isn't as bad," She observed.

I didn't reply.

Tears were welling up in my eyes.

When she had finished, she told me, "You can look now, Gerard."

I slowly opened my eyes and turned my head.

My previously cut up arms were now wrapped up.

They had looked worse before though.

They were healing now because I wasn't opening back up the scars.

The Doctor smiled at me sadly before saying, "I'll go get your Mom."

I bit my lip as I watched her leave the room.

I was definitely not enjoying this.

Why me?

I guess I kind of brought it on myself.

It's not my fault self-destruction was one of my favourite things.

A few minutes later, my Mom swept into the room.

"Oh, Gerard!" She was already crying.

For fuck sake.

All I did was faint.

What was the big deal?

Everyone else in the room watched her as she practically jogged to my bed.

When she was next to me she wrapped her arms around me.

"Honestly, Mom, I'm fine," I reassured her.

"You most certainly are not!" She pulled away.

I sighed before looking out the window again.

By the sound of it, my Mom was making herself comfy in the seat next to the bed.

"The Doctor will be back with the test results in a minute," She told me.

I nodded, showing I was vaguely interested in what she had to say.

She didn't say anything else and I was grateful because I didn't want to listen.

In fact, I didn't really want to talk to her at all.

There was only one person I wanted to talk to.

I looked over at my Mom.

She was just watching me.

I have to say, it was a little creepy.

"Um, Mom?"

"Yes, Sweetheart?"

Ugh.

She was gonna be all sympathetic and shit now wasn't she?

"Are the others here?"

She frowned before realising what I meant and said, "Yeah, they're here. Mikey, Ray and Frank are in the waiting room."

"Okay..."

I felt bad now.

This was the second time Frank had come to the hospital just for me and I'd known him for less than a month.

I had no idea why he liked me.

"Would you like to see them?" She asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Um..." 

Would it be bad to say I didn't want to see my brother but I did want to see a guy I was supposedly not very close to?

I decided to just suck it up and ask because I did really want to see him.

"Could I see Frank?"

"Of course, Honey," She smiled and stood up.

"Just Frank?" She asked.

I nodded.

She raised an eyebrow but didn't make any comment.

After picking up her bag, she kissed me on the head.

I did love my Mom.

"If the doctor comes back, tell her I'm getting your 'brother'," She winked.

I nodded.

I was a little scared.

Frank and I couldn't talk properly with my mom there.

No doubt he had questions.

The last time I'd seen him was in the ambulance.

I can't believe they actually let him ride with me.

From past experience, I knew that they usually only let family ride with you.

I wondered if he had lied so he could come.

I think I had passed out after that because the next thing I knew, I was waking up on a gurney and Frank was nowhere to be seen.

I have to say, I had felt really lonely and scared.

Mom was back, this time with Frank in tow.

"I told Mikey the Doctor wanted to talk to Frank about what had happened. That way he wouldn't feel hurt," My Mom explained when they were next to my bed.

Frank was frowning and staring at me.

I felt a little embarrassed.

"Mrs Way, could you please give us a minute?" Frank asked my mom.

She seemed confused but said, "Yeah, sure. I'll just be outside if you need me."

She left the room, sending me one last worried glance before she closed the door behind her.

I looked over to Frank.

After raking a hand through his hair, he strode right up next to me and bit his lip before leaning down.

His kiss was rough at first like he hadn't seen me in months or something.

I closed my eyes.

Jesus, I should faint more often.

After a moment, he pulled away and said, "Don't you fucking do that to me again, Gerard. You have no idea how worried I've been. I've literally been shitting myself for the last hour."

I couldn't help but smile.

I liked that he worried about me.

He sighed before pushing me, "Move up then."

I smiled and moved so he could lie down too.

He pulled me up close to him and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged.

I had always hated that question, no matter who said it.

"Are you?" I looked at him.

"Besides shitting bricks? Yeah, I'm fine."

He didn't say anything else so I decided to speak, "I'm sorry for scaring you."

"Not your fault."

"It is though."

He looked at me and frowned.

"It's happened before," I admitted.

He sat up a little before asking, "When?"

"A couple weeks ago. I had just woken up and gotten out of bed. Everything went weird and next thing I knew, I was on the floor."

"Shit, Gee! Why didn't you tell anyone?"

I shrugged and said, "I didn't want anyone to worry."

He sighed again.

I don't think he had sighed this much before in one sitting.

"You should have told me," He whispered, "I could have helped."

I just shook my head at this.

"Gee..."

He waited for me to look at him.

When I did, he said, "Please tell me if this happens again."

His eyes were pleading so I nodded.

I knew I wouldn't.

I didn't like that I was putting him through this.

Maybe it would have been better off if we hadn't gotten together.

I didn't like worrying him.

I was very tempted to end it right there and then to spare him but I just couldn't.

I still didn't believe that he liked me although I definitely knew I liked him.

If I wasn't depressed before, I would most definitely be if we broke up.

No doubt Frank wouldn't be too happy either.

I didn't believe that though.

He was better off without me.

"I like you a lot, Gee, and I would probably... Just die if anything happened to you."

Frank's little confession surprised me.

It was like he had read my mind.

"I'm being serious," He knew I didn't believe him.

He pulled away from me so he could look at me.

"I'm not going anywhere, you know," Frank told me.

I couldn't help but smile at that.

I snuggled back up next to him and he rested his chin on my head.

"What am I going to do with you?" He joked.

"You'll just have to keep a close eye on me," I suggested.

"Oh, that's a promise."


	21. He Never eats

{Frank's POV}

 

I leant back against the hospital window while Mrs Way fussed over her son.

The expression on Gerard's face was priceless.

"Honestly, Mom," He sighed, "I'm fine! Just... Go and sit down will you?"

Mrs Way sighed and sat back down on the chair next to the bed.

The Doctor was here and was about to tell us what was wrong with Gee.

"Are you sure you want to be here, Frank?" Mrs Way looked over at me.

I glanced at Gerard.

He had a pleading look in his eyes.

Earlier, he had made me promise not to leave his side.

I wasn't really planning on leaving anyway.

"I'm sure," I nodded.

Mrs Way half smiled before looking at the Doctor.

The Doctor smiled, looked through Gerard's file and started, "Well. I believe I know what caused you to faint, Gerard."

"What was it?" Mrs Way was on the edge of her seat.

"I guess I'll just get straight to the point... I'm not sure how to put this lightly but Gerard is severely undernourished. His body is getting no nutriments of any kind."

Gerard shrunk down in his hospital bed.

Mrs Way was too stunned to say anything.

I had kind of expected it.

I knew it was something along those lines.

"When was the last time you ate something, Gerard?" The Doctor asked.

"Um..." Gerard bit his lip.

Mrs Way looked at her son, "I make him three meals a day every day. He can't be undernourished. It's not possible."

"Nevertheless," The Doctor continued, "He is. Do you actually eat any of these meals?"

"Of course he does!" Mrs Way answered for him.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"The food's always gone when I collect his plate," Mrs Way was confused.

Poor woman.

She honestly had no idea.

I decided to clear it up since Gerard didn't seem so keen on talking.

"He throws it away," I said quietly.

All three of them looked at me.

"What?" Mrs Way frowned.

She looked at her son, "Do you?"

"I uh..." Gerard gulped.

"Well, that would make sense," The Doctor wrote something down.

"I'm going to ask you again; when was the last time you ate something?" She asked sternly.

"I ate this morning," Gerard replied in a small voice.

"But you didn't keep it down," I spoke up again.

He looked at me.

He was hurt, I could see it in his eyes.

I had to say something though.

I wanted Gerard to get better even if it meant him hating me.

"He purged it."

"Purged it?" Mrs Way had tears in her eyes.

"Made himself throw it back up," I clarified.

"Is this true, Gerard?" The Doctor asked.

"Uh..." I could tell he didn't want to answer.

"Why would you do that?" Mrs Way's voice cracked.

"I-I don't know," Gerard was crying as well.

Hell, I felt like crying now.

I felt really fucking bad for doing this to him but he needed to get better.

I couldn't just not say anything.

The Doctor was writing something down again.

"So," The Doctor said, "You rarely eat and when you do, you make yourself sick?"

Shit it sounded bad when you said it out loud.

Gerard just nodded, tears falling down his face.

I moved over to his bed and put a hand on his shoulder.

He looked at me with his watery eyes.

I wasn't too sure if he was angry at me or not.

The Doctor sat down on the edge of his bed.

She obviously knew she had to take this matter delicately.

"Gerard... Would you mind if I weighed and measured you?"

This made him cry even more.

"Come on," The Doctor tried her best to smile.

"It'll be fine, Gee," I sent him an encouraging smile.

He nodded and slowly got out of the bed.

To be honest, I was kind of surprised he agreed to cooperate.

I guess he knew he didn't really have a choice.

He stopped when he stood up and sat back down again quickly.

"Gee?" I went over to him, worried.

I knelt down in front of him.

He had his head down and his eyes shut.

I put a hand on one of his and squeezed it gently.

After a couple of seconds, he blinked and took a deep breath.

"I'm fine," He said as he stood back up, "Just a head rush."

"Just take it steady," The Doctor and I stood up again, "We wouldn't want you fainting again, would we?"

Gerard shrugged.

"I'll just take Gerard to get him weighed. You two can stay here. We'll be back soon," The Doctor said to me and Mrs Way.

Mrs Way nodded before wiping her eyes with a tissue.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched them leave the room.

Gerard looked back at me with a worried look before he did.

I sent him a thumbs up which made him smile a little.

When they had gone, Mrs Way surprised me by saying, "How did you know, Frank?"

I looked over at her.

She was frowning at me, "How did you know and I didn't?"

I felt sorry for her.

"I kind of guessed that he threw the meals away," I admitted, "As for the throwing up... I walked in on him."

"Oh, God," She put her hand to her mouth.

"I'm sorry you're finding out like this," I looked down.

Silence hung in the air.

After a moment, she whispered, "I knew he had started to eat less but I never thought... I never thought he would starve himself."

I looked back over at her.

She looked at me again and asked, "Why? Why would he do that?"

I took a deep breath because tears were on their way, "I don't know. He's perfect. He doesn't need to."

"He is perfect," Mrs Way agreed.

So apparently one of your son's friends calling him perfect wasn't a weird thing.

At least, not to Mrs Way.

She was crying again.

Jesus.

"My baby boy," She sobbed.

Shit.

That was enough to push me over the edge.

Tears started dripping onto the floor.

Gerard was perfect.

Why would he do this to himself?

I focussed on a tile on the floor and took some more deep breaths.

"Tissue?"

I looked up.

Mrs Way was standing next to me, holding out a tissue.

"Thanks," I took it and wiped my eyes.

She sat down next to me on the bed and smiled sadly at me.

"I'm glad Gerard has a friend like you, Frank."

I have to say, that one comment made my day.

"Thanks," I said again.

"I mean it," She said seriously, "He's been so reclusive and distant lately. I'm glad he has you to talk to."

I nodded.

"And thank you for speaking out."

I frowned at her.

"I know Gerard didn't want anyone to know but I'm glad you told us."

"To be honest, I don't even know that much. I just know what Mikey told me."

"What did Mikey tell you?" She seemed confused.

I didn't say anything.

"Mikey knew?" Her voice was a little louder this time, "Mikey knew this whole time and he didn't say anything?! Why would he do that?!"

She was getting angry.

"I'm guessing Gerard told him not too," I tried to calm her down, "And he didn't want to upset his older brother."

She didn't say anything after that.

She just stared at her hands which were on her lap.

I didn't say anything either.

After a few minutes, I opened my mouth to speak but stopped because Gerard and the Doctor were back.

Gerard sat down next to me without a word.

He pulled his legs up and hugged his knees.

"Okay," The Doctor stopped in front of us, "It's as I suspected."

"What did you suspect?" Mrs Way asked.

"Well... Gerard is five foot eight inches. A healthy weight for someone of Gerard's height would be somewhere between a hundred and twenty to a hundred and fifty pounds. This would constitute a BMI of around 18.8 to 23.5."

"What's Gerard's?" Mrs Way was quiet again.

She knew it wasn't good news.

So did I.

Hell, Gerard probably even knew.

We weren't idiots.

"Gerard has a BMI of 16.1. He's only a hundred and three pounds."

Mrs Way gasped.

I think I did as well.

He was nearly twenty pounds under his healthy weight.

Never did I think it was that bad.

"Gerard, do you understand what I'm saying?"

Gerard just stared straight ahead, not looking at her.

The Doctor gave up on him and turned to Mrs Way, "Your son is severely underweight, Mrs Way."

Gerard's mom was crying again.

I couldn't believe it.

I slowly reached over and put my hand on Gerard's again.

He didn't notice.

He didn't even flinch.

"Mrs Way, could I speak to you in my office please?" The Doctor actually surprised me by saying this.

This wasn't good.

Still crying, Mrs Way nodded and stood up.

She came over and kissed her son on the head before picking up her bag and following the Doctor out of the room.

I looked at Gerard.

He was still frozen.

"Gerard?"

He didn't answer.

"Gerard, please speak to me."

I waved my hand in front of his face.

His eyes didn't follow it's movement.

I clicked my fingers in his ear which resulted in him jumping a little.

He looked at me.

"Sorry," He muttered.

"It's fine."

"No, I mean sorry for being this way."

"Don't say that."

He shook his head but didn't say anything else.

After a moment I sucked up the courage and said, "You didn't need to be weighed, did you? You already knew your exact weight."

He just shrugged in response.

I knew I wasn't helping but I couldn't help but ask, "Why are you doing this to yourself, Gerard?"

"I honestly don't know," He looked at me again, "I know it seems completely unethical but I can't help it. It's the way I am. If you want a logical answer then you've come to the wrong guy. I have no fucking idea. All I know is... I won't stop."

"Gerard," Tears welled up in my eyes again, "Please. Please try."

"I can't!" He suddenly burst, "Don't you understand?! If I could, I would! I really would! But I can't! Please understand that!"

He stood up and went and sat down on the chair next to the bed.

People were looking at us.

I stood up and shut the curtains; shutting them out.

It was just me and Gee now.

I slowly walked over to him.

He had his knees drawn up again and his face was buried on top of them.

I knelt down in front of him and touched his arm.

He recoiled a little from my touch but didn't swat me off.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I-I didn't understand how hard it is for you."

"You don't know what it's like," He lifted his head up; tears were streaming down his face, "To have a voice in your head constantly telling you you're fat."

I didn't say anything so he continued, "To hate your reflection and just see flab and rolls of fat. I know it's not there. I'm not stupid. But it is for me. It's what I see and I hate it!"

He buried his face down again.

I stood up and sat on one of the arms of the chair.

"Gee..." I stroked his back.

He sniffed and looked up at me.

"I wish you didn't feel like that," Tears rolled down my cheeks, "I really wish you didn't. You're perfect."

"I'm not though!" He whined, "I'm a pathetic piece of shit!"

"Shh!" I wrapped my arms around him, "Don't say that."

He accepted my contact and moved into my arms.

I slid down onto the chair so he was on my lap.

I rocked him back and forth while he sobbed against my chest.

"I'll help you, Gerard. I'll never leave you. I'll always be here to help you."

He didn't say anything, he just continued to cry his heart out.

My silent tears continued to fall and I didn't bother to wipe them away.

I wasn't ashamed to cry in front of this guy; this really amazing guy who didn't deserve any of this.

It wasn't fair on him at all.

I wanted him to be happy and not have these horrible thoughts about himself.

If only he could see how perfect he really was.

If only he could see how precious his life was.

If only he could see... That I was fucking in love with him.


	22. Recovery

{Gerard's POV}

 

She said the words but I didn't hear them.

I didn't want to.

I closed my eyes and gripped my Mom's hand tight.

She squeezed back.

This wasn't happening.

I didn't like this at all.

It wasn't fair.

"Gerard?"

I opened my eyes.

"Did you hear me?" Doctor Murphy asked.

I shook my head slightly.

I didn't want her to say it again but I knew I had to take it in properly.

"I know this is hard to accept but you need to understand this."

My Mom was still crying.

I didn't understand where all the tears came from.

She had cried enough to supply a whole damn lake.

"I think it would be best for you to spend some time in the local psychiatric ward, Gerard."

My breath caught in my throat.

I slowly shook my head until it turned into full on fast denial.

"No! No! I'm not going! You can't make me!! I WON'T GO!!"

I stood up and backed up against the wall.

"Gerard, please," My Mom sobbed, "We want you to get better."

"I'M NOT CRAZY!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"Of course you're not crazy," Doctor Murphy said calmly from behind her desk, "We just want to know what's going on inside your head. We need to find out how we can help you."

I couldn't believe this!

"Help me?!" My breathing sped up, "You can't help me!!"

"Gerard, please calm down," Doctor Murphy stood up, "Let's talk not shout."

My breathing was at high speed now.

"Gerard, stop hyperventilating. Everything will be fine," My Mom stood up as well now.

I slowly slid down the wall onto the floor and put my head between my legs.

All this breathing was making me feel faint again.

I guess it was only a matter of time before I was classified as "mentally unfit" or however the hell you wanted to put it.

I felt a hand on my arm.

I looked up.

It was my Mom.

She sat down next to me and put her arm around me.

"It'll all be fine," She whispered, "We just want to help you."

My breathing had slowed down now but I was full on sobbing.

"I don't want to be helped!" I said between gasps.

"Why not?" Doctor Murphy loomed over us.

"I worked so hard!" I cried, "I was doing so well!"

Doctor Murphy shared a look with my Mom.

The look probably meant, "Yep. He's a nutter. We'd better lock him away fast."

Doctor Murphy knelt down in front of us.

"The first step in the road to recovery is knowing you want to recover... Are you sure you don't want to recover, Gerard?"

"I... I don't know."

I had thought about recovery before but I had always thought I wasn't sick or skinny enough to recover.

"Why don't we go visit the ward? See what it's like?" My Mom suggested.

I shrugged.

I knew I didn't have much of a choice anymore.

"That's a good idea. We want to make sure you'll like it."

I had a feeling this was a trick to get me to go.

That our little "visit" would result in only my mom going back home.

"You won't leave me there... Will you?" I wasn't too sure.

My Mom had a sympathetic look in her eyes.

"I'm not fucking stupid," I rubbed my face with my hands.

"Can't you at least try recovery?" My Mom asked, "Please? For me. For your brother. For Ray and Frank."

Frank.

I sighed.

She knew my weakness.

"We don't want you to die, Gerard," My Mom took a deep breath.

"I..."

Wasn't this a little something called emotional blackmail?

"I'll try..." My voice was just loud enough for them to hear.

"Thank you, Sweetheart!" I could hear the relief in her voice.

"Thank you for cooperating, Gerard," Doctor Murphy smiled.

In other words, "Thanks for agreeing so we didn't have to restrain you and force you to go."

That's how I heard it.

My Mom pulled me into a hug.

"Thank you! Thank you!" She kept repeating.

Why was this such a big deal?

Doctor Murphy was sitting at her desk again.

My Mom helped me up and we went and sat back in front of it.

"First thing tomorrow morning?" Doctor Murphy asked.

My Mom looked at me.

"I'd like for him to have one last day at home," My Mom bit her lip.

"I know this is hard, Mrs Way, but the sooner he checks in, the sooner he'll be on the road to recovery."

I rolled my eyes.

I didn't want to be on the fucking road to recovery.

No one said anything.

Doctor Murphy sighed before complying, "Okay. Wednesday then. I'll send all his information over. He will most likely be weighed again when he gets there. You're scheduled for Wednesday at nine in the morning."

I didn't really like the fact that she spoke as if I wasn't there.

"Thank you, doctor," My Mom stood up.

Doctor Murphy handed her a document and a leaflet for the ward.

"I wish you all the best, Gerard," Doctor Murphy smiled at me.

"Thanks..." I mumbled as I stood up and followed my Mom out of the office.

Once the door shut behind us, my mom looked at me with fondness in her eyes.

She stroked my hair and said, "I love you. I don't want to force anything on you."

"I know," I sighed, "It's fine, Mom. I love you too."

She kissed me on the head before leading me to the waiting room.

Ray was asleep.

He was sitting back in a chair with his head resting on the wall behind him.

Mikey was lying down.

His head was resting on Ray's lap while his body was on two chairs.

Frank had his legs drawn up to his chest and was hiding his face behind them.

"Boys," My Mom called their attention.

Mikey sat up and hit Ray in the chest.

He coughed and woke up, slightly annoyed.

Frank lifted his head and wiped his eyes.

The three of them got up and walked over to us.

"So?" Mikey bit his lip, "What's going on? We don't know shit."

"Language," My Mom raised her eyebrow, "And um... I'll tell you when we get home. Come on."

Mikey pulled me into a hug and Ray patted my arm.

I smiled as he let go.

My Mom was going out to the car and Mikey and Ray followed.

Frank sniffed.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I shrugged in response.

"You're not mad at me are you?" He bit his lip.

"Why would I be mad at you?" I frowned.

"Because I told them what you did this morning. The purging. And that you threw away the food."

I just shook my head and said, "I don't really care anymore, Frank."

He seemed relieved.

"I'm sorry anyway."

"It's fine," I smiled.

I wiped away a tear he'd missed.

"Have you been crying?" I asked.

"What? Um no... Just... Something in my eye, that's all," He wiped his face again.

I laughed lightly.

He looked to his right and then his left before moving closer and kissing me.

I closed my eyes and kissed him back.

After a few moments, he pulled away and said, "Come on. Let's go home."

I nodded and followed him out to the parking lot.

Too bad I would be leaving just as soon as I was getting back.


	23. Wait, What?!

{Frank's POV}

 

I was getting used to these car rides now.

'Uncomfortable' and 'silent' are the two words I would use to describe them.

I really wanted to know what the doctor had said but it looked like we wouldn't be finding out until we were back at the Way's house.

Mikey was in the front seat and kept glancing back at Gerard.

In the back, I was in the middle because well, I'm small.

Ray had his head against the window and was snoring lightly.

I guess nothing keeps this guy from his beauty sleep.

On my other side, Gerard was watching the cars pass us out of his window.

I felt like breaking the silence but I didn't know what to say.

I thought about the last journey and an idea popped into my head.

"Does anyone fancy watching Star Wars when we get back?" I asked.

I glanced at Gerard.

He was still looking out of the window but his lips were curled up into a smile.

"That's a nice idea, Frank," Mrs Way smiled at me through her rear-view mirror.

I smiled back at her.

The rest of the journey was of course quiet.

I didn't really mind to be honest.

It was just a bit boring that was all.

I was relieved when we parked on the drive though.

I had to shake Ray awake.

He scowled at me before seeing where we were.

Everyone silently left the car and entered the house.

"Could you all sit down please?" Mrs Way said quietly.

Mikey, Ray and I sat down on the sofa while Gerard wandered over to his chair.

He didn't look very happy.

"Okay," Mrs Way took a deep breath.

She looked over at Gerard.

"Do you want to tell them? Or shall I?"

Gerard merely shrugged and rested his head against the back of the chair.

"I will then."

I was getting worried now.

This was definitely not good news.

"What is it, Mom?" Mikey looked anxious.

Ray and I didn't say anything; we just waited for what was to come.

"Well, um.."

Mrs Way was trying not to cry again.

I could tell.

"Just tell them," Gerard sighed from his chair.

Mrs Way took another deep breath before she began, "The Doctor... She has advised for um... She wants Gerard to spend some time in a psychiatric ward."

Wait, what?!

A psychiatric ward?

What in the name of hell?

I was so confused.

She couldn't be serious.

"What?" I actually said out loud.

Gerard looked over at me.

His eyes caught mine and there was a hint of shame in them.

"I second what Frank said," Ray spoke out.

Mikey nodded as well.

"Well," Mrs Way carried on, "He needs some professional help."

Gerard snorted at this comment.

Mrs Way ignored him, "They want to find out what's going on in his head and find a way to help him."

I looked at Gerard again.

Silent tears were making their way down his nose.

Fucking hell...

This wasn't happening.

"How... How long for?" Mikey sniffed.

"I'm not sure," Mrs Way admitted, "I guess we'll find out when I take him on Wednesday."

You've got to be shitting me.

"What?!" I stood up, outraged, "He-he can't leave! Not so soon!"

"I know this is hard to accept, Frank, but-"

"No!" I practically yelled at her.

I looked at Gerard.

He was watching me with wide eyes.

"You can't go," I said to him.

He slowly stood up and came over to me.

"I have to, Frank," He looked down, "I'm sorry."

I could hear Mikey crying behind me.

I didn't take my eyes off of Gerard's face.

"I um... I'm going to have a lie down," Mrs Way told us, "I'm sorry... This is just too much for me at the moment."

She left the room, crying.

Jesus Christ.

Gerard was still looking at the floor.

I glanced behind at Mikey and Ray.

Mikey was sobbing, his arms around Ray's waist and his head leant against his chest.

Ray had his arms around Mikey and was stroking his hair soothingly.

I looked back at Gerard.

He was looking at me.

"I'll eat..." He whispered, "I'll eat so I can get back as soon as possible. They let you out as soon as you reach a healthy weight."

I nodded, taking it all in.

"I care more about you than losing weight," He blushed.

I bit my lip and pulled him into a hug.

He melted into it and started crying on my shoulder.

"I want you to get better properly, Gerard. Not just eat a shitload so you can get out as soon as possible. I don't want you to go but... I want you to get better."

He nodded against my shoulder.

"It'll all be fine, Gee. I'm not going anywhere."

Ray and Mikey appeared at my side and Gerard let go.

"We'll support you until the end, Gee," Ray smiled, "You'll get through this."

"Yeah," Mikey had collected himself, "We'll always be here."

He was right.

Gerard would never be alone through this.

"Thanks, guys," Gerard's eyes welled up with tears again.

"Group hug!" Ray suddenly attacked us.

"Fucking hell, Ray!" I laughed as he squished us all together.

"Shit," Mikey dropped his glasses.

"Is this necessary?" Gerard laughed, his shoulder pressed against my cheek.

"Yes! Hugs always help!" Ray pulled us in tighter.

"Jesus Christ! I can't fucking see!" Mikey couldn't help but laugh.

Ray finally let go and we more or less all fell on the floor.

"Feeling better, Gee?" I asked as Mikey scrambled for his glasses.

"I am now," He smirked.

"See!" Ray grinned in pride, "Hugs always help! I told you!"

"Yeah, cheers for that, Ray," Mikey mumbled when he could see again.

"You are very welcome, Michael!" Ray put an arm around his shoulders.

"Don't call me 'Michael'," Mikey pouted.

I smirked and said, "It's a beautiful name."

He glowered at me and muttered, "Fuck off, Iero."

I winked at him and Gerard laughed.

"So," I stood up, "Star Wars, anyone?"

"Fuck yeah!" Ray jumped onto the sofa, dragging Mikey along with him.

I looked down at Gerard and held out my hand.

He smiled before taking it and letting me help him up.

"Thanks."

"No problem," I slowly let go of his hand.

"Uh, guys?" Mikey frowned at us, "Are we gonna watch this fucking movie or what?"

"Yeah, come on!" Ray leant on Mikey's shoulder, "I'm getting tired."

"You slept on the way here," Mikey looked down at him.

Ray just shrugged in response.

Mikey rested his head next to Ray's and switched on the TV.

Gerard had the trilogy in his hand and put in the first disk.

He then pushed Mikey and Ray along the sofa and sat down next to them.

He patted the sofa next to him

I smiled and sat down.

As the film started, I glanced over at Mikey and Ray.

They were both still using each other as a pillow and had their eyes closed.

I looked at Gerard.

He was watching me with those hazel eyes of his.

"Thanks, Frank," He whispered.

I frowned so he continued, "Thanks for being here. Thanks for meeting me. You have no idea how glad I am that you came to our table at lunch on your first day."

I smiled and replied, "I know what you mean. I'm pretty fucking happy that you invited me back to your house."

Gerard smiled and stroked my hand with his.

I looked back at Mikey and Ray.

They were both pretty out of it.

I slowly moved my hand and laced my fingers through Gerard's.

Gerard smiled as he watched the movie.

I looked back at the screen and stroked the back of his hand with my thumb.

Gerard would be fine.

...Right?


	24. I'll Miss You

{Gerard's POV}

 

I woke up to someone gently shaking me.

I looked up to see Frank gazing down at me.

He had a sad expression on his face.

"It's Wednesday, Gerard," He whispered.

I slowly sat up and looked at him again.

"Can't it be Tuesday still?" I asked.

"Sadly no," He shook his head.

I sighed and rested my head on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head.

Tuesday had passed way too quickly.

All we had done was watch the rest of the Star Wars trilogy and talk.

Just the four of us; Frank, Mikey, Ray and I.

Even though we didn't do much, it was awesome.

Both Frank and Ray had of course stayed the night and missed school.

Even Mikey had skipped just to spend time with me.

My Mom had taken the day off work and just sat on the chair, watching us.

I knew she was trying to soak up the time she had left with me but honestly, it was kind of weird.

"I'm gonna really fucking miss you."

"I'll miss you too," I held back tears.

"Please try and get better," He said, "Don't just piss it all away."

"I'll really try," I wasn't lying, "I'll try for you."

"Thank you, Gerard," He pulled me closer.

After a few minutes he pulled away and looked at me, "I... I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

He seemed quite hesitant, "I'm... I'm in..."

He took a deep breath before saying, "It's nothing."

He changed his mind.

"What is it, Frank? You can tell me," I sat up straight.

He shook his head and got up.

I watched him as he pulled on his t-shirt.

I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Where do you keep the scales?" He suddenly asked.

I was surprised by his sudden change of subject so it took me a couple of seconds to take in what he had asked me, "I... What? Scales? Um... They're in my wardrobe."

How did he know I kept scales in my room?

He walked over to the wardrobe and opened the doors.

He bent down and picked up the scales.

Holding them, he turned to me and said, "I'm going to get rid of these. You won't want them here when you get back."

I smiled a small smile, "Thanks, Frank."

"I'm just trying to make it easier for you," He replied.

I nodded and waited while he took them upstairs.

I stood up and opened my chest-of-drawers.

After pulling on my black jeans and a faded Green Day long-sleeved top, I sat back on the bed and tied my shoe laces.

Frank was back.

He leant against the wall and waited.

I stood up, grabbed my bag and went up to him.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

"You should smile more, Gee," He suddenly said, "It suits you."

I blushed a little after hearing this.

I remembered when he first said that to me ages ago.

Gosh... That was only a few weeks ago but it felt like ages since then.

"Thanks," I mumbled, looking down.

He lifted my chin up with his hand.

He gazed into my eyes for a few minutes before leaning in.

I closed my eyes and melted against his lips.

I really did love kissing him.

Part of his lips felt quite cold and different to what they usually felt like though.

It made me shiver a little.

He caressed my cheek with his hand and his other one moved into my hair.

I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around his waist.

He smiled against the kiss and surprised me by suddenly slipping his tongue in.

It felt weird but a good weird.

He pulled away and licked his lips.

That made me notice his lip ring. 

I hadn't realised he was wearing it.

That would be why his lips felt a little different.

I kind of liked it.

"Come on," He held out his hand.

I picked my bag back up and laced my fingers through his.

He led me upstairs, into the living room.

I think my Mom was in the kitchen.

Mikey and Ray were sat on the sofa, talking about something.

Frank let go of my hand.

When they saw us, Mikey and Ray stopped talking and just watched us as we came into the room.

I slowly put my bag on the floor and leant against the doorframe.

Frank stayed by my side.

"How are you this morning, Gee?" Mikey asked hesitantly.

I shrugged in response.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"About eight," Ray replied.

I nodded.

It would be time to leave soon.

"How far away is the clinic?" Frank suddenly said.

Mikey and Ray looked at each other.

"Nearly half an hour away," Mom was standing next to me.

She smiled at me sadly and pulled me into a hug.

I hugged her back and took a deep breath before letting go.

"We'd better get going soon," She said, "Do you want to start your goodbyes?"

"Can't they come too?" I looked at Frank.

He slowly shook his head.

"It'll be easier if I just take you, Gerard," Mom explained.

I sighed.

I hated goodbyes.

She picked up my bag and left the room.

Ray and Mikey stood up.

I turned to Ray first.

"I'll honesty miss you, Ray," I admitted, "I'll have no one to joke around with."

He nodded and said, "I know what you mean. I'll have no one to tease me."

I laughed a little and hugged him.

When we pulled away, I turned to Mikey.

"Mikes," I could feel tears on their way, "I'll miss you."

He was already crying, "I'll miss you too, Gee. You're... You're my big brother."

I pulled him into a hug.

After we pulled away, I turned back to Ray and said, "You look after my brother, okay?"

Ray nodded, "Sure thing," and put his arm around Mikey's shoulders.

Mikey leant into him and was full on crying.

I watched as Ray sat Mikey back on the sofa before turning to Frank.

He looked like he would start sobbing at any moment and I felt the same way.

How could I say goodbye to him?

My Frank.

I closed my eyes, trying to think of what to say because... what could I say?

There were no words to express how much I would miss Frank.

I really, really would miss him.

It didn't help that I wasn't sure how long I'd be gone for.

"Frank..." I started to say.

He cut me off, "I know."

I nodded and he grabbed me.

I was surprised at first but wrapped my arms around him as he rested his head against my chest.

A wet patch started to form on my t-shirt.

He was crying.

That pushed me over the edge.

I leant my head against his and cried silently.

We stood like that for I don't know how long.

Five minutes?

Ten minutes?

I don't know.

When I finally recollected myself, I pulled away slightly and looked down at him.

He was staring up at me with those big hazel eyes of his.

Fuck, I wanted to kiss him.

Mikey and Ray were just across the room though.

We let go of each other and wiped our eyes.

My Mom appeared in the doorway, "Ready?"

I nodded slightly and she disappeared again.

Frank followed me into the hallway.

When my Mom was out of the front door, he turned me to face him and practically pounced on me.

His kiss was rough and soft at the same time.

I could tell there was a lot of meaning in that kiss.

Although, as soon as it began, the kiss abruptly ended.

He pulled away and walked towards the front door like nothing had happened.

I was a little dazed but followed him.

Mikey and Ray were behind me now and we all walked up to the car.

My Mom was standing next to the open passenger door.

"Come on, Honey," She tried to smile.

I walked up to her but before I got in, I turned back to the guys.

My favourite three people in the whole world.

"I'll be back soon," I tried to reassure them.

They nodded.

Frank half smiled and I returned it.

I was in the car then and so was my Mom.

She started the engine.

As we pulled out of the drive, I waved at them through the window.

They all waved back.

Then we turned the corner and they were gone.


	25. What Now?

{Frank's POV}

 

What would I do now?

Gerard was gone.

And how long for?

No fucking clue.

Any amount of time was too long to be honest.

Saying goodbye was hard.

So was waving as he left.

Keeping in all those tears and putting on a brave face...

I needed to stay strong for him.

As soon as the car was gone, I headed straight back down to his bedroom.

I left Ray and Mikey to their own devices.

I wasn't in the mood for company.

When I was in the basement, my eyes searched for what my heart desired.

There she was.

My girl.

I picked the case up and laid it on the bed.

After surveying it for a second, I opened it and picked up my girl.

My Pansy.

I'm sorry I left you, Girl.

Anyway, it wasn't like I had left her some place horrible.

This was Gerard's room.

One of my favourite places.

I put Pansy back in her case and shut it.

I guess there wasn't much point in staying any longer.

I picked up the case and my amp from the corner.

Before I headed up the stairs, I turned back and looked around the room.

My eyes stopped on the wall where the picture had been.

It was gone now.

Had Gerard taken it with him or just thrown it away?

I had no clue.

After switching off the light, I left the room.

There was no point staying in this house for another second.

I didn't bother saying goodbye.

I just left.

Walking down the road, I thought about how close Gerard and I had gotten so fast.

I thought about the promise we had made one another.

The promise that we would always look out for each other.

Why was all this going through my head?

Fucking hell, Frank!

It's not like Gerard had died.

He would be back soon.

But until then, it was just me.

Well, me and Pansy.

I doubted I would be able to play her much though while Tony was around.

Ugh. Tony.

I had forgotten about that sleazeball.

Hopefully he wouldn't be there when I got home.

Knowing my luck though, he probably would be.

I unlocked the door and entered the house.

My eyes immediately searched for him.

He wasn't there though.

No crappy show was on the TV.

There was no noise at all.

Silence.

Ah sweet bliss.

Thank the Lord for that.

I went straight to my room, put down Pansy and my amp and collapsed onto my bed.

I was so fucking tired.

Tired of life.

I closed my eyes.

A nap wouldn't hurt and I needed to shut down for a little while.

The next time I opened them, my room was darker.

I sat up and checked the time on my bedside clock.

It was eight in the evening.

Well... Okay then.

I got up and shut my curtains.

I didn't want to be reminded of the outside world.

That place was a shitfest.

I rubbed my eyes before heading for the bathroom.

As I looked at my reflection, I wondered what Gerard would be doing at this time.

I hoped he was okay.

What was the clinic like?

Did he like it?

Or did he want to come home?

I splashed my face with cold water.

Jesus, I was definitely awake now.

I suspected my Mom would be back with that twat.

I was right.

I went downstairs to see Tony stretched out on the sofa with my Mom under his arm.

They were watching some film.

My Mom was the first to notice me.

"Hey, Franks," She smiled.

"Um hi..." I stayed by the stairs.

"Why don't you come and join us?" She asked.

"I'm err... Alright thanks."

She shrugged, "Suit yourself."

Interesting.

The sudden hospitality made me suspicious.

Tony didn't even bother to look at me.

That was fine by me.

I grabbed a drink from the kitchen before going back up to my room.

I turned my own TV on and scanned my DVDs.

I didn't watch my TV much but it was nice to have it just in case.

After choosing a film, I shoved it in the player and sat back on my bed.

I knew I wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon.

Not after that long-ass nap.

Although, I couldn't focus on the film very much.

All I could think about was Gerard.

I really hoped he was okay.

I debated going over to his house to ask his Mom if he had settled in fine.

I decided against it though.

Instead, I pulled out my phone and opened a new message.

After staring at it for ages, I typed out:

"Hey. I know you won't get this until you get back. But you never know. Maybe you're allowed phones. I doubt it though. Anyway I just wrote this because well I'm not really sure why. I guess this is the closest I'll get to talking to you for a while. Even though it'll just be a one sided conversation. I'm fine with that. I really miss you already and you only left this morning. I wish you were back already but yeah I want you to get better. Please try your best. I know you can. I'll help as much as I can when you get back. In fact I'll help more then that. Please come back soon xofrnk"

I left it at that.

I wasn't sure whether to send it or not but in the end I did.

I didn't exactly have much to lose.

It was pretty soppy but whatever.

Is it a crime to miss your boyfriend?

If it is, you had better call the cops because I really fucking missed him.

I sighed and lay back on my bed.

This was going to be torture.

I could tell.

What the fuck was I going to do without Gerard?

I wondered if I'd be able to visit him.

Maybe I would go round to the Way's tomorrow and ask.

Also, I wanted to see if Mikey was okay.

Sure Ray was there but I wanted to check in.

After all, I had left quite abruptly this morning.

Maybe I should have said bye or at least something.

At the time I wasn't in the mood though.

I probably would have just ended up being rude.

It was probably best that I didn't say anything.

Oh well.

I would apologise tomorrow.

What day was it tomorrow?

Thursday.

School suddenly came to mind.

Would I go?

Fuck it.

I couldn't be bothered.

In fact, perhaps I'd miss the rest of the week.

What was the point anymore?

School was the last thing on my mind.

Gerard's well being was the only thing I cared about.

And of course Gerard himself.

Ugh.

Why did I pussy out?

I really should have told him.

It might be ages until I get another chance.

I got so close too.

I guess I just got scared.

Scared that he wouldn't feel the same way.

Scared that he would reject me.

That would have killed me.

I really did love him and if he didn't say it back...

I didn't even want to think about it.

But... We had only gotten together two days ago.

I had developed feelings for Gerard long before he had for me.

So maybe that meant that I was ahead somehow.

My feelings were stronger.

That sort of made sense.

Waiting to tell him seemed like an even better option now.

I was thinking about this way too much.

I tried to keep my mind off of it and just watch the movie.

Of course I couldn't.

So I just let my mind wander.

And by wander I meant think about Gerard.

That was all I seemed to do.

Not that I minded.


	26. Getting Settled

{Gerard's POV}

 

I took a deep breath.

I couldn't help but fidget with my sleeve.

My Mom needed to come back now.

I didn't like sitting here.

It was like I was sitting outside the principal's office while he told my Mom what I'd done.

I hadn't done anything.

Well...

I guess I had.

It was what I hadn't done.

I hadn't eaten.

It was just so easy though.

I knew it was time to stop.

It was time to be normal.

"Gerard?"

I looked up to see a woman come out of the office.

"Come on in," She smiled.

I slowly got up and followed her into the room.

She shut the door behind me.

My Mom was standing next to a desk with a sad smile on her face.

I stopped.

They didn't expect me to say goodbye so soon did they?

No...

My Mom walked up to me and cupped my right cheek with her hand.

"I've... I've got to leave now, Gerard."

Oh my God...

"I love you, Honey," She kissed my head, "I'll come and visit you as soon as I can."

I was too stunned to say anything.

"I think it would be best if you left now, Mrs Way."

I looked over at the women.

Fuck her.

My Mom nodded, tears working their way down her face.

"Goodbye, Sweetheart."

She pulled me into a hug.

I hugged her back, not wanting to let go.

I had to though of course.

She let go and smiled again before slowly leaving the room.

I watched as she shut the door behind her.

Just like that... She was gone.

I still had no idea what was going on.

"Would you like to take a seat, Gerard?"

Looked like I'd be finding out now.

I hesitantly sat down in front of the desk.

The woman sat behind it and grinned at me.

To be honest, I didn't think now was the time for smiling.

"My name's Dr Palmer and I'm in charge of this clinic."

I nodded slightly.

"Your mother has told me why you're here and let me assure you that we will do our best to try and help you."

I didn't like this at all.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

I turned and looked at the door as it opened.

A large woman in a uniform came in.

"Ah, Jacqueline. This is Gerard Way."

The nurse smiled at me.

"Gerard," Dr Palmer called my attention.

I turned back to face her.

"This is Jacqueline. If you would like to go with her, she'll get you settled."

I wasn't sure what to say so I just stood up and followed Jacqueline out of the office.

In silence, we walked down the corridor and up a flight of stairs.

When we reached a door, she opened it and let me in.

I walked in the room and stopped in the middle.

She shut the door behind her and said, "You can call me Jackie if you like. Gerard was it?"

I nodded.

"Not much of a talker are you?" She picked up a hospital gown off of a table.

"Here," She handed it to me, "You can get changed in the bathroom.

She gestured towards a door to my right.

I took the gown off of her and went into the bathroom.

This wasn't fun at all.

I wanted to go home.

I felt so alone.

When I had changed, my thoughts turned to my arms.

They were bandaged up still from Monday.

Tears pricked in my eyes.

Everyone would see them.

I picked up my clothes and exited the bathroom.

Jackie was waiting for me.

"I'll take those," She took the clothes out of my arms and put them on the table.

"Now," She turned back to me, "I'm sorry about the gown but you have to wear it for a little while. You can wear you own clothes if you comply with our rules. You will have set meal times and we will expect you to eat everything put in front of you. If you do, you can wear your own clothes like I said. You can also have visitors, receive phone calls and move around the ward. If you don't, these privileges will be denied. Your goal weight it a hundred and twenty-five pounds. We are aiming for you to reach it in about a month. You will receive private therapy sessions for as long as you are here and you will also attend group sessions once a week. Are you with me so far?"

"Um yeah," I spoke for the first time.

She nodded before continuing, "The private therapy will take place twice a week; at three o'clock every Monday and Thursday. The group sessions are every Friday at five. Breakfast is at nine, lunch is at one and dinner is at seven. All meals will be brought to your room. You will be sharing a room with three other adolescents. We hope that by sharing a room, you won't feel lonely and will have people to relate to. Cellphones are not allowed. The best thing for you to do is agree to our terms and put on weight."

Jesus Christ.

That was a lot of information to take in.

She had a clipboard on the table and was writing something down.

"The scale's here," She walked over to it, clipboard in hand.

I followed her.

"If you'd like to step on it..."

I took a deep breath before I did.

I didn't look down.

I didn't want to know.

She told me anyway.

"One hundred pounds exactly."

I had reached my goal weight.

I smiled a little before I stopped myself.

Jackie noticed though.

"That isn't a good thing, Gerard."

I stepped off of the scale and went with Jackie back to the table.

"I need to see your arms," She said.

I hid them behind my back impulsively.

"Come on, Gerard. Arms out," Jackie demanded.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I shakily held out my arms.

She shook her head before unwrapping both of them.

When both bandages had been dismantled, she asked, "When was your last suicide attempt?"

"I um... A few weeks ago. I haven't been allowed to handle anything sharp since."

She jotted something down.

"We'll wrap them up again anyway," She was saying, "That way we can keep you in check."

I nodded slightly.

"Arms out then."

I held them both out again.

She tightly wrapped them up.

I dropped them.

"Hold on," She grabbed my right wrist.

After putting something on it, she let it go.

I examined my arm.

It was a hospital tag.

Just what I needed.

"Gerard Way 1784994," It said.

I sighed.

I definitely looked like a freak now.

Jackie was writing again.

"Am I allowed to cover up my arms?" I hesitantly asked.

She looked up from her clipboard, "I'm sorry but no. I've told you the rules. If you do as you're told, you can wear your own clothes but until then, a hospital gown it is."

I sighed again.

A sympathetic look overtook her face.

"All you have to do is eat, Gerard," She said, "It's not hard. You'll be out of here in no time."

She didn't understand; No one did.

It wasn't as simple as that.

Eating was hard.

I would try though.

I had promised Frank.

"I'll be coming to see you later. I'll be bringing your diagnoses. You can probably guess what it is though."

I nodded slightly.

"Come on then," She put down the clipboard, "I'll take you to your room."

I hated this.

I felt on show with this stupid hospital gown.

I felt like a freak.

Especially with this tag around my wrist.

My bare feet padded behind Jackie as she led me down different corridors until we reached the children and adolescents ward.

People looked at me as we passed and I had never felt more self-conscious in my life.

"Here's your room," She opened the door and took me inside.

Two other kids were in here and looked up from their beds.

One of them was in normal clothes and the other was in a gown like me.

Well at least I wasn't alone in that sense.

Jackie stopped by the bed situated next to the window.

"This is your bed."

I sat on it and looked up at her.

"I'll be back later to check on you before lunch. Why don't you introduce yourself?" She looked at the other people.

"Goodbye, Gerard."

"Um bye."

She left, closing the door behind her.

I crossed my legs and sighed.

A month.

I was expected to stay here for at least a month.

And I really wasn't looking forward to lunch.

"Hi."

I looked up, surprised that someone was actually speaking to me.

A boy was standing near my bed.

"Hi," He said again, "I'm Archie. I didn't know anyone new was coming. What's your name?"

"Um Gerard," I said when I'd found my voice.

"Cool," He smiled, "That's Julie," He pointed at the girl across the room in the gown.

"She doesn't speak much."

I nodded.

"What are you in here for? If you don't mind me asking."

"Uh..."

"Oh yeah of course, you haven't been diagnosed yet. Well, I'll tell you why I'm here."

"Okay..."

He pulled up his hoodie sleeves to show his bandaged arms.

"I guess we have something in common," He half smiled, glancing at my arms.

"Oh um yeah."

The door opened and a woman appeared.

"Archie?" She called over, "It's time for therapy."

"Okay."

Archie smiled at me and said, "Talk to you later."

"Okay," I tried to smile back

He walked over to the woman and then straight out of the room.

The woman shut the door behind them.

The girl called Julie looked up from a book she was reading, smiled a little and then looked back down.

I wasn't too sure what to make of all of this.

This place seemed so inhospitable.

I took in my surroundings.

There was a big clock on the wall.

It was nearly twelve.

All I had was a bed and a small table next to it.

On the table was a lamp and a book.

I looked at the book.

It was the Bible.

Of course.

There was nothing else.

I guess they were trying to isolate me from the outside world as much as possible.

The only thing that reassured me the world was still there was the window.

I looked out of it.

It had started to rain.

When twelve rolled around, Jackie appeared next to my bed.

"How are you doing, Gerard?"

I just shrugged in response.

She sat on the end of my bed.

"I have your diagnoses. Would you like to hear it?"

I shrugged again.

I knew what it said.

"From everything Dr Murphy and your Mother has told us, we've come to the conclusion that you're severely depressed and anorexic with bulimic tendencies."

Tell me something I didn't know.

I didn't say anything.

"From your reaction, I'm guessing this isn't news to you."

"I've already been diagnosed as depressed," I replied.

"Yes, your mother said. Did you suspect you were anorexic?"

"I guess."

"I'd be surprised if you didn't think so after what you've put yourself through."

I looked away from her.

"Oh look at the time. It's lunch soon," She changed the subject.

Ugh.

I didn't exactly want to be reminded about food.

"Well... I'll come and see how you're doing later. Enjoy your lunch."

I didn't look at her.

I assumed she had left then.

I looked up.

She had.

"Don't worry," Someone made me jump.

Julie was looking at me from her bed, "The food isn't actually half bad."

I wasn't sure what to say.

"Uh thanks."

She smiled before going back to reading.

Um okay then.

Why couldn't the day finish already?

I glanced at the clock.

I had never been more bored in my life.

And I had to have thirty more days of this?

Fuck that.

Maybe if I could summon enough courage, I would ask Jackie if I could have my sketch pad.

I hadn't drawn in ages and I was itching to grab a pencil.

Shit!

Did I remember to bring that portrait of Frank?

Of course I did because I was sad.

I wanted it now.

At least then I could see his face.

God.

That sounded so pathetic.

Whatever.

I missed Frank.

I wondered if he missed me.


	27. Fence Jumping

{Frank's POV}

 

"He'll be fine, Frank. Don't worry about it."

"I'm not worried. I'm just... Curious."

"Yeah sure," Mikey raised an eyebrow.

I looked away, not enjoying his eye contact.

"He has a right to be worried," Ray chimed in.

"I guess," Mikey sighed.

I looked up again.

"When do you think we'll be allowed to visit him?" I asked.

"Not sure," Mikey shrugged, "It depends if he eats or not I guess."

"He will," I was certain.

Gerard wouldn't lie to me.

Mikey just shrugged at this.

He obviously wasn't sure himself.

Ray seemed indifferent but I think he was siding with Mikey on this one.

I didn't say anything else.

I decided I wanted to go home.

"I'm gonna head off," I stood up.

"Oh okay," Mikey smiled sadly.

They both got up too and followed me to the door.

I hugged them both before I left.

I needed a hug and since they happened to be there, they were my victims.

After pulling away, I smiled a little and left.

I was glad I went to see them.

Mikey was definitely happy to see me.

He said he was worried about me because I hadn't been in school.

To be honest I was surprised they even went.

I hated school when Gerard wasn't there.

And since it would be a while until he was again, I would probably find it hard to actually consider going.

I knew I should though.

Otherwise my Mom would be in trouble.

Not that I cared.

I got to my front door to find it surprisingly locked.

"What the fuck?" I muttered, checking my pockets for my keys.

I didn't have them of course.

Ugh.

Fuck sake.

I rang the bell.

There was no answer.

I rang it twice more.

Nothing.

I started banging on the door, growing impatient.

"What's the password?" I heard through the door.

"The what?"

"The password. You need a password to get in."

"Ugh. Just let me in, Tony," I rolled my eyes.

He started laughing.

"Nope. That's not it. You can't come in if you don't have the password."

Are you freaking kidding me?!

"Let me the fuck in, Tony!" I yelled through the door

"That's not it either."

I was getting frustrated now.

"For fuck sake! Let me in! God dammit, Tony!"

He didn't open the door.

"That's three times you've got it wrong. You definitely can't come in now. You'll have to wait half an hour and then try again."

"Oh, fuck you!" I smashed my fist against the door, "Fuck you! I fucking hate you, Tony! Go to hell!"

He was laughing again, "No need to get tetchy."

I literally screamed then just out of frustration and anger.

This just caused him to laugh even more, "Calm down, Princess. Next time, tell me when it's your time of the month."

Oh so I was a girl now was I?

I was so pissed off.

That was when I thought, "Fuck it!"

I ran down the street, round to the back of my house.

Luckily, we had a massive field behind our house so that meant there wasn't a house blocking our back fence.

When I was by the fence, I walked back a few metres and then sprinted towards it.

I catapulted myself towards it and managed to grab the top.

For a second, I just dangled from the top before I threw myself over.

Jesus, where did all that strength come from?

However, I didn't manage to catch myself as I flew into my garden.

I landed on my right side and the wind was knocked out of me.

Shit.

That hurt.

I took a few deep breaths and slowly stood up.

Well, at least I was closer to getting inside now.

I knew for a fact that my Mom kept the back door unlocked so she could have a fag easily.

I strode towards it and pushed it open with massive force.

The door smacked against the kitchen wall before slamming behind me.

"What the fuck?" I heard Tony grunt in the next room.

I glowered at him from the lounge doorway.

"Oh hey!" He grinned when he saw me, "You got in! Great work!"

I walked up to him.

I stared up at him, letting him feel my wrath.

Well, as much wrath as I had.

"Fuck. You." I spat.

His smile disappeared.

"Aw didn't you like our little game?"

"You're not funny, Tony."

"Actually, I'm hilarious," He laughed.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Sure you are."

I was done then.

I was about to head upstairs when he grabbed my arm.

I looked down at his iron grasp.

Really?

I wasn't in the mood.

"You're such a little shit," He said slowly and clearly.

I didn't say anything.

"Aren't ya?"

Did he want an answer or...?

"I said," He got louder, "You're a little shit. Aren't you?!"

"Uh..."

"Answer me!" He yelled in my face.

Fucking hell.

He could really change his tune quickly.

"Say it!" His grip tightened and he raised his other hand. 

For fuck-

He smacked me over the head.

I tried to swat him off but this just resulted in him whacking me again.

"Say it then!"

Tears pricked in my eyes.

There was nothing else I could do.

"I... I'm a little shit."

He laughed and let me go, "I know."

I managed to catch myself before I fell onto the floor.

"Get out of my sight."

I didn't waste any time.

I ran upstairs, crying on the way.

Why was I such a wimp?

When I was in my room, I wiped my eyes.

I was so pathetic.

I hated myself.

Falling back onto my bed, I thought of my favourite person in the whole world.

I wanted Gerard.

I needed him.

He had only been gone two days and I wanted him back already.

I sat up.

My eyes turned to the drawer I kept my blade in.

Should I...?

I thought better of myself and pulled out my phone instead.

I started a new message:

"Hi. I'm just gonna get straight to the point. I feel so lonely. I know you're not a shrink and that Mikey and Ray are just around the corner but I just do. I really miss you. I've been told you're gonna be there for at least a month. I don't know if I can wait that long to see you. I hope I'll be able to visit. Please try and get better. Please eat. I'm keeping my promise for you. I won't cut. I won't. xofrnk"

I sent it.

What was the point of these messages if he didn't read them?

I guess it just made me feel better.

Not sure why.

I read the message after it had sent.

Bit soppy but whatever.

I was already feeling better.

This was better than cutting.

Why?

As I said, not sure why.

It just was.

I guess maybe it was the fact that it was Gerard's phone I was sending those messages to.

Not that he would see them.

Whatever.

I didn't care.

I just wanted to talk to him.

I wanted to hear his voice.

I wanted to see his face.

Damn.

I should've taken a picture of him or something.

I didn't have anything.

Kind of creepy but whatever.

I just wanted something to look at.

God, I sounded so weird.

Let's just pretend I didn't think that...

I couldn't stop thinking about him though.

There was something I really needed to tell him.

I started a new message.

I typed out those three words and just stared at them.

I had never said those three words to anyone before.

It was a little scary to think how strong my feelings for Gerard were.

Taking a deep breath, I deleted the message.

I guess now wouldn't be the time to tell Gerard I loved him.

Not that he would see it anyway.

Jesus Christ though I loved him.


	28. All For Frank

{Gerard's POV}

 

"Gerard? Would you like to speak next?"

It took me a moment to realise it was me he was speaking to.

Everyone in the group looked at me.

I stayed silent.

This felt really awkward.

Peter raised an eyebrow and spoke again, "Gerard?"

"I um..." I slid down a little in my seat.

"Come on," He smiled, "No one will judge you. We're all in the same boat here."

I didn't want to speak.

I didn't want to be here.

Therapy wasn't really my thing.

Especially group therapy.

Everyone was staring at me.

A girl smiled at me from the other side of the circle.

I still didn't speak.

This was stupid.

Peter gave up then and moved onto someone else.

I was grateful.

Telling my story while a group of teenagers and a therapist didn't listen wasn't really what I wanted to do.

I knew they didn't care so why bother?

I say again, this was stupid.

It wasn't worth my time.

I zoned out for the rest of the session.

I didn't find it even remotely interesting.

When it was over, I was ready to return to my room.

However, I was stopped short by a nurse calling my name.

"Gerard Way? Dr Palmer would like to speak with you."

I stopped walking and looked at her.

She tried to smile but it wasn't very convincing.

Ugh.

Did I have to go?

An argument wasn't exactly what I wanted now though if I resisted.

I decided to just follow her.

I didn't see any point in arguing.

She led me down to Dr Palmer's office.

I hadn't seen Dr Palmer since I had been admitted last Wednesday.

From what I could remember, she didn't exactly strike me as overly nice.

The nurse left me when we had reached the office.

I hesitantly knocked and opened the door.

"Ah, Mr Way," She smiled when she saw me, "Please take a seat."

I shut the door and slowly sat down on the chair in front of the desk.

"You're probably wondering why I wanted to see you," She said after a moment.

God, I was bored already.

How long was this going to take?

That was when I noticed the window.

I really wasn't interested in what she had to say so I just stared out of it.

I let my mind wander.

Of course the first thing I thought about was Frank.

I missed him.

I missed his hugs.

I missed kissing him.

Frank was all I wanted at that moment.

But it was impossible.

Being here was the last thing I wanted.

Especially talking to this boring woman.

Well, we weren't really talking.

She was speaking but I wasn't really listening.

"Mr Way?!"

I was snapped out of my thoughts.

I looked at her.

"What?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Um..."

She sighed before repeating her previous statement, "I said, I've noticed you're not very involved during the group sessions and you don't speak to anyone much. Why's that?"

She's noticed?

Yeah right.

More like someone ratted on me.

I thought for a second before replying, "I just see it all as a waste of time really. This whole place is a waste of time."

"A waste of time?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Yeah. All you're doing is shoving food into my mouth. Sure, I won't be underweight anymore but will I be cured? Not at all. People need to realise that this isn't a good method. This isn't helping at all. All you're doing is letting the anorexia grasp onto it's victims even more. Just because the patient isn't underweight doesn't mean they don't have anorexia anymore."

She sat back in her chair a little, "You're a smart kid."

I shrugged and looked out of the window again.

"I understand where you're coming from," She continued, "But I'm sad to say this is the most we can do at the moment. Do you know how much it costs for that fancy treatment? There's only so much you can do in New Jersey. New York has better programmes."

I looked at her.

"But those are very expensive, aren't they? Would your Mother be able to afford it?"

I had forgotten about money.

"If I were you, I would try to make the most of your time here. The longer you waste your time, the longer you stay in here and that's just more of your mother's money in our pocket."

That bitch was blackmailing me.

Who the fuck did she think she was?

...She did have a point though.

I stood up.

"I think I'm done talking to you now," I headed for the door.

"You've only been here for a week. Don't throw away this opportunity, Mr Way," She called as I opened the door.

I stood for a moment, holding the door open before leaving the room and slamming it behind me.

Fucking bitch.

I couldn't believe that.

I was so tempted not to eat just to spite her but I knew I had to.

Jackie had visited me this morning to praise me for eating so far.

That girl, Julie, was right; the food wasn't too bad.

It was just the fact that they gave you so much and you were expected to eat all of it.

Since my body was used to no food at all, it was constantly moaning and I was bloated.

I felt really uncomfortable but I guess I had to get used to it.

The first meal was the hardest.

When it had been placed in front of me, I had just stared at it for about half an hour.

The nurse had just stood there, staring at me.

Finally, when I had picked up the fork, tears had rolled down my cheeks.

Still, I had managed to eat it all.

It took me more than an hour but I did it.

The only thing that had pulled me through it was the thought of seeing Frank.

I was eating for him.

I opened the door to the room my bed was in.

It was empty apart from Julie reading on her bed and nurse Jackie sat next to mine.

I slowly walked over to her.

"Good evening, Gerard," She beamed, "How are you?"

My response was just a shrug.

I sat down on my bed and looked at her.

She was still smiling.

"I have some good news."

"What is it?" I frowned.

She reached down into a bag at her feet.

I watched as she pulled out a pile of clothes.

"As you have been eating well so far, I think it's time for you to get out of that gown. What do you think?"

A smile spread across my face.

I had never been so happy to see clothes in my life.

She placed my clothes on my bed and I started leafing through them.

"Also," She waited until I looked at her again, "I found this."

She handed me something; a piece of paper.

I hesitantly took it out of her hand and turned it over.

It was my drawing of Frank.

I couldn't stop a second, bigger smile spreading across my face.

God, I really missed him.

"Did you draw this?"

I looked up from Frank's face to hers.

"Yeah."

"Wow. It's really good," She praised.

I blushed a little, "Thanks."

"Who is it?" She asked.

I looked back at his face.

Why not tell her?

"Um... My... My boyfriend, Frank."

Shit.

It felt weird calling him that.

I liked it though.

I liked it a lot.

He was my boyfriend.

After a moment, I looked back up at her.

Jackie smiled at me and said, "I bet you miss him."

"Yeah," I nodded, "You have no idea."

"I'll leave you to get dressed," She stood up.

I nodded.

She picked up the bag and was about to leave when she stopped and said, "If you try and cooperate during therapy and keep eating like you are... You'll get visitor access next Saturday."

She smiled and left.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Visitors?

I could get visitors?

That meant...

That meant I could see Frank.

Fuck.

I was definitely speaking during the next group therapy session.

And I didn't care how bloated I got, I was eating.

After all, this was the reason I was in the first place.

It was all for Frank.

I needed to see him.

And nothing would stop me.


	29. Going Crazy

{Frank's POV}

 

Fucking school.

Such a waste of time.

What was the point in going when my mind was a million miles away?

My mind was with Gerard.

I missed him.

I really couldn't stress that enough.

I missed him and I loved him and ugh!

Stupid feelings.

What's love even good for?

Nothing, that's what.

Especially when you can't see the one you love.

He was more than the one I loved though. 

He was my reason for existing.

The only thing keeping me alive.

Although, at that moment I felt like I was slowly falling apart.

I needed him.

But there was only one way to have some contact with him.

Well...

Not really contact.

Just messages.

And he wouldn't see them anyway.

Oh well.

Better than nothing.

It was the only thing keeping me from going insane.

It certainly felt like I could go crazy at any moment.

I needed to send him another message.

I should have been leaving for school but... well... 

I grabbed my phone.

Clicking on his name, I thought about what I would say.

Instead of starting a new message though, I accidentally clicked on the call button.

I decided to let it ring just to see what would happen.

After it had rung for about six or seven times, the voicemail sounded.

It was Gerard.

Gerard's voice.

Oh my fuck.

I hadn't realised Gerard had recorded his own voicemail message.

It was so adorable how nervous he sounded.

"Uh hi, this is Gerard. I'm probably sketching. Just um leave a message I guess."

It beeped.

For a second, I just sat there, staring into space before I realised I was supposed to be talking.

"Oh, hey. I didn't mean to call. I hit the button by accident. See ya."

I ended the call.

Um...

Wow.

I hadn't expected that at all.

It was nice to hear his voice.

More than nice.

It was amazing.

His voice was so beautiful and I missed it so much.

I hit call again.

It rung...

Until...

"Uh hi, this is Gerard. I'm probably sketching. Just um leave a message I guess."

I smiled as the message ended.

Beep.

I ended the call straight away that time.

Sending text messages was one thing but leaving a load of voicemails?

Not creepy at all.

I lay back on my bed.

Looked like school was a distant memory.

I think I fell asleep then because it was about half eleven after that.

And what woke me was my phone ringing.

I rubbed my eyes and looked at it.

It was Mikey.

I yawned before answering, "Uh... Hello...?"

"Frank?" Mikey sounded worried, "Where are you? Are you okay?"

I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm at home. I must have fallen asleep or some shit."

My eyes adjusted to the light as I spoke.

"Are you not coming in today then?" He asked.

"I guess I could come in after lunch."

I yawned again and sat up.

"Please do. Me and Ray worry when you don't come in. You've been skipping a lot lately."

"Yeah I know," I sighed, "I'll try not to anymore."

"Okay, cool. See you after lunch then."

"Yeah. After lunch. Bye, Mikey."

"Bye, Frank."

We both hung up.

Great.

Now I had to go to school.

It was sweet that Mikey cared but sometimes I just needed some time to myself.

I guess it was better than having no one to worry about you.

What time was it again?

Half eleven.

Well, quarter to twelve now.

I guess it was time to get my stuff together.

After shoving random stuff into my school bag, I shoved on my converse and left the room.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was greeted with, "Shouldn't you be in school?"

I glanced at the sofa.

Surprisingly, Tony wasn't slumped in his usual seat.

That was when I felt a set of eyes on me.

I turned to face the kitchen.

Tony was leaning against the doorway, half a sandwich in his hand.

He took a bite out of it as he watched me.

"Why do you care?" I muttered.

He shrugged, "I don't."

He took another bite before holding it out.

"Want some?"

I looked at the sandwich.

It was smothered in tomato ketchup and grease.

It was bacon and egg.

"Uh no thanks."

He frowned at me.

"Bacon's good for you. And egg."

I just shook my head.

"I don't eat meat."

He paused, sandwich midway to his mouth.

"You what?"

"I don't eat meat," I repeated.

That was when he started laughing.

"Are you serious?"

I nodded slowly.

What was so funny about that?

"God. You're one of those too? A queer and a veggie?! Wow. You're all over the place, kid!"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

He continued to laugh, shoving the remains of the greasy bacon down his throat.

"Mmmm!" He licked his lips, "Yummy pig meat!"

I rolled my eyes.

What was the point of this?

Stupid dickhead.

I headed to the front door.

"Where ya going?" I heard behind me.

I ignored him.

"Oi!" He yelled.

I was about to open the front door when I felt two, big hands grab me and spin me back around to face him.

He glared down at me.

"I said... Where. Are. You. Going?!"

He really thought he was hard didn't he?

I gave up and spoke then because I knew there was only one way this would all turn out.

"School..."

He sneered at me, "Going a bit late aren't ya?"

I shrugged, "Slept in."

He shook his head slowly, "That just won't do. You gotta get up for school, little boy. Understand?"

I nodded.

Why did he care?

"Good," He smiled and let go of me.

Although, after a second he rethought himself and smacked me over the head.

It wasn't very painful.

I think he only did it just to show me who was boss.

I didn't give a fuck anymore.

This shit was ridiculous.

When I was outside, I sighed.

Why was my life so shitty?

Stupid fucking Tony.

When was my Mom going to drop him already?

This had gone on for far too long already.

The walk to school was slow.

I wasn't in any rush.

I didn't see any point in going.

The bell for lunch had just gone when I had made it through the gates.

I headed to the cafeteria.

Mikey and Ray were at our usual table.

That table was the table Gerard and Mikey had been sitting at on my first day.

After that, we just kept sitting there.

Along with Ray of course.

Lunch was boring though without Gerard.

I didn't speak much when he wasn't there.

Mikey and Ray's meaningless chatter didn't interest me.

Mikey smiled when I sat down across from him and Ray.

"Hey. I'm glad you decided to come in."

"Me too," Ray agreed.

I just shrugged in response.

No one said anything until Mikey coughed a little to get my attention.

I had been staring at the table when he did so looked up.

His smile had grown.

What did he have to be so happy about?

"Guess what my Mom told me this morning."

"What?" I murmured.

"I wanted to tell you in person, not over the phone. That was the reason I wanted you to come in today."

What was he talking about?

"What is it, Mikey?"

Mikey exchanged an excited look with Ray before looking at me again.

"We're allowed to visit Gerard this Saturday."

My ears pricked up.

Had he said what I think he said?

"...What?"

He didn't say anything else; he just kept grinning away.

"Are you serious?" I looked at Ray.

Ray nodded happily.

My heart leapt.

I could see Gerard?

Fuck yes!

I could see Gerard!

"All of us?" I sat up in my seat.

"Yes, Frank," Mikey laughed, "All of us!"

I internally screamed.

Yes!

I could see him!

After two weeks!

I could see him!

All I had to do was wait two days.

Two days until I could see him.

Sure, it was just for like a half hour visit but still!

It was better than nothing!

I would take what I could get.

"You need to come over to mine at ten on Saturday," Mikey pulled me out of my thoughts.

"What? Oh yeah, sure."

I looked down and smiled at my feet.

I was so happy.

I could see Gerard again.

Good timing too.

I needed to cash in a long, overdue hug.

A hug that would hopefully restore some sanity.

I just needed something to help me get through the remaining two weeks of this torture.

The rest of lunch passed in a blur.

I didn't listen to anything Mikey and Ray said.

When the bell went, I followed them quietly to music.

It was a practical lesson.

Easy lesson more like.

As soon as Sir let us get on with it, I headed straight into a practice room.

I didn't usually spend music in there but I just had to do one thing.

After the door was shut behind me, I pulled my phone out of my pants pocket.

I went onto contacts and straight to Gerard's name.

I pressed call.

It rang six times before the voicemail sounded.

"Uh hi, this is Gerard. I'm probably sketching. Just um leave a message I guess."

He was so adorable, it was painful.

Beep.

I took a deep breath before speaking.

"Uh hi... This is Frank. I know you won't get this but whatever. I've just found out that I can visit you on Saturday. I really can't wait to see you. I um... I hope you want to see me too. I really, really miss you. A lot. A hell of a lot. So expect a big hug when I see you. Well... You won't hear this message until after you get out but whatever. That shit's not important. Anyway... That's all I wanted to say. I uh... I can't wait to see you. Bye."

I hung up.

Fuck, I was so pathetic.

I wouldn't be surprised if he breaks up with me as soon as he hears that voicemail in two weeks.

So cringeworthy.

Shit, Frank.

What happened to you?

Stupid fucking cupid.

I blame him.

That fat, flying dwarf hit me with one of his flaming arrows.

Not that I minded.

In fact, I was glad he did.

Gerard was my everything.


	30. Nervous

{Gerard's POV}

 

I'm not going to lie, I was nervous.

I hadn't seen anyone in two weeks.

I was scared they'd laugh at how fat I'd gotten.

Yes...

I was now fat.

It was horrible.

Jackie had taken me for my weekly weigh-in this morning.

I'm sad to say, I had put on nearly eleven pounds since I had been here.

That's nearly a stone!

What do they put in this food?

Jesus Christ.

Although I guess that was a good thing.

I had to put on weight to get out of here.

Jackie was pretty happy and said I could definitely have visitors now.

So I guess there was an upside to it.

But as I said, I was nervous.

I think I was most nervous to see Frank.

It was silly, I know, but...

What if...

What if he had met someone new while I was in here?

What if he had suddenly decided he didn't like me anyone?

What if he wanted to break up?!

What if-

"Are you okay?"

I looked up to see a girl standing next the table I was sat at.

I glanced around.

Oh.

I had forgotten I was in the community room.

This was where we were allowed to socialise between meal times if we wanted.

I never did though.

I had no one to talk to.

Archie had tried to involve me and get me talking to other people but I just wasn't up to it.

I was never in the mood to meet new people.

I just wanted to get this stupid treatment over and done with.

Who was this girl then?

I raised an eyebrow as I looked her over.

Wasn't she from my group therapy?

Yes.

She sat across from me.

I couldn't remember her name though.

"Uh yeah... I'm fine," I answered her question.

"You don't look fine," She frowned. 

She pulled out the chair next to me.

"Is it okay if I sit here?"

"Um yeah sure."

She smiled before sitting next to me and frowning again.

"You kind of look like you were having a bit of a freakout," She said.

I just shook my head, "No, honestly, I'm fine."

She sighed.

"Such an over-used word."

"What?"

"Fine! No one's ever fine. It's the lie we tell so people will back off. They know it's a lie too though but they never call you on it. It's good because you don't want them to but bad because it would be nice if someone cared enough to question it."

I blinked a few times.

Where had that come from?

"Sorry," She smiled sheepishly, "That just really pisses me off."

I nodded, "I can see that."

She laughed a little then.

Neither of us said anything after that until she changed the subject, "So um... I've noticed you don't talk to anyone much outside of therapy. Do you not like making friends?"

I shrugged, "I don't mind. Sure, I'm a bit awkward around new people but... I guess I don't really want any new friends."

I felt bad saying that.

To my surprise though, she nodded, "Yeah. I get that. The people here will just slow you down if you talk to them and you want to get out of here as fast as you can. Forming bonds in this place wouldn't be the best thing to do."

This girl seemed to get me.

"Yeah... That's kind of... Yeah..."

I didn't know what to say.

She sighed a little then.

"I felt like that when I first came here," She replied, "But then I met this girl who felt the same way as me and was going through the same stuff. It kind of scared me though that she had been re-admitted to the clinic four times in the last three years."

"Really?" My eyes widened.

"Yeah," She nodded, "She left two weeks after I came. I haven't seen her since. I'm worried something bad happened to her. She was really sweet."

I nodded.

How sad.

"I'm glad you're here though," She smiled at me, "Oh, um what's your name? I'm Louisa."

"Gerard."

"Hi, Gerard," She smiled again.

My lips turned up into a smile too, "Hi, Louisa."

Louisa seemed like a sweet girl and maybe a friend in this place would help a little.

"I've been wanting to talk to you for a while," Louisa admitted, "But you seemed so distant... I wasn't sure."

"Well, I'm glad you did," I found myself admitting.

"Really?" Her eyes lit up.

"Yeah. I haven't had a decent conversation with anyone since I arrived here."

I guess that was kind of true.

Apart from the visits from Jackie, I hadn't talked to anyone properly in ages.

"Is this your first admission?" Louisa asked.

"Yeah. What about you?"

"This is my second."

Hearing that worried me a little.

"Is it common then... To get re-admitted?" I bit my lip.

"It depends what you're in here for," She answered, "Are you in here just for anorexia or for um something else as well?"

She looked at my arm.

I glanced down at it too.

One of my bandages was peeking out of my hoodie sleeve.

I tugged my sleeve back down before replying, "Just anorexia. I don't think I'd be able to cope if I had double treatment."

"Well," She began, "For anorexia, I guess it depends how much of a grip it has on you. I see you've actually given in and agreed to eat."

I nodded.

"I've seen people not touch a morsel in here. They said no. And you know what happened? They had to be put on a feeding tube."

"Really?" The shock was evident in my voice.

I couldn't imagine that.

I guess some people really can't eat.

That was sad.

Looking at it now, I'm glad I didn't get to that stage.

That was probably close to the road of no return.

"Yeah," She continued, "I really didn't want that to happen to me so after resisting for a little while, I agreed to eat. They let me out when I reached a healthy weight. I managed to stick to that weight for about a week before I started restricting again. I just couldn't do it."

A sad expression appeared on her face.

"And so here I am again," She laughed a little but it was just an empty sound.

I felt sorry for Louisa.

She didn't want to be here anymore than I did.

And this was her second time.

I didn't want to get readmitted.

"I'm going to really try when I get home," I told her.

"I said that too," She looked at her feet.

I had a pretty good reason though.

"I promised someone."

"I promised my Mom," She looked up, "I let her down. Who did you promise?"

I smiled a little as I thought of him.

"My boyfriend, Frank."

She smiled.

"I wish I had someone like that," She sighed, "I've never gotten close to having a relationship with someone."

"Don't worry," I reassured her, "I never did either for practically most of my life. That was until Frank appeared."

I smiled as I thought of the first time we'd met.

"How old are you then?" She pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Oh um seventeen."

"Wow."

"What?" I frowned.

"You're the oldest anorexic I've met before and the only guy."

I slunk back a little in my seat, "Yeah... I know, it's weird."

She shook her head, "It's not weird. It's just a little different. I knew a percentage of guys suffered too but I've never met one until today."

I didn't say anything.

"I'm fifteen," She tried to continue the conversation, "I was first admitted last year just before my birthday. I had to spend my birthday in here."

I looked at her again, "Really?"

"Yeah and I can tell you what, it's pretty depressing."

"I can imagine."

She nodded a little but didn't say anything else.

I wanted to cheer her up.

No one deserved to spend their birthday in a shitty place like this.

Although, just as I was about to say something, someone stopped me.

"Gerard Way?"

I looked up.

Jackie was standing in the doorway.

She beamed when she saw me.

"Your visitors are here."

My heart leapt.

They were here already?!

Fuck.

I hadn't had chance to prepare myself, whatever that meant.

I remembered Louisa then and looked at her.

"I'll be back later."

She nodded, "I'll speak to you later then. Have fun!"

She smiled at me and I returned it.

"Come on, Gerard," Jackie grinned as I walked up to her, "We haven't got all day."

I smiled a little in reply and followed her out of the room.

Jesus, I was nervous.

I was more than nervous.

I was scared shitless!

What would Frank think when he saw me?

What would he say?

What would-

Wait...

What if he hadn't even came?

Maybe he saw it as a waste of time.

Did he want to see me?

What if he didn't?!

Or maybe worse...

What if he had come to... to...

What if he had come to break up with me?

After all, who would want me as a boyfriend?

Frank deserved better.

"Gerard?"

I stopped walking just to see Jackie stop at a door.

It was the door to the room I shared.

"I got rid of the others. Well, Julie was the only one in here. Your Mom is here. So is your brother and a couple of friends."

A couple?

So did that mean Frank had come?

Did that mean he was breaking up with me?

Calm down, Gerard!

Stop jumping to conclusions!

"Ready," Jackie placed a hand on the door handle.

I took a deep breath before nodding a little.

"I'll be just out here if you need me," She smiled before opening the door for me.

I slowly walked into the room.

The door shut behind me.

Across the room, I could see them standing awkwardly next to my bed.

They all glanced up at the sound of the door.

I continued to slowly walk across the room.

When I was near them, I stopped.

My Mom was already crying.

Mikey and Ray were trying to smile but failing miserably.

And Frank.

Frank was really grinning.

I mean, his smile was massive.

I blushed a little when his eyes locked with mine.

"Gerard..." My Mom broke the silence.

Although, she didn't say anything else.

She just pulled me into a massive hug.

I'll never take my Mom's hugs for granted again.

I had really missed them.

She pulled away and look at me.

"Are you okay? Do you like it here?"

I shrugged, "It's okay, I guess."

"Okay, good," She smiled.

"Gee..."

I looked around her to see Mikey coming forward.

I smiled at my baby brother and hugged him.

"I'm glad you're doing okay," Mikey said.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine."

I couldn't help but smile then as I remembered what Louisa had said.

At that moment though, it wasn't a lie.

I really was fine.

In fact, I was more than fine.

My Mom and brother were here.

And Ray!

Don't forget Ray.

"Hey, Ray," I smiled at him.

He beamed back, "Hey, Gee. How's it going?"

I hugged him and replied, "Yeah, good. And yourself?"

"Never better," He grinned at Mikey and Frank.

"Although," His smile wavered a little, "I can tell we'll all do a lot better when you're back at home."

Mikey nodded at that.

"Well, it's only two weeks now isn't it?" My Mom spoke.

I nodded, "If I keep putting on weight like I am."

I couldn't put it off any longer.

I looked at Frank.

He was still smiling at me.

"Hey... Frank."

His smile grew, if that was possible.

"Hey, Gee. I've missed you."

My heart started beating at a rapid pace.

"I've missed you too."


	31. Fucking Kiss Me

{Frank's POV}

 

At that moment all I wanted to do was grab him and kiss him.

I couldn't though of course.

Not in front of his Mom and Mikey and Ray.

That would be a little weird...

Instead, I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him.

I felt his arms around me straight away.

I sighed quietly in contentment.

The hug was too short of course.

We both pulled away and I smiled up at him.

He blushed and smiled back.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, fine," I lied.

I wasn't fine.

I missed him so much.

I needed him back.

Of course I couldn't tell him that though.

"Are people nice here?" I said instead.

He nodded a little, "I guess."

Gerard's Mom was watching us intently and it was kind of freaking me out.

Mikey and Ray seemed to be having some sort of whispered conversation.

I couldn't hear what they were saying.

"How's school?"

I made a face, "A waste of time like it always is."

"Thought so," He smiled.

Fuck.

That smile.

I had missed that smile so much.

I wanted to take a picture of it just so I could have it forever.

"Are you sure it's okay here?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yeah, honestly. It's not half bad. Doesn't stop me counting down the days though."

"Yeah, same."

He smiled a little and looked at his feet.

Fuck, I wanted to kiss him so bad.

Mrs Way suddenly surprised me by saying, "I need to go and speak to the doctor. Ray, dear, didn't you say you needed the bathroom?"

Ray blinked a few times before replying, "Uh yeah I guess."

Mrs Way turned to her son, "Mikey, why don't you help Ray find the toilets while I go see the doctor?"

Mikey seemed confused, "Um okay..."

Mrs Way then looked at me and smiled before leading Mikey and Ray out of the room.

Gerard watched them as they left, equally as surprised as me.

What had just happened?

When the door shut, he looked at me.

We were alone.

A smile started to appear on my face and I held out my hand.

He blushed and took it.

I laced my fingers through his and pulled him closer.

"I've really, really missed you," I breathed.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"Well, I have an idea," I grinned.

He frowned so I nodded towards his bedside table.

The portrait he had drawn of me was on there.

I had noticed it when I had arrived.

He looked at it before looking back at me and blushing again.

"I didn't have a proper picture," He half-smiled.

"At least you have something. I don't have anything," I pouted.

"Aw that's too bad," He leant in a bit more.

"I know," I smirked.

Neither of us said anything after that.

Instead, he cupped my cheek and smiled down at me.

I couldn't wait anymore.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to mine.

He smiled against the kiss before closing his eyes.

I closed mine too and melted.

Fuck.

I had really missed this.

At that moment, I didn't care that Gerard's Mom or Mikey or Ray could walk back in at any moment.

I didn't care what anyone would think.

All I knew was that I really fucking loved this guy.

I wanted to tell him but now wasn't the best time.

And I was still skeptical that he could love me back.

I didn't think he did.

I was scared that if I were to tell him, it would scare him away.

I really didn't want that.

After a minute or so, we both pulled away and rested our foreheads against each others'.

"Frank," Gerard gasped.

That was when I was suddenly conscious that his hands were around my waist.

When did those get there?

Not that I was complaining or anything...

"Gerard, I..."

I couldn't say it though.

Not now.

"What is it, Frank?" He pulled away so he could see me.

I just shook my head.

"Please tell me."

"No, it's nothing."

He didn't seem convinced but let it go.

That was when there was a knock on the door.

We both let go of each other quickly as it opened.

A woman with a kind smile popped her head round the door.

"How's it going, Gerard? I couldn't resist coming to see how you were getting on."

Gerard smiled and said, "Yeah, Yeah. Really good."

He looked at me and smiled shyly.

The woman walked in, shutting the door behind her.

"I already know who this is," She was saying as she walked over to us.

Wait, she knew who I was?

Had Gerard been talking about me?

Nah.

I guessed it was because of the portrait.

"Gerard's mentioned you more than a few times," She beamed at me.

"Jackie!" Gerard blushed.

"Sorry," She laughed a little before grinning at me again, "You must be Frank."

I nodded, not sure what was happening.

"I'm Jackie. I'm Gerard's nurse. I must say, you're even more good looking than he said. Oh and drew!" She pointed at the portrait.

"Uh thanks," I smiled a little.

Jackie turned to Gerard.

"I can see why you like him."

Hang on...

Gerard had told this woman that we were together?

Wow.

I hadn't expected that at all.

I glanced at Gerard and raised an eyebrow.

"She's the only one that knows," He put his hands up in defence, "Well... I told another patient but I doubt she'll tell my Mom anytime soon."

I smiled in response, "I'm just surprised you told people."

"Yeah, me too," He admitted.

"Yes don't worry. I won't tell anyone," Jackie joined in.

"Thanks," Gerard said.

Jackie left a few minutes later when Mrs Way, Mikey and Ray had made another appearance.

We had to leave soon after that.

I was disappointed that I couldn't give Gerard a goodbye kiss.

I guess I would just have to give him two next time.

I didn't have any problem with that at all.

The ride home was quiet on my part.

I didn't pay attention to what the others were saying.

There was a lot on my mind.

I knew that the next time I saw Gerard, I would definitely have to tell him I loved him because...

Well...

I really fucking loved him.


	32. Therapy Helps?

{Gerard's POV}

 

"You're doing well, Gerard. Just another two pounds to go. Then you can go home."

I nodded, vaguely taking in what she was saying.

"That's a good thing you know."

I looked up at her.

She was smiling at me.

I merely shrugged which caused her to frown.

"Do you not want to go home?"

"Of course I do. I just..."

I stayed quiet.

"You can tell me, Gerard. After all, I'm here to help."

Since when did therapy help?

It had definitely never helped me before that's for sure.

I took a deep breath before speaking again, "I guess I just feel empty. I feel like a failure."

"Why?" She jotted something down on the clipboard in her hands.

I looked at my feet again.

"Eating makes me a failure. I don't want to be a failure."

"I see," She nodded.

I looked back down.

"We need to understand why this is, Gerard. Eating is a perfectly normal thing. You need to do it to survive. I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do about that."

See what I mean?

Therapy's a complete waste of time.

"The only person that can help you, is you. Of course you can get lots of support from the hospital and your family and friends. But until you want to recover and are determined to, nothing can be done."

Okay...

I kind of understood what she meant.

"Do you want to recover, Gerard?" She stared me down.

"I... I don't know."

That part was true.

I wasn't sure I wanted to try and get better.

I mean, this had been my way of life for so long.

Anything different felt strange.

"I would say, is there anyone you'd like to recover for? But, the only person you can really recover for is yourself."

I'd never thought of it like that before.

"After all, there's no point getting better just to get bad again."

"I guess..."

She had a point.

I was just kidding myself getting better.

If I didn't really want to, I would most probably turn to old habits.

"Why did you agree to come here? To come to the hospital?"

"I didn't really have any choice," I muttered.

Instead of writing that down, she shook her head and said, "I don't think that's the reason you agreed. Think hard. What was the reason?"

I was quiet for a moment before replying, "I um... I guess... I was just tired of being fucked up. I want to be normal. Happy."

I hadn't actually realised this before.

It kind of surprised me that it had taken me this long to admit it.

"What's your definition of normal, Gerard?" She pressed on, pen at the ready.

This question didn't take too much thought.

"Just a normal seventeen year old guy that doesn't care about his weight. A guy that doesn't have suicidal thoughts and cut himself until he's numb. Just a guy that enjoys hanging out with his friends and can focus at school. A happy guy. A guy that isn't like me."

She wrote something down.

"I... I just don't want to be a burden on my Mom and brother. I want to be strong for my boyfriend. I don't want to push anyone away anymore," I whimpered, tears pricking in my eyes.

"I can assure you that you're not a burden," She sympathised, "I spoke to your family during their last visit. Your Mom loves you a lot and will do anything it takes to help you. If your boyfriend really loved you, he would be there for you as much as you are for him."

I blushed a little at hearing this.

No one had mentioned love before.

"He... He is. He's always there," I said.

"Then him being there should make you as strong as you want to be."

I thought about this.

"I don't feel strong," I admitted.

She smiled at me.

"You're most definitely strong, Gerard. You're here aren't you? You accepted help. You admitted you weren't well. You want help. That shows strength. You've ignored your instincts and have tried very hard. You're doing marvellously! Just keep up the good work when you go home. You'll never be alone in this. The hospital is always here and of course you have your Mom and the rest of your family. Not to mention, your boyfriend."

I nodded.

I did have my Mom

She was there to help.

And I had Ray and Mikey.

I knew they would never abandon me.

And Frank.

Would Frank always be there?

He said he would but I couldn't stop that little voice eating away at me, saying he didn't really like me.

That would have to be something to work on.

"We'll set up a meal plan for you so don't worry about what foods to eat. Just follow it. Everything will be fine," She smiled.

I nodded again. 

"Okay."

She glanced up at the big clock on the wall and then at her own watch.

She obviously didn't trust the wall clock.

"Looks like our session is over."

I stood up and said, "Thanks... For everything."

"That's okay," She grinned, "Just try and stay positive!"

I smiled a small smile back before leaving the room.

That session had given me a bit more hope.

Maybe one day I could be normal.

Maybe I could be happy.

My mind led to Frank.

Frank made me happy.

I missed him.

That made me think about something the therapist had said.

She had said that if Frank loved me, he would be there for me.

But did Frank love me?

I kind of found that hard to believe.

Love...

I hadn't really thought of love before.

Did I love Frank?

I wasn't really sure.

Wasn't that the point of love?

That you knew it.

Maybe.

I couldn't really tell.

I hadn't seen Frank since they had last visited.

And that was more than two weeks ago.

Only my Mom and Mikey had visited me last time for a one-off family therapy session.

It was a little awkward but I finally told my mom how I was feeling.

She cried of course and hugged me.

She called herself a bad mom for not realising how I had felt.

I told her that it was my fault.

I was the one that had pushed her out.

So yeah, the therapist said all her shit and we left with sad smiles.

I hated that Frank couldn't have come.

I really could have done with one of his hugs.

Well, if I kept eating like I was, Jackie said I could probably leave in the next few days.

I couldn't wait.

I could see Frank again!

Maybe... Maybe I did love him.

I guess I would know when I saw him.

Let's hope that would be soon.


	33. He's Home

{Frank's POV}

 

I checked the time for about the twentieth time that morning.

He would be here soon.

I was nervous and excited at the same time.

So yeah as you can imagine, I couldn't really sit still.

I kept changing the way I sat.

On my legs.

On my bum.

Cross legged.

"Frank!" Mikey stopped me as I was shifting yet again.

I looked at him.

"Calm down," He laughed nervously.

I nodded and tried to stay still.

Ray smiled at me.

I half smiled back before biting my lip again.

"Why are you so nervous, Frank?"

I looked at Mikey again.

"Uh..."

What could I say?

You know...

I'm nervous because my boyfriend is finally coming home after spending a month in a psychiatric hospital.

I'm nervous because we haven't really spent that much time together since the day we had gotten together.

I'm nervous because I've left him about a million voicemails that he may find endearing or creepy.

I'm nervous because I'm planning to tell him I love him today and I have no fucking idea how he'll react.

So yeah...

Not much to be nervous about.

"I don't know," I eventually answered.

Mikey had a sympathetic look in his eyes.

"It'll all be fine," He tried to reassure me.

I just nodded.

"We're all nervous," Ray spoke up, "Listen, all you have to remember is-"

But he never finished.

I never actually found out what he was going to say.

The slam of the front door shutting cut him off.

All three of us looked up.

I stood up involuntarily.

We stared at the living room door.

Mrs Way appeared, tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.

"He's here and he's fine," She walked into the room a bit more to reveal the figure behind her.

Gerard stood in the doorway awkwardly.

He had his hands buried in his jeans pockets and he was hiding a little behind his hair.

"Hey..." He looked up.

My eyes locked with his.

Shit.

"Hey, Gee," Mikey stood up next to me, "How're you feeling?"

Gerard reluctantly looked away from me to his little brother.

He smiled a bit.

"I'm... I'm doing okay, I guess."

Mikey nodded before striding up to him and pulling him into a hug.

Ray slowly stood up next to me.

When the Way brothers had finished their embrace, Ray said, "It's good to have you back, Gee."

Gerard looked at him.

"It's good to be back."

They hugged.

Why was I always last?

Maybe next time I should get in first.

But then again, being last meant extra long hugs.

Suited me.

"Frank...?" Gerard pulled me out of my thoughts.

I looked at him.

He was smiling at me sheepishly.

I didn't know what to say.

I mean, shit, what do you say in situations like these?

In the end, I attacked him in a massive hug.

Well, as massive as it can get at my height.

He pulled me close and we both melted into the embrace.

"I've missed you," He whispered so only I could here.

"I've missed you too," I whispered back.

In all honesty, I wanted to stay like that forever but I knew we had to pull away.

When we did, I smiled at him.

He smiled back nervously.

What was he thinking?

Fuck, I wanted to know.

"Why don't you go and unpack, Gerard?" Mrs Way brought us both back to Earth.

Gerard glanced over at her.

"Okay."

He picked up his bag which was next to the door.

Mrs Way surprised me then by saying, "Why don't you take Frank with you?"

Gerard stopped in his tracks and looked from her to me to her again.

I frowned.

What was happening?

"Uh..." Gerard didn't seem to know what to say.

"Go on," Mrs Way looked at me, "I was just going to show Mikey the meal plan and of course he and Ray are joined at the hip. Frank would just be bored. Go on."

I was a little confused but I wasn't about to argue.

"Uh okay then," Gerard smiled at me and nodded towards the door.

I followed him out of it.

Mrs Way smiled at me before I left.

Why was she acting like that?

That hadn't been the first time.

Gerard didn't say anything as he led me down the stairs to the basement.

I made sure to shut the door behind me.

He placed his bag on the floor next to his bed before turning to face me.

Something in his expression made my heart stop.

He looked a little skeptical.

Was... Was he thinking of ending it with me?

"Frank..."

He was wasn't he?!

No!

Please, God, no!

"Frank, I..."

He looked at his feet.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

I knew this was too good to be true.

He had never liked me.

I was just a fucking loser who would never be happy.

He looked up again and opened his mouth.

I didn't let him speak though.

"I know what you're going to say."

I just about managed to keep the tears from spilling down my face.

He frowned, "You... You do?"

I nodded.

"I don't know why I'm so surprised. I'm such an idiot to think you could ever like me."

"What?" He was confused, "What are you talking about?"

I shook my head, "Don't pretend you don't know. Just... Just tell me why. What did I do?"

He was still frowning at me.

"Tell me, Gerard."

The tears had left my eyes at that point.

I didn't bother to wipe them away.

I didn't want to draw more attention to the fact that I was crying.

He opened his mouth to speak but shut it again.

I saw something in his head click.

"Frank," He walked closer to me.

"No," I shook my head, stepping backwards.

"Frank," He kept coming towards me.

I shook my head again, walking backwards still.

I had to stop though when my back hit the wall behind me.

He was right next to me then.

I sniffed.

I couldn't stop crying.

He sighed a little before wiping away a few of the tears.

I flinched a little at his touch but let him brush them away.

When he had finished, he cupped my cheek with his hand.

"I'm not breaking up with you, Frank."

I blinked.

"You're... You're not?" I croaked.

He shook his head.

"You shouldn't jump to conclusions," He smiled.

Okay... I felt stupid now.

I looked down.

He wouldn't have that though.

He lifted my chin back up.

"But there was something I wanted to say."

I frowned, "What?"

"Well I don't want to say it now," He teased, "Not after that reaction to me just saying your name."

I laughed a little.

God, I was embarrassed.

He went and sat on the bed, looking at his feet.

I wiped the remains of my embarrassment from my face before sitting next to him.

He didn't look up.

"What were you going to say?" I hesitantly placed my hand over his.

He looked at our hands and turned his hand over so he was holding mine properly.

After taking a deep breath, he looked at me.

I kept my gaze on him, interested in what he had to say.

He opened his mouth but decided against it and leant in instead.

My eyes instantly closed as his lips touched mine.

The kiss was slow and subtle but felt amazing.

After a second, he pulled away but kept his face next to mine.

I was a little surprised by his sudden courage but hey, no complaints here.

Maybe that hospital had helped after all.

I opened my eyes to see his staring back at me.

"I've been thinking about this for a few days now," He said, "But the only way I would know for sure... Is by seeing you and I guess I... I know now."

I frowned.

What was he talking about?

"From the moment I saw you standing there... I knew. And when I hugged you. And when you cried because you thought I was breaking up with you. But I knew that the only way I would be certain was if I kissed you and now... I'm certain that..."

He took another deep breath.

I was intrigued.

This was obviously very important to him.

"I'm certain that I... I'm in love with you, Frank."

I froze.

It took me a moment to realise what he had just said.

He... He loved me?

Gerard motherfucking Way loved me?!

Fucking hell!

He bit his lip, waiting for my response.

"Fucking hell, Gee," I laughed.

I have no idea where the laughter came from.

My laughter eased him up a bit but he still looked worried.

"I'm in love with you! You stole my line!" I laughed.

His faced relaxed and he couldn't stop a massive grin from spreading across his face.

"You are? You love me?"

I nodded like a bobble-head.

"Of course I fucking do! I've been wanting to tell you for weeks!"

His eyes widened, "You have?"

"Yeah! I was going to today and you went and stole my glory!"

He laughed at that, "Sorry."

I shook my head, grinning away, "I don't know if I can forgive you."

He smirked at me before locking our lips again.

I smiled against the kiss.

I guess that was one way to apologise and shut me up in one go.

He pulled away and grinned at me.

"Okay, I forgive you."

"Good," He laughed, "I can't have you mad at me."

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," He had a glint of something in his eye.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out because he pushed me back onto his bed and jumped onto me.

I gasped at the shock movement.

He looked down at me.

"I'm so happy you're mine," He smiled.

"Hey," I sneered, "I don't belong to anyone! Do not objectify me. Frank Anthony Iero is a free man!"

He laughed at me.

"Is that actually your middle name?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "You like it?"

"It's beautiful."

"I know."

He laughed again before leaning down and kissing me again.

After a minute or so, I pushed him so he was underneath and I was on top.

"So what's your middle name then?" I asked.

"You really want to know?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Sure I do. That way, when I'm mad at you, I can shout at you using your full name."

"Yeah but that would just remind me of my Mom doing that."

"Yeah I guess you're right. My Mom does that too."

He giggled again.

Fuck, he was so adorable.

"Go on then," I pressed on, "What is it?"

He tried to suppress a smile but failed.

"Arthur."

"Ooh! I like it! Gerard Arthur Way. Very posh."

"That's not posh," He protested.

"Sure it isn't," I winked.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

I was only happy to oblige.

I leant my face next to his.

"I can't believe you love me," I smirked.

He blushed a little, "Well, believe it because I do. Don't forget you love me too."

"Of course. How could I forget? It's impossible not to love you, Gerard."

He smiled at me and I returned it.

I then closed my eyes and my lips found his.

My Gerard was finally home.


	34. Hyper

{Gerard's POV}

 

"MIKEY!!"

I laughed as I watched him yell up the stairs.

What was he even doing?

"GET THE FUCK UP, MIKEY!! GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF BED!!"

Frank was dancing around at the bottom of the stairs.

I had no idea why he was in such a good mood.

I mean, it was morning and it was a Sunday.

Not exactly valid reasons to be in a good mood.

"What's with you today?" I asked from the living room doorway.

He looked at me as if I were mad.

"What do you think?" He smirked, "My boyfriend is finally home and he loves me!"

I giggled at him.

He was so cute.

I was so glad I had gotten out of my comfort zone and told him my feelings.

Because I loved him a lot and I definitely needed to tell him.

If I hadn't, I wouldn't have known that Frank loved me back.

Maybe he would have told me but I was glad I had said it first.

It gave me a sense of accomplishment.

Someone was coming down the stairs then.

Ray's fro was just about visible before we saw him properly.

I raised an eyebrow, "Oh, hey, Ray. I hadn't realised you were still here."

I thought he had left sometime yesterday.

Apparently not.

He shrugged as he made his way down the final stairs.

"Where's Mikey?" Frank asked.

"Asleep still," Ray yawned, "Or at least trying to be. He told me to tell you to knock it the fuck off."

I laughed a little.

Mikes wasn't really a morning person.

But then again, who was?

Especially before any caffeine.

Frank groaned a little, "Aw come on! It's time to get up! I know! I'll make him some coffee!"

He bolted into the kitchen.

Ray and I stared in the direction he had rushed off to.

"What's with him?" Ray asked, "I've never seen him like this before."

Neither had I.

I don't think anyone had before to be honest.

I tried to act as if I didn't know anything, "He's just in a good mood that's all."

"A really good mood," Ray nodded, "It's kind of weird."

I smirked at that comment.

I liked Frank in a good mood.

Better than him feeling sad.

"How does Mikey take his coffee?!" Frank called from the kitchen.

Ray sighed before padding through into the kitchen, "I'll do it. I know how he likes it."

Frank left Ray to it in the kitchen and appeared in the hallway next to me again.

He looked behind him before giving me a quick peck on the lips.

I blushed a little and whispered, "Frank! Careful!"

He just winked at me before running up the stairs.

What was he up to now?

I raced after him, not wanting to miss any of his shenanigans.

I arrived at the top of the stairs just in time to see him burst through Mikey's door.

This was entertaining.

I watched from the doorway to the bedroom as Frank opened Mikey's curtains.

Mikey's head appeared out from under the covers.

He squinted in the sudden light and groaned, "Fuck you, Frank. The morning is for sleep."

Quick tip: if you want to piss off Mikey, wake him up before midday.

Mikey then hid his head back under the covers again.

Frank wasn't having that though.

He started shaking Mikey violently.

"Get up!!!" He laughed.

Mikey cursed at him and clung onto his duvet.

Ray was at my side, a coffee in his hand.

"What's happening?" He frowned as we watched Frank and Mikey engage in a tug of war with the duvet.

"I honestly have no fucking clue," I shrugged.

Was Frank high or something?

It seemed like it.

To be honest, I wouldn't have been surprised.

"Frank!" I called over.

He stopped hitting Mikey with a pillow and looked up.

"Ray's made Mikey a coffee. Let's go back downstairs," I suggested.

Frank nodded and dropped the pillow.

He then passed me and Ray and went back downstairs.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Mikey moaned.

"He's a bit hyper this morning."

I felt like a mom explaining why her son had gone batshit crazy.

Ray went over, sat on the end of the bed and handed Mikey his coffee.

Mikey smiled in response before taking a long sip of the warm substance.

I left them to it and went to find Frank.

He was in the living room, lying on the sofa.

I sat down next to him.

"What's up with you today?" I questioned for the second time that morning.

He looked at me.

"I don't know. I'm a bit all over the place this morning."

That was one way to put it.

"I've noticed," I agreed.

He smirked at me.

"I think the main reason is because you love me. I know I've said it before but I can't get over it. It's mad to think that someone actually loves me out of their own free will. I just never thought that would happen."

Aww.

Bless him.

"You're sweet," I smiled at him, "And it's true. I love you a lot, Frank. There's no changing that."

He beamed at me.

"I feel the same about you. I love you."

It still gave me butterflies every time I heard it.

Frank loved me.

I couldn't believe it.

It was like a dream come true.

I felt so happy!

Frank made me happy.

And I loved him.

And he loved me.

It was perfect.

He was perfect.


	35. Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!

{Frank's POV}

 

I was on fucking cloud nine.

I was... Ahem...

IN LOVE!!!

Just in case you were unaware.

This was the best feeling in the world!

Never in my life had I been in love before.

I wasn't sure how to describe it.

This was so weird but amazing at the same time.

Mainly amazing.

It was more than amazing!

It was every positive adjective combined and then times by a million! 

I had the most perfect guy in the world.

He was mine.

And I wasn't letting anyone take him away again.

He was all fucking mine.

I just wanted to be with him all the time.

And for some insane reason, he wanted to be with me too.

That was fine by me.

I would do anything to just spend five minutes with him.

That's how head over heels I was for him.

Pathetic but hey, that's love for you.

I didn't give a shit.

I never wanted to leave his side.

But of course I had to go home occasionally.

So that's where I was going the evening after Gerard had come home.

Although, I fucking wish I hadn't.

I think my house is cursed or some shit.

Or maybe I was just prone to bad luck.

Either way, it wasn't a good thing.

My mood was brought right down when I walked through the front door to my house.

God, I hated that house.

I shut the door behind me and headed for the stairs.

However, I never made it up the stairs.

I froze when I saw Tony appear.

He had just come down the stairs and...

He had a woman with him.

To this day, I have no fucking clue who she was.

All I knew was that she was fucking that bastard.

I could tell.

Mainly because she looked like the sort of tart he'd go for.

She made my Mom look sophisticated.

Tony's eyes widened when he saw me.

I didn't move.

How fucking dare he.

How could he do that to my Mom?

Sure, I hated my Mom sometimes but that was just too far.

No one deserved that.

Tony ushered this tart to the front door and practically pushed her out before shutting the door again.

He faced me.

I could feel the anger boil up inside of me.

"What the fuck, Tony?!" I suddenly burst, "What the fuck are you doing?!"

I didn't think it was possible but I hated him even more for doing that.

He looked a little worried at first but soon the expression left his face and was replaced by a menacing glare.

"What do you care?" He spat.

He was joking right?

Why would I care?

Why would I care that you cheated on my Mom?

Why would I care that you've just helped my Mom have an even smaller reason to trust men?

Hm... I have no fucking clue.

God, he was such a dickhead.

"I care because you just fucking cheated on my Mom!" I yelled, "In her own fucking house! In her bed!"

I have no idea where it came from but I suddenly had an overwhelming power to protect my mom and her feelings.

Tony could tell that I was not going to let this slide anytime soon.

He strode up to me and grabbed my wrist.

I tried to free myself but his grip was strong.

This was ridiculous!

Every fucking day!

We really couldn't make it twenty-four hours, could we?

Twenty-four hours without him attempting some sort of violence.

This guy really needed to learn some new negotiation tactics.

"Get the fuck off!" I struggled to pull away.

"You shut your filthy, little mouth," He sneered.

This was actually beginning to hurt now.

"I won't let go," He said, "Unless you promise not to tell your Mom."

Are you fucking kidding me?

Get off!

No way was I agreeing to that!

Tony smirked at me and his grip tightened around my wrist.

Fuck!

I stopped pulling away because it only hurt more.

"Now, you won't tell your Mom about this will you?"

His eyes bore into mine.

It looked like I had run out of options.

Unless I wanted a dead arm, I had to keep my mouth shut.

I shook my head.

What else could I do?

I hated letting him win.

"Good," He smiled that evil smile, "That's a good little boy."

He ruffled my hair with his free hand.

What a dick.

This was really fucking unfair.

I looked down at his other hand which still had an iron death grip on my wrist.

He noticed and smiled again.

"Ah yes," He let go.

Thank God.

That fucking killed.

I rubbed my wrist with my other hand.

I could feel the blood rushing back into it.

Not exactly a nice feeling.

"Now, get out of here. I'm tired of looking at your face."

I did as I was told.

I went up to my room.

God, I was pathetic.

I wished that one day I could retaliate in some way.

I wanted to kick his ass.

Watch him suffer for a change.

He needed a taste of his own medicine.

See how he liked it.

He deserved it.

Fuck, he definitely deserved it.

I swore that one day I'd kill him.

I'd cut him up and watch him die in agony.

I swore I would kill him.

If it was the last thing I would do.

I would kill that bastard.

I don't know how but I would.


	36. Teasing

{Gerard's POV}

 

"Gerard! Frank's here!"

I looked up from my sketchpad.

For some reason, I found myself running my fingers through my hair.

What was I doing?

I laughed at myself.

Why should I care if I looked alright?

I guess I cared what Frank thought.

The guy in question appeared in the living room doorway.

"Hey, Sugar," He greeted me.

...Did he just call me 'sugar'?

I couldn't help but smile as he approached.

"What are you smiling about?" He smirked.

"Nothing... Nothing," I looked away, blushing.

He had never given me a nickname before.

It was kind of cute.

I felt his hand on my cheek so I looked back up.

"I missed you," He leant down and his lips touched mine.

My eyes shut and I moved closer to him.

The kiss was way too short but it still made my insides tingle.

It took me awhile to catch my breath when he pulled away.

"I-I missed you too," I finally managed to say.

He smirked at me before collapsing onto the sofa.

"When will you be back at school?" He asked.

I hadn't thought about school yet.

I was a bit worried about going back to school but I knew Frank would look after me.

There was a lot to catch up on.

"I don't know. The hospital suggested not for a few weeks yet."

"Damn," His face fell, "School's really fucking boring without you. I only have Mikey and Ray and shit, they never stop talking do they? How have they never run out of things to talk about?"

I laughed a little.

That sounded like Mikey and Ray.

They really were a package deal.

"Yeah I know. Hey, speaking of Mikey and Ray, where are they?"

He glanced towards the living room door as if expecting to see them and then looked back at me.

"I did originally wait for them after music but, Jesus Christ, they take so long! I couldn't be bothered to wait for them. I wanted to see you," He smiled.

Fuck, he was cute.

How did I deserve him?

It sounded cheesy as shit but I said it anyway, "I'm glad you ditched them. I didn't think I could wait any longer to see you."

His lips turned up at the corners.

I waited for him to say something.

For a moment he didn't speak, until he said, "You're so fucking adorable."

I blushed for the second time in the last ten minutes.

I really needed to learn to compose myself whenever he said stuff like that.

"No, I'm not."

He shook his head.

"You so are. You just give me more reasons to love you every day."

Fuck, I hated it when he did that.

No way was I good enough for him.

I went deep crimson and had to look down.

"Gerard," He called to me.

Against my better judgement, I looked up at him.

He was standing in front of me again.

He held out his hand and I hesitantly took it.

When he had pulled me up, he gazed into my eyes and smiled at me.

My heart stopped like it usually did whenever he smiled at me.

"Do you think we'll get caught if we make out right now?"

I looked around.

"Well," I smirked, "Seen as we're in the middle of the living room and my Mom's in the next room... I think we have a one hundred percent chance of being caught."

"Aw," He pouted, "Could we go down to your room then?"

I giggled, "Maybe..."

Still holding my hand, he slowly started pulling me towards the door.

However, we were stopped short by the front door slamming.

Frank immediately let go of my hand and looked at his feet.

Mikey and Ray appeared.

"Oh, there you are, Frank," Mikey said.

"I told you he'd be here," Ray smiled.

Frank looked back up and smiled at them.

How did he do that?

He was really good at acting as if nothing had happened.

Whereas I usually just babbled and embarrassed myself.

"How come you left without us, Frank?" Mikey asked.

"I uh..." I could see he was trying to think of something, "I just couldn't be bothered to wait. No offence but you guys take ages."

Looked like he just told it as it was.

Ray and Mikey laughed in response.

"You sound like Gee," Mikey smirked.

I had to agree with that but honestly, who wouldn't moan about it?

"You two are like one person sometimes," Ray laughed.

I looked at Frank and he grinned at me.

I had to smile back of course.

"Well," Frank looked back at my brother and his best friend, "You're one to talk."

Mikey frowned, "What do you mean?"

I had to join in then, "Oh come on! You guys do everything together. You're never apart. You're practically a couple."

Frank started laughing at that.

Mikey blushed and Ray laughed awkwardly.

"Well," Mikey started up once he had recollected himself, "If anyone's a couple around here, it's you and Frank."

The smile disappeared from my face.

This was awkward...

I shyly glanced at Frank.

He didn't seemed fazed though

He was still smiling and winked at me.

Where did all that confidence come from?

"No, no," Ray held up his hands, "That would be weird. I mean, they already flirt. What would they be like if they were going out?"

Wouldn't he like to know.

And anyway, what flirting?

"Flirting?" My voice was a little higher than I would have liked.

Ray bit his lip to stop himself from laughing.

"He's just jealous, Gee," Frank grinned at me again.

"Yeah, no," Ray stuck his tongue out, "I'm in a very committed relationship with-"

"Mikey," Frank finished off for him.

Ray's eyes widened, "What? No! I was going to say my bed!"

"Sure you were," Frank winked.

I was laughing silently and was about to say something when Mikey's face stopped me from commenting.

His expression was a mixture of horror and embarrassment.

"I uh..." He stuttered, "I think I'm just going to go up to my room now..."

He escaped out of the room.

Ray slowly walked backwards towards the door before smiling and following Mikey upstairs, leaving me and Frank laughing our asses off.

"Well that's one way to clear the room," Frank smirked.

I nodded, "Yeah. I now know how to scare my brother away."

"I bet that'll come in handy."

"You have no idea."

Frank then looked at the open door before looking back at me and lacing his fingers through mine.

"Come on then," He lead me towards the hallway, "I seem to remember we have a date with your bedroom..."

I laughed and followed him down into my room.


	37. Fucking Adorable

{Frank's POV}

 

I slowly opened my eyes and waited for them to adjust to the light.

Where was I?

The room was dark but still light enough to see.

It wasn't my bedroom.

I noticed then that I was lying on my side.

I was on a bed.

I looked up to see Gerard looking down at me.

Oh.

He smiled, "Hi."

"Hi."

I was in Gerard's room.

Okay, that made sense.

Had I fallen asleep?

We were lying on his bed.

Gerard had his arm around me and I had my arm around his middle.

Is this what you call spooning?

I think so.

Gerard was the big spoon and I was the little spoon.

Well, I was little so yeah okay.

"What time is it?" I rubbed my eyes a little.

"Uh... About half eight."

Oh.

Okay.

How long had I been asleep?

He started stroking my back with one of his hands.

I tightened my arm around his middle, trying to get as close as possible to him.

This was nice.

He kissed my forehead.

I looked back up into his eyes.

"You fell asleep," He couldn't help but grin at me, "It took me awhile to realise though. I was kind of talking to myself for longer than I'd like to admit."

Aw bless.

I laughed a little, "Sorry. I guess I was tired. School must take it out of me."

"Apparently so," He nodded, "I didn't mind though. You're cute when you're asleep."

He blushed a little as he said this.

A smile spread across my face.

"Well, you're cute all the time."

Okay, I admit that sounded cheesier than I had intended.

He blushed harder.

"No, I'm not."

No way was I letting him put himself down.

I shook my head, "You so are, Gee. I'm so lucky I have you."

His lips turned up at the corners and he said, "I'm the lucky one."

He then hesitantly leant down until his face was right next to mine.

I decided to close the gap for him.

He was still a little shy when it came to taking the lead in intimate things.

I have to admit, I found that unbelievably cute.

When our lips touched, my insides leapt.

We were both turning into professionals when it came to kissing.

I guess we had had plenty of practise... If you know what I mean...

The kiss was slow and tender.

After a minute, he pulled away and asked, "How come you don't have your lip ring in today?"

Well that was random.

My hand instinctively felt my lip.

Sure enough, my ring wasn't in.

"I must have forgotten to put it in this morning."

"Aw that's too bad."

I frowned, "Is it? Do you like it then?"

His face turned crimson and he looked away.

"What? What is it?" I sat up a little, intrigued.

He looked at me again.

"I uh... It's nothing."

Didn't seem like nothing.

"Tell me, Gerard. I want to know," I smirked.

He seemed unsure but told me anyway, "I uh... Well um... It just makes... Kissing more interesting."

He blushed even more and avoided my eye contact.

Where had that come from?

I'd never thought of that before.

Looked like Gerard was less innocent than he put across.

I liked that a lot.

"Does it now?" I raised an eyebrow.

Against his better judgement, he looked down at me again.

"I uh... Yeah..."

Fuck, he was cute.

"I'll keep that in mind. Don't worry, I'll put it in tomorrow."

He smiled a little, "Okay."

I smirked and pecked him lightly on the lips.

Well, that was an interesting insight.

"Hey, um..." He sat up a little more which meant I did too, "I have something I want to talk to you about."

My mind instinctively ran through anything I had done wrong.

"What is it?" I asked cautiously.

I couldn't think of anything.

His face wasn't pink anymore and he was starting to smile knowingly.

What was he up to?

"So, I missed you a lot today."

Same.

"Oh yeah?" I smirked.

"Yeah," He nodded, "And so I thought I'd send you some cringy text about how much I missed you and stuff and..."

His smile grew.

What was it...?

"I haven't really been on my phone since before the hospital. So when I went on it, I was surprised to find I had twelve new text messages and six voicemails."

Oh shit.

My cheeks burned.

I didn't say anything.

I'd forgotten about those...

Instead of laughing at me and saying how pathetic I was, he smiled and said, "You're adorable. They honestly made my day."

I hadn't expected that kind of reaction.

"Really?" My eyes lit up.

"Yeah. I couldn't stop smiling for about an hour."

I could just imagine that.

A smile slowly spread across my face.

I had no idea what to say.

"Good," I finally said, "I like it when you smile."

The smile I had spoken of made another appearance.

"And not to mention, you're fucking adorable when you smile."

He shook his head, still smiling, "No way."

"Yes way, Gerard. Just accept it. Facts are facts."

He let it go then which was good because there was no way I was losing that argument.

I moved so my face was right next to his.

"I love you," I whispered.

He bit his lip and stared into my eyes.

"I love you too," He breathed.

I always died whenever he said it back.

I still found it hard to believe.

He then licked his lips before pressing them against mine.

These were the days I loved the most.

Just me and him, cuddling in his room.

It was relaxing.

And the kissing made it even more amazing.

You know, just saying.

I honestly wanted to do nothing else.

Gerard was all I wanted and he was mine.

Only mine.

No one else's.

I wasn't letting him get away.

He was mine.


	38. School?

{Gerard's POV}

 

The world outside hadn't stopped.

Although, everything looked the same.

The same cars passed by on the street.

The same leaves fell from the trees.

I could tell it was a little windy from the way the branches on a nearby tree swayed.

I'd always liked Autumn.

I found it peaceful.

Which was good because relaxed was the best thing to be right now.

I was a little worried though.

Frank's birthday was coming up and I had no idea what to get him.

I had to think fast because it was next week.

On Halloween.

What could I get him?

I didn't really have any money but I knew my Mom would let me borrow some if I asked.

It would help if I knew what to get him first though.

Maybe I should ask him.

But I wanted whatever I get him to be a surprise.

I kind of needed an idea first though.

"Gerard?"

I looked away from the window which was a little cliché anyway for the start of a chapter.

My Mom was resting against the living room doorway.

"Yeah?" I asked when she didn't say anything.

She crossed the room and sat on the sofa.

I moved around a bit more on the chair until I was facing her.

"I've been thinking..." She bit her lip, "What do you think about going back to school soon?"

School?

I hadn't really thought about it.

I definitely needed a change in scenery but was I ready to go back?

"I know you've been through a lot, but I think it might be time to go back," She said.

I looked down.

"I don't know..." I mumbled.

"I don't mean right away. I mean in a week or so."

I didn't say anything.

Was it time to go back to school?

I knew I was miles behind on work but I could catch up, right?

Plus, if I went back to school, I could spend even more time with Frank.

That was definitely worth it.

"Are you scared about going back?" My Mom pulled be out of my thoughts.

No point in lying.

Not after everything that had happened.

I shrugged, "A little."

She smiled reassuringly, "Don't worry, honey. Mikey will be there. And Ray. Oh and of course Frank. I know he'll look out for you."

Frank would look out for me.

I knew that much.

And he wanted me to go back to school.

It would be hard though pretending not to be a couple.

I kind of wanted people to know but I didn't at the same time.

...It was complicated.

"I guess," I muttered.

She nodded, "Just think about it."

I knew I would.

"Okay."

She smiled again before heading for the hallway.

Before she left, she turned back and said, "Try and stay positive, honey. I know it's hard but everything will be alright in the end."

Could she really promise that though?

Did everything have to go really dark before I saw the light again?

Maybe that's what had happened.

I was finally becoming myself again and I guess that was a good thing.

I smiled a small smile in return and she left the room.

...School.

Was school a good idea?

I only had a couple years left now so I may as well get them over and done with.

I was seriously getting bored at home.

And there was also the problem that I missed Frank like crazy every day.

Only seeing him in the evenings wasn't enough.

Even then we had to hide in my room.

Maybe telling people had more advantages than disadvantages.

I wasn't ready though.

I wish I was but I wasn't.

Sure we could always go to his house to hang out but...

That guy scared me and Frank didn't seem to like him much either.

Frank had said that he wasn't hurting him anymore though.

So maybe he wasn't that bad.

Maybe we had just caught him at the wrong moments.

Yeah, that was it.

Although, I was still a bit skeptical about going over there.

I sighed, thinking about what to do.

When did everything turn so fucked up?

Nothing was ever normal was it?

It just wasn't fair.

But maybe I deserved it.

No, I couldn't get myself worked up.

That wouldn't help anything.

I took a deep breath before letting it out slowly.

I needed Frank.

He always knew how to calm me down.

Sitting back in my chair, I closed my eyes.

Maybe a nap would help.

Being alone with my thoughts was never a good idea.

Just as I was dropping off, my phone started ringing, making me jump.

I was still getting used to using it properly again.

I checked the caller ID.

It was Frank.

Thank God.

I answered, "Hello?"

"Hey," I could hear the smile in his voice, "You okay?"

"Yeah I guess. Are you?"

"Sugar, I'm never properly okay unless I'm with you."

I couldn't help but blush a little at that last remark.

"Right," He laughed, "Now I think about it, that sounded incredibly cheesy. Sorry about that."

"It's okay," I laughed a little.

Wait, how was Frank calling me anyway?

Wasn't he in school?

I frowned, "Aren't you at school?"

"What? Oh yeah," He replied, "It's lunch."

"Really?"

It was midday already?

Wow, that came fast.

"Yeah. I'm really considering skipping the rest of the day just so I can see you."

I smiled, "Only a couple more hours and then you can."

"Aw," He moaned, "But that's ages!"

It was mad that he wanted to see me just as much as I wanted to see him.

I never thought that would ever happen.

"Well, you'll just have to suck it up won't you?" I smirked.

"Boring. School's a waste of time."

"I agree with that," I replied, "But you kind of need to go to get a job."

He laughed a little.

"I don't want a job though. I just wanna... I don't know. Just play Pansy the rest of my life."

"Great career choice."

"Playing guitar is a career though isn't it?"

I thought for a second before saying, "I guess so but I think it only works if you're in a band or something."

He was interested now, I could tell.

"Then I'll start a band. But until then, I guess I had better finish this rotten school."

"That's the spirit!" I chuckled, "And you can do that by getting through today and then coming to see me."

"Oh so you want me to come over tonight?" He sneered.

I bit my lip, "I thought that was kind of a given."

He laughed a little down the line, "Well looks like I have no choice in the matter anyway. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, see you soon."

His voice lowered a little, "I love you."

A massive smile spread across my face.

"I love you, too."

"Well I should hope so," He laughed, "Bye."

"Bye."

We both hung up.

I really loved talking to him.

In fact, I loved everything about him.

I knew I was definitely head over heels for him.

There was no way I would be here right now if it wasn't for him.

I guess in that sense he saved me.

I liked the sound of that.

Frank Iero saved my life.

Just by being himself.

His amazingly perfect self.

Then again, no one was perfect.

But Frank was the closest thing to it.

He deserved something amazing for his birthday.

After all, he was turning seventeen.

That was a big deal.

I wanted it to be amazing for him.

He deserved that much.

But what should I get him?

Maybe I should just draw him a picture.

That didn't seem enough though.

Ugh.

Why was this so hard?

I decided to let it go for now and think about it later.

No use worrying about it all day.

Wait!

I had an idea.

It was pretty crappy but it was better than nothing.

Hopefully he would accept the gesture.

I needed Mikey and Ray's help though if I was actually doing this.

Okay.

Time to start planning.

I practically ran down to my room and sat at my desk.

I grabbed a notebook and started listing everything I would need.

I wanted Frank to have a great birthday.

So I was going to give him a great birthday.

Well, try to at least.

I was getting excited just thinking about it.

No idea why.

It wasn't like it was my birthday or anything.

I just wanted to make it special for Frank and if I could just make him smile, I knew my main goal would have been met.

After all, his smile was perfect.


	39. Four Days

{Frank's POV}

 

"Hey, Gerard! Guess what! Guess what! Guess what!"

"Uh you're kind of scaring me..."

"You're supposed to guess! Now, guess!"

"...I don't know. What is it?"

"Great guessing there."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Why don't you just tell me?"

"Fine," I pouted.

He sat up a little, interested in what I had to say.

My smile slowly grew until it was as wide as my face.

"It's my birthday in four days!"

A smile appeared on Gerard's face too.

"It is indeed. I'm glad to see you can count."

I ignored him, "I'm going to be seventeen!"

I always found my birthday exciting.

Not sure why.

I guess it was just the concept of getting older.

"Been there, done that."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

He was smiling smugly.

"Well, at this moment in time, your opinion is invalid."

"Ouch. Rude, much?"

"The truth hurts."

He stuck his tongue out at me.

I seized this opportunity.

"Ew, Frank!" He made a face, "Did you just lick my tongue?"

"Of course not..." I winked at him.

He shook his head and sat back on my bed.

I sat on the other end and watched him.

He stared back at me.

"So what have you got me for my birthday?"

He tried not to smile, "What makes you think I've got you something?"

"Aw so no birthday blowjob?"

His expression said it all.

He actually looked scared.

"Uh... What? Um..."

I laughed, "I'm just fucking with you."

His face relaxed a little.

"Although... I wouldn't say no to one," I winked.

I tried not to laugh as Gerard looked incredibly uncomfortable.

Okay, enough teasing.

"But seriously, have you got me anything?" I asked.

Once he had recollected himself, he put his hands behind his head.

"Hmm... Well we'll just have to see."

"Can't you give me a clue?" I pleaded.

He shook his head.

"Please?" I gave him my best puppy dog eyes.

"Dammit, Frank, don't do that."

I stuck my bottom lip out.

"You're so fucking adorable. Do you know that?" He laughed.

"Oh yeah, I know that," I smirked, "One clue?"

He shook his head, "Nope."

"Aw."

That was fair I guess.

Although, I was really curious.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't like it," He sighed.

I placed my hand over his, "Gerard, I'll like whatever you get me because it'll be from you. To be honest, you don't need to get me anything. Just being with you is all I ever want."

He blushed a little.

"Such a line," He smirked.

"Yeah, okay," I rolled my eyes, "It's what I do best."

Suddenly, his smile vanished.

"What're those Frank?"

I frowned.

He was staring at my wrist.

I followed his gaze.

Fuck!

I had forgotten about my bruises.

Thanks a fucking lot, Tony.

"Uh nothing," I quickly jumped off of my bed, grabbed my hoodie and shoved it on, hiding my arms.

"No," He shook his head, "I saw something."

I didn't know what to do.

I couldn't tell him it was Tony because I had told him he was leaving me alone.

What could I do?!

Gerard slowly stood up.

"Frank..."

I bit my lip.

He moved in front of me.

I froze as he reached for my wrist.

Before he could get a look though, I yanked my arm away.

"It's honestly nothing," I lied.

He looked really concerned.

"Just... Please tell me you're not... You're not..."

What was he thinking?

He swallowed slowly, "Did you do that to yourself?"

My eyes widened a little.

"Of course not! I've been clean for weeks! I promised you I'd stop and I have."

He nodded and mumbled, "Sorry for thinking that."

"It's okay," I wrapped my arms around his waist.

He pulled me closer and rested his head on top of mine.

"What are they then?" He whispered.

"Seriously, don't worry about it. They're nothing. Please just trust me."

He seemed a little uncertain but said, "Okay. I trust you, Frank."

I felt a little bad but I didn't want him to get involved.

He didn't deserve to get involved.

This would all blow over anyway.

Tony would stop soon.

It wasn't like he was touching me up or shit like that.

It was just a little bruise here and a whack on the head there.

No big deal.

But if I told Gerard, he would make it all seem bigger than it was.

I didn't want that.

I wouldn't blame him for caring though.

He seemed to do that a lot.

But to be fair, if the situation was the other way around, I would fucking kill anyone who dared to lay a finger on him.

...Okay, maybe he had a right to be concerned.

That gave me all the more reason not to tell him.

I didn't want him to worry about me.

That wasn't fair on him at all.

I pulled away from him and smiled.

He smiled a little back.

"So, hey, do you want to go trick or treating on Halloween?" I asked.

"Trick or treating?" He frowned, "Do you still do that?"

I shrugged, "Not really. I never have anyone to do it with. Do you want to do it with me?"

He thought for a second, "Maybe. I don't know. I never really liked the idea of knocking on a strangers door."

Fair enough.

"We're still dressing up though. Even if we just stay in."

"We are?" He smirked.

"Of course! It's Halloween!" I grinned, "It's my favourite holiday!"

"Just because it's your birthday," He smiled.

"Well yeah there's that too. But I do really like Halloween."

"Okay, well I promise you we can dress up if that's what you want."

"Yes!" I grinned.

He laughed a little.

"I'm actually getting a little excited now."

"You should be!" I winked, "Halloween's amazing! And it's my birthday too! Best day ever!"

He shook his head, still smiling.

"You're adorable."

His comment caught me off guard and I blushed a little.

"Yes, we've already established that, Gerard. If anything, you're the adorable one."

He shook his head, "No, you are."

"You are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No way."

"Gerard, I could argue with you all day. Just accept it so I can fucking kiss you already will you?"

He smirked at me and nodded.

"Good," I moved closer to him and put my arms around his shoulders.

I then had to stand on my tippy toes because I was so fucking short.

His hands were on my waist and he leant down.

For a moment, we just stood with our eyes closed and our faces right next to one another's.

Then, I closed the gap between us by pressing my lips against his.

I felt his grip tighten on me and I pulled myself closer into him.

God, this was fucking perfect.


	40. Something Not Quite Right

{Gerard's POV}

 

I jumped up the moment I heard the front door slam shut.

Mikey and Ray appeared in the living room doorway.

But no Frank.

My face dropped a little.

Where was he?

"Hey, Gee," Mikey came over and sat on the sofa.

"Hi."

Ray followed him and smiled at me, "How was your day?"

"Okay," I shrugged, "How about yours?"

I slowly sat down on my chair.

Looked like Frank wasn't coming over today.

He usually did though.

What made today any different?

A million possibilities ran through my mind but none of them seemed right.

"-So yeah she gave me a detention again. I swear Mrs Lancaster's out to get me," Ray finished.

I hadn't been listening though.

"Well you did say she had a face only a mother could love," Mikey pointed out.

"That was months ago!" Ray smirked, "She should have let it go by now."

Mikey narrowed his eyes at Ray, "Yeah somehow I don't think she will anytime soon."

I had to ask then because it was gnawing away at me.

"Uh where's Frank?" I sheepishly looked at them.

Mikey and Ray looked from each other to me.

They probably had only just remembered I was there.

"He wasn't in at all today," Mikey frowned as if this was old news.

"He wasn't?"

What?

He had missed school today?

Why hadn't he told me?

What was going on?

"No," Ray said, "I haven't talked to him since yesterday."

That made two of us then.

I looked down, thinking.

"I'm sure he's fine, Gee," Mikey called over.

I nodded, still looking at the floor.

I didn't know he was fine though.

What if he wasn't?

I had to find out.

I stood up and went down into my room.

I heard Mikey call after me but I ignored him.

I needed to find out if Frank was okay.

That was my number one priority.

When I was in the safety of my room, I pulled out my phone and dialled Frank's number.

I bit my lip as it rang.

Please pick up.

On the fourth ring, I heard a very distinctive, "Hey, Sugar."

I smiled in relief when I heard his voice.

"Hey. Um are you okay? Mikey said you weren't in today."

He cleared his throat a little, "Uh yeah I... I was ill."

"What's wrong?" Concern edged my voice.

"Just a um... Stomach thing. I'm okay now."

"Oh okay..."

He didn't sound too sure.

This worried me a little.

"Can I see you?"

"Of course. I always want to see you," He replied.

"Do you want me to come over?"

He didn't answer for a moment until he said, "Uh well... I'm not sure if um... Yeah, yeah. Come over. My Mom and Tony left twenty minutes ago and I'm not expecting them back until the early hours of tomorrow morning."

"Okay," I nodded, "I'll be over in ten."

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

He hung up before I had a chance to say bye.

Well that was weird.

What had just happened?

Frank had never acted like that before.

He had been so sketchy and nervous.

Something was wrong, I knew it.

I made my way back up to the hallway and shoved on my hoodie and Converse.

When I was ready, I stuck my head round the living room doorway.

Good idea to tell Mikey and Ray where I was off to.

"Going to Frankie's," I smiled just thinking about seeing him.

"Who's Frankie?" Ray grinned, "I only know a Frank."

I rolled my eyes.

What was wrong with me calling him Frankie?

Had I never called him Frankie before?

I guess I only had in my head...

Oh.

Oh well.

Mikey seemed a bit confused as well.

Whatever.

I was going whether they liked it or not.

I was about to open the front door when I heard, "Wait up, Gee! We're coming too."

I turned around to see Mikey and Ray come out of the living room.

"You are?" I frowned.

"Yeah," Mikey nodded, "We want to see if Frank's okay."

I thought for a second, "Um okay. Let's go then."

Silently, we left the house and walked down the road.

Mikey and Ray soon started chatting though of course.

They couldn't go one minute without talking to each other.

A little like me and Frank sometimes.

Since Frank only lived around the corner, it didn't take long to reach his house.

It still kind of gave me the creeps

I knocked on the door and we waited.

After a minute or so, I heard it being unlocked.

Then Frank appeared from behind it.

He smiled when he saw us.

"Hey, guys," He grinned before ushering us inside.

"Hey, Frank," Mikey replied, "Are you okay?"

Frank frowned but then realised what Mikey meant, "Oh yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Just uh yeah felt sick."

Before we had time to question him, he gestured for us to sit down and asked, "Do you guys want some drinks? I think I've got some soda."

"Yeah, thanks," Mikey answered for all of us.

Frank disappeared into the kitchen and we sat on his sofa.

I looked around the room.

I hadn't really spent more than five minutes down here before.

We usually went straight up to Frank's room.

"I'm hungry," Ray suddenly said.

Mikey rolled his eyes, "What else is new?"

"I'm serious. Because of the detention, Mrs Lancaster didn't let me have any lunch today. I swear that borders on child abuse."

I smirked, "Shall I ask Frank if he has anything for you to eat?"

Ray nodded sheepishly.

"Honey?" I called without thinking.

What?

Did I just call him 'Honey'?

Where the fuck had that come from?

"Yeah, Sugar?"

Frank came back into the room.

I had never called him that before but he answered to it all the same without a moment's hesitation.

"'Honey'?" Mikey questioned.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow.

Oh yeah, they didn't know.

Just a bit awkward...

I shared a look with Frank which left us both laughing.

"Guys, come on, the flirting is weirding us out," Ray looked uncomfortable.

Well at least they thought that we were just joking around.

"Oh sorry, he's just too irresistible," Frank winked at me.

No one had called me irresistible before.

I blushed a little.

"Ew, what?" Mikey laughed.

Frank came over to me and sat on my lap.

I curled my arms around his waist as he did the same around my neck.

Ray and Mikey shared a look and tried to avoid looking at us.

We waited for one of them to break.

Of course, it was Mikey, "Guys... Stop being weird."

"If they kiss I'm leaving," Ray joked.

"We may have to take you up on that," Frank grinned.

"No no no no no! Please God no!" Mikey looked like he was about to keel over.

I managed not to laugh at his expression.

"He's just joking, Mikes," I tried to calm him down.

"Yeah... Joking," Frank's smile grew wider.

He got up then and started to go back into the kitchen.

But then he stopped and span around, "Was there a reason you called me, Sugar?"

In the corner of my eye, I saw Ray trying to suppress laugher. 

Was there a reason I had called him?

I had forgotten about that.

"Oh yeah, Ray wanted to know if you had any food."

"That makes me sound like a pig," Ray complained.

"Sound like one? You've got the looks as well haven't you?" Mikey burned Ray.

"Oooh!" Frank laughed.

I laughed as well.

I did love these idiots. 

"Rude," Ray stuck his tongue out at Mikey.

When Frank had done laughing, he said, "Yeah, I have some chips somewhere. I'll go have a look."

"I'll help," I got up and followed him into the kitchen.

I leant against the counter and watched Frank as he tried to reach a shelf.

He sighed and looked at me.

"Could you...?"

I nodded and reached up to the place he was too short to get to and pulled down a bag of chips.

"Thanks," He smiled.

I returned the smile before moving close to him, my eyes closing.

He closed his eyes too and brushed his lips against mine.

The kiss was light but amazing.

He pulled away and grinned at me.

"Hey."

"Hi," I smiled.

I leant back against the counter as he took cans of soda out of the fridge.

"So... Are you okay?" I found myself asking.

He looked at me, "Yeah. I said I was."

"I mean, really okay, Frank. Has something happened?"

I noticed something in his expression change before it went blank again.

"No... Nothing. Everything's fine."

I bit my lip.

For some reason, I very much doubted that.

He was about to head back into the living room, two cans of soda and the chips in his hands, when I said, "You would tell me though... If something had happened. Right?"

He stopped, his back to me.

After a moment, he replied, "Of course," and then carried on into the living room.

I grabbed the remaining cans and followed him.

I guess I just had to trust him.

Something didn't seem right though.

I wasn't sure what but there was definitely something going on.

Although, maybe I was just being a bit paranoid.

Who knew?

I would just have to wait and see if Frank said anything.

I'm sure it was nothing.


	41. A Massive Headache

{Frank's POV}

 

"Are you sure you don't want to come back with us?" Gerard frowned.

"No, it's okay. I've got homework and shit to catch up on," I tried my best to smile. 

"Well... If you're sure."

He was doubting me, I knew he was.

Who wouldn't?

I wasn't exactly on top of my lying game today.

To be fair though, I hadn't expected them to actually come round to see me.

Maybe I should have just feigned some illness so they couldn't have.

But no, being the hopeless case I was, I had to see Gerard.

It actually pained me to go for more than a few hours without seeing him.

Talk about clingy.

I was the opposite of a perfect boyfriend.

That part was true.

The lying really didn't help either.

I hated myself for lying to him but I just couldn't tell him the truth.

I didn't want him to know how pathetic I was.

I couldn't even fight back.

I was just some little kid compared to Tony.

There was nothing I could do.

And I really didn't want to drag Gerard into all of this.

Anyway, it wasn't like it was getting bad...

Well...

It couldn't get worse could it?

Especially after this morning.

That really hadn't been fun at all.

I didn't even want to think about it.

Watching them go, I waved a little.

Gerard looked back, a worried expression set across his face, and waved.

After I shut the front door, I sighed in relief.

At least we hadn't been interrupted this time.

I didn't know what I would have done if we had been.

I walked to the stairs and stopped in front of them.

They brought back bad memories.

I didn't really want to relive those memories much.

I slowly lowered myself onto the floor right in front of the stairs.

I looked up at them.

Closing my eyes, I remembered what had happened.

The argument.

The hair-pulling.

The shove.

The fall.

And the blackout.

Stupid fucking Tony.

Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

Why did he have to pick on me for no reason at all?

I swear he got some sort of kick out of it.

All I had been doing was coming out of my room.

Harmless, right?

And for some reason, he felt the need to start something up.

I couldn't even remember what the argument was about.

All I remembered was that I didn't back down.

Whatever my point had been, I made sure it was heard.

That was probably just because I hated letting Tony win.

But of course, this resulted in Tony grabbing my hair and pulling.

That had hurt.

A lot.

I remembered he actually pulled near enough a handful out.

Hopefully I wouldn't have a bald patch.

Of course, my reaction had been to pull away.

I didn't want some twat tugging at my hair.

That was when he let go.

He let go and I fell.

Down the stairs.

Face first.

Everything went black after that and the next thing I remembered was waking up at the bottom of the stairs.

Tony was looking down at me.

"Pathetic," He smirked, "Just a little boy. You're a pathetic piece of shit."

He spat on me before walking away.

My head had been banging and I knew standing up wasn't a good idea.

So, that meant I had lay at the bottom of the stairs for who knows how long.

An hour?

Probably more.

My Mom had told me to quit being so lazy and get up before ignoring me for the rest of the morning.

Tony kept laughing at me when he walked past me.

I just kept my eyes on the ceiling, trying to block everything out.

They left around midday and after that, I decided to get up.

I spent the rest of the day on the sofa, watching cartoons.

That was until Gerard had called me.

And so here we are now.

A lonely, pathetic, little kid.

I was such a waste of space.

No amount of painkillers would stop the sharp pain in my head.

In hindsight, that probably wasn't a good sign.

Whatever.

I gave up on caring a long time ago.

I knew Gerard would care a lot if I told him though.

I didn't want that.

I loved Gerard so much and I didn't want to lose him.

No way was I losing him.

How would I survive?

I wouldn't.

I didn't care if I got pushed down the stairs every day.

As long as Gerard didn't find out, everything would be okay.

...Hopefully.


	42. Paranoid

{Gerard's POV}

 

"Hey, this is Frank. I'm either sleeping or on Pansy. So fuck off. Kidding. Leave a message."

Beep.

I sighed.

Why did he never answer his fucking phone?

I ran a hand through my hair and spoke into the receiver, "Hey, Frank. It's um... It's Gerard. I was just calling to uh check up. Are you okay? I haven't spoke to you since yesterday and I guess I'm just acting a little paranoid. Just ignore me. But um... Please call me back. I uh... I miss you. Bye."

I ended the call and mentally facepalmed.

I sounded like such a needy boyfriend.

But seriously, I needed to hear his voice.

It would reassure me that everything was okay.

Was it though?

I wasn't too sure anymore.

Frank had said everything was fine.

I felt bad admitting it but I was finding it hard to believe him.

I was certain he was keeping something from me.

Maybe I was just being paranoid.

I really hoped that was the case.

I didn't want anything to happen to Frank.

He meant the world to me.

And I wouldn't know what to do if anything happened to him.

Life wouldn't be worth living.

I'm sure it wasn't anything that bad though.

It was probably nothing.

As I said, I was just being paranoid.

I lay back on my bed and looked up at the stars.

They twinkled down at me and I wished they could tell me what to do because I honestly didn't know anymore.

I felt like I was beginning to slowly lose my mind again.

And I didn't want to head down that road again.

Never again.

I wanted to stay sane and happy.

But the only time I was ever happy was when I was with Frank.

And he wasn't returning my calls.

What could I do?

Go round and see him?

No.

That wasn't a good idea.

That might push him away even more.

His birthday was in a couple of days though and I had everything planned.

I really wished things would be okay by then so I could make it a really special day for him.

Looked like all I could do was hope for the best.

But why?

Why was he pushing me away?

Why was he shutting himself off from everyone?

Was I the problem?

Did he not love me anymore?

Maybe he had never loved me to begin with.

Maybe he had changed his mind.

I had never been good enough for him anyway.

He deserved better.

And anyone was better than me.

Silent tears started making their way down my cheeks.

God, I was pathetic.

I really was kidding myself, wasn't I?

It had all been too good to be true.

Frank didn't love me and he never had.

He probably wanted to breakup.

I wouldn't blame him.

If I were him, I would've ended thing ages ago.

Pathetic.

That's what I was.

Pathetic because this small worry about Frank not returning my calls had turned into me bashing on myself.

What was wrong with me?

See, this was why I needed Frank.

He kept me grounded.

Without him, I fell apart.

I needed him.

That sounded incredibly selfish but it was true.

I loved him and I needed him.

I needed his comforting hugs and warm smiles.

I would give anything for one of those smiles.

His smiles were so beautiful.

Especially when his eyes smiled too.

They lit up.

I started smiling myself as I thought of his smile.

I already felt better and all I had done was picture his face.

This was how much he helped me.

He wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my saviour.

He helped me get through every day.

And without him, I felt lost.

A lost little boy.

It was like I was blind and I kept falling over as I stumbled my way along.

I needed my guide.

Frank was my guide.

I needed Frank.

Sighing, I picked up my phone again and instinctively called his number.

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

Ring ring. 

Ring ring.

But then...

"H-Hello?"

I sat up, "Frank?"

"Gerard?"

He sounded tired.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

I could feel him shrug as he replied, "I guess. Are you?"

I ignored his question, "I miss you."

He was quiet for a second, "I-I miss you too. I'm sorry I've been ignoring your calls. I just... I've been thinking."

This was it.

He was going to breakup with me, wasn't he?

Over the phone.

"What about?" I bit my lip.

I waited for the sentence that would kill me inside.

...But it never came.

"Nothing really. Please tell me if you're okay. I'm really sorry for not talking. I should've called you. I want to make sure you're okay."

I blinked, not quite believing what I was hearing.

"Um... Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" The worry was evident in his voice.

"I'm fine, Frank. I'm the one who should be worrying. Why have you been so distant?"

He didn't say anything.

"Frank?"

"Uh..." He finally spoke, "I've just been feeling a bit down lately."

What did that mean?

Was he falling back into old habits?

"You can talk to me, you know? I'm always here," I said.

"Yeah, I know you are. I've just never been much of a talk about feelings type. Don't worry, I'm fine now. Just hit a little bump, that's all."

"Are you sure?" I wanted him to be certain, "You haven't... Done um... You-"

"I haven't cut, Gee," He cut me off, "I made a promise to you and I intend to keep it. Sure, I think about it sometimes. But then I remember you and why I'm doing this. I don't want to lose you to a piece of metal."

I smiled at my feet, "I love you, Frank."

"I love you too, Gee," He said, "I promise to always be here. I won't block myself off again. I'm sorry for doing that."

"It's fine," I wiped away a couple of sneaky tears, "I just want you to be safe."

"I am safe, don't worry. Can I come round?"

"Now?"

"Yeah," He suddenly sounded a little more on edge, "My Mom and uh Tony are home. And I want to see you."

Something was wrong.

Frank sounded upset.

"Sure, come over. I always want to see you."

"Okay," He spoke faster than normal, "I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

He hung up before I could say anything.

What had just happened?

That wasn't normal at all.

Something wasn't right.


	43. Please...

{Frank's POV}

 

I fell onto my hands and knees, doubled over in pain.

Tony laughed over me.

"That's what you get for talking back to me," He growled, "Got it?"

I managed to nod but I didn't look at him.

"See ya later, kid."

The front door slammed shut.

I lowered myself onto my back and sighed.

Being punched in the ribs numerous times was not exactly the way I had originally wanted to spend my morning.

Holy shit, they hurt.

I took a few deep breaths before sitting up slowly.

Fuck.

I had never felt pain like this before.

I guess I'd never really been beat up before.

Using the sofa, I pulled myself up onto my feet.

Fuck fuck fuck.

The only thing I could think to do was go upstairs into the bathroom.

It took a while but I eventually made it up there.

I stared back at myself in the mirror.

For some reason, my Mom had insisted on putting a full-length mirror in our bathroom.

I never really used it.

But today was different.

I started to pull up my t-shirt.

Shit, I did not look good.

I had blood down my torso and already yellow bruising was forming.

Tony had gone too far this time.

But then again, he didn't give a shit how hurt I got.

That was the point.

I grabbed a flannel and ran it under the tap.

I knew this was going to sting.

And I was right.

I squinted in pain as I started dabbing my ribs.

Ouch ouch ouch.

As always, thanks a fucking lot, Tony.

When I had wiped away the blood, I examined the wound.

It really didn't look good.

About eight small, diagonal cuts were visible.

Tony's ring had probably done that.

Great.

I noticed then that there was blood on my t-shirt too.

Fuck sake.

I pulled it off and threw it at the floor.

I was so done.

This was fucking ridiculous.

How long would this continue for?

I went into my room and started filing through my drawers.

When I found a Green Day t-shirt, I shoved it over my head.

My ribs probably needed stitches but I knew the hospital wasn't an option.

We didn't own any bandages so that wasn't an option either.

So it looked like I would have to leave the wound as it was.

Oh well.

I didn't give a shit anymore.

As I sat on the end of my bed, my phone started ringing.

Gerard had taken to calling me a lot more than usual.

I didn't mind but I could tell he was catching on.

He knew something was wrong.

I really couldn't let him find out.

I didn't want him to get involved in it all.

I grabbed my phone and stared at it.

Was I in the mood to talk?

Not anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Gerard.

It was just...

Being beaten until you were black and blue kind of puts you out of the mood to talk.

I placed it on the bed next to me and lay back.

Without warning, tears started making their way down my cheeks.

God, I was such a baby.

What was wrong with me?

I couldn't even take a punch without crying.

I needed help.

My phone had stopped ringing.

Gerard was probably worrying.

I wouldn't blame him.

I covered my face with my hands.

Soon, I was crying loudly into them.

Why was this happening to me?

This wasn't fair.

All I could hear was my sobbing and that just made me cry even more.

I felt so lost and alone.

Because I was gasping for air in between sobbing, my ribs were killing me.

What had I done to deserve this?

From my drawer across the room, my razor blade called to me.

I ignored it at first but soon I sat up and looked across the room.

I was still crying but I had managed to calm myself down a little.

"Frank!" The razor called, "I can help you, Frank! Come and play!"

I shook my head and covered my ears.

There was a banging noise ringing through the house.

Bang bang bang!

Bang bang bang!

It was getting louder.

"No!" I screamed and fell off the bed, "No! Leave me alone!"

I curled up into a ball on the floor and rocked back and forth.

The banging was really loud now and someone was calling my name.

"Shut up! SHUT UP!!" I yelled.

I squeezed my eyes shut and I was soon sobbing loudly again.

The banging was different now.

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

I knew it was probably just in my head but I couldn't help but yell back.

"SHUT UP!! GO AWAY!!!"

The banging stopped but I still kept my hands over my ears.

"Frank?!" I heard.

"NO!!" I screamed back, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

"Frank!"

"Please..." I whispered, "Go away."

"Oh, Frank."

I shook my head and kept my eyes closed.

Someone touched me.

I recoiled against the contact.

"Frank," A soothing voice spoke, "It's just me."

I slowly removed my hands from my ears and opened my eyes.

Gerard was kneeling down next to me.

His expression was a mixture of fear and worry.

"G-Gerard...?"

I looked around, trying to remember where I was.

"Shhh..." He helped me to sit up, "It's okay, I'm here."

When I was sitting properly, I looked down at the floor.

I felt so pathetic for breaking down like that.

"What's happened?" Concern filled Gerard's voice.

My eyes didn't leave the floor.

I just shook my head.

He surprised me then by wrapping his arms around me.

"It's okay, I'm here," He repeated.

I relaxed against his embrace and rested my head against his chest.

Soon, I was crying again.

He rubbed my back and held me close to him.

"I've got you, Frank. Everything will be okay," He soothed.


	44. Cold Coffee

{Gerard's POV}

 

I took a sip of lukewarm coffee and watched him sleeping from across the room.

Sighing, I sat at the end of the bed.

Frank was in a deep sleep; cuddling the duvet with his knees brought up to his chest.

It was moments like these that I remembered how much I loved him.

I ran a hand through my hair and looked down at the mug of coffee in my hand.

What was I going to do?

Frank was telling me nothing.

I knew something was going on.

That morning, when he hadn't answered his phone, I was done.

I had to see what was going on.

And if that meant breaking into his house... Then so be it.

I'm still surprised I managed to get that door open.

A month ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that.

I guess there was an upside to being a decent weight and eating properly.

Although, nothing could have prepared me for what I found.

Frank sobbing on the floor.

I almost cried when I saw him.

I knew mental breakdowns all too well.

Seeing someone you love in pain like that kills you inside.

Literally.

It felt like my whole world had just collapsed in front of me.

Frank was the only person keeping me alive and without him...

I don't even want to think about it.

When I found him, I had no idea what to do.

I had never been this side of the situation before.

Lord knows how my Mom had put up with me through mine.

All I knew was that I had to get him out of that house.

So I brought him to mine and here we were.

He was mentally drained so I put him to bed.

He fell asleep more or less straight away.

I told my Mom what had happened before she left for work.

She told me to keep an eye on him but don't push for questions if he doesn't want to answer them.

I wanted to know what had triggered the breakdown but I didn't want to push him away.

That would make things even worse.

"Gerard?"

I looked up.

Frank was sitting up, cradling a pillow.

"Hey," I tried my best to smile.

He looked down at the bed.

"What happened...?"

I got up and placed my mug on my desk.

"You had a breakdown."

I leant against the desk and watched him.

"Oh..."

I nodded, "Yeah."

He didn't say anything else so I spoke instead, "Frank... What's going on?"

His eyes didn't leave the bed.

"Nothing," He shook his head.

I bit my lip, "I don't want to accuse you of lying but... Frank, I don't know what to do anymore. You're pushing me away. I know something's wrong."

I could tell he was arguing with himself.

Eventually, he put down the pillow and moved to the edge of the bed.

I couldn't help but sit next to him.

I left space between us though.

"Look," He began, "It's not a big deal-"

"It is a big deal, Frank! I found you screaming and crying on the floor! Something pretty big had to cause that."

He looked down again.

I needed to take this matter more delicately.

"Please, Frankie... I want you to be okay. Just... Tell me what happened."

I wiped away a tear that had made it's way down my nose.

Frank placed his hand over mine and said, still looking at the floor, "I almost relapsed..."

I closed my eyes.

Oh, Frank...

"But I didn't."

I opened my eyes again.

He was looking at me, a small smile on his face.

"I didn't for you."

Tears welled up in my eyes.

I pulled him into a hug.

"I'm proud of you," I whispered, "But... Are you sure there isn't anything else?"

He shook his head against my chest, "No... That's it."

Surely that wasn't the only thing that had set him off though...

Something had to have triggered him in the first place.

I didn't ask anything else.

If that was all he was telling me...

Then that was all there was to it.

He had just hit a rough patch like he had said.

Everything was fine.

Everything was fine.

Everything was fine.

I had no reason to be worried.

Everything was fine.

We just had to forget about this.

Frank pulled away and wiped his eyes.

I hadn't noticed that he had been crying.

"Hey, so," He was his smiley self again, "It's my birthday tomorrow! What do you have planned?"

I didn't really want to change the subject but he obviously wasn't comfortable talking about it anymore.

I smiled at him, "You'll just have to wait and see."

"Aw," He pouted, "Tell me... Please?"

"Well," I stood up and picked up my now cold mug of coffee, "You'll have to go to school."

"What? On my birthday?"

I nodded, "Everything will be ready for when you get home."

I took a sip of the coffee.

It still tasted alright.

A bit cold but whatever.

"But I don't want to go to school! I want to stay here with you."

He sounded like a six year old who didn't want to leave his mom.

"Sorry," I smirked.

He narrowed his eyes at me, "You're no fun."

I shrugged, "Do you want an amazing birthday or not?"

His eyes widened, "Amazing? What'll make it amazing?"

I started laughing into my coffee.

"Tell me, Gee!"

"I told you, you'll just have to wait and see."

He stood up and crossed his arms.

"But I'll have to wait for ages!"

"It's only tomorrow."

"That's ages!" He protested.

I shrugged again, "Sorry."

He took the mug out of my hand and examined the contents.

"Is this coffee?"

I nodded in reply.

"You may not want to drink that."

He looked at me before raising the mug to his lips.

I doubted he would listen to me.

He took a sip but then squinted in disgust.

"Ew! It's cold!"

"I warned you," I smirked.

"How can you drink that?" He handed it back to me.

I placed it back on the desk.

"Coffee's coffee. I don't give a shit if it's cold or not."

He smiled and rolled his eyes.

"You're definitely one of a kind, Gerard."

"I'm not denying that."

He went up onto his toes and kissed me before jumping back down again.

"Adorable as fuck," I leant against the desk.

"No," He corrected me, "Short as fuck. Stupid genes."

"I like how short you are," I smirked, "It's-"

"Like dating a girl?" He growled.

I couldn't help but laugh, "I wasn't going to say that."

He raised an eyebrow, "What were you going to say then?"

"I was going to say, It's very endearing."

"Endearing? What are you, from the eighteen hundreds?"

"Feels like it sometimes," I shrugged.

He sat back down on the bed.

"So you don't think that I look like a girl then?"

"A girl?"

"Yeah."

I shook my head, "Frankie, if I thought you looked like a girl, I wouldn't be dating you. Girls scare me."

He started laughing, "So you wouldn't look at me if I was a girl?"

I thought for a second before replying, "If you were a girl with a dick then maybe."

That set him off.

"That's what I technically am already," He managed to say between laughing.

"Well, you're a pretty hot girl, Frankie."

He shrugged, "I'm not saying I'm not."

A smile spread across my face, "I think I'd look pretty hot as a chick."

He looked me up and down.

"Not as hot as me."

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow.

He winked, "Oh yeah."

"I'm pretty sure I'd be hotter."

He shook his head, "No way."

I suppressed laughter, "Yes way. Gerard Way."

He started laughing again.

"Oh we're playing this game are we?" He smirked.

"Yep. Face it, Frank, my way is the only way. It's in the name."

I watched him try to keep a straight face as he said, "Well... frankly, I disagree."

I broke then.

My laughing set him off and soon we were practically crying from laughter.

"Shit," Frank gasped and reached for his side.

I stopped laughing.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," He assured me, "Just a um stitch that's all."

"Those motherfuckers," I shook my head, "I know those too well."

He looked up and smiled, "Yeah, they're the worst."

I nodded and sat down next to him.

Laughing was the last thing on either of our minds now.

I hesitantly reached out and stroked his cheek.

I was doing better at this sort of stuff.

Originally, I had been too awkward to make the first moves.

But I'd grown more confident recently.

Frank closed his eyes against my touch.

I closed my own and delicately pressed my lips against his.

He responded to my touch and moved his lips against mine.

I pulled away and said, "You're wearing your lip ring today."

He opened his eyes and smirked, "Yeah. I know you like it."

He winked, I blushed and we were soon kissing again.

It was ridiculous how much I loved him.


	45. Happy Birthday, Frank!

{Frank's POV}

 

"Gerard! Gerard, wake up!"

He moaned and tried to swat me off.

I shook him again, "Wake up!! It's my birthday!"

He opened one eye and smiled before closing it again.

"Nope. There are no birthdays today. Today is a birthday-free day."

I narrowed my eyes at him and picked up a pillow.

"I'm pretty sure today's my birthday," I hit him with the pillow.

"Shit!" His eyes opened in shock, "Don't do that!"

"Do what?" I hit him again.

He forced himself to sit up and leant back against the wall.

"How old are you then?" He asked, "Six?"

I laughed, "I wish."

"Same," He closed his eyes again.

I rolled my eyes.

"No!" I tackled him, "Wake up!"

"Frank!" He fell onto his side and I was now on top of him.

He rolled onto his back and looked up at me.

"Yep. Six today."

I nodded and grinned, "I don't care what age I am as long as I get presents!"

His face fell, "You... Wanted presents?"

The smile disappeared off my face too, "Uh..."

A smile spread across his face, "It's a good thing I got you some then, isn't it?"

"Fuck, don't tease me like that!" I started tickling him.

"Hey!" He laughed, "Get off!"

"No!" I smirked.

He managed to push me off of him and started tickling me instead.

"Fuck!" I laughed.

"Happy birthday, Frankie!" Gerard smiled.

I managed to swat his hands off and I sat up.

"Thanks, Sugar," I winked.

He blushed a little before jumping off of the bed and running upstairs.

I stared after him, wondering what he was doing.

He soon returned carrying a plastic bag.

I sat cross-legged and watched as he sat back down across from me.

"Okay, they're not much... I hope you like it," He seemed unsure as he handed me bag.

I curiously opened it to find three wrapped packages.

I pulled them out, one by one.

Gerard was watching me, biting his lip.

"Interesting wrapping paper," I raised an eyebrow at him.

He laughed a little, "Yeah... Sorry about that. It was leftover from Mikey's birthday. He has a little obsession with them."

"Unicorns?" I smirked.

Gerard smiled and nodded.

Well... Okay then.

I picked up the first present.

It was kind of obvious what it was.

Under the wrapping paper, I found a Misfits CD.

The only one I didn't own.

He knew me too well.

"Fuck yes!" I grinned.

Gerard smiled a little.

I leant across the presents and pecked him on the cheek before turning to present number two.

From the feel of it, it was an article of clothing.

Most likely a t-shirt.

It was a t-shirt.

It was a Morissey t-shirt.

"Shit, that's awesome!"

Before Gerard could reply, I kissed him again.

When I pulled away, he blushed.

"I-I'm glad you like it," He smiled.

"I do!"

One last present.

I picked up the last present and examined it.

It was a small box.

Nothing came to mind as to what it was.

Only one way to find out.

I ripped off the paper and opened the box.

"Wow!" I grinned.

In the box, there was a new guitar strap, a pack of picks and some stickers to put on Pansy.

The guitar strap was grey and black.

It looked pretty cool compared to my plain black one.

The picks had loads of little designs on them.

They were fucking amazing!

And the stickers were letters.

The letters spelled out... Pansy!

"Fucking hell, Gerard!" I beamed at him, "This is amazing!"

"Really?" He smiled.

"Really!"

I attacked him with a hug for the second time that morning.

"I love them!" I smiled down at him.

"I designed the picks myself," He admitted, smiling.

My eyes widened, "That makes them even cooler!"

"Really?" He didn't seem convinced.

"Fuck, yeah, Gerard!"

I lowered my head and my lips found his.

After a few minutes, I moved off of him and lay down next to him.

We both looked up at the ceiling; at the stars.

His hand soon found mine and he laced his fingers through mine.

"Happy birthday, Frank."

I smiled, "Thanks, Gee. You've made it amazing so far."

"All I did was get you some presents."

I shook my head, "It's not just about the presents. I'm so lucky I have you."

"I'm the lucky one, Frankie."

He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb.

"I love you."

"I love you too," He laughed a little, "You know I do."

I smiled at the ceiling.

"You'd better get ready for school."

I sighed, "Do I have to go?"

He sat up which caused me to as well.

"Yeah, come on. More surprises for when you get home."

My eyes lit up, "I can't wait!"

"You'd better get dressed then," He let go of my hand and stood up, "I'll go make you a coffee."

He smiled before going upstairs and shutting the door behind him.

I lay back on the bed.

Soon, I was laughing for no reason whatsoever.

I was so fucking happy.

I sat up and gasped in pain.

Maybe rolling around on the bed hadn't been such a good idea after all.

I pulled up my t-shirt and looked down at my scratched ribs.

They looked worse this morning.

The bruising was pretty impressive.

It had all kinds of colours in it.

Yellow, purple, blue, green and black.

The cuts were almost white against the bruise.

I decided to just forget about it.

Tony's stupid actions were not ruining my birthday.

I pulled off my t-shirt and dropped it on the bed.

I grabbed my new t-shirt and put it on.

It fit pretty well.

I really liked it.

I found my jeans and shoved them on.

Gerard had leant me a pair of shorts to sleep in.

I put those on the bed as well.

My shoes and socks were hiding under the bed along with my hoodie.

After shoving a hairbrush through my hair and putting in my piercings, I went upstairs.

I went into the kitchen to find Gerard and his Mom.

I sat on one of the stools.

"Morning, Frank, Honey," Mrs Way smiled when she saw me.

"Morning," I grinned back.

Gerard placed a mug in front of me and sat in the stool next to me.

"Happy birthday," Mrs Way filled her own mug up.

"Thanks."

I picked up my coffee and took a cautious sip.

It wasn't too hot.

Gerard watched me, drinking his own.

"Happy birthday, Frank!" Mikey and Ray appeared.

Did Ray live here or something?

"Thanks, guys," I beamed.

Mikey handed me a present and said, "It's from both of us."

"Like a couple present..." Gerard muttered into his coffee.

Mikey ignored him and smiled at me.

I tore off the wrapping paper to find a box set of Tim Burton films.

"Cheers, guys!" I stood up and hugged them both, "This is awesome!"

"It was Mikey's idea," Ray smiled.

"Yeah, I know I'm amazing," Mikey smirked.

"Not as amazing as me," Gerard spoke up, "Have you seen his t-shirt?"

I moved my hoodie a little so they could see it.

"Wow!" Ray's eyes widened, "That's so cool!"

Mikey rolled his eyes, "Our present is still better."

"Whatever you say, Mikes," Gerard smirked.

"Are we giving presents?" Mrs Way asked.

We all looked at her.

She picked up a parcel from the side.

This surprised me.

I hadn't been expecting anything.

She handed it to me.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I took it out of her hands.

"Of course I did," She smiled, "You're only seventeen once and you're practically family."

She looked at me to Gerard and back to me again.

Okay then.

I opened the parcel.

It was a couple of horror films.

"Gerard mentioned you like Halloween and spooky things," She said.

"Thank you!" I grinned.

I jumped off the stool and hugged her.

I don't think she had expected that because she said, "Oh well... That's okay."

I pulled away and looked at Gerard.

He was smiling.

"We gotta go, Frank."

I looked at Mikey.

"School."

My face fell, "Aw... Okay."

"Bye, mom," Mikey kissed Mrs Way on the cheek before leaving the room with Ray.

"Have a good day, boys," Mrs Way waved.

Gerard followed me to the front door.

Mikey and Ray were walking down the drive.

Gerard's voice was in my ear, "Have a good day. I'll see you later."

I looked up at him, "Bye."

He kissed me quickly before ushering me out of the door.

"Okay, okay!" I laughed, "I'm going."

I waved at him and he laughed and waved.

"Wait up, guys!" I ran after Mikey and Ray.

The rest of the day passed by pretty quickly and I was happy about that.

I wanted to see Gerard.

Instead of taking ages to get ready at the end of music, Mikey and Ray were ready to go before me.

"Come on then, Frank," Mikey smiled.

We walked out of school.

"So..." I tried to think of what to say.

For once, Mikey and Ray weren't talking each other's ears off.

"I'm getting really excited!" Ray grinned, "And it's not even my birthday!"

"Excited?" I frowned.

"Shh!" Mikey glared at Ray, "There's nothing to be excited about. Right, Ray?"

Ray caught on, "Oh yeah. Nothing at all. Ignore me."

I was interested now though, "What? What is it? What's going on?"

"Nothing," Mikey avoided my eye contact.

"Tell me! What's happening? Ray?"

Ray bit his lip, "I uh..."

"Ray!" Mikey snapped at him.

Ray looked at me, "Sorry, Frank. Gerard told us not to say anything."

What did Gerard have planned?

I honestly had no clue.

We turned the corner then and I saw the Way's house.

Was that...?

No.

But it was.

I ran up to the house.

There was a banner over the front door that read, "Happy Birthday, Frank!"

He got me a banner?

A smile spread across my face.

Mikey and Ray were behind me.

"Wow, I didn't know he was getting a banner," Ray was saying.

"You should listen more," Mikey rolled his eyes.

He went in front of me and opened the door.

I waited until Ray and him were inside before going in myself.

The hallway was decorated with fake cobwebs.

I smiled and walked into the living room.

The hallway was nothing compared to the living room.

There were more cobwebs in here but even more amazing stuff.

Another bigger banner was hanging.

There were cut out black bats and spiders stuck on the walls.

I looked around in awe.

There were even black and orange balloons hanging up.

"Hey, Frank."

I looked down from the ceiling.

Mikey and Ray grinned and shuffled out of the room.

Where were they going?

Gerard was sitting in his chair and he stood up.

"Gee!" I grinned, "This is amazing!"

He smiled, "I'm glad you like it."

I was obviously in such a good mood that I felt the need to do one of those movie run and jump hugs.

Gerard caught me and laughed.

"Jesus, Frank!"

He didn't let me go though.

He was basically carrying me.

"Since when were you so strong?" I smirked at him.

"You're not exactly that heavy," He puffed.

"Hey, is this what it's like to be your height?" I laughed, "It's cool."

"Yeah," He smiled, "Congratulations. You're now five foot, eight."

"Beats five foot, four any day."

He lowered me back onto the floor but his hands didn't leave my waist.

Smiling, He leant down.

Both our eyes closed as our lips met.

I was surprised he was actually kissing me in his living room.

Anyone could walk in.

He pulled away and grinned, "Come on then."

I frowned, "What?"

He took my hand and led me down to his bedroom.

There was more?

"So," He sat me on his bed and pulled out a bag that was under his bed, "You said you wanted to dress up."

I sat up, "Yeah..."

He smiled, "Okay, so I went all around looking for something. But there were only kids costumes. I know you'd probably fit into them but I decided against that idea."

I stuck my tongue out at him, "Ha ha. Very funny."

"Anyway, I came across these."

I raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"I was originally going to let you choose but I've kind of grown attached to one of them already."

I was already smiling before I'd even seen what it was.

Gerard opened the bag and pulled out...

Was that a onesie?

I jumped up.

"What do you think?" He asked.

"Gimme!!" I held out my hands.

"You like it?" He laughed and gave me the dinosaur onesie.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" I hugged it.

He sat on the bed, smiling.

I jumped down next to him and almost head-butted him.

"Calm down!" He laughed again.

I dropped the onesie and placed both my hands on the sides of his face.

My eyes automatically closed when our lips met.

After a minute or two, I pulled away and rested my head against his.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," He breathed.

He pulled away and smiled at me.

"Go on then. I want to see you in it."

Five minutes later, I was wearing my new dinosaur onesie and Gerard was wearing a skeleton one.

"I bought Mikey and Ray one too," Gerard led me back upstairs.

"What, one to share or one each?" I smirked.

"One each," He laughed.

He shut his bedroom door when we were in the hallway.

"So we're having a onesie party?"

"Looks like it," He grinned.

This was awesome!

I followed him back into the living room.

"Surprise!" Mikey and Ray yelled.

"Shit!" I almost fell over.

Gerard sniggered next to me.

Mikey was wearing... A unicorn onesie?

I started laughing when I saw it.

"What?" Mikey smirked, "Isn't it awesome?!"

"It sure is something," I smiled.

"I still think mine's the best," Ray smiled proudly.

Ray's onesie was a tiger.

"No way, dude," I jumped up onto the sofa, "Mine's the best!"

"Hey, look!" Ray smirked, "Frank's finally human height!"

I stuck my tongue out at him, "Shut up."

Mikey laughed and left the room.

I started jumping up and down on the sofa.

"I am a dinosaur! Here me roar!" I laughed.

Gerard started giggling.

"Gee!" I called, "Come here!"

Curious, he walked over to the sofa.

"Turn around!" I continued to jump up and down.

He looked a little scared but turned so his back was to me.

I jumped onto his back.

"Frank!" He managed to catch me.

I pointed at Ray, "Catch that tiger!"

Gerard laughed and started walking towards Ray.

"Hey, stay away!" Ray ran across the room.

"Faster!" I laughed.

Gerard picked up speed and followed Ray.

"Mikey! Help me!" Ray called.

Mikey appeared in the doorway, a couple of duvets in his arms.

"What the fuck is happening in here?" He sniggered.

Ray grabbed Mikey and hid behind him.

Mikey dropped the duvets and tried to get Ray to move.

Gerard stopped in front of them.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Nothing, nothing," Gerard replied.

I put my hands over Gerard's eyes.

"I'm blind!" He laughed, "Someone get this dinosaur off of me!"

Mikey, with Ray in tow, laid the duvets out in front of the sofa.

I jumped down off of Gerard and winked at him.

He smiled and kissed me quickly on the head.

"So, what have you got planned then?" I asked.

"I did consider taking you trick or treating," Gerard said, "But I don't think the neighbours will appreciate four seventeen year olds in onesies going around asking for candy."

"That's too bad," Ray sat down on the duvets, "I could have done with some candy."

Gerard smiled knowingly and said, "I'll be right back," before leaving the room.

I sat down on the floor next to Ray and we looked up at Mikey expectantly.

"Gerard's idea was to have a halloween movie marathon," Mikey told us.

"Yes!" Ray clapped his hands.

This was literally the best birthday I'd ever had.

Gerard was back with a bowl.

He sat down next to me and put the bowl in front of us.

"Candy!" Ray grinned.

Mikey looked at him and shook his head, smiling.

"So what movie first?" I asked.

"You can choose," Gerard smiled at me, "It's your birthday."

I thought for a second.

"How about a Tim Burton one first and then the films your mom bought me?"

"Sounds good," Mikey nodded.

Ray grabbed the sofa cushions and placed them behind us.

"Which one, Frank?" Mikey opened the box-set.

"Hmm... Beetlejuice."

"Good choice," Gerard grinned.

When the film started, Mikey sat down next to Ray and we all leant back against the sofa cushions.

"Hang on!" Gerard ran out of the room.

We stared after him.

He was back as soon as he left with a big blanket.

After turning off the light, he sat back down next to me and spread the blanket over us all.

This was amazing.

Three films and two pizzas later, we were onto Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Ray and Mikey had fallen asleep.

I didn't see how they could sleep through all the screaming though.

Gerard and I were sitting as close as we could to each other and I was resting my head against his shoulder.

"Thank you, Gee."

He looked at me, "For what?"

"For everything. This has honestly been the best birthday ever. This time last year, I was crying myself to sleep because my Mom had forgotten my birthday."

"Oh, Frank," A sympathetic look overtook his face.

"I didn't get any post or even a 'happy birthday'. No one knew it was my birthday."

His hand found mine under the blanket and he squeezed it lightly.

"That's really sad, Frank. I'm glad this year was so much better."

"It really was. I never thought I'd actually have people care enough to make my birthday special."

He kissed my head, "I care so much. I promise you, you'll never cry on your birthday again."

I smiled, "I love you."

"I love you too."

I looked up at him and kissed him lightly.

"I'm serious, Gerard. Thank you so much. You've really made me happy."

"That's what I'm here for," He smiled.

I snuggled up next to him and turned back to the TV.

This had been the best day ever.


	46. Holy Shit

{Gerard's POV}

 

Frank really enjoyed his birthday.

I was so glad I managed to make it special for him.

After all, it was the least I could do for him.

I had another surprise for him too.

I was going back to school on Monday.

The thought was a little scary but I knew Frank would look out for me.

I would be fine.

Everything would be fine.

Although, it seemed like neither of us would make it to Monday.

Not after that weekend.

Frank's birthday had been on Friday and that was fine.

But... Saturday really scared me.

I mean... really scared me.

Let's go back to Saturday morning.

I was the first to wake up.

I wasn't sure what time it was but I could tell it was about mid morning.

Frank was sleeping soundly next to me.

His hand was still attached to mine and his head rested against my shoulder.

Luckily, his head wasn't too heavy so it didn't ache too much.

I looked over him to Mikey and Ray.

My eyes widened as I saw Mikey had his arm around Ray's middle and Ray had his around Mikey's shoulders.

I smirked.

They were ridiculous.

I bet they hadn't even intended to lie like that; they had just ended up like that.

Sounded about right.

"Gee?"

I looked back down to see Frank staring up at me.

"Morning," I smiled and kissed him on the forehead.

He returned my smile, "Hey."

I watched as he sat up properly and stretched, letting go of my hand.

Now that I was free, I stretched a little too.

I missed his hand in mine though.

"Fuck, it's hot," He rubbed his eyes.

"Take off your onesie then," I smirked.

He looked at me and grinned, "Maybe I will..."

"Go on then."

I had no idea what had caused this flirty behaviour but I went along with it anyway.

He stood up and stretched again before smiling down at me and holding his hand out.

I took it and he pulled me up.

I saw his eyes move to Mikey and Ray's intertwined bodies.

"What the...?" He tried to hold in laughter.

I laughed, "I don't have a clue."

Frank shrugged and turned back to me.

"Come on then," He nodded towards the door and put his hand in mine.

He led me into the hallway but froze when we were out of the living room and dropped my hand.

I frowned but then saw what had caused him to stop in his tracks.

"Morning, Mrs Way..." Frank blushed and looked down.

My Mom had just come out of the kitchen and raised an eyebrow at us, "Oh um... Good morning, boys."

"Hi, mom..." I smiled sheepishly.

Well... This was embarrassing.

Had she seen anything?

A smile soon spread across her face, "Don't worry... I didn't see anything."

She then winked and went back into the kitchen.

My eyes widened.

Wha-What?!

Frank looked at me with a puzzled expression.

Did my mom... Know something?

"Uh..." Frank scratched his head.

I decided to ignore it and headed towards my bedroom.

Maybe I would talk to my Mom later.

But until then, I wanted to spend time with Frank.

Just the two of us.

I went down into the basement and I heard Frank shut the door behind us.

"Should we... Worry about that?" Frank's eyes flickered towards the ceiling and back to me again.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I'll uh talk to her later."

He nodded.

This conversation had finished.

Frank grinned at me and nodded towards the bed.

I sat on my bed and couldn't help a smile spread across my face.

What was happening?

He stretched for the third time that morning and smirked at me.

"Wow... It sure is hot..." He tried not to laugh at his own cringy words.

I couldn't help myself and sniggered, "Jesus, Frank. You can really be cheesy sometimes."

He winked at me, "I know."

He smiled and started to undo the buttons of his onesie.

As he was about to pull down the onesie, his eyes focused on his jeans pocket.

I had noticed it vibrate too.

He pulled his phone out of the pocket and checked it.

I watched as his expression changed from relaxed to almost pure fright.

"Frank?" I frowned, "What's wrong?"

He threw the phone down on the bed and pulled his onesie down and his T-shirt over his head in one swift move.

He then pulled off the rest of his onesie.

I smiled a little at his Batman boxers.

I didn't get to look at them for too long though because he pulled on his jeans.

He grabbed his converse and shoved them on, shortly followed by his jacket.

"Frank? What's up?" I stood up, concerned.

"Nothing," He avoided my eye contact, "I've gotta go."

"Why?"

I didn't understand what was happening.

He picked his phone back up and put it in his pocket.

Finally, he looked at me.

"I'm sorry, Gee," He sighed, "I'll uh... See you tomorrow or something."

Before I could say anything, he kissed me quickly before darting up the stairs.

I stared after his departing figure.

What the fuck?

I jumped out of my onesie, into some clothes and ran after him.

He had already gone though.

I opened the front door and ran out onto the drive.

"Frank?!" I called.

I couldn't see him though.

What was happening?

My hands ended up in my hair and I bit my lip.

"Gerard, what are you doing?" I heard behind me.

I turned back to see Mikey wearing his onesie around his hips, his chest on show.

"Uh... Nothing."

I couldn't explain to him that I was calling after my boyfriend who had just decided to run off with no explanation.

I dropped my head and went back inside.

"Where's Frank?" Mikey followed me into the now empty living room.

"He's uh gone home..."

"Why were you calling him?" Mikey raised an eyebrow.

I decided not to justify that question with an answer.

Mikey opened his mouth to speak again when Ray appeared.

He was wearing clothes too and his hair was slightly damp.

Looked like he had taken a shower.

"Morning," Ray grinned at me.

He then saw Mikey and his smile shrunk a little.

Mikey blushed and looked at the floor.

Seemed that the cuddling hadn't been planned.

I smiled a little.

Ray was staring at Mikey in a way that seemed a little... Weird.

Mikey looked up again which caused Ray to looked down instead.

Had he been staring at Mikey's chest?

Of course not.

My Mom was in the room too then.

"Morning, boys. How was the sleepover?" She beamed but then frowned, "Where's Frank gone?"

I sighed, "He's gone home."

"Oh," Mom looked a little surprised, "I thought he would have stayed a little longer."

"Yeah... Me too," I looked away and collapsed into my chair.

Maybe I should call Frank or at least text him.

I needed to know what was happening.

Something was definitely going on at his home.

And it was about time he told me.

"Mikey, are you going to tidy this all away?" My Mom was asking.

Mikey rolled his eyes, "I'm not even dressed yet."

"Yes, I can see that. I don't think we want to see your half naked body."

I looked at Ray who blushed a little and looked down again.

No one else seemed to notice.

Uh....

"I'm going to my room," I declared and stood up.

"Hang on!" Mikey frowned, "Aren't you gonna help me?"

I looked at him with a blank expression before ignoring him and heading back down into the basement.

When I was downstairs, I grabbed my phone and lay back on my bed.

I dialled Frank's number without a second's hesitation and waited while it rung.

After a couple of seconds, it stopped ringing but no one spoke.

I frowned and sat up, "Hello? Frank?"

"Hey, dipshit," I heard, "Fuck off will you? I'm in the middle of something here."

My eyes widened.

That wasn't Frank's voice...

"Who is this?" My voice was shaking.

I heard laughter then, "Is this that little shit?"

I sighed.

Looked like he remembered me.

It was that fucker, Tony.

"Where's Frank?" I pressed.

The laughter started up again, "Oh he's fine. Don't you worry."

That didn't sound too good.

"Where. Is. Frank?!" I demanded.

There was silence.

Until...

"He's with me, don't worry. Everything's fine."

I couldn't take him seriously with that laugh trying to come out.

I stood up and started pacing around my room.

"Could I... Could I speak to him?"

I knew this was a long shot.

"What? Fuck no! He doesn't want to speak to you anyway."

I stopped in my tracks.

"He-He doesn't...?"

"No! Now fuck off will you?!"

The line went dead.

What the hell?

What was happening?

This wasn't good.

I needed to make sure Frank was okay.

But... I was scared to go round to his house.

What if he wasn't there after all?

He had to be though.

How else would Tony had been able to get his phone?

I put my own phone in my pocket and pulled on my hoodie.

Looked like I had no choice.

I'd have to swallow my fear and go round.

Fuck, I was scared though.

I ran back upstairs, managing to bump into Mikey.

"Gee? What the fuck?!" He glared at me.

"I uh..." I thought fast, "I've got to go out."

"What?" His expression softened, "Why?"

"I've got to go see if Frank's okay."

He sighed, "Honestly... Why? What's happening?"

"He isn't answering his phone."

He rolled his eyes, "So what?"

I frowned at him.

He didn't know what was happening.

How could he be so oblivious?

When I didn't reply, he said, "Quit worrying," And turned towards the living room.

"What?" I frowned.

He looked back at me, "You're constantly worrying about him. He's fine."

"But what if he isn't?!"

Mikey was pissing me off now.

This was important.

I knew something was wrong.

He had no idea.

"Gee, you're doing it again," He leant against the door frame, "Stop worrying. I care about Frank and everything but... Why do you care so much about why he isn't answering his phone? I'm sure everything's fine."

"Something's wrong though!"

This was wasting my time now.

He sighed again, "Nothing's wrong. Jesus Christ... Why do you care so much?"

That was it.

"Because I love him!" I practically yelled.

I regretted it as soon as I said it.

Well... Shit.

Mikey's eyes widened, "You-You... What?"

Shit.... Shit shit shit.

I really wished I hadn't said that.

"Gerard..." Mikey was lost for words, "Did you just say... You love Frank...?"

I could lie and say I loved him like a brother but Mikey probably wouldn't buy it and also I was tired of this.

I was tired of hiding us.

It was time for people to know.

"I uh..." I blushed.

I wasn't sure what to say exactly.

Mikey's eyes were wide as he waited for my answer.

I looked down.

This was a little awkward.

I wasn't sure how to word this.

Eventually, I looked up and whispered, "Yeah... Yeah, I do. A lot."

Mikey didn't say anything.

Instead of waiting for his reaction, I headed for the door.

Before I left the room, I looked back and said, "I need to make sure he's okay."

I left then.

Mikey didn't try to stop me.

In fact, he didn't say anything.

I guessed he was still getting over the initial shock.

I was too to be honest.

...I had just told my brother I was in love with my best friend.

Holy shit.

That was the last thing on mind though.

I would deal with that later.

Frank was my priority.

I needed to make sure he was okay.

I had a feeling he wasn't though...

Fuck, I hoped I was wrong.


	47. Oh My God

{Frank's POV}

 

"You better get home now or I'm coming to get you."

I stared at the text for the second time.

I had stopped outside my front door.

My Mom would never send me a text like that...

So...

Was that Tony?

That had been my first thought when I had read it.

That was why I had left so suddenly.

It wouldn't have surprised me if Tony had taken my Mom's phone.

Seemed like something he'd do.

Cautiously, I checked the front door.

It was unlocked.

That wasn't a good sign.

When I was inside and I had shut the door behind me, I looked around.

Neither my Mom or Tony could be seen.

Another bad sign.

Maybe I could make a run for my room and spend the rest of the day in there.

I didn't get as far as the stairs though.

As usual.

"Finally," Tony appeared in the kitchen doorway, "Where the fuck have you been?"

I sighed.

Why did we have to go through the same shit every day?

"Out," I replied just to annoy him.

He narrowed his eyes at me, "Stupid kid."

For fuck sake.

Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

"Where have you been, queer?" He repeated.

"Maybe if you ask nicely, I'll tell you."

I couldn't help but wind him up a little.

After all, it was the least he deserved.

He walked up in front of me and looked down at me.

He clenched his teeth, "Where. Have. You. Been. Queer.... Please?"

Wow.

Seriously?

"Why should I tell you?" I snorted.

He was growing angry, I could tell.

What he did next surprised me.

He smashed me against the wall which knocked the wind out of me.

It took me a second to breathe normally again.

He kept me pinned against the wall; his forearm pressed into my chest.

"Get off, Tony..." I struggled against his grip.

He shook his head and his stupid smile appeared.

I hated that smile so much.

"Tell me where you've been," He wasn't letting go.

Looked like I had to tell him.

"Just at Gerard's house..."

He let go but soon both his hands were on me, on the tops of my arms.

"You should stay away from him," Tony stared into my face.

"Why?" I frowned.

It was sad that I was used to being handled like this now.

"He doesn't want a queer like you as a friend."

I looked down.

"Or..." Tony's change of voice made me look up again, "Is he a queer too?"

I didn't say anything.

I wasn't having him use Gerard as a subject of abuse.

"Oh!" He started laughing, "He is, isn't he?"

My phone starting ringing then which meant I didn't have a chance to tell him to fuck off.

I didn't have any intention in answering it though.

However, Tony did apparently.

He shocked me by pulling my phone out of my pocket and answering it.

"Give it!" I reached for it.

He threw me onto the floor and sat on my chest, pinning my arms down.

Tony was speaking into the phone, "Hey, dipshit. Fuck off will you? I'm in the middle of something here."

"Fuck sake, Tony! Give me the-"

His free hand crashed over my mouth so I couldn't speak.

Are you freaking kidding me?!

That was probably Gerard on the phone.

No no no!!!

Tony was laughing, "Is this that little shit?"

It was Gerard.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck fuck fuck!!

"Oh he's fine. Don't you worry."

I wasn't fine at all!

Not with this forty year old bloke squashing me.

I squirmed under him which resulted in him removing his hand from my mouth for a brief second to slap me across the face.

I blinked in shock and his hand was soon back on my mouth.

"He's with me, don't worry. Everything's fine," Tony said.

Yeah, everything's fine.

Everything's fine in your world, Tony.

In the normal world though, not so much.

Funny that.

"What? Fuck no! He doesn't want to speak to you anyway."

Yes I did.

Yes I did!

Get off, Tony!

I started kicking under him even though I knew what his reaction would be.

He smacked his elbow against one of my knees.

The pain caused me to stop to try and breathe again.

"No! Now fuck off will you?!"

He hung up the phone and threw it across the room.

He then smiled down at me and removed his hand from my mouth.

"You planning on buying me a new phone or what?" I scowled at him.

Laughing, Tony shook his head and replied, "You don't deserve one anyway."

"Cheers."

I was done.

That was all I could deal with.

I was so pissed off.

"Are you gonna get off me now? I just want to go to my room."

"What?" He stood up, "Oh, you're not going anywhere."

I frowned and sat up.

What was he planning now?

Usually, he let me go after a few smacks and kicks.

"You have to be punished," He had a glint of something in his eyes, "For being queer."

Uh...

He was actually really scaring me now.

What did that mean?

"Um... What?"

He leant back down and started pulling on my jeans.

What the actual fuck?

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I tried to wriggle away, suddenly really aware that he was a complete psycho.

He was laughing and...

He was trying to pull down my jeans.

"What the actual fuck, Tony?!"

He stopped then and looked at me.

I froze.

His expression... It scared the shit out of me.

"You want to be gay?" He sneered, "I'll show you what it's like to be gay."

I then realised what he was doing.

No no no no!

Fuck, no!

I tried to push him away and crawl backwards.

He had one of my legs in his hands and he was trying to pull the bottom of my jeans leg.

"Get off! GET OFF!!" I screamed.

His laughter was ringing in my ears.

I was not letting this happen!

Fuck, no!

"GET OFF ME!!" Tears were streaming down my face.

How was this happening?!

God, please, no!!

He shook his head.

"I won't hurt you. It'll be over before you know it."

My jeans were now coming down.

I grabbed them and tried to yank them back up.

He wasn't having any of that though.

He grabbed my other leg so he now had ahold of both.

I kicked against his grip but he was too strong.

"Struggling isn't going to help," Tony smirked, "We've gotta make this quick. Your Mom will be home soon."

I wasn't giving in though.

No fucking way.

This was sick!

I was not being scarred for the rest of my life!

But he was much stronger than me.

I didn't exactly have much strength.

My jeans were around my knees.

He pushed me round so I was on my front.

"Please, no!" I cried against the carpet, "Please don't!"

I was so scared.

This wasn't right!

His voice was suddenly in my ear, "But you have to be punished for staying out all night with another queer. Who knows what you were up to?"

"I didn't sleep with him!" I yelled, "We've never gotten that close!"

For once, I was glad we hadn't.

"See, I don't think you're telling me the truth," Tony cackled, "You're a teenage boy with hormones and so is he."

I tried to get up but he pushed me back down.

"I've never done that!" I sobbed, "He wants to take things slow!"

"So you've wanted to then?"

Of course that was what he picked up on.

I didn't know what to say.

Of course I'd thought about getting that close to Gerard but I'd never acted on it.

It didn't matter what I said though.

Tony would twist anything that came out of my mouth.

"Don't worry," He whispered into my ear, "It'll be over before you know it."

I had never cried from fear before but shit, I couldn't stop at that moment.

He started pulling my jeans down even more.

Please...

No, this couldn't be happening.

Could it?


	48. No...

{Gerard's POV}

 

I stared at Frank's front door.

Maybe I should just go home.

But, I was here now.

There was no harm in checking he was alright.

I held up my hand to knock but I couldn't do it.

Maybe Mikey was right.

Maybe I did worry too much.

That wasn't good for my relationship with Frank at all.

So, was this a good idea?

Thinking about it too hard wasn't helping at all.

In the end, I knocked on the door.

No harm at all in checking.

Although, no one came to answer the door.

That wasn't right.

Frank had to be home.

Where else would he be?

I knocked again.

This time, I heard something.

I frowned and stepped closer to the door.

There it was again.

Someone...

Someone was yelling.

I think they were anyway.

What was going on?

I pressed my ear against the wooden door in an attempt to hear.

"Help!"

I definitely heard that.

My first reaction was to pull out my phone and call the cops.

"I think my neighbour's in trouble," I said into the receiver, "Someone's calling out for help."

After giving the address, I hung up.

I needed to find out what was happening myself.

I couldn't just stand and wait.

Was the door open?

Probably not.

I placed my hand on the door handle when I heard, "Someone please help me!!"

A force overtook me and I threw the door open.

I froze when I saw them.

Oh my fucking God...

Please tell me this wasn't happening.

No...

Tony was unbuttoning his belt and trying to hold Frank down at the same time.

He wasn't... No.

No, he wasn't.

"Quit squirming!" He growled.

Frank was sobbing his eyes out.

He was trapped and he had his jeans pulled down.

I wasn't smiling at his batman boxers anymore.

"What the fuck...!" I spoke out loud.

They both stopped and looked at me.

Tony let go of his belt.

"You little shit," Venom filled his voice, "You turn around and get out now!"

Did he really expect me to leave after seeing that?

I looked into Frank's eyes.

"Gerard! Please, help me!" He pleaded.

"Shut up!" Tony smacked him round the head.

Holy shit!

How dare he hit him!

I left the door open behind me, ready for the cops.

"You get off him now!" I was almost crying myself.

Why had I been so blind?

Of course this sort of stuff had been happening.

I was so stupid!

"Or what?" Tony smirked, "What are you gonna do?"

I have no idea where it came from but I somehow found some adrenaline.

I sprinted at them and, using all of my strength, I pushed Tony off of Frank.

He flew backwards onto his back.

"Shit!" He yelled.

I seized this opportunity.

I grabbed Frank and pulled him to his feet.

When he had swiftly yanked his jeans back up, I rushed him to the front door.

Although, we didn't quite make it.

Tony grabbed my hair and pulled me backwards.

Frank's eyes widened in horror as he watched me fall back onto the floor.

Tony was on top of me then.

He punched me.

Over and over again in the face.

I didn't care that he was hurting me.

As long as Frank was okay, I didn't care.

Frank was trying to pull him off of me but Tony just kept forcing him out off the way.

"You get off him!!" Frank screamed and jumped on his back.

This distracted Tony for a moment as he tried to pry Frank off of him.

I managed to knee him in an area he wouldn't exactly liked to have been hit.

Tony froze and both his hands went down to his crotch.

Frank jumped off of him and at the same time, we shoved Tony off of me.

Tony lay on the floor, squinting in pain.

I grabbed Frank's hand and we ran out of the house.

The cops had arrived.

Good timing or what?

"Lads, what's happening?" A cop got out of his car.

I was crying by then.

"He's in there!" I pointed towards the house, "He tried to... He tried to rape Frank!"

Frank fell to the floor, crying his eyes out.

I didn't blame him.

I felt like doing that.

"We managed to get away!" I wiped my eyes, "But he's still there! Please help us!"

The cop nodded to his partner and they rushed into the house.

That was when I noticed my nose was bleeding but I ignored it.

Frank was my priority.

I knelt down next to him and pulled him into me.

He accepted my embrace and cried against my shoulder.

My poor Frank.

Never in a million years had he deserved that.

I was so thankful that I had got there when I did.

What if I hadn't have stopped him?

I shivered.

I didn't even want to think about it.

"I've got you," I rocked him gently, "I've got you and I'll never let you go."

He sobbed even louder. 

"I'm so sorry, Frank. I should've done something. I'm sorry."

~

"Your Mom's on her way," one of the cops told me.

I nodded.

"Do you have any idea where his Mom is?" He nodded towards Frank.

Frank was sitting on his front lawn, staring at the grass.

"No," I replied, "Tony took her phone."

The cop nodded and wrote something down before turning and saying something to his partner.

I sat back down next to Frank.

"Hey, Frank."

He didn't acknowledge me.

I sighed, "I'm not going to ask if you're okay... Because I know you're not."

He didn't move.

"Do you... Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

That was a long shot.

However, he finally looked up.

He didn't look at me; he looked straight ahead.

"He was touching me... And I didn't like it," He whispered.

He stared off, looking at nothing.

I had no idea what he was feeling but I could imagine a little.

My poor Frank.

He hadn't deserved that at all.

"Don't worry," I placed an arm around him, "I'm here. I'll never let that happen to you again."

"I was so scared, Gerard," He looked at me, "I didn't know what to do."

"I understand. That was a traumatic experience."

He looked down and started crying again.

I felt so much anger towards Tony then.

How dare he hurt my Frank!

How dare he cause him any emotional trauma!

He needed to die a slow, agonising death.

Hopefully, none of the other inmates would like him.

Apparently, you were in for a lot of trouble if you'd hurt a kid in some way.

Attempted rapist wasn't exactly the nicest thing to have on your record.

Especially when you'd tried to rape a seventeen year old boy.

I pulled Frank closer and started rocking him slowly back and forth again.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and cried and cried.

I knew he would never get over this.

Who would?

That was probably one of the worst things to go through ever.

I didn't want to pretend I knew what it was like.

Because I didn't know.

"I love you, Frank, and I'll always be here for you."

That was true.

No way in hell was I leaving him after all that.

Not that I was planning to anyway.

I just knew that I was never letting him out of my sight again.

He was mine.

And I had to protect him.


	49. Not Speaking

{Gerard's POV}

 

Frank hadn't spoken in days.

He just wouldn't speak.

Not since Saturday.

He just woke up on Sunday and that was it.

He was gone.

My Frank had gone.

He was still there physically but mentally...

That wasn't Frank sitting on my bed.

That was his empty shell.

Just a lost soul.

I had tried talking to him but I never got a response.

I didn't mind too much but I did miss hearing his voice.

The only time I did hear him speak was at night when he was asleep.

It was more like screaming and crying than speaking though.

Every night, he woke up screaming, tears running down his face.

This, of course, would wake me up and I would just hold him for a while until he fell back asleep.

I knew he was scared but that didn't stop me from being scared too.

I was the one who had found him.

But I had to hide the fact that I was scared and be strong for him.

I had to look after him.

I wasn't sure what to do though.

My Mom had told me to give him some space but I was scared to leave him alone.

I knew he wouldn't do anything crazy but that didn't stop me thinking that he might.

My feelings were irrational but I couldn't force myself to leave him to himself for more than fifteen minutes.

I needed to be by his side.

I didn't care how sick he got of me.

It wasn't like I had anywhere else to go anyway.

He stayed down in my room for the most part.

I knew that sitting in a dark room, wallowing, wasn't the best choice.

But I guess he saw no reason to go upstairs.

Apart from when he needed to shower or go to the toilet.

That was what I was like only a few months ago.

Before I met Frank, I would live in my room and only venture out to go to school.

I never wanted human contact of any kind.

Even a small conversation was too much for me.

I guess I'd come pretty far.

And I had Frank to thank for that.

I hated seeing him go through this sort of mental anguish.

He never wanted to do anything or talk to anyone.

He still ate though and I knew that was for my benefit.

It saddened me that even when he was at his worst, Frank still put me and my problems ahead of his own.

I could tell he didn't have the energy or patience to eat but he still did.

He finished every mouthful.

This encouraged me to as well.

Which was probably the reason he was doing it.

I sighed.

My poor Frankie.

Saturday had passed in a blur.

When my Mom had arrived, Frank hugged her and wouldn't let go.

He had said to me before that he sometimes preferred my Mom to his own.

That was pretty sad.

When his own Mom had turned up though, he had acted like he didn't even know her.

I didn't blame him.

To be fair, she hadn't known what had been going on.

But that didn't stop Frank from disagreeing to talk to her.

His Mom didn't put up much of a fight so we ended up bringing Frank back to ours.

I had been planning to do that anyway.

Even if he had greeted his Mom warmly.

I was a little glad he didn't though as that made things a little easier.

We brought him down to my room and that was where he had stayed since.

I stayed down with him most of the time.

Sometimes I would go upstairs to get a hug from my Mom or something.

I needed a bit of emotional support sometimes.

But that wouldn't stop me from being away from Frank for no longer than five minutes.

I thought about it all as I returned our cereal bowls to the kitchen.

Would Frank ever be better?

I guessed he just needed some time.

That didn't bother me too much.

I kind of missed him though.

I missed his smile; I missed his laugh, his jokes, his snide comments.

I missed all of him.

He would be back soon hopefully.

I hoped that soon would be soon.

"Is he speaking yet?" My Mom asked when I entered the kitchen.

I shook my head.

My Mom's face fell and she pulled me into a hug.

"Don't worry. He'll be okay soon," She reassured me.

That was what I had been telling myself so I really hoped it was true.

I nodded and headed for the door again.

"Gerard."

I looked back.

"Just... Take it one day at a time. Don't rush him."

"I won't," I agreed.

I went back downstairs.

He was in the place I'd left him.

I watched him from the doorway.

He was lying on his side, his legs pulled up to his chest.

I hated Tony so much for what he had done.

He was such a low-life bastard!

He had ruined Frank's life.

I walked into the room and sat on the bed next to Frank.

"You doing okay?" I asked even though I knew I wouldn't be met with an answer.

He wasn't okay.

It was silly to even think that, let alone ask straight out.

I climbed onto the bed more and lay next to him.

He had his back to me but I didn't mind.

I looked up at the stars and starting wishing on them like real ones.

None of them were shooting ones though so they probably wouldn't come true.

I wished they would though.

Frank relaxed a little and moved onto his back so he was looking up at the ceiling too.

I wanted to hold his hand but I wasn't sure if he'd like that.

We hadn't shared any intimate moments since Saturday morning.

It was Tuesday now and I craved them.

I didn't want to make him uncomfortable though so I had kept my distance.

There was nothing wrong with hand holding though, right?

It was harmless.

I hesitantly reached across the bed until I found his hand.

I think he'd been expecting it because his fingers laced through mine pretty quickly.

At least I knew my Frank was still there.

He just needed time.

That was understandable.

And I would give him all the time he needed.

No way was I going anywhere.

I was looking after my Frank and no one was going to stop me.


	50. Mrs Iero

{Gerard's POV}

 

"Gerard!"

I sighed.

It was just beginning to feel like before.

But no.

Just as I had managed to hold Frank's hand, my Mom was calling me.

"I'll be back in a bit," I sat up and reluctantly let go of his hand.

As I had suspected, Frank didn't reply.

I smiled at him before going upstairs.

"Gerard," My Mom was waiting for me at the top of the stairs.

She had a serious look on her face.

My smile vanished, "What's going on?"

She sighed, looked towards the living room and then looked at me again, "Frank's mother is here."

My eyes widened, "What? She is?"

Why was she here?

Sure, she was Frank's Mom but she wasn't really.

Did she even care about Frank?

It didn't seem like it.

"What does she want?" I looked down.

"She wants to see Frank."

I looked back up at her, "Well I don't want him to see her."

"Gerard," My Mom sighed again, "We can't keep him hidden. She has a right to see him. He is her son after all."

"I don't care!" I shook my head, "She can stay away!"

Mikey appeared out of the kitchen, "Hey, what's going on?"

Mom looked at him, "Mrs Iero's here."

Mikey bit his lip, "Well... Shit."

I nodded in agreement.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"She's in the living room with Ray."

"Ray?" Mikey's head snapped up, "I'd better go see how he is."

He rushed off.

I raised an eyebrow after him.

"Why don't we just talk to her first?" My Mom caught my attention again, "Let's see what she has to say."

I nodded slowly.

That was fair.

"Come on then," She headed into the living room.

I waited for a few minutes to compose myself.

I'd never properly met Frank's Mom but from my interpretation of her, she wasn't a very nice woman.

I went into the living room and stayed next to the doorway.

My Mom was talking to her, "Frank's going through a really tough time at the moment. He's really lost."

"He can take a hit," His Mom replied, "He's always been able to take a hit."

My Mom was trying to take this matter delicately without ripping Mrs Iero's head off, "But this wasn't just a punch in the face. Frank came very close to being sexually abused."

"But Tony would never do that," Mrs Iero shook her head, "I know him."

This was getting on my last nerve already.

I walked into the room more.

"But you obviously don't do you?!" I couldn't help myself, "I walked in to find him leant over Frank and-and..."

I couldn't continue.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't erase the image in my head.

"What he needs right now," My Mom continued, "Is for you to be his Mom."

"I've always been his mom. Nothing's changed that," Mrs Iero looked down.

"We know. But... I know this isn't exactly my place to say but you really need to build a better relationship with him. You two aren't very close."

They weren't very close at all.

I could now see why Frank was always awkward around my mom when she was kind to him.

It was alien to him to have a kind, motherly figure around.

"You aren't close at all," I stood in the middle of the room and surveyed the scene.

Mrs Iero was sitting on one side of the sofa and Mikey and Ray were squished on the other side.

They were practically sitting on each other.

"Mrs Iero, this is my oldest, Gerard," My Mom introduced me.

"Yes... Frank's mentioned you," She looked at me.

He had?

"Where is he?" Mrs Iero looked towards the door.

"He's in my room," I leant against the wall.

She looked at me and frowned.

"Could I see him?"

My Mom opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off by saying straight out, "No. I don't want him to see you."

"Well that's not up to you," Mrs Iero was getting annoyed.

I was as well to be honest.

"It is actually! Where were you when he needed you?! I've always been there for him. You only have when it's suited you."

"Gerard-" My Mom counteracted but I didn't let her speak.

"No!" I was angry, "She needs to hear this."

I turned back to Mrs Iero, "I'm sorry to say this, Mrs Iero, but Frank doesn't need you. I can look after him. He doesn't need you."

"Yes he does!" Mrs Iero stood up, "He'll always need me!"

I shook my head, "Doesn't mean that you'll be there for him! Where were you when he was having a mental breakdown on the floor? Where were you when he was being beaten every day by your so-called boyfriend?! Where were you when he was almost raped by that same lovely boyfriend of yours?!"

I was really going for it now.

Whatever anger that had been building up in me over the past couple of days had decided to come out.

"I'll do better!" Mrs Iero growled back, "I love my son!"

"It sure seems like it," I grumbled.

She didn't seem to hear that though.

"Go get him now!" She demanded, "I'm taking him home!"

Fuck no, bitch!

"No way! He's not going anywhere!" I gritted my teeth.

Mrs Iero's eyes flashed in anger, "He's my son!"

"And he's my boyfriend!" I yelled back.

It went silent.

Oh.

Maybe that wasn't the best thing to yell in front of my Mom, my brother, Ray, and Frank's mom.

I cautiously looked around the room.

My Mom didn't look too surprised.

She was smiling and looking at her feet.

Mikey and Ray were exchanging glances.

I wanted to know what they were thinking.

I hadn't really talked to Mikey much since I had yelled at him that I was in love with Frank.

He'd probably told Ray.

That wouldn't have surprised me.

Mrs Iero's eyes had widened but she didn't look overly shocked either.

"...He's my boyfriend and... He's staying here," I said a bit quieter.

Mrs Iero slowly sat back down.

"Could... Could I at least see him?" She asked.

"He isn't really talking at the moment," My Mom replied.

"Oh..." Mrs Iero bit her lip.

No one spoke until we heard, "Gerard?"

All of us looked towards the door.

Frank was standing in the doorway, looking awkward.

He saw his Mom then.

"Mom?" He frowned, "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to take you home," She stood up.

She didn't expect to just take him home and move on like nothing had happened did she?

I ignored her and went straight for Frank.

I stopped in front of him.

"Frank," I smiled, "You're talking again."

He nodded a little, "Yeah well... It's time to move on."

Frank was putting on a brave face for the sake of his sanity.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug.

We stood like that for a short while until Frank pulled away and looked behind me.

His Mom was looking at her feet.

I did feel a little sorry for her at that moment.

Maybe yelling at her hadn't been the best idea...

"Go home, Mom," Frank sighed.

She looked up at him, "But... I miss you, Franks... Will you come with me?"

I bit my tongue and waited.

Frank shook his head, "I'm not going back to that house."

I didn't blame him.

I didn't want to go back there either.

That house was like Hell on Earth.

"But..." Mrs Iero had run out of things to say.

I knew they needed to sit down and talk properly but their relationship was so messed up, they didn't know what to say to each other.

Frank spoke again, "Just... Go. I'm trying to figure some stuff out. If I realise that you're important enough to me... Then I'll come find you."

It was horrible to watch Mrs Iero's heart break a little.

She did love her son, I could see that.

She had just fucked up too much.

"I-I'm sorry, Franks..." She was doing well to not burst into tears, "I love you."

"I love you too, Mom. But... You're a really crappy mom."

She nodded, "I know."

She looked around before saying, "I guess I should be going."

No one said anything until my Mom spoke, "I'll lead you out."

Mrs Iero came towards us but stopped in front of Frank.

"I... Bye, Franks..." She tried her best to smile.

He looked down.

She didn't bother to hug him.

I guess they weren't even a hugging family.

That was pretty sad.

She left the room, along with my mom.

I looked at Frank.

He was still looking at the floor.

I put an arm around him and squeezed him tight.

He looked at me and smiled a sad smile.

"That was hard," He sighed.

I nodded, "I know."

"I mean, she's my Mom... And I told her to fuck off."

"I don't blame you, Frank. She was never there for you."

"No... She wasn't."

I was then suddenly aware that Mikey and Ray were still in the room, watching us.

I looked at them.

They were trying hard to make it look like they weren't staring.

"Hey, guys," I smiled a little.

Ray stood up which caused Mikey too as well.

"So..." Ray looked awkward, "Gerard... You're gay?"

I couldn't help but laugh a little and Frank did too.

"Yeah," I looked at Frank, "I guess I am."

"I should hope he is," Frank smiled, "Otherwise I'd be a little worried."

I moved my arm from around Frank's shoulders.

He wasn't having that though.

He laced his fingers through mine and rested his head against my shoulder.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"Mmmm..." Was all he replied.

He wasn't.

I knew that.


	51. I'm Fucking Fine!

{Frank's POV}

 

"Frank?"

"...Hm?"

"Frank."

I looked up.

Gerard was dressed already.

I hadn't even noticed him get up.

Showed how observant I was.

"I don't think you should go to school," He bit his lip.

Wait, what?

I stood up.

"I'm fine," I lied.

He shook his head, "No, you're not. I want you to take the rest of the week off."

I hadn't even been in once yet.

Having a whole week off of school was just stupid.

"But I don't want to. I want to be there for your first day back."

Did he not want me to be there?

He sighed and sat down on the bed.

"Frank, I'll be fine. I don't want you to go if you can't handle it..."

"I can though! I'm fucking fine!"

He didn't say anything, he just looked at the floor.

Why didn't he think I could handle it?

I slowly sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry... I know you're just worried but, honestly, I'm fine."

He looked at me, "But you're not, Frank. I can see that you're not. I'm not stupid."

I shrank back a little on the bed.

Neither one of us spoke.

I lay back on the bed and covered my face with my hands.

I counted to ten, calming myself down.

"Look," I said, not removing my hands, "I'm coming with you today. Okay?"

He didn't speak.

I removed my hands and sat up.

He wasn't there.

What?

I jumped up.

"Gerard?!"

No answer.

How had he done that?

What the fuck?

I quickly changed into a set of clothes and ran upstairs.

I entered the kitchen to find Ray sat at the table, drinking coffee.

"Morning, Frank," He nodded at me.

"Uh hi... Have you seen Gerard?"

He put down his mug and a worried look overtook his face.

"Um yeah. He came into the room, grabbed Mikey by the arm and I think he took him into the living room. I'm not sure what they're talking about but it must be important."

I sighed and sat down next to Ray.

"Is everything okay?" Ray asked.

I closed my eyes and leant back in my seat.

"Yeah. Gerard's just worrying about me, that's all. I'm fine."

"But... Never mind. It doesn't matter."

I looked at him.

"What is it?"

He shook his head, "Nothing. Don't worry about it."

I raised an eyebrow but decided to just drop it.

After a few minutes of silence, I closed my eyes again.

I knew Gerard cared about me but I hated people constantly worrying about me.

I really wasn't worth it.

I was fine.

"Frank," I felt a hand stroke my face.

I opened my eyes to see Gerard looking down at me sadly.

I stared up into his eyes.

"Gerard, I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "You didn't do anything."

He stroked my face again lightly. 

"I love you, Frank. I just want you to be okay."

"I am okay. I love you."

He leant down and brushed his lips against mine.

Our kiss didn't last long though.

"So you guys aren't just going out; you're in love too?" Mikey's voice made us pull apart.

We looked over at him.

Ray was stood up now, next to Mikey.

"I told you I loved him," Gerard rolled his eyes.

"You did?" I smirked.

Gerard looked at me and blushed, "Um... Yeah. It was unintentional."

"Unintentional? In what way?" I asked.

He smiled, "I yelled it at him without realising what I was saying."

"Oh," I laughed, "Nice."

He blushed again and looked down.

He looked so adorable at that moment that I had to give him a hug.

I stood up and threw my arms around him.

"Frank!" My sudden movement shocked him.

I didn't let go.

I hung on because I didn't want to let go.

Fuck, if I had it my way, I'd stay like this forever.

"Frank," He laughed, "As much as I love this, please let go."

I shook my head and held onto him tighter.

He looked me straight in the eyes.

"You're a real pain in the ass, you know that?"

I nodded, "Of course."

He pecked me quickly on the head and then managed to escape my grasp.

"Aw," I held out my arms.

He smirked, "Sorry, Honey, but I've gotta go to school."

"I'm going too."

He bit his lip, "But I don't want you to go, Frank. It might be too much for you."

Too much?

"Gerard, don't argue. I'm going."

He seemed to give up then because he didn't say anything.

"Well, we're gonna be late so..." Mikey started heading for the door with Ray in tow.

I looked at Gerard.

He was debating with himself.

In the end, he sighed and held his hand out.

"Come on," He smiled, "If you insist on coming, then let's go."

I gleefully took his hand and said, "Thanks, Gee."

He shrugged, "It's just school."

It wasn't just school though.

It was the only normal place in this town.

It was the only place I could forget about what had happened for a short amount of time.

At least, I hoped I could.

And plus, I wanted to be there for Gerard.

He needed me.

Who cared about me?

Gerard was more important.


	52. Cringy Couples

{Gerard's POV}

 

I was watching Frank with caution.

I didn't want him to break down at school.

If I had it my way, he wouldn't even be at school.

But of course, he had to be stubborn.

School wasn't the best place for him.

He wouldn't hear any of it though.

He just wanted to make sure I was okay.

I was fine.

My problems seemed so small and insignificant in comparison to his.

I had actually forgotten what had happened to me because I was so focussed on Frank.

He was my priority.

Throughout the day, a few people in my grade had asked me where I had been.

I just made up some lie.

I didn't keep track of what I told them.

In fact, I couldn't even remember.

That was because of Frank.

I was trying to keep a really close eye on him.

He wasn't in any of my classes though except for Music and Spanish.

I knew he was in Mikey's Math class so I asked him to watch him.

Mikey agreed of course.

Although, he thought I was overreacting.

Was I overreacting?

Okay, maybe a little.

Mikey still helped me though.

He knew how much I cared.

When lunch time rolled around, I took Mikey aside.

"How was Math?" I asked.

Mikey shrugged, "Fucking boring as usual."

I rolled my eyes, "I meant, how was Frank?"

Mikey raised an eyebrow, "Okay... A bit quieter than usual but he was okay."

I nodded, thinking it over.

I had noticed that he was a little quiet too.

Understandable but was it something to worry about?

"I know you're worried," Mikey pulled me out of my thoughts, "We all are, Gee. Ray and I don't think he should be here either. But it's his choice. So, just take it down a notch. Constantly worrying isn't going to help anything."

He was right, I knew he was.

That didn't stop me from worrying though.

"You're right," I sighed.

"I know," He nodded and walked back over to the lunch table.

Well, looked like that conversation was over.

I sighed again before following him and sitting down across from him, next to Frank.

Mikey glanced around, "Where's Ray?"

Frank shrugged, not looking up from the table, "Beats me."

I looked at Frank.

He was a lot less upbeat than this morning.

I didn't say anything though.

Instead, I placed my hand over his on the bench.

He looked up and smiled a little at me.

I laced my fingers through his and stroked the back of his hand with my thumb.

It was weird doing this in public.

Especially at school.

We were so used to keeping our relationship a secret that this was unknown territory.

I felt a little self-conscious but it was nice to finally come out as a couple.

"Good afternoon!" Ray suddenly appeared next to Mikey.

Mikey smirked at him, "Someone's in a good mood."

Ray nodded, "I am indeed! Just had a nice compliment."

"Oh yeah?" Mikey looked vaguely interested as he pulled out his lunch.

I rested my head on Frank's shoulder.

I wasn't really that interested in what he had to say.

I was just happy that I could spend all my time with Frank, even if it was at school.

"A girl asked for my number," Ray beamed.

Mikey froze.

His hand stayed in his bag and he stared at the table.

"What girl?" Frank asked.

"Just some girl in my English class. She's kind of cute, I guess."

"Ooh!" Frank laughed, "So did you give her your number then?"

Mikey put his sandwich on the table and started to slowly unwrap it.

"Nah," Ray smiled, "She wasn't my type."

I looked at Mikey.

Mikey was smiling at the table but he didn't say anything.

"Really?" Frank asked, "You have a type?"

I looked up at Frank.

He was smiling that amazing smile.

Why was he so perfect?

It was distracting.

"Yeah..." Ray laughed awkwardly.

"Was she hot?" Frank pressed on.

"I guess," Ray shrugged.

Frank frowned, "Then why turn her down, dude? If a hot girl asks you for your number, you give it to her. No thinking required."

I snorted, "Really?"

He looked down at me, "What?"

I sat up properly.

"Would you give your number to an attractive female if she asked?"

"Oh yeah," Frank smirked, "Of course."

"Well, okay then," I let go of his hand, "Why don't you go find one now? I'll go look for another short, hot guitarist."

I stood up.

He looked up at me, "Is that my definition: short, hot guitarist?"

I nodded, "Yep."

"I like it but..." He grabbed my hand, "You're mine so I can't let you go find someone else."

He pulled me back down onto the bench.

"Hey!" I laughed.

"All mine!" He wrapped his arms around me.

I laughed and tried to escape but he wouldn't let go.

"I told you," He pressed his cheek against mine, "You're mine."

"Go find a hot girl," I couldn't help but smile.

"Nope!" Frank squeezed me tighter, "I want you."

I gave in then and kissed him sneakily on the cheek.

"You guys..." Mikey moaned.

We looked back across the table.

Ray looked uncomfortable and Mikey looked exasperated.

"You're such a cringy couple."

"What couple isn't?" Frank released me but kept an arm around my waist.

"I thought that the whole point of couples is to make you feel sad and alone?" I smiled.

"And jealous," Frank added.

Mikey shook his head, "I'm not jealous."

"Sure you aren't," Frank winked.

Mikey rolled his eyes and opened his can of soda.

"What about you, Ray?" Frank moved on, "Are you jealous?"

Ray smirked, "Me? Jealous? I don't think so."

Frank raised an eyebrow, "Of course not. Hey, I still want to know why you didn't give that girl your number."

Ray looked awkward again.

"Um... I don't... Uh..."

He squirmed in his seat.

This was entertaining to watch.

"Come on," Frank continued, "You must have a valid reason."

He was trying to retain laughter.

Was I missing something here?

It really felt like I was.

"Um... No. No reason. I just didn't want to give her my number," Ray avoided Frank's eye contact.

"Sure, sure," Frank winked.

Okay, I was definitely missing something.

I wanted to know.

I could just ask Frank later I guess.

It probably wasn't that important.

I was just nosey.

The conversation had changed now anyway.

I wrapped my arms around Frank and rested my head on his shoulder again.

He pulled me closer before starting to rub my back gently.

We should have told people ages ago.

It was so nice to be able to do this without worrying.

It was relaxing.


	53. Distant

{Frank's POV}

 

"Please, Frank-"

"Hey," I cut in, "I promised I wouldn't say anything and I won't. Don't you trust me?"

Mikey opened his mouth to reply but didn't get the chance.

Ray started coughing really loudly.

We looked at him.

He nodded behind me.

Okay, he wasn't properly coughing then.

I looked behind me to see Gerard had appeared.

"Hey," Gerard frowned, "What're you guys talking about?"

"Nothing," I reached for his hand.

He laced his fingers through mine and looked at Ray.

Ray's little attention-catching cough had gone a bit too far.

He was leant over, coughing his lungs up.

Mikey smacked him on the back.

"Jesus Christ, Ray!" He was saying, "Have a drink!"

Gerard let go of my hand and pulled a bottle out of his bag.

He handed it to Ray who grabbed it and took a swig.

When he had finished, he handed it back sheepishly.

"Thanks..."

"No problem," Gerard put it back in his bag.

Ray rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat a little.

Mikey rolled his eyes and walked back over to our table.

I followed him and sat in my seat.

Mikey grabbed his bass and checked to see if it was in tune.

"I won't say anything," I said.

He looked at me before looking back at the instrument, "I know."

Gerard slid into the seat next to me.

"Are you okay, Frank?" He looked at me.

I sighed.

He'd been asking all day.

"I'm fine."

Sure, he had a right to worry, but this was getting a little repetitive now.

"But-" He started.

"Look," I cut him off, "Believe me, I'm fine. If I wasn't, I would tell you. Understand?"

I waited until he nodded slowly before saying, "Thank you."

Funnily enough, he didn't ask me again.

He didn't actually speak much at all that lesson.

I didn't say anything though.

I wasn't really in the mood.

So, it was a pretty quiet lesson.

When the bell sounded, I stayed in my seat.

Mikey and Ray always took ages so why rush?

I kept my eyes on the table, not listening to the chatter around me.

I heard Gerard stand up and put his bag on.

Mikey and Ray were talking about something.

I didn't know what though.

For some reason, I felt pretty cold.

It was usually really warm in here.

Maybe it was warm.

I was the cold one.

"Frank?"

Involuntarily, my head snapped up at the mention of my name.

Gerard was looking down at me with worried eyes.

"Are you coming?"

I looked across the table.

Mikey and Ray had stopped talking and were looking at me too.

Had I zoned out or something?

How long had I been staring at the table?

I nodded and stood up, putting my bag on.

Mikey and Ray headed for the door and I started to follow them.

Gerard stopped me by touching my arm.

I looked down at his hand before looking up at his face.

He didn't say anything at first, he just dropped his arm and looked at his feet.

I glanced around the room.

No one was in here anymore apart from us and the teacher.

He was typing something into his computer.

I don't think he realised we were still here.

Gerard looked up again and spoke softly, "Frank... I-I need to talk to you but... Not here."

He didn't wait to hear what I would say, he just left the room.

I frowned after him.

"Mr Iero?" Mr Anderson called over.

I looked at him.

He was putting on his coat.

"Do you not have a home to go to?"

Technically, no.

I was never going back to my mom's house.

Ever again.

I knew I was always welcomed at Gerard's but I couldn't help but feel like a burden.

"Uh yeah, sorry, Sir."

I opened the classroom door.

"Mr Iero?"

I turned back to see him standing with crossed arms.

"Is everything okay? I couldn't help but notice that you were questionably quiet today."

I shook my head, "Everything's fine, Sir."

He raised an eyebrow, "You've missed a lot of school. Is everything okay at home?"

I swallowed slowly, "Yeah, everything's fine. I've gotta go, Sir."

Not wasting time to hear his response, I escaped out of the door and shut it behind me.

Why did teachers have to stick their noses in when they weren't wanted?

They should mind their own business.

When I made it outside, I found Gerard leaning against the wall.

Mikey and Ray were nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Mikey and Ray?" I asked.

He looked up when he heard me.

"I told them to go on without us," He replied with an emotionless voice.

What was happening?

This wasn't normal.

"...Why?" I asked.

He took a deep breath before standing up properly and standing in front of me.

"I uh... I need to talk to you."

"Yeah... What about?" I bit my lip.

This was worrying me a little now.

"Look," He suddenly found his voice, "I know you don't want to talk about it, especially here, but I need to get this off of my chest."

I sighed.

I knew what this was about.

"Just... Say it," I scuffed the floor with my foot, looking at the ground.

"Frank... I want... I want you to talk to someone."

I looked up, "What?"

He avoided my eye contact, "I know you'll think it's a stupid idea but I want you to talk to someone."

"Like a shrink?!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Well... Yeah," He looked angry with himself, "Talking to me is one thing but... You're not even doing that. You're really distant, Frank. I don't blame you but... It's not healthy to bottle everything up. Believe me, I know."

He looked down.

I could tell Gerard was saying this with love.

He must care a lot about me to suggest I talk to a professional.

I knew he hated things like that so asking if I could talk to someone... That meant he was really worried about me.

"Okay," I found myself saying.

He looked up again, "What?"

"I'll talk to someone. If it will make you feel better."

He smiled, "Thanks, Frank. I know it's a stupid concept but I don't want you to suppress your feelings."

I nodded.

I understood where he was coming from.

He pulled me into a hug.

We stood like that for a minute or so until he pulled away and laced his fingers through mine.

"Come on," He smiled, "We've stayed at school for far too long today."

I nodded, "Yeah."

Maybe talking to someone would help.

I guess I'd just have to wait and see.

I didn't mind.

If it made Gerard feel better, I'd go see every shrink in New Jersey.


	54. Bad Dreams

{Gerard's POV}

 

I had actually managed to get Frank to agree to talk to someone.

That was good.

I didn't want him to suppress his feelings.

He didn't deserve to feel like crap.

Because he was so much more than what had happened to him.

He was my amazing Frank.

I knew he would make it through this.

And I was here to help.

Always.

I stared up at the stars on my ceiling.

I'd given up on wishing on them.

It obviously didn't make much of a difference.

So what was the point?

"Gerard?"

I looked next to me.

Frank was lying on my right side, his hand wrapped around mine.

"I love you."

I smiled, "I love you, too."

I hadn't realised that he had woken up.

"Are..." He seemed uncertain, "Are you sure?"

I sat up a little which caused him to as well.

"Are you seriously questioning me?" I raised an eyebrow, "After every fucking thing we've been through?"

He nodded a little.

"Frank... If I didn't love you, would I really be here with you right now?"

He shrugged.

"I love you and there's no changing that," I stated.

Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed.

What was that about?

Maybe he had just needed some reassurance.

I looked up again too.

The silence that settled wasn't awkward but it was a little empty.

I wasn't going to pull a conversation out of him though if he didn't want to talk.

He was still pretty quiet.

And I was still being careful with what I said around him.

"Let's just go."

"What?" I looked at him.

"I mean it," His eyes didn't leave the stars, "Let's just leave. Now. Let's travel. Let's run away and never come back."

I half smiled, "I like the sound of that but we can't, Frank."

"Why not?"

"We're too young. I know it sucks to hear this, but we can't leave school until next year. Maybe we could disappear then. I do find that rather appealing."

He looked at me, "I would go anywhere with you, Gee."

"Same for me. To be honest, I don't give a shit where I am, as long as I'm with you."

He rested his head against my shoulder, "Always."

He yawned loudly and snuggled up closer.

I looked down at him.

Why did he have to be so fucking cute?

It was really distracting.

I kissed him lightly on the top of his head.

I loved these kind of mornings where we could just relax and not have to think.

Saturdays were my reason for existence.

And Frank of course.

He was quiet now and breathing slowly.

I think he was asleep.

That sounded like a good idea.

I closed my eyes but I couldn't sleep.

I had too much on my mind.

Frank was attached to my arm and it was going numb.

I tried to move without disturbing him.

It was a little difficult but eventually I managed to detangle him from myself.

I climbed off the bed and looked down at him.

He was even cuter when he was asleep.

Which I didn't think was possible but it clearly was.

I was glad he had managed to drift off.

He hadn't been doing very well at sleeping lately.

I wrapped the duvet around him before making my way to the stairs.

I looked back to see him stretch a little in his sleep and roll onto his back.

Smiling, I sneaked upstairs and shut the door behind me.

"Hi, Honey," My Mom smiled as I walked into the kitchen.

I smiled a little back, "Morning, Mom."

"Where's Frank?"

"Asleep. I decided to leave him but I'll probably go back down in a bit just in case he has another nightmare."

A sympathetic look appeared in her eyes, "Is he still getting those?"

I nodded and sat at the table, "Yeah. Sometimes twice a night. He usually doesn't go back to sleep after either. So he's pretty exhausted."

"Poor thing," My Mom sat across from me, "Have you told him that his first appointment with the psychiatrist is tomorrow?"

I shook my head and placed it on the table.

This whole ordeal was stressing me out.

"He'll be fine," She stroked my hair, "Don't overthink it all, Honey. That won't help."

"I know."

I sat back up properly and looked down at the table.

I couldn't help but worry about Frank.

Especially when he was in this state.

After a few minutes of silence, my Mom said, "I always knew, you know."

I looked at her, "What?"

"I knew that you and Frank were a couple. I always knew."

A bemused expression overtook my face, "How?"

"A mother can sense these things, Gerard. I just noticed the way you looked at him and how he smiled at you."

I smirked, "Really?"

She nodded, "Yeah. I also knew that you liked him a while before."

"What? I didn't even know myself until we uh... Got together."

She laughed, "I can read you like a book when it comes to some things, Honey. It was just the way you gave him your full attention when he talked to you whereas you would barely listen to us. And of course the way you looked at him. You always smiled when you looked at him. Even if it was a small smile, it was still a smile."

"Wow..."

I'd never realised how obvious I had been.

But maybe I hadn't been obvious at all.

Maybe my Mom was just psychic.

That sounded more logical.

"But... I didn't even know I was gay. So how did you?" I asked.

She shrugged, "I don't know really. The thought of 'oh my gosh, my son is gay' never really came up. I didn't see it as any different to if you had liked a girl."

"I'm glad you saw it that way," I smiled.

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, you know," She took a sip of the cup of tea that was in front of her.

"I know that," I replied, "It was... It was just a bit of a shock, I guess."

She nodded, "Finding out who you are can be scary. But you grow and learn from it all."

She was right.

I didn't hate the fact I was gay or anything.

I guess I was still getting used to it.

I was definitely still getting used to some of the looks Frank and I got at school.

And sometimes there were comments.

It was high school though so what would you expect?

"Maybe we should go away for Christmas," Mom stood up and walked over to one of the counters.

"Go away?" I frowned at her random statement.

She looked at me, "Yeah, go away. As in, go on holiday. Get away from here for a bit. God knows we need some time away."

I thought for a second before saying, "Yeah... Maybe that would be a good idea."

She nodded and poured herself more tea.

"Coffee?" She nodded towards the coffee maker.

"Yeah, thanks."

As she got a mug out of the cupboard, she said, "Somewhere abroad would be nice. I'll see how much we can afford to spend."

"Okay."

I looked back down at the table.

Time away would probably help a lot.

We all needed a break from Jersey.

Everything had been pretty shit here lately.

After a couple of minutes, she placed the mug in front of me and sat down again.

"Thanks," I pulled my hoodie sleeves over my hands before cupping the mug.

"Going away after Tony's trial might be a good idea for Frank. Especially since you both have to make a statement."

I nodded, "Yeah..."

I really wasn't looking forward to that.

Silence filled the air.

I stared into my coffee mug and watched as the white steam drifted towards the ceiling.

Some coffee was definitely what I needed.

Life was tiring me out.

A noise suddenly made my head snap up.

I jumped out of my chair and rushed towards my room.

I was in such a hurry that I almost fell down the basement stairs.

Luckily, I managed to make it down in one piece to see Frank curled up into a ball, crying his eyes out.

I wasn't sure if he was still asleep or not so I leant down next to the bed and lightly touched his shoulder.

"Please... Please, don't," He was saying, "I don't want to... Don't make me..."

I shook him gently, "Frank... Frank, I'm here."

He didn't respond straight away so I sat down on the bed next to him.

His hands tightened on the duvet and his face twisted in pain.

"No! Please, don't!" He started yelling like before, "Gerard, help me!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" I shook him harder, "I'm here, Frank!"

His eyes opened in shock and he looked around.

Finally, his eyes rested on me and tears started falling again.

"Gerard, I..." He started sobbing.

"Shhh," I wrapped my arms around him, "I have you. I'm not going anywhere."

He pulled me closer and sobbed on my shoulder.

It broke my heart to see him like this.

"Don't worry," I stroked his hair, "I'm here. I'll never leave you."


	55. Therapy

{Frank's POV}

 

"Are you nervous?"

I didn't reply.

He knew I was so what was the point in speaking?

Instead, I stared at my hands.

I was holding a leaflet that I had grabbed off the table when we had arrived.

I'd only just noticed that I had slowly begun to tear it apart.

A hand was suddenly on top of mine and I froze.

"Frank."

I looked up.

A worried look had taken over Gerard's face.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I asked if you were nervous."

I shrugged in response.

He sighed, "It'll be fine."

I shrugged again and pulled my hands out from under his.

"Frank-"

"Frank Iero?" Gerard was cut off.

I looked up to see a woman smiling at us.

I stood up, "Yeah, here."

"Would you like to come on through?"

I nodded and followed her through a door.

"I love you, Frank!" I heard behind me.

I smiled a little but didn't reply.

The room we went into had a desk, sofa, armchair and coffee table in it.

"Would you like to take a seat?" The woman gestured towards the sofa before shutting the door.

I slowly sat down on the sofa and looked at my feet.

"Would you like a drink?" She offered.

"No thanks."

I felt really awkward.

I'd never been in this sort of situation before.

I wasn't sure what to do.

"My name's Dr Adams," The woman said, "I have a feeling therapy wasn't your idea."

I looked up.

She was sitting in the armchair with a clipboard in her hands.

"Not really," I admitted.

"Who's idea was it?" She asked.

I knew she already knew the answer.

"My boyfriend's," I sighed.

"Why did he want you to come here?"

She knew why.

I bet she had all the details right there in front of her.

She just wanted to hear it from me.

I decided to be blunt about it, "I was almost raped by my Mom's boyfriend."

Dr Adams' expression didn't change; it stayed neutral.

"That's quite a traumatic experience, Frank."

Thanks for stating the obvious.

"I guess," I sniffed.

She wrote something down.

I wasn't sure I liked this very much.

I felt like some sort of test subject.

"I've also been told that you're having a lot of nightmares," She raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah..." I crossed my legs on the sofa, "Every night."

Something was written on the clipboard.

I definitely didn't like that.

It was like she was evaluating me or something. 

No doubt the results would come back that I had failed at life.

I failed a long time ago.

"I'm sure you're aware that these nightmares are most probably occurring as a result of the experience you went through."

I got angry then.

The emotion hit me right in the face.

It came out of no where.

"Stop calling it a fucking 'experience'!" I growled.

Dr Adams' eyes widened.

To be honest, I had shocked myself too.

Where had that come from?

I looked down.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"That's quite alright," She replied, "I apologise if I offended you."

I didn't say anything.

I really didn't like this.

This was getting too much.

I didn't want to relive what had happened.

I didn't want to talk about my feelings.

I stood up without any warning.

"I-I... I'm sorry. I can't do this."

I hurried towards the door.

"Mr Iero!" Dr Adams called after me but I ignored her and rushed back into the waiting room.

Gerard and his Mom were still there and both looked up as I came into the room.

Gerard stood up, "Frank? What are you doing?"

Tears had slowly begun to make their way down my face.

"I can't do this," Was all I said before I ran outside.

As soon as I was out though I realised there was no where I could go.

I had no where to go.

That was kind of sad.

I never got the chance to decide where to run off to though because Gerard had followed me.

A hand appeared on my arm.

I shrugged it off and span around.

He looked hurt by my rejection but didn't say anything.

"Just... Don't!" I rubbed my eyes, "Leave me alone, please!"

"Frank-"

"No!" I didn't let him speak, "I need to think! It's too loud in my head!"

He didn't speak.

I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to take some deep breaths.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I felt a set of hands on me and then I was aware that I was being led somewhere.

I kept my eyes closed.

I felt pathetic.

"Oh, Frank, Honey," I heard Mrs Way say.

Sympathy was in her voice.

I was lowered onto a chair of some sort and then the hands disappeared.

An arm replaced them and pulled me closer to the person's torso.

I knew it was Gerard.

I wasn't stupid.

He smelled of stale coffee and faintly of deodorant.

Mainly of coffee though.

Just as usual.

My eyes were still closed.

I didn't want to open them because that meant that I would have to accept the fact that I was this worthless.

I knew I would have to at some point though so I slowly peaked through my eyelashes.

Mrs Way was sat on my right and was rubbing calming circles on my back.

Gerard was on my left and from the way he was breathing, I could tell he was trying not to cry.

That broke my heart a little.

I was causing him so much pain.

He deserved so much better.

The receptionist from earlier placed a cup of water on the table in front of us and smiled a small smile at me.

I clung onto Gerard and hid my face in his neck.

"Is he okay?" I heard.

"He should be," Mrs Way answered.

I wished that that could be true.

Would I ever be okay?

As in, properly okay.

I hoped so.

"Frank?"

I reluctantly looked up.

Dr Adams was standing by the table.

"I really believe that talking to me will help. We'll sort this all out, okay?"

I wasn't sure what to say.

"Do you think you could come back on Tuesday? Would you be up for that?" She asked.

I wasn't sure.

This was all still a little over my head.

"We'll take it slow. I promise not to overwhelm you," Dr Adams smiled.

It looked like I didn't really have a choice in the matter.

Maybe it would help though.

I needed to actually try it out instead of freaking out at any given opportunity.

That small breakdown had probably given me more reason to see a therapist.

I guess that whole affair with Tony had fucked me up a lot more than I'd realised.

The least I could do was try and sort my head out.

Maybe it would help.

There was no harm in trying.


	56. My Frank

{Gerard's POV}

 

I stroked Frank's hair and pulled him closer to me.

I wasn't sure if he was asleep or not.

All I knew was that he needed a cuddle.

I mean, geez, I definitely needed one.

He had been seeing that therapist for almost three weeks now.

I wasn't sure if it was helping.

He didn't really tell me anything.

I hoped it was.

I kissed the top of Frank's head.

Quietly, I started humming.

I wasn't sure what I was humming but I continued anyway.

It was relaxing me and hopefully it was relaxing him too if he was awake.

"I love you," He suddenly said.

I stopped humming and smiled, "I love you, too."

It was still weird when he said it.

Why would someone as wonderful as him love someone like me?

We were both silent.

I was trying to think of something to say when he caught my attention again.

"Gerard?"

"Mmm?"

"Could you sing for me?"

I smirked, "Sing? Sing what?"

Never in my life had I sang in front of him before.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed singing.

I just wasn't very good.

And it wasn't exactly something that had come up before.

"Anything," He whispered.

I thought for a second.

I liked a lot of music and so did Frank.

What song to go with...

In the end, I went with Asleep by The Smiths.

I liked The Smiths and I knew Frank did too.

Plus, the song was relaxing and I could kind of sing it okay.

"Sing me to sleep... Sing me to sleep... I'm tired and I... I want to go to bed..." I sang softly.

He shifted a little so his head was resting on my chest.

I wrapped my arms around him more.

"Sing me to sleep... Sing me to sleep... And then leave me alone... Don't try to wake me in the morning 'cause I will be gone... Don't feel bad for me... I want you to know..."

I stopped then and hummed the rest of the verse instead.

I didn't really like singing a cappella style.

"You're a really good singer," He yawned.

I laughed quietly, "Not really."

"Yeah, you are," He moved slightly so he could look up at me, "Don't deny it. Keep in mind that I'm pretty good at winning arguments."

"That's true," I nodded.

"Yeah so shut up."

I smirked and kissed him on the forehead.

He sat up a little more and leant up.

I understood what he was trying to do so I pressed my lips onto his.

Our eyes closed instinctively.

He moved even closer to me without breaking the kiss.

Although, he pulled away so he could face me properly.

I sat up a bit more as well.

Frank didn't like that though.

He pushed me back down onto the bed and climbed on top of me.

The sudden movement shocked me a little but I didn't mind.

His arms end up into my hair and mine went down to his waist.

For a moment or two, we just lay like that.

He smiled, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

I loved it when he said things like that.

I didn't deserve it but I still enjoyed his affection.

"I don't know what I'd do without you either," I agreed, "You're the best thing in my life, Frank."

He chuckled a little, "That's so cheesy."

"I know but it's true," I grinned.

"Well," He started fiddling with my hair, "You're definitely my favourite person and I never thought I would feel this way about anyone."

"I know what you mean," I said, "I was pretty sure I would die alone or something."

"Fuck off," He snorted, "You're too amazing to die alone."

I shook my head.

"You're my Gerard and I don't give a shit if you don't believe this because it's still true. You're so fucking incredible that sometimes I wonder why the hell you're with me. You're far too good for me."

I blushed, "That's not true."

"Hey, what did I just say? It's all true. It sounds like a stupid line from some stupid chick-flick but it's still true."

He was really wrong.

It was me who was the lucky one.

I wasn't good enough for him, not the other way around.

He needed to realise this.

I didn't get a chance to argue anymore though because he kissed me.

I closed my eyes and my grip around his waist tightened.

We hadn't properly made out in a while.

I had been too worried about Frank to make a pass at him.

It wasn't that I hadn't wanted to...

I just didn't want to overwhelm him.

Although, he didn't seem overwhelmed now.

The way he kissed me, he seemed to do it with urgency.

He tugged a little on my hair and I involuntarily moaned in his mouth.

I felt his mouth smile against mine.

He pulled away a little and I opened my eyes to see him grinning down at me.

"I didn't know I had the power to make you make that noise," He winked.

I blushed a little, embarrassed, "Neither did I."

"Don't worry," He moved his face back down next to mine, "It's hot."

His lips were on mine again then.

We stayed like that for who knows how long.

I didn't mind at all.

This was the closest I'd been to him in ages.

I felt like he was slowly coming back to me.

My Frank.

My sarcastic, attractive, amazingly talented Frank would soon be himself again.

And I would be with him every step of the way.


	57. Last Session

{Frank's POV}

 

Life was hard.

Getting up and going through the same bullshit every day was hard.

But I wasn't the type of guy to give up.

Fuck life.

Fuck feeling this way.

Fuck everything.

I was going to get through this.

Shit like this didn't last forever.

Everything would be fine in the end.

Especially with Gerard by my side.

He would always be there.

One of my relatives once told me, "First relationships never last forever. Most people don't stick with the person they're with at seventeen."

That was a load of shit.

Gerard and I had to stay together.

After everything we had been through, we had to.

We weren't normal seventeen year olds.

We had been through so much.

Gerard had almost killed himself.

He was put in a psychiatric ward for anorexia.

And yet, here he was.

The best he's ever been.

And not to sound egotistic but that was thanks to me.

I had helped him through all of this.

I would always be there for him and I knew he would for me too.

Don't get me wrong, I had baggage as well.

I used to hurt myself daily.

I was verbally abused by my Mom and my Dad for as long as I could remember.

...I was almost raped.

It seemed that both me and Gerard were magnets for bad luck.

But as long as we were together, we could get through it all and more.

Hell, we were both still here weren't we?

Just barely but we were.

We were survivors.

That sounded cheesy but it was true.

I had a feeling that things would be better now.

Nothing else would happen.

I mean, we'd both been through Hell and back once already.

Surely life would be pretty easy now.

Well, easier anyway.

I was counting on that.

"Well, Frank, this is our last session. Is there anything you'd like to talk about in particular?"

I shrugged, "Not really."

"How's your week been?" Dr Adams asked.

"Same as normal. School sucks."

She nodded, "I was never a big fan either. Are you looking forward to Christmas?"

"Not sure. This is my first Christmas without my Mom," I replied.

"Do you want to spend it with your Mom?"

"Not particularly. She usually gets drunk and passes out on the kitchen floor," I sighed at the memory.

Dr Adams wrote something down before looking at me again, "Will you be spending Christmas with Gerard then?"

"I assume so. At least, I hope so," I bit my lip.

We hadn't really talked about Christmas yet.

Well, it was only the start of December.

"How long have you two been together now?" She randomly asked.

"What? Me and Gerard? Uh... Nearly three months I think."

"That's quite an accomplishment for a first relationship."

I didn't say anything.

Instead, I looked out of the window for a distraction.

"I remember my first relationship only lasting for a month or so."

Again, I didn't reply.

"That was a long time ago though so I could be wrong. Let's change the subject... How was court?"

I looked at her again.

"Okay, I guess," I said quietly.

"Mrs Way told me that Tony was put down for seven years. How do you feel about that?"

Did I really have to talk about this?

"Frank?"

I spoke slowly and calmly, "He deserves to rot in that cell until he fucking dies."

For once, that shut her up.

She wrote something down on that fucking clipboard that contained all of my failures.

I sighed and said, "I don't give a shit about Tony anymore. I finally have a family that cares about me. Focussing on the past will just fuck me up even more."

Dr Adams smiled, "That's right, Frank. I wouldn't put it that way but you're right."

"I know," I mumbled.

I knew I was right because that was what Gerard had led me to believe.

He was my family along with Mrs Way, Mikey and Ray.

The only thing that worried me was if he decided to drop me.

I would have no where to go.

I was only seventeen and I had a Mom who probably wouldn't forgive me anytime soon.

I pushed that out of my mind.

Thinking about that wasn't going to help anything.

"You've been coming to see me three times a week for a few weeks now, Frank. Do you think these sessions have helped?"

I shrugged, "I guess."

"Are you okay with stopping our sessions or would you like to continue?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I think that if I feel like I need to talk, I'll be back," I answered.

Dr Adams smiled, "That's all I can ask, Frank. We've made great progress here and I can say from a professional point of view that you're doing a lot better."

I frowned, "Really?"

She nodded, "Definitely. I mean, you had a breakdown the first day you came here. Look how far you've come."

She was right.

I hadn't really realised how well I was doing in comparison to a month ago.

"I guess I'm doing okay," I couldn't think of anything else to say.

She nodded, "More than okay. Just focus on the positives. Get back into a routine with your guitar, study hard at school, spend time with Gerard and your friends. If you ever feel like you're falling back into that dark place again, come here and we'll see what we need to do."

I smiled a little, "Thanks."

"It's my job, Frank. No thanks necessary."

She looked up at the clock for a second before smiling at me again.

I knew what that meant.

"Looks like we're done," She placed the clipboard and pen on the small table in front of her, "I'm glad you agreed to come here, Frank."

I nodded and stood up, "Yeah, me too."

"I hope life treats you right from now on," She stood up as well, her warm smile still lighting up her face, "Otherwise, I'll have a word with it."

"Cheers," I smirked and headed for the door.

I stopped before opening it and looked back.

Dr Adams was still standing by her chair, smiling away.

Without thinking too much about it, I walked back over to her and hugged her.

I must have shocked her because she said, "Oh, Frank. You'll be fine." And hugged me back.

After a moment, I let go and wiped my eyes before leaving the room.

Gerard was waiting for me in reception just like he always did.

He always made his Mom wait in the car so he felt a bit more independent.

His smile was as wide as his face when he saw me.

Then, he saw me trying to subtly wipe my eyes and worry took place of the smile.

"Hey, what's up?" He wrapped his arms around me.

"Nothing," I shook my head, "Just a bit overwhelming that this is my last session."

He looked down at me and smiled a sympathetic smile, "Yeah, I know what you mean. Come on, let's go home. I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" I frowned, "What surprise?"

He smiled knowingly before slipping his hand into mine and leading me out to the car park.


	58. A Surprise

{Gerard's POV}

 

I didn't tell Frank anything on the way back to the house.

I didn't want to ruin the surprise.

Although, it wasn't really much of a surprise.

It was just something to help us forget about all the bullshit we had been through in the past few months.

Because we had been through a lot of bullshit.

Let's hope that December would be a bullshit-free month.

December already.

It was getting pretty cold now.

Apparently, snow was on its way soon.

I hoped it wouldn't be.

I hated the snow.

It was pretty cool look at and everything but I hated being cold.

We pulled up onto the drive and I looked over at Frank.

We were both sitting in the back and we were holding hands on the seat between us.

He was looking out of the window.

I squeezed his hand which caused him to look at me.

The car stopped.

I smiled a little and he grinned back.

Dude, stop.

His smile was so beautiful and I honestly couldn't stress that enough.

It was just... Ugh.

Amazing.

After getting out of the car, I grabbed his hand again and followed my Mom to the front door.

My Mom exchanged a look with me before we went inside.

She was pretty excited.

I guess that Moms get excited easily.

Although, I was beginning to feel a little excited as well now.

Mikey and Ray were no where to be seen when we made our way into the living room.

I had told them to be down here for when we came back though.

Looked like I'd have to get them myself.

"Sit down, Frank," I nodded towards the couch.

A curious look overtook his face as he sat down.

"I'll be back," I darted out of the room and up the stairs.

I knocked on Mikey's door before throwing the door open.

"Fuck!" Mikey practically fell off his bed, "Don't come in!"

Um what?

I stayed in the doorway.

Mikey was on the floor and it looked like the bed covers had fallen with him.

Ray was on his bed and had gone red.

Uh...

"You alright?" I smirked.

Mikey glared at me, "What do you want?"

"Just came to tell you that we're back."

"So?" Mikey got up and adjusted his glasses.

"Mom and I have a surprise remember?" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh yeah," Ray stood up when he had collected himself.

"Come on then," I headed back towards the stairs.

I decided to ignore what had just happened.

I had too much on my mind.

Maybe I would ask them about it later.

When I was back in the living room, I went over to Frank and kissed him on the head.

He looked up at me.

"What's going on?" He asked.

I just grinned in response and said, "You'll find out in a minute."

He raised an eyebrow at me but didn't say anything.

Mikey and Ray were in the room then.

They silently sat down next to Frank and looked up at me expectantly.

"Mom?!" I called.

"Coming!" I heard and she appeared in the doorway a few moments later.

The smile was still on her face as she came into the room.

"Okay, what's going on?" Mikey frowned, "This is getting weird."

Mom looked at me, "Do you want to tell them?"

"You go ahead," I shrugged.

I sat down on the arm of the sofa next to Frank.

Straight away, he curled his fingers through mine and stroked the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Right," Mom looked so excited.

Bless.

"Gerard and I have been talking about what has happened in the past few months. This year hasn't really ended very well."

"I'll say," I muttered.

"So," Mom ignored me, "I had an idea and Gerard liked it. I checked to see if we could afford it first and it turns out we can. We just have to choose first."

Mikey looked from Mom to me, back to Mom again, "Choose what?"

Mom started grinning again.

"Choose where we go. We haven't exactly had a proper holiday lately so I was wondering if you boys wanted to go away for Christmas?"

I watched their reactions.

Ray started smiling.

Frank looked at me and asked me with his expression if this was true.

I nodded.

A massive smile appeared on his face.

Mikey's eyes widened, "What? All of us?"

"Yes, all of us!" Mom beamed, "Frank and Ray have always been a part of the family. We couldn't just leave them. Unless they aren't allowed to go of course."

At that moment, Frank threw his arms around me and pulled me down onto him on the sofa.

"Shit!" I yelled as I almost fell off the sofa.

Mikey jumped out of the way and practically onto Ray's lap.

I looked down on Frank, "What was that for?" I laughed.

His arms were around my neck then and he hugged me tightly, "I love this family so fucking much!"

And I fucking loved him.

"Wait!" Ray suddenly spoke up, "Is this a group hug moment?!"

Shock appeared in Mikey's eyes, "No! No way! Please no!"

Ray didn't seem to hear him though as he practically threw Mikey on top of us and jumped on himself.

We were now a huge pile of teenage boys on the sofa with Frank on the bottom.

"Ray! Why?!" Mikey couldn't help but laugh as he cried out.

"I told you!" Ray sung out, "Hugs make everything better! And they're awesome for celebratory purposes!"

Sure, hugs were great, but when you have your brother and his best friend lying on top of you, hugs can kind of hurt.

How was Frank even breathing right now?

I looked down at him.

He was grinning away, apparently not bothered that we were squishing him.

I couldn't even see Mom anymore.

There were countless limbs around me.

Frank's lips suddenly found mine then and I closed my eyes.

After a moment, I heard, "Okay, gross. I'm getting out of this so-called 'hug' if they're gonna do that."

I smiled against Frank's mouth and he laughed.

Mikey had managed to untangle himself and fell off the sofa.

"Ow!" He groaned.

Ray kind of climbed over us to the other side of the sofa.

He then held his hand out to Mikey.

Mikey took ahold of it and Ray pulled him up.

I stood up as well, worried that Frank wouldn't be able to breathe.

Frank sat up and stretched his arms.

Mom wasn't even in the room anymore.

Looked like she couldn't deal with our random shit.

I was surprised that any of us could to be honest.

"So, where are we going on holiday?" Frank asked and patted the sofa next to him.

I sat down in the space and crossed my legs.

Ray and Mikey were sitting down as well, slightly facing us.

"I don't know," I replied, "Where would you like to go?"

"Someplace hot," Mikey took his glasses off and wiped them on his hoodie sleeve, "Let's have a hot Christmas instead of a freezing-your-balls-off one."

Ray nodded, "Yeah, that would be cool. I've never had a hot Christmas before."

"Would your parents let you go?" Mikey asked him.

"Probably," Ray shrugged, "I mean, they're not bothered that I'm here all the time. It wouldn't make much of a difference."

That was true.

He basically lived here anyway.

"Would I have to get my Mom's permission?" Frank bit his lip.

Mikey looked down, "Yeah, most probably."

"Great," Frank sighed.

"Do you not think that she'll let you?" I asked.

Frank just shrugged.

Another thing to worry about.

Great.

Would Mrs Iero let him go?

I really hoped so.

"Why don't we ask sooner rather than later?" I suggested, "Like, we're going next week hopefully."

"Next week?" Mikey's eyes widened, "So, we're going for like, nearly a whole month?"

"That's the plan," I agreed, "That's why Mom's so excited. We get a good, long break from all the bullshit we've been through."

"We get to miss school?" Ray grinned, "Awesome! I'm going to call my Mom right now!" He ran out of the room.

Mikey smiled after him.

"It's probably best if I go see my Mom and ask her in person," Frank stood up.

"What? Now?" I stood up as well.

"Yeah. May as well."

"Well, okay. I'll come with you," I followed him to the door."

He shook his head, "No, it's fine. I'll go on my own."

"Frank," I grabbed his hand.

He looked at me then.

"I'm coming with you, okay?"

He nodded slowly.

No way was he going back to that house on his own.

Sure, Tony was gone now, but I was still uncomfortable about letting him go.

When we had our jackets and shoes on, we went out.

I didn't bother to tell Mom.

She was being a bit more lenient about me now.

I was glad about that.

The walk to Frank's house was quiet.

I wasn't sure what to say or if he even wanted to talk so I kept silent.

At least his house was only around the corner.

He rang the doorbell when we got there.

It really was cold now and I bobbed up and down on the spot, trying to keep warm.

After a moment, I asked, "Will she be in?"

"Should be but I don't know really," He replied.

To check, he rang the doorbell again.

This time, we were met with the sound of the door being unlocked.

Mrs Iero opened the door and her eyes widened when she saw her son.

I could tell that Frank felt awkward but he didn't look away from her eye contact.

"Oh, um... Hi, Franks," Mrs Iero spoke first, "Do you want to come in?"

She opened the door wider and Frank stepped inside.

I followed him.

Mrs Iero shut the door behind us and turned to face us.

"I wasn't expecting to see you," She mumbled.

Frank shrugged, "We're not staying for long."

"Oh. Why are you here then? Forget something?"

I knew she didn't mean to sound harsh but it sounded that way to me.

"No," Frank kept his voice toneless, "I have to ask you something."

Mrs Iero frowned before nodding towards the sofa, "Sit down if you want."

Frank did; he sat down on the sofa, looked at me and nodded at the space next to him.

I understood and sat down next to him.

Mrs Iero sat on an armchair next to the sofa.

"What is it then?" She asked.

I kind of felt out of place here.

I could tell why Frank had originally wanted to go by himself.

"Gerard and his family are going away for Christmas and they asked me to go with them."

Frank's voice was really flat and emotionless.

I really couldn't understand his relationship with his Mom.

There didn't seem to be any love in it at all.

"So?" Mrs Iero sighed, "What do I have to do with it?"

"I need your permission to let me go. We might be going abroad."

Mrs Iero sat back in the armchair, thinking it through.

I felt a little nervous then.

What if she didn't let him?

Was she that cruel?

"Why should I let you?" She seemed to read my mind, "After everything you've done? You left me, Frank."

I looked at Frank.

He was trying to stay calm, I could see that.

His Mom really got to him.

"Don't start, Mom," His voice was louder than before.

"It just doesn't seem fair," She went on, "That you trade me in for a new family and you get a free holiday out of it."

Franks's hand clenched into a fist on the sofa next to me.

"You didn't really give me a choice," His voice sounded calm but menacing, "You chose your boyfriend over me."

"Don't be a hypocrite. You chose your boyfriend over me, remember?"

"Fuck off," Frank snapped, "You ditched me for an endless string of guys long before I met Gerard. You've always been this way."

Mrs Iero took in a deep breath before saying, "I asked you to come back."

"Yeah, cheers for that. Was that your last resort when Tony was in Jail and you were lonely?"

I shrunk down a little in my seat.

This was exactly the way I hadn't wanted it to go.

"Well, you got what you wanted," Mrs Iero glowered, "He's been put down for seven years. Happy?"

Frank's voice was full of venom, "No. I'm not, actually. Do you not realise what he did? What he tried to do? Or do you still believe that dick over your son?!"

"I didn't say that," She was a bit quieter.

"Then what are you saying?!" Frank growled, "For fuck sake, Mom! We can't even fucking talk without it turning into an argument!"

"Well, maybe it's meant to be that way," She stood up, "Maybe we were never meant to be mother and son."

"I'd prefer it if we weren't!" Frank stood up as well, "Why can't you be a normal Mom?!"

"A normal Mom?"

"Yes! A Mom that actually cares about her son! That actually shows some affection and looks after him! You're just a poor excuse for a Mom! You're a fucking waste of space!"

"You fucking shut your mouth!" She yelled back.

"No way! You've always put yourself first! You never cared about me! All you cared about was getting your next orgasm or nicotine fix!"

My eyes widened.

Fucking hell.

This had gotten really out of hand fast.

"Shut the fuck up!" Mrs Iero balled her hands into fists.

"You've always been this way! Ever since Dad left!"

That shut her up.

She opened her mouth and shut it again.

I looked at Frank.

This was the angriest I had ever seen him.

It was actually a little scary.

Mrs Iero clenched her jaw, "Don't you ever fucking mention him again."

"Why not?" Frank smirked, "Because he got tired of you and left? I can see why now. You know what? He had the right idea. I should have gone with him."

I saw anger flash through Mrs Iero's eyes.

She raised her hand.

No way.

No fucking way.

It was my turn to be heard.

I jumped up and grabbed her arm before it struck Frank's cheek.

I was quite surprised by my fast reaction.

When I said no one was to ever hurt Frank again, I meant it.

"Don't you dare," I spoke slowly and stared her down.

When I let go of her arm, she lowered it and looked at the floor.

"Just fucking let me go with Gerard, Mom, and we don't have to talk again," Frank said quietly.

Mrs Iero sat back down on the armchair, her eyes not leaving the floor.

Frank was almost shaking.

I touched his shoulder as a sort of reassurance.

He looked at me and nodded before looking back down at his Mom.

"Look, Mom... I'm sorry I said that. I just..." He sighed and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"I know... It's fine," I barely heard her, "...You can go."

"What? Really?" Frank couldn't believe it.

Neither could I really.

"Yeah... You may as well. I'm just selfish. I'm sorry, Franks."

I watched as Frank said, "It's not your fault. It's just... I don't know. Thanks, Mom."

"No problem," She shrugged, still looking down.

Frank awkwardly hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.

She looked up and smiled sadly.

"I didn't mean any of what I said. I'll uh... I'll come and see you when we get back," Frank cleared his throat.

Mrs Iero nodded, "Thank you."

"It's nothing. I don't want you to be on your own."

She stood up, "I'll be fine. As long as you're happy, I'll be fine."

Frank tried to smile, "I love you, Mom."

Mrs Iero smiled, "Dipshit. Love you too."

I really didn't understand their relationship at all.

"We'd better get going. I'll um see you in a few weeks I guess," Frank said.

Mrs Iero nodded, "Bye, Franks. Have a good time."

"Bye, Mom."

He turned to me and held out his hand.

I took it and we walked to the front door.

When we were outside and he had shut the door behind us, Frank surprised me by grabbing me.

He threw his arms around my waist and sobbed against my chest.

"Frank," I wrapped my arms around him, "It's okay. Come on, let's go home."

He nodded and managed to calm down a little.

I kept one arm around his shoulders and led him back to my house.

I knew that encounter had been hard for him and apart from the shouting, I thought he had dealt with it well.

At least he wouldn't have that weight on his shoulders anymore.

It could only be good things from now on.

We were going on holiday next week.

A break was what we needed.

And we were going to enjoy it.


	59. He's My Gerard And I'm His Frank

{Frank's POV}

 

The stars on Gerard's ceiling shined down at me.

I never got tired of looking at them.

They gave me a sense of security.

I was in Gerard's room.

This was my favourite place on Earth.

It was my safe place, my happy place.

The place I felt at home.

Probably because Gerard was almost always in it.

Maybe any room was safe as long as Gerard was in it.

He brought my happiness along with him.

He was my happiness.

"Frank?" He called over to me.

To be honest, I had forgotten he was there.

I thought he had gone upstairs.

"Yeah?" My eyes didn't leave the ceiling.

He didn't say anything.

That's not how you carry on a conversation, Gerard.

I sat up and looked over to see him standing next to his desk, a cup of coffee in his hands.

He smiled at me.

Why did his smile have to be so amazing?

I was still getting over the first time I had seem it.

"What is it?" I smirked.

"Nothing," He shrugged, "I wanted to talk to you but I couldn't think of anything to say."

I rolled my eyes, "You're stupid."

"I know."

He took a sip of his coffee, his eyes never leaving my face.

"It's a good thing that I love you, isn't it?" I crossed my legs on the bed.

"I suppose I am pretty lucky," He grinned.

"I'm not going to deny that."

His smile grew a little before he took another gulp of his coffee.

"What time are we going?" I asked.

"Well, the flight's at five so we have a few hours yet," He replied.

I nodded and stretched.

"What time is it now?" My voice came out lower than usual because of the stretch.

"It is," He checked his phone, "Eleven twenty."

He finished off the remains of his coffee and placed the mug on his desk.

Now was my chance for last minute cuddles.

I held out my arms, "Come here."

He looked at me and smirked, "You do know that my Mom is seriously stressing out right now? She kinda needs some help."

"Yeah, but," I lowered my bottom lip, "I want a cuddle."

He shook his head, smiling, before sitting down on the bed next to me.

"You're so needy," He said.

"I know," I pushed him back onto the pillow and pulled his arm around me.

I then wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest.

Neither of us said anything for a minute until he asked, "Are you looking forward to going on holiday?"

"Of course I am," I closed my eyes, "This is my first holiday in like, ten years."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. My Mom could never be bothered," I shrugged.

"That's sad, Frank," Sympathy was in his voice.

I didn't say anything.

I often forgot that my Mom's parenting wasn't the same as anyone else's.

Gerard pulled me a little closer to him and sighed quietly.

He was doing a lot better lately.

A lot better than he had been in a long while, according to Mikey.

He ate three meals a day without any complaints and was actually able to go around without his hoodie on now.

His scars were still there but not as obvious and it seemed that he didn't really care anymore.

I was proud of him.

"Is Ray here yet?" I yawned a little.

"He wasn't here when I went upstairs but he probably is by now. He was already packed ages ago."

I smiled at that.

Ray was the most excited out of all of us.

He had been on holiday before but he was an only child like me so this was a whole new experience for him.

I think the thing he was most excited about was that us four were going together.

We were like a family and this holiday was sort of confirming that.

That fact excited me too.

Unless Gerard and I were to break up, us four would always stick together.

And who said that Gerard and I had to breakup?

I was never leaving Gerard.

He was my everything.

There was no way you were getting me away from him.

Although, I couldn't say the same for him.

I didn't know if he wanted to stay with me.

What if he suddenly decided that he didn't want to be with me anymore?

I wasn't talking anytime soon.

I meant down the line a bit.

Maybe he would meet someone new or grow bored of me.

I would never grow bored of him.

He could so easily change his mind about us.

That was what worried me.

I'd never told Gerard my worries yet though.

Maybe I should.

"Gee...?" I cleared my throat nervously.

"Mm?"

I looked up.

His eyes were closed and his head was resting against my own.

"Will you always love me?" I bit my lip, "You won't grow tired of me, will you?"

His eyes opened at once and he sat up a little.

"Where'd that come from?" He frowned.

"I don't know. I've been feeling a little insecure lately..." I looked away awkwardly.

"You know that will never happen," He lifted my head up with his fingers so I was looking at him again, "Yes, I will always love you. There's absolutely no way I can grow tired of you, Frank. You're too amazing."

I blushed a little, "But what if you meet someone even more amazing than me?"

He started to stroke my hair with his right hand, "I'm pretty sure no such person exists."

I leant up and kissed him quickly on the lips before leaning back against his chest.

"I don't deserve you," I whispered.

"You deserve anything good," He replied, "You deserve love."

I didn't reply to that.

There were days when I didn't even think I deserved that.

So to have the love of my life tell me that...

It meant a lot.

Gerard squeezed me a little and kissed me on the forehead.

"You have nothing to worry about," He told me, "We've been through far too much to drop each other now."

"I know but..." I sighed.

I knew I should have believed him but I just couldn't.

That was my stupid anxiety's fault.

"Okay then," He sat up suddenly which meant I did too.

"What?" I frowned.

He moved so he was sitting right in front of me and took my hands in his.

"Let's talk about this. I understand where your worries are coming from. I've had them myself."

My eyes widened a little, "You have?"

Even my amazing and perfect Gerard worried about our relationship.

Wow.

He nodded, "Yes. I worried if we would grow apart or if someone new were to come into the picture. I freaked myself out a little to be honest."

I didn't say anything.

This was all news to me.

I thought it was just me feeling this way.

"But then I decided something," He carried on, "Do you know what I decided?"

"What?"

He smiled a little, "I decided to not let those things happen. I will fight for us until the end. If you meet someone and decide you want to be with them, I will fight for you until you decide what you want. And if you want to be with them, then I won't stop you. But I'll put up a pretty good fight."

"Really?" I could feel tears on their way, "You want to be with me that much?"

He smirked, "Of course I fucking do, Frankie. I love you."

I threw my arms around his middle, "I love you too. So, so much."

He hugged me back and said, "We won't ever get bored of each other either. If we do, I'll figure something out to keep the relationship alive. I promise."

It was at that moment when a few sneaky tears made their way down my nose.

I sniffed a little and wiped my eyes as discreetly as I could.

We stayed like that for a while.

I loved being in his arms.

He would occasionally kiss me on the top of my head and stroke my back comfortingly.

He was far too good for me.

But now I had that promise that he would always be there for me, I felt protected.

I felt safe.

An hour or so later, we were called up.

Mrs Way was all over the place like most Moms are when they're about to go on holiday.

Ray and Mikey were doing something upstairs in Mikey's room.

I helped Gerard take our cases up to the hallway and then Mrs Way assigned us jobs.

"Gerard could you give the kitchen a quick clean? I don't want to come back to a messy house. Frank, Honey, could you go and see what Mikey and Ray are doing? I have a feeling they've gone off-task."

"What are they supposed to be doing?" I asked.

"I asked them to tidy up the bedroom a bit but that was half an hour ago. They would be done by now. Can you just go and give them a kick up the backside for me?" She left the room, not waiting to hear my reply.

I looked at Gerard and smiled sheepishly, "See you on the other side."

"My Mom kinda scares me when she's like this," He admitted, "So, yeah, let's hope we all make it out in one piece."

He gave me a quick peck on the lips before going into the kitchen.

I headed for the stairs.

I had to admit, I was a bit skeptical about walking in on Ray and Mikey but it had to be done.

When I got to the bedroom door, I grabbed the door handle and was about to open it when I heard, "Fuck, Ray! Ow! Stop it!"

My eyes widened and I opened the door out of curiosity.

An interesting sight met my eyes.

Ray and Mikey were in the process of changing Mikey's bed.

Well, more like failing than actually changing.

"Uh what are you guys doing?" I frowned.

They both looked up.

Ray was standing on top of the bed, a pillow in his hand and Mikey was next to the bed, rubbing his head.

"Frank! Tell him off!" Mikey pointed in Ray's direction, "He keeps throwing pillows in my face!"

"They're pillows! They don't hurt!" Ray rolled his eyes.

"They do when you throw them hard!"

Ray laughed, "You're such a baby."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yeah, you are!"

"Not!"

"Are!"

"Not!"

"Are!"

"Guys!" I cut them off.

They looked at me again.

"Stop pissing about. We're leaving soon. Just change the fucking bed."

"Yeah," Ray agreed, "You heard him, Mikey."

Mikey looked at him just in time to get a pillow to the face.

"Oh my fuck!" He threw the pillow back at Ray, "Stop it!"

Ray caught the pillow easily before throwing it back at Mikey.

There was obviously a reason why Mikey was failing Gym as he tried to catch the pillow but didn't manage to.

It hit him in the face again which resulted in his glasses almost falling off.

He grabbed them quickly and readjusted them.

"You're so annoying," Mikey pouted.

"I know," Ray started jumping up and down on the bed.

Jesus Christ, they were worse than children.

"Guys, come on," I picked up the pillow and took the case off of it.

Ray jumped down off of the bed, "You're no fun, Frank."

I ignored him and helped Mikey to change the covers.

About five minutes later, the bed was changed and the dirty sheets were in the laundry basket.

That was when Gerard appeared.

"How're you guys getting on?" He asked, "Mom sent me up here to see what you're up to."

"We just changed the bed," I told him.

"Good work," He kissed me on the forehead.

"Hey, it was a group effort! We helped as well," Mikey narrowed his eyes at us.

Gerard raised an eyebrow, "Did you want a kiss as well?"

"Just a little appreciation would be nice," He crossed his arms.

"I appreciate you, Mikey!" Ray threw his arms around him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Dude!" Mikey tried to escape his grasp.

I sighed.

Those two were ridiculous.

"Are you done in here then?" Gerard was obviously ignoring them.

"I think so," I answered when no one else did.

"Okay. Let's start taking these cases down then."

He picked up one of the bags and left the room.

Ray had let go of Mikey by now.

"It was just a joke," He was saying.

"Whatever," Mikey shrugged.

I rolled my eyes, "Guys, he doesn't suspect anything, you know?"

Mikey bit his lip, "If you're sure."

"I am."

Mikey's expression softened a little.

"Told you everything was fine," Ray picked up the other bag, "Stop worrying."

"I can't help it," Mikey sighed.

"I know," Ray went out the room, "Just trust me."

Mikey followed him, "You know I do."

I was alone in the bedroom.

They reminded me of me and Gerard.

Mikey was like me, worrying about little things.

And Ray was like Gerard, the stable one.

Quite ironic really seen as Gerard had been told that he was unstable once or twice in the past.

I switched off the bedroom light and followed the others downstairs.

The front door was open and Mikey and Ray were loading the car with suitcases.

"I'll just have one last check around the house to make sure we have everything. Gerard, could you get everything and everyone in the car please?" Mrs Way headed upstairs.

I rounded the corner to the front door where Gerard was.

He smiled when he saw me.

"She does know it's only one o'clock, right?" I asked.

"Yeah but it takes about forty minutes to get to the airport and then we have to check in and get through security and shit like that," He replied and held out his hand.

I took it and laced my fingers through his.

"Is the car packed?"

He nodded, "More or less. Mikes and Ray are putting the last bags in."

He swung our hands back and forth a little as he led me outside, to the car.

Ray had just slammed the boot down.

"Mom says to get in the car," Gerard said.

"Who's sitting where?" Mikey asked, "I suppose the love birds have to sit together," He looked at us.

"Basically," I agreed.

"Frank has to sit in the middle anyway," Ray smirked.

"Hey! I know I'm short but shut up," I stuck my tongue out at him.

Gerard stroked the back of my hand with his thumb, "It's cute, Honey."

Mikey rolled his eyes and opened the passenger-side door, "You can deal with them for forty minutes, Ray. I'm sitting in the front."

"Aw," Ray got into the back of the car and shut the door.

Gerard led me round to the other side of the car and opened the door for me.

"After you," He smiled.

I smirked and let go of his hand before climbing onto the middle seat.

Gerard sat down next to me and shut the door.

Mikey angled himself so he could see us.

Ray yawned loudly and stretched a little.

"How long will your Mom be?" He asked.

"Well," Gerard smiled, "Taking into account past experiences... At least fifteen minutes."

"Shit, what does she do in there?" I laughed.

"I think she has this Mom power that helps her to check every fucking thing in the house," Mikey said.

I looked at Gerard and he nodded.

"I kind of feel sorry for your Mom," Ray said, "She's going on holiday with four teenage boys. Plus, two of them are in a relationship."

"So?" I frowned.

"Well, what are the sleeping arrangements going to be like?" He asked, "Are you and Gee bunking together or-"

"Stop talking! Stop talking now!" Mikey cut him off.

"You get what I mean," Ray continued, "Will you guys-"

"Stop, please!" Mikey placed his hands over his ears, "I don't want to hear this!"

I smirked and looked at Gerard who had gone bright red.

"Uh..." He didn't know what to say.

I helped him out, "Well, we've never actually done anything before so I don't know if that will be a problem or not."

Ray's eyes widened, "You haven't?"

Mikey slowly took his hands off of his ears.

"No," I shook my head.

"Oh," Ray actually looked surprised, "We thought-"

"It doesn't matter what we thought," Mikey stopped him, "All that matters is my brother hasn't had sex."

Gerard rolled his eyes, "Shut up, Mikes."

"Well," I smiled, "That might change soon."

I laughed as the look of sheer horror appeared on Mikey's face.

Gerard looked a little worried as well but blushed and looked away when I looked at him.

"Moving on," Ray tried to salvage the conversation, "Perhaps just don't let us know when you do. I'm looking forward to going on the beach. I haven't seen a beach in ages."

"No, me either," Mikey agreed.

They continued to talk about the beach so I turned to Gerard.

He was fiddling with his hands and looking out of the window.

"You okay?" I asked and placed my hand over his.

He looked at me, "Yeah I just..." He tried to smile but failed.

"What is it?"

"I uh..." He looked down, "I don't like flying very much."

I smiled, "You never mentioned anything before."

"I know..."

I squeezed his hand reassuringly, "Don't worry, I'll be there the whole time."

He nodded, "I know."

I leant in and my lips met his.

He smiled against the kiss which meant I did too.

"Stop."

We pulled away to see Mikey, "Just... Stop. We get it, you're in love."

"Don't ruin the love then, Mikey," Ray chimed in, "They can kiss if they want."

"Yeah but that's my brother."

I looked Mikey in the eye before grabbing Gerard's face and pressing my lips against his.

Gerard gasped in surprise but kept the kiss going.

I could hear Mikey making noises and Ray telling him to shut up.

I ignored them though.

I focussed on my Gerard.

My lips brushed against his and his hand caressed my cheek.

After a minute or so, I pulled away, vaguely aware we were in the back of his Mom's car.

"Thank God," Mikey muttered.

"Jealous," I coughed.

"I'm not jealous," He murmured and faced forward again.

I could see Mrs Way now.

She was locking the front door.

"Looks like we're going now," Ray saw her too.

"Hey, guys," Gerard got our attention, "This is incredibly cheesy and random but I just want to say that I'm really happy at the moment. Like, incredibly happy. I've never felt this way before and I'm pretty sure it's thanks to you guys. So uh... I just wanted to say thank you for putting up with me."

"Shut up, Gee," Mikey smiled at him.

"I'm serious," Gerard continued, "I love you guys a hell of a lot."

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"You were stuck with us anyway," Ray said, "We were never going anywhere."

"I know. I just... I felt like I needed to say that," He hugged me back.

Mrs Way got into the car.

"I think that's everything," She was saying, "Let's get going!"

She looked at us all.

I was still holding onto Gerard tightly.

"Are you boys alright?" She frowned.

"Gerard's just being a soppy shit," Mikey said.

"Language," Mrs Way automatically said.

"What's he been saying?" She asked.

Gerard heard his cue, "I love you, Mom. Thanks for putting up with me."

She smiled at him, "Stop that."

"I mean it. I'm happy. I love you all."

"God," Mrs Way turned back to the steering wheel, "He is being a soppy shit."

Everyone, including Mrs Way burst out laughing at her last remark.

"Fucking hypocrite," Mikey laughed.

I let go of Gerard and curled my hand round his instead.

"Anywho," Mrs Way giggled, "Let's get going. And, Gerard, Dear," she looked at him, "We all love you a lot and are very proud of you."

I looked at him and nodded.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back before resting my head on his shoulder.

Mrs Way started the engine.

Gerard rested his head against mine and started to stroke soothing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

The car pulled out of the drive.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

This was going to be a good life now.

It felt like a million years since that first day at school.

My head was full of hate and my heart was unloved back then.

Now, the hate had been replaced with the love I had craved.

There was so much love, I was practically swimming in it.

And it was amazing.

It was everything I had always wanted.

I was so lucky.

So fucking lucky.

Because I had my family and most importantly my Gerard.

He was my Gerard and I was his Frank.


End file.
